Our eternal affairs

"Anna, the test results revealed that you have a rare case of anaemia, called aplastic anaemia." His face was a mask of seriousness and his lips pressed into a thin line.

She sat across from him, her eyes widening with disbelief. For a minute, Anna thought he was messing with her, so she burst out laughing. 

 "Ah, Doctor Luke, I didn't realise you've always been this funny." She replied wearily, wiping out tears from her eyes. What a hilarious man.

He stared at her, as worry glinted in his eyes, wondering what she ever did to suffer this cruelly. Then he reached out, letting his hand drop on hers.

His touch sparked a jolt of fear in her, and she pulled away, shivering from his touch.

 "I know how absurd it can sounds, but it's the truth," he said, handing her the test results.

Her mind raced as she picked it up and skimmed through the words on the paper.

The soothing blue paint on his office wall, was once comforting but now, seemed cold and unforgiving.

His desk was made of polished wood, and he sat comfortably in a high-backed chair. On the desk, there were a neat stack of files, a pen holder, and a small, framed photo of a family.

Bookshelves lined against a wall, filled with medical texts, journals and a few framed diplomas and certificates. A large circular clock, hung on the wall facing her; it's tick-tock made the hairs on her skin rise and her blood rushed rapidly.

She gulped hard, but the air snagged in her throat, refusing to go down as she scanned the paper, processing the information. Her head felt full as she regarded the gravity in his voice, it sounded serious.

 "What–what does that mean for me?" Her voice trembled slightly.

 "It means that your body is unable to produce sufficient blood cells to keep your body functioning properly." he replied, concerned.

 "This can lead to a range of symptoms, which I suspect you've started to encounter, such as fatigue, weakness, fever and an increased risk of infection. The treatment options are limited and the prognosis is uncertain."

 "How-how bad is it?" She whispered, unsure if she wanted to even know.

 "It's hard to say," he sighed, his eyes filled with compassion. "I wish I could give you a positive outlook Anna. But I have to be honest with you. In your case, due to the severity of your illness, the prognosis is...not good. I'm sorry to say, you likely only have a few months to live."

Her head spun as his words echoed in her ears. She held the arm of her seat to steady herself.

Few. Months?

 "How long is a few months sir?"

He let his eyes level on her and then slowly pushed out the words. "Six months max. I'm so sorry Anna."

Anna slowly let herself recess into a black hole, the darkness swallowing each shred of hope she ever felt or believed.

But somehow, instead of surrendering willingly to the obscurity, she felt a slight yearning for her mother. 

 "Ha," she chuckled bitterly. The face of her mother had blurred in her mind and the urge to search it out had died a long time ago.

 "Anna... Anna?" she jerked back to her present circumstance.

 "Are you alright?"

 She nodded. Still processing the news in her mind.

 "Is there anything we can do?" she asked, disappointed. She thought of herself, rotten internally; waiting for her appointed time, But there must be something she could do. Would she allow some illness, wherever it came from, to defeat her without a fight?

He nodded, his expression turned gloomy. The thought of examining her on the examination table that stood at the far corner of his office, crossed his mind.

 "Treatment options for your condition are not only uncertain but expensive. The experimental therapists in particular can be prohibitively expensive."

 "Oh," she breathed in another shock of disbelief.

He paused for a moment, fidgeting.

 "Do you have a health insurance? He asked gently.

He had known Anna for a while, since they lived in the same neighbourhood, and she taught his kids at Martin's High, so he felt it safe to pop the question.

The question hung in the air for a minute before she shook her head, feeling the weight of the situation crash down on her.

 "Anna, these treatments could cost hundreds of thousands, if not millions. Without insurance, it will be difficult, if not impossible to cover the costs. What about a family member, do you have anyone that can help you financially?"

 "Uh...no." She had heard enough. Taking a small break from the news would help her breath and think well. She couldn't do that here. 

Clutching the black, leather purse on her lap, she said, "Um, can you just give me some time to gather myself and see what I can do?"

 "Yes Anna. I'm sorry it had to go this way."

 "It's alright," she smiled faintly. "Thank you, Doctor Luke."

 "My pleasure." He replied, and watched her leave his office. Her stared at her test reports again, as she closed the office door behind her. She should feel fairly weak in a couple of days and be admitted in a ward; then what? He relaxed in his seat, worried for his kid's beautiful teacher.

As Anna walked out of the big, general hospital, she felt as though she was in a trance and her thoughts flew around, wildly. She went through her day and remembered how she ended up here. 

Fainting in the classroom, moments after she was queried by her employer, exiting the ambulance in a stretcher. She wished she didn't wake up this morning. Then all these would not have happened.

 "Oh Anna, what mess have we gotten into, now?" She cried out softly, and crouched in the middle of the hospital grounds, head in hands, sighing tiredly.

Cool breeze blew against her smooth skin, and fluttered her rose-printed dress, as the gentle hum of the evening traffic, filtered slowly into the background. She tried to go over her conversation with Doctor Luke one more time, courageously putting her fears at bay.

After some minutes had passed, she felt her skin give way to the chilly air and the pink on her nose started to deepen.

She sighed again, lifted herself up; walking some steps to the road, she flagged a taxi down. It was past seven pm, when she stepped out of the hospital, but the city was just coming alive. When she slid in, she gave the driver directions to her apartment and relaxed into the upholstered seat.

The ride home was quiet, Anna looked listlessly outside the window. Lost in her thoughts, before her eyes flickered at her reflection on it; fear loomed in the corners of her eyes. 

She saw that the dark circles under her eyes were getting worse.

She hesitated for a minute, before she blew fogs on the window and drew heart shapes on it.

The driver glanced at her from the rearview mirror and scrunched his face. Some passengers never became matured, he thought. Would she clean it if he asked her to? He didn't understand why some people couldn't sit still during a damn ride. He was relieved to throw her out, when he turned into her street.

However, Anna's brain had hidden her dilemma from moments before, at the back of her mind, just when she drew love shapes on the window. Maybe life wasn't that complicated after all.

She opened the door to her apartment, and dragged herself, tiredly to her room, with her eyes closed. She didn't bother turning on the lights or groping around either, as the familiar surroundings enveloped her. She opened the door to her room and let herself fall flat on the bouncy bed, feeling her tensed back release slowly, she drifted into sleep.