Skyrim: The story of a Nightingale

I spent my days, and especially the nights that followed, haunting the lair of the uninvited guests who had intruded upon what I considered to be my rightful domain.

During that time, I committed many wicked but also humorous acts, as such deeds tend to be when carried out by children. My initial goal had been to drive the intruders away from a place I wanted for myself, but along the way, all these became an excellent training ground for me. I'm not sure I even wanted them to leave anymore; first of all, because I no longer had to wander the frozen city in search for food—those urchins had exceptional sources from which they procured very good food, rare items in those difficult times for the rest of the population of the Imperial City. And secondly, because I could feel certain abilities developing rapidly within me, abilities that amazed me and that I wanted to practice as much as possible.

I began by carefully studying their behavior in the evenings. I loved watching them from the shadows, hidden beneath the darkened arches of the main drainage canals. I would observe them as they divided the day's spoils, ate, and prepared for sleep. When some lingered by the fire, which, much to my annoyance and envy, they managed to light every evening, I would slip unnoticed and unheard close to them, just near enough to catch their words. As I've mentioned, I couldn't understand much of what they were discussing. They spoke in a language that, although I had the chance to hear it frequently later in Bravil, I never managed to learn. My beloved friend Courtney knows it very well and sometimes tried to guide me in learning it, but unfortunately, I am poorly suited for learning new languages. Except for the wonderful and so subtle Ta'agra, of course...

But I understood enough to realize that those children were surprisingly well-organized, a solid structure, a real urban fighting group. Each had well-defined roles in the various situations that could arise during their daily activities on the city's streets. Streets, markets, temples, or other crowded places, wherever large groups of people gathered, generally preoccupied with something specific. For these urchins were excellent thieves and beggars. They were masters in these professions, and even when chance, luck, or a wrong move exposed them to the furious crowd, their diversion team would step in, not hesitating to use the small and so wicked blades they hid in their filthy garments. They weren't murderers, but they had no scruples when their freedom or lives were at stake; they were the epitome of urban survivors in the densely populated environment of the capital.

Just like me, in fact. But in a different way, and above all, they were daytime predators. Darkness and silence frightened and intimidated them... I took full advantage of all the assets I had in this underground world and played with them for a long time... Sometimes, especially in the beginning, I used to lure the night watchman—oh yes, they now assigned one of them to keep guard while the others tried to sleep—towards the entrances of the drainage canals. And while he nervously searched the spot where he thought he had heard something, I would slip quickly into the midst of the sleeping ones and start screaming at the top of my lungs. Then I would run and hide in the darkness of the galleries... Where, after a short while, I would start to sing or shout, depending on my mood, moving closer to or farther from their lair. I had gotten into the habit of dressing in dark clothes and covering my face, leaving only my senses free, so even when they managed to glimpse my silhouette in the dim torchlight they carried, they weren't sure if it was really a human being, a child like them. But I think I'm wrong, terribly wrong... None of us were truly children anymore, not there, beneath the high dome built by the Ayleids...

I would periodically raid their food supplies, and I must admit to my shame that I took much more than I needed and destroyed it. Yes, in those times of hardship and famine, the sweet girl with blonde hair and innocent wide eyes was feeding the rats of the depths with food delicacies... For with the onset of the terrible cold that plagued the capital for so long, all the rats of the great city had migrated into the city's sewers. At first, there were endless waves of mice, which were terribly bothersome to me. But they were quickly driven away by the relentless, unmerciful migration of their larger, stronger, and more intelligent relatives. For rats are very intelligent creatures, I can affirm that with certainty. I used to scatter food not far from my little shelter, and soon enough, a community of rats established themselves permanently in the area. Interestingly, this community did not allow other rats to roam the zone, and at least in the early days, there were bloody battles between my rats and those trying to feast on the rich daily offerings I provided. I tried to replicate the experiment near the central chamber, where the intruders lived, but although the rats began to roam the area in large numbers, they never entered the large circular room. No matter how much I tried to lure them there...

