RE: Filthy Gamer in Narutoverse

Hentai Shinobi Rule 22: If she leaves for another, there's always her mother.

***

Kai's love for grind did not overwrite his sanity. It was the same for his endearment of disciplining errant orphans in the memory of their dead parents or his zeal for painting Mito's and Tsunade's faces white.

Fun had its place, but Kai also had to be mindful. After all, the chances of the orphans growing up and bridging the skill gap with Kai as the latter keeps growing with his trait were less than 0.000001%. Kai liked those odds. There was something sadistically satisfying about keeping the weak under his foot. However, Orochimaru was not weak.

The genjutsu grind depended on others placing a Genjutsu on Kai—a very vulnerable state. It was like asking someone to peer into his brain since highly skilled genjutsu practitioners employed it for interrogation, something Kai learned from an idle conversation with Mito. After all, the seal on the back of his hands prevented just that from happening since others could use him to harm Kushina or vice versa.

Besides, Kai couldn't continue asking Orochimaru to place a Genjutsu on him without eliciting suspicion. Others didn't need to know how Kai grew.

Kai recognized that the most difficult decisions required the hardest of wills. Still, he had decided to skip a few things to pluck the thorns from the path of his grind. Kai had only just unlocked the [Genjutsu Release] Skill. However, he could not spend time on it. He could not ask others to continuously place him in Genjutsu since it was common knowledge that repetition wasn't the way to master this release.

Kai may be anything but conforming to the shinobi norms. However, a few pretenses would serve Kai in the long term.

Additionally, Kai was never greedy for SP. He was no hoarding goblinoid despite his more petite frame, deceptively thick cock, and a penchant for nutting for hours.

[Consumed 50 SP.]

[Transformation Jutsu (E) (50→100/100): The ability to transform oneself or another into anything and everything. This information-granting skill informs the users about the physical descriptions of items, flora, and fauna at each level. Aside from weight, the transformation cannot transform the user's chakra network into that of the target. So, transformed individuals cannot copy the target's skills. Mastering this skill allows the user to maintain their transformation without conscious effort till they run out of chakra.]

[Consumed 99 SP.]

[Genjutsu Release (D) (1→100/100): The art of disrupting the sneaky chakra tampering with one's chakra coils and senses. The illusions mask the ordinary tell of the external chakra within the body. This skill informs the user about the most efficient chakra disruption patterns to disrupt different Genjutsu entering the body through varied known means. Beware, a moment's illusion is all it takes for a Kunai to pierce the heart. Adds one mental stat at every level {If Mental<100}.

Skill Tree Evolution: Genjutsu Reversal (B) (0/50)]

Kai felt currents of warmth flowing into his skin, tugged by something mysterious hidden within his core. The warm currents submerged his circulatory system and chakra coils alike before pooling inside his head. The comfort invited a soft moan from Kai's lips as he slumped back on his bed and exhaled as if someone had given him the exact massage treatment Kai pampered Mito's feet with daily.

Kai didn't touch the [Noble Cook] skill since it was never meant to aid his raw stats. Besides, Kai enjoyed cooking daily. Also, he had made decent progress in the skill ever since he replaced Old Jiten for Mito's meals.

[Name: Kai

Age: 8

Title: Konoha Student

Gamer Traits: Skill Tree; Sleepless Gamer

Skill Points: 452→318

Chakra: 100→101/1000 (2/hr) (1+100%)

Physique: 150/1000

Mental: 49→100/1000

Perception: 156/1000

Chakra Control: 15.7%

Skills:

Titles:]

Kai didn't mourn the loss of SP since they existed for his convenience. To be shackled by the 'game' currency would be the height of irony Kai didn't intend to scale. Instead, he closed his eyes and soaked the knowledge from the skills.

As expected—most skills from the Academy may sound basic on paper. However, they set the foundation for the Shinobi-kind in several ways. The higher-level genjutsus involved screwing with one's temporal perception, and calling it a tough cookie would be an understatement. Knowing your chakra coils, tenketsu, and several thousands of patterns one used to form a genjutsu within the target to enslave their senses was the key to avoiding disastrous ends.

Kai continued to lay for another 20 minutes before opening his eyes and glancing at another panel.

