Playing God

I awoke on the stone table, naked.

“Damn that mother fucking son of a bitch!”

“Welcome back, my God.” Lira stood nearby, holding my leather armor. As she waved her hand over it, a faint green glow traced the fabric, and the hole Drakos had made with his sword was repaired as perfectly as if it were new. “He … um … killed you again.”

“Yeah, I know. I was there.”

You have gained a new skill: Dodge. Dodge is now level 1.

I blinked. The message had appeared right in front of my face, then faded away after a second.

What the fuck?

Was this a game? Was it not real? Was I not here at all, but in some kind of virtual reality experience somewhere?

Hell, that actually made sense. A lot more sense than being brought to another world by a hot High Priestess.

Then that would mean…

I reached up to my head, feeling for a visor of some kind. If I could just pull it off, maybe I could escape. Quit. Log out. Go back home.

I sighed. There was nothing there, nothing to feel. Nothing to remove.

Besides, I had to admit to myself that it wasn’t a dream. The feel of everything, the smells, the details. Lira. All of it was too vivid, too real, to be a dream or a hallucination. I was really here. Wherever ‘here’ was.

“Are you well, Kaelan?”

“Just dandy, thanks for asking.”

“‘Dandy’?” she echoed, with a note of confusion. “Are you ready to go again?”

I sighed. “Why not. Today is a good day to die.” Because I didn’t have anything else to do.

It took a while for Lira to help me get into the plate armor, but its weight was reassuring. At least it would stop Drakos’ sword. I chose the morning star, giving it a testing swing. The spiked ball whistled past Lira’s face, missing her by a hair, and her eyes went wide.

“Sorry,” I muttered.

But it turned out the plate mail was a mistake. Every step was awkward, my coordination non-existent. Yet, if it allowed me to take some blows from Drakos until I could hit him with the very lethal morning star, perhaps it was the secret.

First, I had to get down to the sand, where Drakos waited. The steps had never looked so intimidating. I lifted a foot, lowered it gently … and the weight of the armor pulled me over.

“Fuck!”

I tumbled down the first few steps, my momentum accelerating as gravity caught me. Armor clattered against stone, dents appearing in the pristine plate mail. A heavy knock forced the air from my lungs, and one leg got caught beneath me. There was a sharp crack accompanied with shooting pain, making me cry out.

Left leg disabled. Agility -3. Armor Class -5. Speed -10. Dodge -10.

Health -5.

“How are you back again?” Drakos seemed puzzled as he stared. I wasn’t sure if it was my return that had confused him, or the graceless manner of my arrival.

He leisurely wandered over and placed the point of his sword at my throat, beneath my helm where there was minimal protection. I tried to squirm away, but there was nothing I could do.

Drakos grinned down. “Let’s see her raise you after this.”

Then he slowly leaned forward.

*

I awoke again, clutching my throat. I could still remember the sensation of his sword sliding in, my breath and blood gurgling around the tip, unable to move as he took his time killing me.

I really hated that fucker.

But the messages I’d been getting surely meant something.  Was there some way of accessing them?

“Welcome back, my God.”

“Kaelan,” I said in reflex.

There must be some way to check the information, even without something happening to cause a message to appear. What usually worked in these sorts of situations?

“Sorry, Kaelan,” Lira said, sounding abashed. I ignored her. “I won’t forget again. It’s just … um … habit.”

Nothing usually worked in these sorts of situations, because this sort of situation just didn’t happen.

“You know,” Lira continued, “it’s because … um … you’re my God.”

Still. Here I was, and I had to try something.

“Show statistics,” I tried. Nothing happened.

“Sorry?”

“Display attributes.” Maybe that would do something.

“I ... um … of course, my God. If you think that would help.”

I glanced at Lira. Was she the answer all along?

The girl was pulling her robe off, letting it slip to the floor. I frowned. Why was she doing that?

Her fingers came up to the laces of her bodice, pulling loose the bow.

My eyes widened. What was she doing?

Lira pulled the strings open, revealing much more cleavage, then grasped both sides of the bodice in her hands.

“Wait, stop!”

Her hands stilled. Slowly, her eyes raised to meet mine, a blush tingeing her cheeks. “Did you not wish me to …?”

I swallowed. That hadn’t quite been what I’d meant when I’d said ‘display attributes’, but how to tell the girl without hurting her feelings? “Thank you, Lira. Your devotion is admirable,” I said graciously. “However, I’ve decided upon a different course of action.”

You have gained a new skill: Etiquette. Etiquette is now level 1.