Instead, they made the uninvited guests fear wandering through the sewer galleries, especially at night. Even in the morning, when they left through the main collector channel in the Talos Plaza District, they usually armed themselves with various sticks and a multitude of torches to reach the city access gate. I, on the other hand, began to try to befriend some of my rats and hunt the others. I'm not sure I managed to gain the trust of these intelligent creatures, but I became very skilled at catching them. Rats are very dangerous creatures when cornered, and, on top of that, their tendency to organize into groups often heightens the danger when faced with threats. At first, I was often badly bitten by other rats while capturing one, but soon enough, my movements became so quick and my tactics so perfect that I could capture several specimens alive without any problem or pain. And this happened in a very short time; I would place the captured specimens in a sack and quickly bring them to the spot where the invaders slept; I would release them there and then have great fun watching the confusion, disgust, and horror of those woken up in this manner. Although they were very agile and skilled everywhere else, in the large central room, where they wouldn't usually enter voluntarily, the rats became extremely disoriented and dangerous when they found themselves among those human bodies, under the high vault! An all-out confrontation took place in those moments, which were not as funny as they seemed to me... But for me, that group of street urchins was an enemy, a competitor, and an almost identical element to me in the food chain of that microsystem.

In any case, I pushed things much too far in this regard, and the endless nightly disturbances in the sewers eventually stirred the anxiety and wrath of an unusual kind of predator. This entity was already aware of our presence, including, or perhaps especially, mine, sensing that it would be much safer without any human presence there. Yet it's likely it wouldn't have taken drastic measures if our life in the sewers had gone on quietly. Or perhaps things were much more complicated, as something incredible happened at the end of this incident...

A creature of darkness, a real creature of darkness this time, authentic and truly terrifying to any living being, began hunting all of us. One of the urchins, a tall brunette girl, didn't return one night from one of the secondary galleries in the Elven Garden District, where she had ventured with two other gang members looking for me. I wasn't even near the place where the tragedy unfolded, but I could clearly hear the desperate and quickly cut-off scream of the girl. Then, the terrified screams of the other two urchins and the sound of their footsteps as they ran desperately toward the illusory safety of their refuge in the central chamber. I was puzzled but not frightened; I knew they feared the rats and assumed that the group I had lured deep into the sewer system had been attacked by an aggressive rodent community established in the area. However, that night, my sense of smell almost constantly warned me of a new, unknown presence very close to me.

In fact, I had felt something strange around me for a while, something akin to an immaterial presence, but I attributed it to the amulet I wore. The amulet sometimes behaved very interestingly, heightened perhaps by my loneliness and desire to communicate. I had gotten used to looking at it and speaking to it, recounting the events of the day and asking it for advice... And the amulet seemed to respond, not with words, but with the expressions on its face.

But this time, it was a physical presence and not a specter or illusion. The creature was something that people call a vampire, and our paths had crossed from the first day I spent in the sewers. There are many legends and stories about vampires, and even some serious studies by scholars regarding these natural oddities. Many accounts, testimonies, or conclusions drawn by scientists differ so much that a person studying vampirism could conclude that there are many kinds of vampires with different behaviors, powers, and weaknesses; sometimes, these differences are so great that the term may refer to entities that have nothing to do with the classic vampire.

This very skilled and dangerous predator who began toying with us that night was, let's say, a classic vampire. It only acted at night, lay dormant during the day in his coffin, and was devoid of reason. Perhaps not entirely, but it certainly didn't possess the characteristics and habits described by some authors who prefer to romanticize and present certain monstrosities of our world in an interesting and attractive way. I say this because vampires are, without exception, enemies of the human race and entities that exist contrary to the basic laws of life.

I suspect that this vampire has been feeding on the blood of gang members living in the sewers from the beginning. And I think it did this discreetly, initially without intending to reveal his presence. I'm also sure he was aware of my presence in the city's sewer system from the beginning and ignored me; I'm not sure why it avoided me from start to finish, but I have certain suspicions about that. In any case, from that night onward, the urchins began to disappear and their abductions were, I believe, done deliberately loudly, and demonstratively. The last one to be abducted before the gang fled the sewers was their leader, the tall, blond, well-dressed boy. He was reckless, probably because he felt his authority threatened by the events unfolding; first by my annoying behavior, which only irritated and provoked, and then by the actions of the monstrous entity, which this time killed. I say killed, but I don't know what actually happened to the urchins who were abducted; I found no corpse or sign of their deaths in the city's depths. There was only blood, and not always, at the scene of the attack; and, usually, very little.

I perceived the gang leader's abduction with all my senses. It happened on another night, not long after the first girl disappeared. During this time, I had changed my behavior, bewildered and unsettled by recent events, trying to remain as discreet as possible. I stopped the silly pranks I had played before and sought only to understand what was happening and, especially, the nature of the new predator in the depths. I can't say I was frightened, as I probably should have been, but I felt an increasing unease, especially as my sense of smell, my greatest aid in the darkness, detected only vague and unclear signs of this entity. And my hearing detected absolutely nothing, except for the moments when the creature deliberately made noise while attacking.