[Mental benchmark accomplished. Choose one of the following titles.]

Kai could choose between [Mind Library] and [Overdrive] unique skills.

[Mind Library] seemed to be a passive memory skill that would permanently reshape his consciousness. Meanwhile, [Overdrive] appeared to be the essential 'getting-out-of-a-corner' skill. Not to mention, choosing the [Overdrive] should enhance his Chakra.

Kai didn't have an urgent need for more Chakra. Kushina was crashing into several quizzes, and her hopes of passing the final theory exams appeared slim. Kai would suggest Kushina to ask Mikoto to tutor her since they spend a lot of time screwing around. However, the boy felt he didn't need to enter the Shinobi's system of killing others. Not that he minded the act. However, Kai was having fun as is!

There was something unique about being a kid. He had a free pass on most of the things. But that would change once he graduates and becomes a man. After all, the administration couldn't send kids into warring battlefields and tended to call their team of child soldiers a group of men to relieve their guilts or encourage the kids to give their all—including their lives.

—Or so it used to occur before Hiruzen's regime. The man came up and swept most of these acts out of the administration. The Third Hokage implemented strict evaluations for every Shinobi under a certain age and promoted several welfare policies for orphans without any guardians.

Now?

It was pretty chill.

Essentially, Kai wasn't worried he would graduate this year. However, it sucked a tiny bit. After all, Minato and Mikoto would graduate. Kai merely hoped he would get to see them, or else he'd just infiltrate the Uchiha Compound and Minato's residence.

'So, Chakra boost or mental boost?' Kai repeated the dilemma.

Kai chose Chakra and rolled with it.

[Unlocked a new title.]

[Restless As Fuck: You delude others into believing you have inexhaustible chakra reserves when in reality, you manipulate your body to digest every bit of intake and rest into physical and mental forces for swifter chakra recovery.

Effects: Unlocks a unique skill [Overdrive]]

[Overdrive (1/1): Unlocking the Eight Gates isn't the only path to a temporary boost leading to one's eventual demise—it is merely more accessible to the mighty. This skill permanently optimizes the body's and spirit's ability to digest 100% of their intake and recover visibly quickly. Adds 50 chakra stat {If Chakra<375.}]

Kai gaped at the skill.

What was with the misleading name?!

Where was the staple berserk skill? It was supposed to be a Deus Ex Machina that got him out of life-threatening circumstances Kai never intended to lead to. Why did he get a non-shitting skill instead?!

And worst of all?

Why did Kai even complain about it? He didn't need to shit anymore!

'Now I'm a certified chunin in raw stats.' Kai exhaled and stretched his arms.

'Kushina must be near an even 200,' Kai theorized. The redhead was strong by a few notches. However, Kushina also grew with time. He only hoped to match the pace of her raw growth since it was his job as her Guardian to beat the shit out of her when she acted out—or something like that. Kai had selective hearing when Mito explained his role. All he cared for was to get Mito's bamboo stick and employ it on the disastrous redhead.

The boy did not waste further time and began another round of grind—Body Replacement Jutsu.

Honestly, Kai could turn into almost anything at this point. With enough study, Kai might even take the [Transformation Jutsu] up a notch by studying the fusion of the creatures. Won't it be awesome if he could transform into a giant falcon that was quicker than modern jets and could employ Chakra Chameleon's invisibility? Or Kai could transform his hands into animal claws and go crazy against weapons without fear.

It wasn't a skill used by others, and Kai knew the depressing reason—survival. Those at the top won't bother with 'basic' skills, and those at the lower levels cannot luxuriate their existences with calm research. If anything, Kai now believed that the shinobi profession wasn't efficient for those born with high chakra potential.

No. The profession should have been researchers! Nerds! At least Kai could increase his range of bullying, ehm—disciplining.

'Could I?'

Kai paused.

He always wondered about his trait's reaction to new inventions. What was stopping him from trying it now? He would have another year to practice it should the skill have an insane number of levels. It's not like his loveable ramen-addicted potato could graduate this year.

Kai gulped and didn't bother forming a seal since he mastered the skill.

*Poof*

He chose the smoke-explosive method for aesthetics before looking at his paws.

"Woah!"

