Please Stop The Pope

   3.

   To conclude, there was not the touching reunion I was hoping for.

   Instead.

   “In Wook, boil three more ramen noodles. Make the water a little watery. You know my taste, right?”

   The food was touching.

   The combination of my brother’s ramen and my grandmother’s sour kimchi was very moving to me.

   Even in Eden, when I was the pope, I ate everything I could find, but I had never tasted anything like this.

   Ramen is like coming home after ten years of suffering in the other world.

   I don’t know anyone who hasn’t had it.

   “I can’t believe it, can you?”

   In Wook, who had been quietly boiling ramen for a while, looked at me and said.

   “What, that I’m back?”

   “That’s one thing, but I just can’t believe this situation.”

   “Why?”

   “My brother, who I thought was dead, came back after five years, and instead of explaining things to me, he’s gobbling down ten bowls of ramen. Don’t you think something’s out of order?”

   Oh, I was speechless.

   At In Wook’s words, I handed him the chopsticks I was holding in my hand and said.

   “You’re pouting because I’m eating alone. You never seem to be able to stand the sight of me eating by myself, do you? Yes, you should eat some too.”

   In Wook has always been a bit of a glutton.

   But apparently, this wasn’t the reaction In Wook wanted.

   In Wook glared at me as I held out the chopsticks but soon sighed and nodded.

   “You’re really my brother, seeing as how you’re …… lacking in everything. Haha. So, continue the story you were telling earlier. You spent ten years on a world called Eden, and that’s five years on Earth?”

   I think I’ve explained everything that happened to me in Eden, but apparently, it wasn’t enough for In Wook to take in.

   I took a sip from the water beside me and then answered with a shrug.

   “You wanted your brother to come back safe and sound like this. What do you want to know?”

   “Everything. If you’ve been on the other side for ten years, what the hell you’ve been doing, how you got back. That’s the most important thing, so why leave it out?”

   “Because it’s not a pleasant story.”

   How horrible the world was, with most of it overrun by demons.

   And how much blood I had on my hands to survive in that world.

   I didn’t want to tell In Wook such a depressing and horrible story on such a happy day.

   Because unlike Mr. Dong Shik from the Ministry of Ability Management who investigated me earlier, In Wook is my family.

   They must have suffered a lot because of me.

   I didn’t want to see their worried and sad faces when I came back.

   So I thought about it for a long time, and then I smiled wryly and said.

   “It’s not going to be much fun.”

“Dude. You know which asshole is the worst asshole in the world?”

   “What kind of asshole?”

   “The asshole who keeps you wondering and doesn’t tell you.”

   “So am I that kind of asshole?”

   “I hope not.”

   In Wook is still the same cheeky bastard.

   However, his face was dark, and I could tell he was feeling sorry for me even as he spoke.

   “I’m only going to tell you once, so listen carefully.”

   I said that and then began to tell In Wook the same story I had told Dong Shik in the morning.

   Of course, I censored some parts myself.

Some of the more gruesome stories, like how I cut the Queen of Demons into pieces and killed her, or how I extracted the Demon King’s Dragon Heart, were softened to just ‘I defeated the demons’.

The story could easily be summarized as “Shi Yu went to the other world, became the Pope, and saved the continent,” and then I added the story of my return to Earth this morning.

   Did I talk for about 30 minutes?

   In Wook, who had appreciated the compressed summarization of the practice that even Daechi-dong’s first-tier instructors could only admire, glared at me and said.

   “Don’t you think it’s a little too lackluster for ten years, Hyung?”

   “Of course.”

   “What makes you say that?”

   “It’s ten years, not seven years of fighting. Do you want me to tell you who I fought, when, where, and how? If you hear that, you’ll be too scared to sleep tonight.”

   At my words, In Wook shook his head and sighed, then said as he poured me a glass of water.

   “So what you’re saying is that you spent ten years in a world called Eden fighting demons and then returned to become the Pope, right?”

   “I know it’s hard to believe, but…….”

   “I believe it.”

   “Huh?”