On the night of the event that triggered the gang's disorderly flight from the sewer system, I was under the vault of the collector channel in the Arena District, carefully observing the surroundings and the urchins' behavior. At one point, they began to argue, and their argument soon turned into a full-blown quarrel. On one side were the leader and the blond boy who always agreed with him and whom, as I later learned, was his younger brother; on the other side were the seven remaining gang members. The latter strongly insisted it was absolutely necessary to leave the city's sewers, while the other two resolutely opposed them. Soon, they began fighting, and immediately the vampire, who had waited until then undetected in the main collector channel of Talos Plaza District, attacked the brawling crowd.

It slithered, more precisely flowed, along the marble floor of the central room, but did so with incredible speed, moving like a snake. Near the group that was fighting, it suddenly compressed, instantly becoming much shorter than before, and leapt, darting, striking with incredible force in the middle of the scuffle, scattering the urchins around like mere wood chips. Dazed, each lay where the extraordinary impact had thrown them, and the vampire rose, becoming a bipedal entity once again, immensely tall and thin, and simply picked up the gang leader from the ground, tossed him over his shoulder, and then, moving swiftly and almost floating, disappeared into the darkness of the Arena District's sewers. It passed right by me as I watched in awe at the extraordinary display of strength and agility that had just occurred, and as the vampire moved—if I can call that strange, levitation-like movement walking—it cast a look at me.

I will never forget those eyes that looked at me then from beyond the grave, from a world that practically doesn't exist. Or shouldn't exist... They were like two blind windows and didn't seem to see; they were simulacra of eyes and didn't look like eyes; as much as I could discern in the sepulchral light around, they gave me the sensation of boundless emptiness, endless sorrow, and something like terrible thirst... or hunger, or some other powerful physiological impulse, blindly and irrationally followed by living beings.

It vanished into the darkness along with his victim, who had begun to scream piercingly. But those screams were abruptly cut off, and for a few moments, all I could hear was silence. That absolute silence that can sometimes create a feeling of pain...

And then came the uncontrolled screams of the other urchins, who fled, rushing in a panic through the high arch of the main collector channel of Talos Plaza District. None of them ever returned there, at least not during the time I continued to dwell in the sewers.

Unbelievable as it may seem, I continued my life in the depths of the Imperial City undisturbed and only slightly worried about what this terrifying entity would do next. I did not truly fear this embodiment of Hell; whenever I thought of the vampire, it was enough to clutch the amulet of the goddess Mara in my small fist to regain confidence and strength. I didn't move into the central chamber of the sewer system as I had originally planned; it was still too close to the place where the vampire could enter the underground. I continued to live in my small refuge in the dead end under the Merchant District trading hall. The supplies and clothes abandoned by the urchins in their refuge were enough to sustain me through that terrible cold spell that had gripped the Imperial City. I even found money and cheap jewelries among the things left behind by those who fled with the horror of the world nestled deep in their hearts.

I only encountered that vampire once more in my life, but it was an encounter so strange that it deserves mention in this confession of mine.

I was asleep and dreaming... It was a deep sleep, with vague and strange dreams flashing one after another.

I dreamed of an ancient cemetery, overrun by greenery, forgotten by humans and even the gods. Sad, restless shadows drifted among the time-scarred tombstones under the glaring light of a sun shining wildly and cruelly from an ominous, deep sky. A tall, slender shadow crawled toward me, looking at me imploringly with its blind eyes.

Then I dreamed of a threatening castle, more like a small fortress perched atop a barren, steep hill. Its white walls gleamed strangely under a massive red sun, gazing at that world from the depths of a gray, almost black sky. It was indeed light emanating from the dark heavens, but not the light we know; it seemed more a primordial light, like that which witnessed the shattering of Lorkhan. A tall, slender knight, clad in gleaming armor, stood atop the highest tower, shaking his fist menacingly at the sky.

Next, a verdant land appeared, filled with lush vegetation and rushing, crystalline waters; the forests were full with restless animals and beautiful birds. There lived people and their children; I saw their rich flocks and fertile fields, planted with all sorts of grains and vegetables. The sun, yellow and bright, shone from a high sky, and in its young light, people fought fiercely against each other with weapons of red bronze, glinting mercilessly in the powerful light. Oh, the steep hill was there too, but now its slopes were covered in a forest of pines. At the top, a tall, broken, crooked gray tower was visible, surrounded by tattered walls.