Kai gasped as he… felt weird with a canine's forelimbs. He couldn't clench his fists—paws? Not to mention, he didn't have human elbows. Kai could bend his 'limbs' down from the middle.

It was freaky!

And fuzzy!

Moving his limbs sideways was an issue, too.

*Poof*

Kai dispelled the jutsu and gazed at the list of panels.

[A new skill registered.]

[Records not found in the Trait directory.]

[Initiating re-scan.]

[Scan completed. Directory updated. Records not found.]

[Registering the skill. Extrapolating data.]

[Task completed successfully.]

[Identifying a suitable skill tree.]

[Task completed unsuccessfully.]

[Issuing the skill within [Unique Skills] Skill Tree.]

[Chimera Transformation Jutsu (B) (1/100): Form achievable, functioning fusion of different animals to meet your suited results. This skill demands knowledge about the very structure of an animal and how various cellular organisms interact with each other in varying circumstances.

Next Level: 0/150 unique transformations or 12 SP.]

Kai stared before his brain kicked into action.

He swiftly compiled several new rules.

First, his trait COULD re-scan. From the looks of it—one of the conditions to trigger this function was inventing an unrecorded skill unavailable in the Trait's directory or database. This action would compel the trait to issue another scan and find if such skill had been recorded elsewhere.

Second, if such a skill were unavailable, his trait would stubbornly extrapolate the results from ALL the data it compiled. It didn't sound much until one realized Kai had momentary access to all the locked skills through this feat.

Third, Kai's Trait would then identify a skill tree, and failing to do so will put the skill into the [Unique Skill] Skill Tree.

Fourth, this event implied Kai's Trait had more sensitive and thought-provoking rules since the implications of extrapolating data meant possessing some form of mechanical consciousness catering to his purpose, whims, and wishes. After all, without intelligence, one cannot scan all the data and separate needed constraints. A program did not possess an intelligent consciousness' discretion.

All this brought a smile to Kai's face.

'Chances are—' he licked his dry lips. 'It was this slumbering consciousness that suppressed my emotions back then. Even if I'm wrong, I'm a step closer to unraveling my trait.'

Kai closed his eyes before an illicit thought popped into his head.

'Tsunade and Mito with… dog ears and tails. NO! Tsunade with a cow's horn!'

Ah, new grind.

Ah, new possibilities.

Kai looked at his crotch.

'Nope. Let's not go down the animal dick route. It would be fucking weird.'

Kai realized his limits were animal ears, tails, and other superficial changes.

It was a good day indeed.

<<<>>>

The rest of the month flew by with more training. Kai also noticed the disturbing smugness intensifying within Kushina's gaze as they neared graduation. Usually, the Academic year spanned from April to March of the following year. However, things were different for the final-year students. The three-month period allowed the new graduates to navigate around their new lifestyle after earning their forehead protectors.

Still, Kai wasn't worried.

It was the last academy day, as students filtered into the classroom with excitement gleaming in their gazes. Kushina wasn't any better.

'Poor her,' Kai scoffed but looked forward to how Kushina would be a sullen mess after Icha-Sensei revealed the theory results and initiated the final exam to test everyone's skill in the Clone Jutsu. Ah, he would have to feed her ramen, right? Tch.

The classroom stewed in impatience until Icha strolled in with a somber look.

"Good morning, everyone." He cleared his throat. "I'm pleased to announce everyone here passed the written examination." The man did not look pleased. Instead, Icha-Sensei adopted a complicated expression.

There was another who did not look pleased.

"Eh?" Kai blinked.

Nani the fuck?

"Yay!" Kushina's loud cheer disrupted the tense emotion Icha wanted to build as the redhead ignored all social conduct before glomping Kai's cheek and pressing him down on his chair ACROSS Mikoto!

"I did it, Kai-chan!" The girl gushed as she squished Kai's cheeks before pulling them. She violated his supple form with all the positions she knew with a huge grin. Her round, violet eyes continued staring at Kai expectantly, demanding a compliment—something.

And if Kai did that, he knew he would lose against the devil. He should be outraged at how Kushina poured a bucket of cold water all over his dreams. Kai wanted to stay another year in the academy and fuck around. Yet, as he opened his lips to set the girl straight and threaten her with the legendary bamboo stick, all Kai could offer was a sincere—albeit amused—smirk.