I raised my hand, trying to poke the message with my finger. But while my finger jutted forward in mid-air, it was evident the message wasn’t there. It seemed to be printed directly on my eyeballs. Then it faded away.

Lira was watching my hand, confusion on her face. Her laces were still untied, a lot more of her alluring curves on display.

I averted my eyes. “I really do appreciate all the help you’re providing.” My voice was surprisingly calm. “Please feel free to refasten your clothing now.”

“Of course, Kaelan. Anything I can do to help, you need but ask.”

That was kind of her – so long as I chose my words carefully. “Wait … do you know anything about … status messages?”

Lira paused in the process of refastening her bodice, her blush deepening. “No, Kaelan. I don’t understand what you mean by ‘status messages’. Regretfully, I am ill-informed in the workings of Gods.”

That hadn’t been what I meant by ‘wait’, either. “Thank you, Lira. Please carry on.”

There was a gentle rustle of clothing, which I tried very hard to ignore.

Willpower has gained a rank. Willpower is now level 6.

“I need to concentrate for some moments. Is there somewhere you could…” Go where you’re not so distracting.

“Oh, of course. I’ll … I’ll wait outside.”

“Thank you.”

I watched her leave. She’d left her robe on floor, and that skirt was so short it barely covered her ass. A very distracting ass.

I swallowed hard, turning my gaze back to the ceiling.

“Display character sheet.”

Nothing happened.

“Query character: Kaelan.”

Nothing.

Perhaps it didn’t need a verbal command. Lira had been oblivious to the messages; perhaps they were all in my mind.

I concentrated, willing my information to display itself, and a screen of text flickered momentarily into view, disappearing quickly. What had I done? Could I do it again?

Show my information, I thought, focusing hard.

A table appeared, floating before my eyes.

 

It was almost a fucking D&D sheet! That couldn’t be a coincidence. I stared at it a long while, thinking various thoughts.

Strength ten? Bullshit. I’m stronger than that!

Intelligence … okay, that makes sense. I wonder how high it can go?

Charisma only fourteen? Should be eighteen or twenty, surely!

Luck three? Figures.

It had worked for me. Could it work for Lira?

I focused hard. Show High Priestess Lira information.

Another table appeared.

High Priestess Lira gains +10 to her Faith when Kaelan is on Corthos.

High Priestess Lira gains +5 to her Devotion when Kaelan is on Corthos.

Kaelan gains +4 Charisma modifier when interacting with High Priestess Lira.

 

Well, that explained a great deal. And it made a certain sense, given that Lira was convinced I was her God.

I’d have to be careful. The ‘Devotion’ thing bothered me, and the Charisma modifier only made it worse. Maybe it was natural for her to have a bit of a blind spot when it came to me, but it complicated things. I’d have to tread lightly.

There was no other information, no character sheet like I’d expected to see.

“Lira, could you come here a moment please?”

“Of course.” She walked back in, giving me a smile. Her gaze drifted over my body, then she blushed again and lowered her eyes.

“Pass me your robe, please.”

“Of course.” She passed it to me, taking furtive glances as she did so.

I draped it across my lap, as much for her sake as mine.

“I need to check something. Stand still for me a moment, please.”

“Yes, Kaelan.”

How to show her information … if such a thing were even possible.

I narrowed my eyes at her, focusing hard. Show Lira. It was a good thing I hadn’t said that out loud. No telling what she would’ve done.

Her status table flickered up.

 

That was a lot to process. Pretty good attributes, too.

Heh. I’d come this close to seeing her attributes, and that really wasn’t how I wanted our relationship to start. The Devotion was definitely a problem. The Attraction … well, that was flattering. I guess I didn’t need Attraction points on my own sheet to tell me that Lira was stunning.

I raised an eyebrow at her, letting the table fade away. “Are you glad I’m here?”

“Oh yes,” Lira beamed, her eyes earnest. “It’s wonderful to have you here.”

It was tempting to bask in her praise, even though I knew it wasn’t real. It was just her blind Devotion, and I hadn’t earned it.

Yet.

I would, though. I’d prove to her I was worthy of her Faith.

For now, I settled with giving her a grateful smile.

But Lira hadn’t finished. “I just know you’ll defeat Drakos and save everyone. You’re so magnificent, helping all the people of Valorah like this.”

I felt my smile slip away faster than it had come.

“Back to it, then,” I said, grimly. “Let’s try the leather armor again … and perhaps twin daggers this time.”

Maybe I could get my dodge skill up.