Finally, I dreamed again of the dark sky from which dazzling flashes of lightning burst, zigzagging and splitting the heavens that pulsed rhythmically under the power of a voice chanting an unspeakable incantation.The tall knight in shining armor reached out from the top of his tower and captured a bolt of lightning. Triumphantly, he lifted it above his head and let out a cry of joy and victory. Deep within the dark, unfriendly sky, a red star ignited, pulsing as if it would crash down upon me from on high.

I awoke, shaken and overcome with sadness; light surrounded me, and this frightened me. I turned and felt the terror griping my soul; the vampire was there, just steps from my shelter, sniffing the air. In its left hand, it held a smoldering torch that spread blinding light through the darkness of the underground. We studied each other for what felt like an eternity; the creature was tall, extremely thin, dressed in black, tattered clothes caked with earth. It was barefoot, its feet covered with hair, more like a thick fur; its hands ended in long, claw-like fingers, covered in a layer of damp, rough skin. Its face was the embodiment of horror; as I had noticed before, the creature had no eyes, only a thick layer of rough skin covering where they should be. Its mouth was like a slit, a gash across his face, with long, gleaming white fangs visible in the flickering light of the torch. That vampire had no nose, only monstrous holes, and its hair, wild and rough, black as the bottom of Hell, fell over its shoulders.

I tensed like a cornered animal; I lunged forward with a long, elastic leap, squeezing past the slender body of the entity and the gallery wall, scattering all the blankets and clothes that had been wrapped around me. Without turning back or caring what the creature's reaction might be, I ran, ran as if death itself were on my heels. I traversed the entire length of the dead-end gallery in seconds, crossed the deadly trap without any precaution, relying solely on my body's instinct. I stopped, breathless, my heart pounding painfully in my chest, and looked behind me. The vampire was right there beside me; it no longer had the torch and was now on all fours, sniffing. It opened what was presumably its mouth, and from it came a high-pitched, thin, imploring sound. Terrified, I crawled a few steps further away, but the creature did not follow. It only stayed where it was, emitting that unbearable sound that tortured my already frayed nerves. I did not try to flee; I knew I could not escape that entity.

I crouched down on the floor and watched it. I watched the nightmarish creature until the terror that had gripped me transformed into calm... into peace, acceptance, and a desire to understand. I slowly, very slowly, approached the entity, who only sniffed continuously, endlessly chanting its heartrending lament. I reached out with my left hand, eager to touch the horrifying figure now so close to me. But then my hand felt only the Void... the vampire was no longer there. Yet I knew it was no mere figment of my imagination, so I was not surprised when I found it behind me. This time, however, it was silent. It stood upright, and after a few moments, it drifted away, melting into the depths of the sewer.

The encounter with the abyssal entity drained me terribly. I spent days practically lying low after that strange, dark and unusual event. I ate and slept; I slept deeply, without dreams—or at least without dreams I could remember. In any case, each time I awoke from that leaden sleep, I felt rested and stronger. Fear didn't haunt me, and I didn't hesitate when faint flute notes and whispers of laughter and songs echoed in the underground. I went straight to investigate the source of the noises. New guests had settled in the sewers of the great city, though this time, they were somewhere beneath the Arena District. They were adults this time, ragged and frightening in appearance, spending their nights and particularly cold days in the tunnels but always gone to their activities in the capital by day. Men and women alike—beggars and thieves, people who didn't hesitate to kill while robbing someone. They weren't organized, but the terrible winter that had fallen upon the Imperial City had forced them together, much like wolves.

I avoided provoking them, yet I found a peculiar pleasure in spying on their lively gatherings, their rambling conversations, and the restless, troubled sleep of the drunk. I would creep close to them, listening in on their talks; each night, I slinked among the snoring, groaning bodies as they sank into the murky waters of sleep haunted by alcohol and skooma. I stepped with utmost care, grazing their grimy clothes, trying to deduce by scent whether they were men or women. Then I would return to my little den and sleep. I ate and I slept. And thus, being well-fed and rested, eased by the peculiar amusement these new guests offered me, my body—and more importantly, my soul—fully recovered from the terrible shock that had shaken them. I was beginning to understand that the world was far more complex than it seemed at first glance; the encounter with that terrifying entity had toughened my spirit and awakened my curiosity, the desire to understand at least some of the strange things that happen daily around us.