He leaned forward and kissed the girl's cheek. Hah! Take that! This kiss was the beginning of how he would exploit the girl for his means. That stopped Kushina—it was a weakness Kai promptly noted.

Still, Kai snickered.

"Congratulations," he made out with Kushina's vice-like grip on his poor, reddening cheeks.

Kushina kept staring at the boy, who struggled to grin. She felt Mikoto tapping her back since the redhead was lying stomach-first on the Uchiha's lap. Kushina ignored it. Instead, Kushina kept staring at Kai with a disturbingly intense look.

"Really, dattebane?" Kushina gulped.

"Yeah," Kai pulled back the second he felt Kushina's grip weaken. "You surprised me. I guess I can never look down on you."

Kushina slowly sat up from Mikoto's lap and calmly looked ahead. Mikoto and Kai tilted their heads as Icha-Sensei let out an exhausted sigh.

'Whatever. These kids are not my problem now.'

"Listen, everyone," Icha announced. "As you're aware, the practical graduation exam would differ from last year due to the War Protocols. Failing to pass this exam does not mean you won't graduate. Instead, you will reappear for another examination later. However, succeeding in this exam has its perks—a Jonin-Sensei."

The class perked up as Kai got over the sudden wrench in his plans. Jonin-Senseis were a rare commodity during times of conflict. The administration needed all these hands on deck and could rarely afford to spend an asset like a Jonin for every student. Perhaps these things will change in the future. However, Kai was curious about a Jonin-Sensei. He wasn't the lone wolf type. He didn't spend a lifetime of suppressed emotions to act edgy.

No, he wanted to edge instead!

"Will everyone get a Jonin-Sensei should all of us pass?" Dekai inquired with a raised hand.

Icha's stern expression re-introduced the previous tensions as the man merely nodded.

"If all of you pass."

Kai liked the sound of that. Even if Kushina successfully tackled the written exams, Kai knew he could still shit on a few crying students once they were done.

So, Icha-Sensei gathered everyone and left for the building's basement. The students swiftly noticed the other graduates from the different sections leaving the classroom and walking in the same direction.

"I'm nervous," Mikoto whispered before she looked at the carefree Kushina. The dark-haired girl pouted. Kushina jumped on Kai for passing her exams but didn't even bother saying a few words of thanks to her!

Such a rude friend!

"I'm not," Kushina grinned. "I was only nervous about the written exam, but you are such a good tutor, Mikoto. I didn't have any problems thanks to you, dattebane!"

Mikoto puffed and nodded. Of course, Kushina had to be such a sweetheart.

"You tutored her?" Kai inclined his head. "Huh. Makes sense."

"What does that mean?" Kushina frowned.

"You became smart, right?" Kai smirked. "I thought what I meant was obvious."

Kushina huffed before grinning. She recalled the chaste kiss on her cheek and giggled. "Whatever! Kiss-chan says one thing and does another."

Kai's expression dropped while Mikoto held back a giggle. She wasn't particularly sour that Kushina got ahead—ah, not like there was anything to get ahead with!

So, Mikoto forgot her earlier nervousness and worried over another rabbit hole.

<<<>>>

Hiruzen eased his breathing as the first of the hundreds of students entered the basement. The students were divided by the classroom, and each 'dungeon' had his clone greeting them. The Hokage's white robes contrasted with the dim, dark-brown room with an uneven ceiling. The room was humid. By now, the students must have picked up the slight bloody scent if their constricting expressions were anything to go by.

The children looked around since their teacher, Icha Kato, stood back and didn't enter. Hiruzen's sight calmed a few, including his distant nephew, Kikuchi Sarutobi. However, Hiruzen did not return his nephew's pleasant smile and retained a stern look.

The students eventually settled into neat rows and columns.

Hiruzen hadn't uttered a single word until now. He observed everyone. A few looked rightfully nervous by the questionable setting. A few others were good enough to adopt the mask of calmness.

However, only one revealed a look of utter curiosity.

Hiruzen wondered if anything held power over Kai's psyche—if the boy had any weakness. No, Hiruzen wasn't paranoid enough to feel threatened. However, it was an impressive instinct built over several failures to incorrectly gauge an enemy's strength.