   “I believe.”

   His confident answer almost embarrassed me.

   Mr. Dong Shik, who had listened to my story earlier, and In Wook, too.

   I wondered why they were so easily convinced by stories that would have had Earthlings five years ago locked up in a mental institution.

   “You’re not good at making stuff up.”

“I’m not making this up.”

   “And it’s not like there aren’t any returnees…… out there, so there’s nothing I can’t believe in your stories. Just.”

   “Just?”

   “It’s just, it just doesn’t feel real that you’re alive like this.”

   In Wook frowned slightly as he said that.

   It wasn’t an unpleasant frown.

   The corners of his eyes were slightly damp, as if he was fighting back tears.

   This cub, he was really family.

   Just as I was about to follow suit and moisten the corners of my eyes, he broke the momentum and said.

   “Haah…… If I knew this would happen, I would have signed a five-year contract for the tree funeral plot. I should have signed a ten-year contract with…….”

   “Tree Funeral?”

“The tree we named after you is doing really well, would you like to come over tomorrow and take a look at it? Si Yeon made it look pretty, and she weeded it last week?”

   Oh, the Tree Funeral Plot?

   You’ve been burying me? Heh, heh.

   “Oh, no, I don’t know. You should go and get a refund for yourself, and make sure to call your grandmother and all the other adults in your family…… Oh, does this mean I have to refund the insurance money? We’re in trouble. I don’t have the money to pay you back now…… What should I do, big brother?”

   “I’m sorry. This is the first time I’ve come back from the dead.”

   While In Wook and I were having a half-joking, half-serious conversation,

   Beep, beep, beep.

   Someone impatiently pressed the combination to the front door lock.

Bam!

A young girl opened the door with a flourish and entered the house.

   Seeing her, In Wook quickly went into his room and said.

   “…… you take care of it.”

   “In Wook, wait.”

   Kaaaaaah!

   Despite my pleading eyes, In Wook closed the door relentlessly, and I turned around with the brightest smile I could muster.

There stood a much larger-than-life Si Yeon, looking like she might burst into tears at any moment.

   “Big…… brother?”

   “Haha, my little Si Yeon, you’re so beautiful! You’ve missed your big brother a lot, haven’t you? You’re not going to cry…… on such a nice day, are you?”

   You can’t let her cry.

   “Si Yeon, wait…….”

   “I’m sorry…… sobbing. I thought that big brother was dead…… sobbing.”

“Si, Si Yeon, smile! Huh? It’s not your fault, it’s a good day to see your brother again, so…….”

   When Si Yeon cries properly.

   “Heeeeeeeeeeee!”

   “Si Yeon is amazing, huh?”

“Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”

   “Oh no…….”

   ……because calling the police was the default option.

   Ha.

   I’m in trouble.

   2.

   Luckily, Si Yeon’s wailing ended not with a police call but with a house call from the neighbors downstairs.

   If it had been later in the day, the real police might have come.

   But the neighbors were really nice.

   They told me that they didn’t come over because of the noise but because they thought something had happened to Si Yeon.

   They told me that Si Yeon is always polite and affectionate, so the people in the apartment really like her.

   Anyway.

   Her wailing performance to celebrate my return ended when she reached her physical limit.

   In other words, she cried herself to exhaustion and took a nap.

   I’m sure I’ll wake up to a second assault, but what the heck?

   I’ll think about it later.

   “Whoa.”

   I breathed a sigh of relief and quietly walked out into the living room, knowing that Si Yeon was asleep in bed.

   “Kim In Wook…… you bastard.”

   You knew better than anyone that Si Yeon can’t be stopped when she cries, but acting like you don’t know your brother who came home after ten years?

   That’s just plain mean.

I glanced around the living room, which was neatly organized, and then entered In Wook’s room, which was partially open.

   The first thing I saw was a desk with two monitors, followed by In Wook’s voice, who was sitting in front of it.

   “Where’s Si Yeon?”

   “Napping. I thought I was going to die. Why is it always so hard for me to soothe her?”