The newcomers to my domain didn't cause me any trouble. They never tried to venture deep into the galleries under the Arena District. And, besides, one night, shortly before the end of winter, a platoon of monks from the Order entered the galleries and slaughtered them all. I was there, witnessing the entire massacre. The monks came with torches, clubs, spears, and swords, showing no mercy as they butchered everyone who slept there, exhausted from the day's crimes. The Order members then carried all the mangled bodies out of the sewers, and silence returned once more to the underground. I was saddened by this event; it robbed me of the only amusement I could have in those places. But I soon found solace, retreating into my imagination and dreams whenever I felt bored.

Besides, I didn't have too much time to grow bored, as winter ended. It ended as abruptly as it had begun; a warm, fragrant breeze swept through the great city one night, and the following morning, the sun shone bright and kind in the depths of a clear blue sky. The winter snows melted with astonishing speed, and the city's sewers flooded with gushing waters that made their merry, relentless way toward their destination, Lake Rumare. I emerged from the sewers like a little rat, drenched and foul-smelling, a rat caught by surprise by the waters in its miserable lair, but one that had survived and was now eager to enjoy life.

The great city suddenly awoke to life under the warm spring sunlight. Yet this awakening unfolded under the worst possible auspices, as the melting snow only intensified the famine that reigned in the capital. Travel along the Empire's roads, now transformed into veritable swamps, came to a halt, and all human activities across the realm ceased. Even the dreadful war that had savaged the Empire's eastern territories came to a standstill, and, as I learned later, much later, diplomats from the two warring states held a first meeting during this period. An armistice was signed, diplomats exchanged polite, artful words and embraced each other, while both armies, immersed in the mud, stood face to face, watching each other with suspicion, waiting... The slow thawing of the ice that had gripped Lake Rumare in an unyielding embrace was a spectacle worth watching. All the ships trapped by the frost in the Imperial City's harbor suffered terribly during this period, with two of them sinking, complicating port activities even after Lake Rumare had fully thawed.

As a young and healthy being, I was swept up by the joy that accompanies the sunlit days of this season. The warm wind that constantly blew from the south, carrying at first only the dense smells of the city awakening from its long winter sleep, and later the intoxicating scents of a reviving nature, filled me with restlessness and a yearning for life, for running across the freshly green meadows and beneath the crowns of ancient trees in the city's parks. Yet the blinding light of spring, the wide-open spaces filled with enchanting scents, the crowded and noisy streets did not suit me well after my time spent in darkness and silence. Moreover, my small shelter was now unusable, and having lost all my meager possessions to the waters that flooded the city's underground, I was forced to struggle anew for survival. And though I was more experienced than a year prior, the general situation in the capital had changed drastically. Over the winter, Stendarr's Order had managed to eliminate most of the city's vagrants, both adults and children. I now had to compete with the elite of this social class, with true urban survivors, all ruthless and highly skilled.

At the same time, the intensified poverty enveloping the city's inhabitants in a tattered shroud—and forecasting a famine of unprecedented proportions—only worsened and complicated my situation terribly. So, instead of enjoying the warm and benevolent sun, the fragrant spring breeze, and nature's rebirth as any other child might in normal circumstances and times, I was forced to resume the grueling struggle for survival. Again, finding a quiet and hidden place where I could rest and dream became a daunting challenge. My habit of sleeping during the day and hunting at night served me well. I snuck into various cellars, especially those of craftsmen in the Merchant District, and usually managed to rest undisturbed in these dark and damp places. Undisturbed only by people, for the dampness that plagued the city until summer's arrival seeped into my small, frail body, filling my young bones with cold and pain. But, worn out with exhaustion, I still managed to sleep and regain my strength for the endless struggle that fate had destined for me.

During that time, obtaining the daily food had become a daunting task for most of the inhabitants of the Imperial City. Even wealthy merchants or skilled craftsmen in the Merchant District sometimes had nothing more than a porridge of oats with a few scraps of meat floating in it... Ah, the meat of those times... I shudder at the thought of it; throughout my tumultuous life, I often ate things that might seem inedible or repulsive to ordinary people, but the meat sold at exorbitant prices during that troubled spring in the capital's markets was particularly suspect! Fish was in high demand, and when Lake Rumare finally thawed enough for fishermen to venture out, they made true fortunes. The homes of the wealthy were now closely guarded, and even in their vast kitchens, cooks sometimes shrugged helplessly, unable to prepare the lavish meals their masters were accustomed to. Nevertheless, these reserves in the wealthy people's stores became my primary source of food until the first merchant ships managed to sail up the Niben and dock in the Imperial City's port. 