Ah, it wouldn't do to wait any further. The students were becoming restless.

This test wasn't supposed to determine whether someone can become a genin. No. It was designed to determine if the rare few within the batch had talents befitting a ripe asset.

"You can see two doors connected to this room," Hiruzen began without his usual warmth. It wouldn't do the students any justice by offering them sweet lies. The world would not be so kind despite Hiruzen's wishes.

"You may take the exit and choose to get assessed by a team of three Chunin-Senseis. And this entrance—" Hiruzen glanced at the wooden door embedded into the wall beside him. "—leads to another exam. Your teacher must have informed you of the benefits of going through this door. However, failing this exam means setting yourself up for another year."

The revelation shocked most students as soft murmurs filled the once-silent dungeon. Hiruzen did not bother speaking until one of the students, his nephew, nervously questioned.

"But Unc- Hokage-Sama," the boy squeaked after one disapproving glare from Hiruzen at the boy's previous mention. Still, the young Sarutobi finished his question. "Icha-Sensei said we could reappear in the other exam should we fail this one."

"Did Icha Kato inform you when you shall appear for your next exam?" Hiruzen lied. No. The administration won't hold back the students by another year. There were only 346 prospective graduates this year, a whopping 122 students lower than the previous batch. Of the last batch, only 229 genins remained.

Instead of enemies, there were more chances for a Genin to die at a chakra beast's claws than anything.

So, Hiruzen would not let his ideals weaken the village's forces. He would not hold back prospects. All he could do was prevent weaker genins from accepting harsher missions.

A stunned silence blanketed the students as Hiruzen cleared his throat.

"You may choose now."

"Can we know the contents of the exam?" Dekai questioned after swallowing harshly.

Hiruzen did not reply. The man felt like an ass hat wearing another hat! However, his conduct and demeanor only revealed start coldness compared to the warmth he exuded when passing on the conduct of the Will of Fire.

His lack of information further ruffled the students.

The students did not know the source of their fluster, but Hiruzen did. Humans, by nature and training, desire some form of control. Even the rare few who choose to trust another do so at their will.

Hiruzen added more pressure.

The blades honed within the academy would either break or sharpen further.

"You have five minutes to decide."

Hiruzen wondered how the other clones were doing. The lack of real-time consciousness sharing was one of the multi-shadow clone's strengths and weaknesses. The lack of consciousness sharing made the clones impervious to genjutsus. Yet, Hiruzen wished Lord Second had found a way to share consciousness at the Shinobi's discretion. The addition would have made the jutsu equal to—if not better—than the Wood Clones.

Hiruzen and others waited until one of the students stepped out from the neat formation of rows and columns.

"I wish to go through the regular assessment, Hokage-sama!" The boy lowered his head with tears brimming in the corner of his eyes.

Hiruzen nodded. He wanted to kindly pat the boy's shoulder and assure him that his choice wasn't wrong but merely different. Yet, it wouldn't do—not today.

"Very well," Hiruzen spoke curtly. "Leave."

The boy shuddered as he choked back his sobs.

He was the straw that broke the camel's back.

With an example leading the way, more and more students left until 18 remained.

Hiruzen noted how the shivering Kushina and nervous Mikoto glanced at the unshaken Kai before regaining their confidence. It only made the Hokage inwardly nod as he felt fortunate for his prior decisions.

"Hiruna, Dekai, and Minato," Hiruzen began. "Step forward."

The trio of boys slowly stepped out before looking at each other. Minato led them into the room.

What met the remaining 15 students was silence—

"Aggghhhhhh!"

"Arrgh! Please—"

"N-No! Please! I beg you. My family—"

Distinct shouts echoed past the wooden door as Hiruzen witnessed more students shuddering with fright and confusion. Most looked pale and—

"Hwwuugk—" the young Sarutobi buckled aside and hurled on the ground. The intense, nauseous smell filled the unventilated dungeon, forcing others, including Kushina and Mikoto, to buckle and vomit.

Hiruzen watched young Kai look around, barely perturbed by the events.

So, Hiruzen knew waiting on Kai's time would do him or others no good.

After a few minutes, Hiruzen looked at another trio.