   “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen her cry like that.”

   “When was the last time?”

   “Three years ago, at brother’s funeral. She was so young and didn’t know what to do, but she cried so hard, and my aunt and grandmother had a hard time comforting her.”

   “But I disappeared five years ago, according to the time here?”

   “For the first two years, I believed you would come back.”

   In Wook tapped on the keyboard as he spoke in a nonchalant voice, and I could only remain silent.

   Hearing that, the regret I’d been trying to bury behind my excitement began to surface.

   As hard as I’d worked to get back here, my family must have worked to find me.

   My three siblings and I were pretty close.

   Especially after my senior year of high school, when both of my parents died in a car accident.

   Tada, tada, tada.

   The sound of In Wook’s tapping on the keyboard slowly filled the room.

   “Thanks.”

   In Wook said, his voice still nonchalant.

   “For what?”

   “For coming back safely.”

   When I don’t respond, In Wook seems a little embarrassed by what he said.

   He quickly changes the subject.

   “Was there anything you wanted to do when you got back to Earth? What are you going to do with your life now?”

   “I don’t know. I’m thinking about it.”

   “Anything you wanted to do?”

   “I wanted to do a lot of things.”

   I said, and glanced at the message window that had popped up in front of me.

   [You have a main quest to complete].

   [Time Limit Remaining: 89 days, 14 hours, 32 minutes]

   A system message window that I had been ignoring in favor of reuniting with my family.

   In fact, I hadn’t even checked to see how I was doing back on Earth.

   That main quest was my first priority now.

   Rally the faithful.

   So easy. In Eden, all I had to do was meet them, and they would call out Limen’s name and accept the doctrine. I didn’t even have to do anything, the priests under me would spread the faith on their own.

   I’ve been thinking about it ever since, but I still can’t make up my mind.

   How do I gain new followers?

   I pause, trying to think of a plan.

   -Orcs are also the most common monsters that appear in dungeons, gates, and waves, so I thought I’d give you a heads up on where to find them.

   On In Wook’s monitor screen, a man in a suit and a sword stared at me.

   A suit and a sword.

   To me, it was as awkward as the wyvern hanging from the Mapo Bridge, but apparently not to In Wook.

   In Wook checked the video as if it was natural, and then started doing something with the program he had never seen before.

   I asked In Wook nonchalantly.

   “What are you doing?”

   “I’m editing MyTube videos. Ever since my brother went missing, I’ve been making money from it. I’m pretty good at it. I get quite a bit of work.”

   I thought you were interested in video editing, but now you’ve taken it as a career.

   I’m glad it’s a good fit.

   It’s MyTube. It was all the rage before I was kidnapped to Eden, so how could you not know?

   But what the hell is this video about?

   A game? It’s too real to be a game.

   “Maybe you don’t know.”

   I raised an eyebrow and looked at the monitor, but In Wook soon began to explain.

   “Didn’t the Ministry tell you what happened to Earth, hyung?”

   “Just that there are some returnees and monsters, that’s all. They said they’ll tell us more tomorrow.”

   “Hmm.”

   In Wook nodded for a moment, then continued.

   “You used to read a lot of web novels back in the day.”

   “Yeah.”

   “You know, the ones with the raids? The ones with the gates to the earth, monsters, dungeons, and stuff like that. It’s easier to just think of it as being similar to those novels, and the trend of Mtube has changed accordingly.”

   After saying that, In Wook froze the monitor screen for a moment.

   He pointed his finger at the man on the screen and said.

   “These guys are the content nowadays. They’re called players.”

   “Sound familiar? They’re just using system windows and skills, right?”

   “You’ve been reading a lot of web novels, haven’t you?”

   “Ah.”

   Of course, they’re quick to adapt.

   I was using a system too.

   I wondered if it had something to do with the ‘brought from Earth’ thing Rimen was talking about.

   I gave a small nod, then stared at the image, still.

   And after a moment.

   “I remembered something.”

   “Of what?”

   “A way to gain followers.”

   I had an idea, and it sounded great.