The black market for food experienced then an unstoppable boom that even Stendarr's well-organized and ruthless Order struggled to suppress. Most southern merchants preferred selling the bulk of their goods to the speculators prowling the port like predators. These speculators bought any food brought up the Niben wholesale at very high prices, far more than any local merchant could offer. Thus, the city's markets were suddenly flooded with extremely expensive food. Flooded may be an overstatement for what happened then, but in reality, despite the famine ravaging the metropolis, products managed to linger in retailers' stalls for days. But soon, the starving and furious masses attacked the stalls of these speculators, killing the merchants and taking their goods for free. The Order intervened, and at that moment, the Imperial City stood on the brink of civil war; when the first hungry people were hanged in the Arena, which then became the Order's preferred execution site, mobs armed with all manner of household items, sharp or otherwise, began to regularly attack the patrols of warrior monks.

Suddenly, the citizens of the capital came to see the members of Stendarr's Order as enemies, and since the monks lacked proper military training, being nothing more than common thugs in fact, the first large-scale confrontation was won by the people. The hungry crowds collected the weapons of fallen monks, so soon Emperor Titus Mede II found himself besieged in his own palace by an outraged populace. The commander of the City Guard refused to order his crossbowmen to shoot at the crowd, which clamored to speak with the emperor; his replacement also declined any hostile action against the ragged and hostile masses; several platoons of monks from the Order melted away like the winter snows when they came into contact with the ragged and desperate front lines. And the light cavalry squadron, the capital's only mounted military unit, was so pressed by the angry crowd, that they were forced to retreat with their horses into the Imperial Palace's great hall. The armed populace did not follow them but remained massed around the palace, loudly demanding that the emperor come out and hear their grievances. So, Titus Mede II stepped out onto the building's balcony and promised the starving people bread and new laws.

And he really did try to keep the promises he made on that restless spring day... For Titus Mede II, that weak yet kind emperor, truly loved his people. But everything, absolutely everything, was against him... The greedy state to the south, the ineffective ministers in his own small council, the greed and corruption that plagued the hearts of so-called entrepreneurs, the betrayals by provincial nobility, and even the unusual weather conditions during those terrible years for Cyrodiil—all these deeply eroded the already frail foundations of the Empire. The Grand Council passed law after law in the days that followed, and food prices were stabilized for a while; government officials bought all the goods from ships docking at the port and then distributed them to local merchants for sale. At fixed prices, set by law. But some merchants bringing goods from afar soon decided that the prices they received from the Emperor were far too low; tempted by the local speculators' cartel, they began unloading their goods on the shores of Lake Rumare, from where they were transported to the city and stored in secret warehouses—some right in the docks area, others in the Merchant District. Then followed days when the Order of Stendarr fought hard against these smugglers and speculators, whose goal was to create a shortage of food in the capital's markets; it was a fierce, balanced struggle, and only the reopening of the imperial land routes finally resolved a situation that seemed desperate and hopeless for the government.

For me, it was a harsh and dangerous time, as the Order's patrols filled the city's streets day and night, conducting raids and searches in almost every storage area large enough to serve as a hideout for the speculators. Using all my newly discovered abilities, I managed to survive in this turbulent environment, but I never truly found peace until the city's underground became livable again. The lack of any personal space, no matter how small or filthy, the endless disturbances to my sleep from the never-ending raids and street skirmishes, and the inability to store a small supply of food or spare clothes turned me once again into a skeletal, ragged creature with feverish eyes and a mind emptied of all thought. I had now become a small predator, guided only by survival instinct, and the urban jungle I lived in served only to reinforce habits and traits that would forever be etched into my soul.

But summer arrived, and earlier than expected. The food shortages in the capital eased, and, in the end, the situation resolved itself. Drawn by rumors of famine plaguing the Imperial City, a multitude of merchants finally filled the city's markets with foodstuffs. Given the truce in effect, even the wealthy county of Anvil was now contributing to supply the metropolis, and the city's residents settled down and returned to their usual activities. I retreated to my old hideout beneath the Great Hall of the Imperial City. I managed to recover physically in a relatively short time; ah, youth sometimes has the power to regenerate even the most depleted bodies when they receive the food and rest so vital to all mortal beings! And the summer dragged on, hot and dry, hinting, despite appearances, at hard times ahead for the Empire... It was so hot, and the air so thick, that at midday you could sometimes see the cheerful, unsettling ghosts that dwell in the deserts of arid Elsweyr dancing in the streets! People, especially the poor and laborers, roamed the streets almost naked under the merciless blaze of the sun, which hung indifferently in the depths of a pale blue sky—so pale it sometimes looked gray...