"Kai, Kushina, and Mikoto."

The redhead and the Uchiha paled as Kai calmly stepped forward, avoiding puddles of vomit before standing before the wooden door.

The boy looked back at his friends, ensuring they followed him before entering the dark room.

As Kai opened the door, a disgusting, fishy scent steeped into the dungeon, forcing the young Sarutobi to whimper.

"I- I wish to leave, Uncle!"

Hiruzen internally sighed with mild disappointment. The Third Hokage wasn't disappointed at the choice to accept the regular assessment, but the boy's insistence on the Third Hokage being his uncle in public.

"Leave," Hiruzen answered. A few more students left when Kai, Kushina, and Mikoto entered the room.

Hiruzen wondered what the trio's answer would be. After compiling all of Kai's reports on his 'extra-curricular' activities, including disciplining a true-blue Inuzuka Genin, Hiruzen worried about the young prodigy the most.

<<<>>>

Kai observed the room brighten at their entrance. The half-melted wax candles lit with a life of their own around the room, allowing the students to observe Mochi-Sensei standing near the door. Yet, what attracted Kai the most wasn't the three men kneeling with equal distance between them, wearing downcast and numb expressions, or the seals near the candles. His gaze zeroed in on the tall, busty figure standing in the middle of the room behind the obviously drugged men.

Tsunade Senju.

Kushina and Mikoto must have located the woman since they whispered Tsunade's name under their breaths.

"You three are here. Very well, let's conduct the assessment."

Tsunade began without an ounce of her usual mischief or sisterly warmth. Her amber orbs, devoid of emotions, stared at the trio before pointing at the three kneeling middle-aged men with various signs of baldness.

"A Jonin-Sensei would be appointed to you after you kill these three men. Failure to do so would set you three a year back."

"What?" Kushina snapped as the color left her skin. Even Mikoto chewed her bottom lip with mild discomfort in her features.

However, Tsunade did not reply. Instead, her cold, stony gaze remained on the trio before she flicked her wrist.

*Fwip*

*Fwip*

*Fwip*

Three kunais stabbed into the ground before the trio's feet.

The flickering candles cast dancing shadows of the room's occupants around the walls as the trio gazed at the weapons near their feet with differing emotions.

"You have five minutes," Tsunade informed.

The sound of burning candles mixed with Kushina's and Mikoto's rapidly intensifying ragged breathing until Kushina scowled.

"Why does everyone have to fail, dattebane?!"

It was not right.

She believed Kai to be the best among them. If anyone deserved to be the genin, it would be him. Yet, why?

Kushina clenched her fist as the taste of her recent bile and the scent of blood blanketing the room filled her with disgust.

"Why are you punishing us?!"

Kushina's heavy breathing echoed in the room.

Tsunade merely raised an eyebrow before stating, "4 minutes."

Mikoto's and Kushina's expressions changed as they bent to grab their Kunais with shuddering hands. Meanwhile, Kai merely looked at his kunai instead of reaching for it.

It would be so simple to kill them.

Kai didn't care about them.

Yet, he cast a complicated gaze over Kushina and Mikoto. He couldn't help but wonder why they felt so extremely uncomfortable about taking a life.

Kai never did. He didn't have what they did.

He was so fucking envious.

Then, he heard Kushina's whisper.

"I have to do it," Kushina roused herself in soft, choked whispers. Tears brimmed in the corner of her eyes as she gripped her kunai with both hands. "For Kai-chan!" The redhead began sobbing.

Gosh, the girl was always a crybaby. She… always cried for others, didn't she?

Kushina's sobs made Mikoto quiver as the dark-haired Uchiha felt her eyes sting and nose sour. Still, she looked determined. She could do it.

The girls had divine confidence in Kai. They didn't question his ability to pass the exam for even a moment. All they had to do was clear their obstacles, and that would be it!

Mikoto and Kushina neared their targets as they took in their dazed features.

The men had their heads briefly dropping and rising. They were bulky, at least twice the size of the girls. Kushina and Mikoto noticed drool leaking from the corner of their targets' lips. They heard their targets' soft breathing.

The two girls would take it.

They would take a life.

Their blades trembled when—

"HAAAAAAAAA!"