And rain was nowhere to be found, the city's fountains began gradually to dry up, and the level of Lake Rumare dropped so much that one day, I was able to exit the city sewers directly onto its shores. The main spillway, part of the drainage system serving Talos District, was extremely long and had been fitted with bronze grates by its builders; but these had not withstood the millennia spent in the lake's restless waters, and now the tunnel opened wide, like a gate, onto what was usually the bottom of Lake Rumare. Now, however, it was a beach covered with fine sand, lying at the base of high, hollowed-out cliffs.

It is astonishing what can be found in a place like this; the many centuries that had passed over the Imperial City had built, here where the bottom of Lake Rumare once lay, a true museum of Man and Mer. Or rather, they had painted a fantastic fresco, depicting vanity and humility, cruelty and tenderness, hatred and love, wealth and poverty... ah, a terrifying yet pathetic work of art at the same time. Yet there was nothing to admire; everything, absolutely everything, was merely a pathetic glorification of the vanity of our lives, so short on these beautiful and cruel lands! But the little predator I had become did not linger to marvel at all this futility; there was nothing to eat among these things, nor even a single usable piece of clothing! So, I contented myself with a long swim in the warm waters of the lake under the peaceful light of Masser. A nighttime bath beneath the starlit sky is a wonderful thing, and from that moment on, I made it a habit to do this every night spent in warm lands, wherever I could find water deep enough...

I did not return to the capital's underground; the foul smells had become overwhelming there, and the heat had filled the tunnels with an unbearable, suffocating air. I spent most of the summer wandering the surroundings of the Imperial City; I visited most of the villages in the area and curiously observed the people who lived and worked there.

Very different from those who lived in the capital, they were far more generous, and often I earned my daily food just by begging. Their kindness and gullibility did not stop me from spying on them and slipping through their houses—during the day, when most were working in the fields, or at night, when families slept the sweet, deep sleep of those who earn their living by the sweat of their brows. Something whispered in my mind, telling me that things I obtained through my own skills were far better and more valuable than those offered freely and with such generosity... Now I know all too well that this was just a lie, one of the temptations that my Mistress put in my path at that time! Temptations and opportunities, oh, they were so many that my poor young mind could not resist them... There was one exception, however; among the many inns along the Red Ring Road, there was one whose innkeeper truly took a liking to me. And every time I entered her inn, she fed me treats, and sometimes even had a piece of clothing to give me as she looked at me kindly. I was always welcome there, and I was allowed to set up a place to sleep wherever I wished; the innkeeper even wanted to keep me longer, to make me live there with her and her family. Yet I was so wild and unused to kindness or love that I felt terrified whenever someone tried to get close to me. And although I enjoyed the food I received there and the undisturbed rest in that inn, I eventually stopped visiting; I simply didn't feel at ease when treated with gentleness. Still, my soul somehow resonated with those obvious signs of goodwill, and that was the only place from which I stole nothing in my wanderings around the Imperial City. 

I also visited the huge refugee camp that had been established to the southeast of the capital, right where the road to Skingrad begins. The people there were well-organized, and despite the large cemetery that bore witness to the ravages of the cruel winter that had just passed, the residents seemed cheerful and content. A real village had formed there, and the people had cleared the land and were working the soil that the Emperor had granted them. But here I did not encounter the innocence I had found everywhere in the rural world until then; the residents were harsh and stingy, exceedingly industrious, and eager to amass wealth... My soul was filled with joy there; I had been somewhat ashamed to steal from people who had treated me with kindness and goodwill—not so ashamed that I wouldn't snatch any unattended item that caught my eye, but there was, somewhere deep in my young soul, a twinge of regret. Here, however, in the newly founded village, I unleashed myself and committed many bad deeds, many of them completely unnecessary. I went so far that the local community instituted a nighttime guard system, which amused me greatly and heightened the wild instincts that sometimes overwhelmed me. I had tremendous fun for a while, but in the end, patrols from the Order appeared in the village. And those war dogs I despise from the depths of my soul...

So I left that place and returned to the great city. I now missed the crowded streets, the continuous hum and the bustle that reigned over the paved streets of the metropolis. And I found the City, the great beast, teeming with life and activity. Things were going well now, and the people had reconciled with the Order of Stendarr, which, I must admit, had done many good things in and around the Imperial City. Despite the hard times that enveloped the Empire in the relentless grasp of the Dominion, the Order had managed to regulate daily life in the capital. And now, everyone who worked had bread and even a little butter, so to speak, to spread on the hot crust of fresh bread. And beer, there was plenty of beer, and it was so cheap that it could often be obtained more easily than water in those drought-ridden times...

Yet bad news circulated among the residents of the City; the war had resumed, and Anvil, the great imperial port to the east, had been conquered by the elves. It seems, however, that this particular military effort had drained the Dominion for the moment, so that when the leaves began to yellow and the first autumn rain blessed the sun-scorched land, a treaty of peace was signed between the two powers. Despite the defeat, the imperial army paraded splendidly through Talos Plaza District, and for the first time in my life, I saw an Iron Legion. Tall, muscular men, blond with sky-blue eyes, with huge beards and mustaches that impressed me deeply—true men of the North—made the old buildings tremble as they marched, proud and full of grandeur, through the streets of the capital. I felt an inexplicable attraction to them; though I feared and avoided people, I somehow felt love for these men, and I wished that one of them, perhaps that young and handsome captain, would carry me in his muscular arms.

But none of them turned their gaze toward the small figure, blonde and with sky-blue eyes, who watched them intently. Filled with excitement, I cheered along with the crowd that looked on with confidence and enthusiasm at the long columns of men clad in steel, our shield against the darkness rising from the south. 

A short but very beautiful period followed in the life of the great city. Endless public parties were held in Talos Plaza District, and in the Arboretum, priests of all the gods, without exception, raised prayers of gratitude to the gentle autumn sky. The streets of the capital were adorned with wonderful lanterns that illuminated the nights with a magical glow under the high, starry sky, and the city's population breathed a sigh of relief at last. There was peace, and bread, oil, and beer were within reach for anyone, no matter how poor they were; even the Order's patrols used to walk the streets of the metropolis completely unarmed, sometimes adorned with the flower garlands the population offered to all those they considered their protectors.

As for me, the relaxed life I had been leading in the surroundings of the Imperial City, as well as the unprecedented food abundance in the recent history of the capital, had only weakened all, but absolutely all, of my survival instincts that had so brilliantly kept me out of trouble until then. I had become careless, and I no longer even bothered to block the entrance points to the city sewer near my little underground shelter, which I had started to prepare for the coming winter. Just like the previous autumn, I began procuring clothing, blankets, and quilts. And pillows, oh, I love pillows, and even now, as a mature woman, accustomed to all the hardships and roughness of this wonderful world in which we have been granted to dwell for a while, I still tend to sleep in my lonely bed, holding a large pillow tightly embraced! All this excitement and my reckless movements eventually attracted the attention of a few small predators, whose leader was firmly convinced that I had killed his brother... The small blond boy, who adored his brother and listened with admiration to his stories told there, in the marble palace where they had temporarily stayed the previous winter, concluded, after receiving reports from his gang members, that the small, restless being who constantly entered and exited the city's sewers could only be the same person who had terrorized their nights and stolen their provisions. Furthermore, he believed that I had lured his brother into a trap and killed him... As a result, after careful observation, he set a trap for me, in which I fell with no hope of escape.

They lay in wait for me on a rainy, cold autumn night by all three sewer entrances through which I usually left my little nest, and when I emerged, they threw a fishing net over me, a piece of a trawl. They beat me terribly, slashed me with their small, wicked serrated blades, and would have certainly killed me in the end if he hadn't appeared.

Rasha, the young and handsome Khajiit who saved me that night from the claws of death, was on his way home to his parents' house. As he later told me, when he saw through the light fog that cloaked the city in a damp and cold shroud the commotion caused by the struggle in which I was trapped with no way out, he was tempted to just pass by and avoid getting involved in a problem that wasn't his. After all, Rasha had never been a knight in shining armor, like the ones from the stories my dear mother Kiersten used to tell me once. But the sound of my cries and voice strangely caught his attention, as he would later say. And something, beyond all his beliefs and habits, urged him, forced him as my dear brother Rasha put it, to come to my aid. Now, as I write these lines, I see him vividly: a tall and muscular Khajiit, his long cloak fluttering in the wind, with a short, dark-colored sword raised above his head. Those who were tormenting me did not abandon their prey easily, and I'm sure there were victims among them. But Rasha scattered them effortlessly, and then, unraveling the net I was trapped in, he lifted me in his muscular arms as if I were a mere dove feather. I was so dazed and battered from the blows that I bit and scratched him countless times. But he gently restrained my hands and carried me in his arms to his parents' house.