Kushina and Mikoto shrieked when a hand smacked their butts, followed by a loud shout.

They dropped their blades before their knees gave out as they fell on their asses.

The two girls looked dazed, barely preventing their bodies from wetting their panties.

They inclined their heads to look at the boy, who appeared nothing but towering at this moment.

"What are you doing?" Tsunade thundered as Kai gave her a brief glance before sneering in her direction.

Instead of answering Tsunade, Kai looked at the tear-struck Kushina and smiled.

"Do you really want to kill a defenseless man?"

He looked at Mikoto.

"Where is your Uchiha pride? Shouldn't your blade be for the enemy?"

"Kai," Tsunade seethed and punctuated his name with a glower. "You are to kill this man, or you won't become a genin."

"Kai-chan," Kushina whimpered as tears began streaming down her face again. She smiled weirdly. "See? I'm not nervous. I'm happy that I won't hold you back."

Mikoto exhaled despite her wobbling lower lip. She didn't cry as effortlessly as Kushina. However, the Uchiha offered a confident look.

"It won't be difficult," she assured the boy. "Let's pass this exam and become genins under a skilled Jonin."

Kai stared at the two girls before grinning.

"Nah. I won't kill the man. So, it would be all for nothing."

"What?"

"Kai-chan!"

Mikoto and Kushina snapped as they stood and grabbed Kai from either side.

"You can't do this! Don't you want to become a Genin? Why did we spend all this time training?" Mikoto chided with a pale expression as she looked at her target. "It would be hard. However, we will be fine after a few days."

"Yeah, Kai-chan!" Kushina held his hand. "It's not scary at all. Granny would also be proud if we become talented Shinobi."

'Mito, huh,' Kai shook his head. Mito missed her grandson. How would marching into early deaths make the woman's heart burst with pride?

"What can you guys do if I don't want to kill someone?" Kai tilted his head before giggling. "You two are cold-hearted bitches. To think I befriended someone like you two—"

*Pah*

The hand on his right shoulder left and struck his cheek.

Tears emerged from Mikoto's eyes as she glared at the boy. "How can you say that?!" She snarled. The Uchiha surprised the redhead as she tackled Kai on the ground. Tears won't stop flowing down Mikoto's cheeks.

Mikoto gritted her teeth and pulled back a fist before driving it into Kai's face.

"How could you call us that? I was even ready to kill for you! Can't you see?" Mikoto shrieked as she wept. Her yell made Kushina chew her bottom lip as the girl feared what might happen should she lose control.

It was a wonder how one party stopped freaking out when the other spiralled.

"Why would you say something like that?" Mikoto questioned and begged.

"We are friends!" Her fists pummelled Kai in the face as Kushina fell to her knees. The redhead sobbed in helplessness as her two best friends fought. No. It wasn't a fight. For some reason, Kai wouldn't do a thing. The girls constantly wiped her face, but her tears won't stop.

"You are the one person who should know what I'm doing!" Mikoto cried as she saw blood leaking from Kai's nostrils. Her tears mixed with his blood as she grabbed his collar.

"So, why won't you see it?" Mikoto shuddered as she met Kai's stare. "Why won't you kill for me?!"

Kai rested his head on the ground as Mikoto's grip around Kai's collar tightened. His cheeks and right eye began to swell and turn dark blue. Blood flowed down to the side of his face through his nostrils. However, Kai maintained a steady eye contact.

"TELL ME!"

All the frustration and the sudden shit the Hokage and the Academy pulled on them snapped Mikoto under its weight as she yelled before begging.

"Please, Kai-chan," she sobbed. "Tell me and Kushina, why won't you kill for us?"

Mikoto saw hesitation for the first time in Kai's feature. Despite his defeats in the sparring matches, the boy was infallible for Mikoto. He was the height of talent the girl knew.

The boy was as talented as he was confident.

Yet, Mikoto saw the boy appear vulnerable for a brief moment before he whispered.

"Do you two want me to dirty my hands for you?"

Mikoto stopped as Kushina's sobs hitched.

They were so confused by Kai's decision and frustrated at his lack of reciprocated act that they never questioned whether they would want Kai to kill someone for them.

Nay, would they want Kai to dirty his hands for them?

The answer was obvious.

Mikoto shook her head. How could she want that? What kind of a friend would she be if Mikoto desired that? Then, the reason behind Kai's words hit her. She sobbed and began crying into Kai's arms as the boy gently looped his arms around her. He looked at Kushina with his usual grin.

"Well, I don't want you two to dirty your hands for me either."

Kai knew what he was so envious of.

It was the duo's innocence.

Ordinarily, it would be something Kai would be eager to strip from his victims.

Yet, despite knowing the girls won't remain innocent forever, Kai believed he would fall a notch deeper into the filth, knowing he was the reason for his friends' descent.

"So," Kai uttered as he pulled one arm away from Mikoto and beckoned Kushina. The girl wiped her face before crawling to the boy and slumping against him and Mikoto as she sobbed loudly. "I don't fucking care about becoming a Genin if you guys gotta kill for me."

Kai grinned as he hugged the girls.

Yeah. Fuck Kushina and Mikoto! Kai fulfilled his revenge for all the cheek mushing! Hah! He won!

His method was so effective he felt Mikoto passing out in his arms! Okay. That was concerning. But whatever!

Muahahahaha!

Kai was happy!

So, he viciously glared at the busty blonde with all his happiness and a vow to give her cow-fused clone a healthy serving of milk.

Yeah.

Kai chuckled and complimented Tsunade. He was feeling happy. Of course, he also knew this test was a fucking sham.

"Shove the remaining two minutes up your ass, Tsunade-sama."

Kai politely offered with a bleeding nose as the busty Senju narrowed her gaze with a rather chilling smile.

Smile?

Wait, what?

"AAAGHHHHH!" Mochi-Sensei began shouting.

"Please! Spare me! My daughter—"

"Not there! AGGHHHHHHH!"

'Motherfucker,' Kai rolled his eyes as Tsunade walked over to them after sealing the targets. She towered over the trio before tapping Kushina's side with a foot.

"Come on. We have to vacate the room for Yuhi-san."

Kushina looked up with a dazed expression as Tsunade turned around. "And I won't stand for your tardiness this time."

***

Alternate Title: The Grind Shortened; Spent SP; Balancing Fun, Sanity, and Grind; Kai's Dysfunctional, Not Stupid; Kai Trusts Anyone With Tits; Mental Benchmark; The Staple Fan-Harem No-Shitting Skill; Restless as Fuck Boi; Kai Truly Has a Goblin's 'Charm;' Nutting For Hours; The New Skill; Invention; Chimera; New Rules; Re-Scan; Mixed Transformation; The Grind Continues; Not Falling For The Currency Trap; Currency Exists To Be Used; Overdrive; No Berserk Skill Here; Graduation Day; Kushina Really Ruined Kai's Plans and Careers; Kushina Pulled a Pro-Gamer Move; Kushina Tackled The Boy And Glomped The Cheeks—It Is Mildly Effective; Kai Kissed Kushina's Cheek—It Is SUPER Effective; Kushina's Weakness—Kiss; Kai About To Pepper Kushina With Kisses Everyday For REVENGE; Kai In The Batman Suit: I'm Vengeance *Kushina In a Lingerie On The Honeymoon: Really? Now, Dattebane?!*; Kai Doesn't Want To Be Edgy, He Wants To Edge; The New Masturbation Grind; Cowgirl Tsunade; Fox Girl Mito; Cat Girl Mikoto; Potato Kushina; Hiruzen's Dilemma; The Test; The Genin Exam: Nightmare Edition; The Disappointing Nephew; Hiruzen To Others: Failure; The Killing Test; Five Minutes; Pressure; Leave It To The Uchiha To Snap; Tweaking Mochi-Sensei; A Sham; Innocence; Kai's Perfect Revenge (The Dude's a Total Tsundere); Only Survival Will Make Mito Proud; The Busty Senju; Kai's Compliment; The Appeasing Kai; A Proper Friend; Kushina's Present *Chu*; The Crybaby; Kushina DOES Have Everyone Wrapped Around Her Fingers; The Smile; Shove Minutes Up Your Ass; Kai Bare Fangs; The Friendly Rizz

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A/N: Bro, exactly 6k words excluding the author's note! I hope everyone enjoyed this slightly emotional chap.

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