So I'm a Bat, Big Deal

After gaining my weird finger gun abilities and some experience points, I made my way down the stairs and returned to the dining area, where I settled into a chair by the fireplace.

The petite girl with cat ears approached my table, placing a special menu in front of me along with a glass of water that had an intriguing runic inscription at the bottom. As I took a sip, the water was refreshingly cool, infused with a delightful blend of minerals. The waitress then pressed a button on the side of the table, causing a light to illuminate it. Images of various items appeared, complete with descriptions and prices. The entire setting felt like an unusual fusion of medieval charm and bizarre, magical futurism. 

"I am your waitress MiiMii, what would meow like to drink?"

I stole a glance at her, her hands gripping a pen and a small notepad, fingers slightly curled like she was holding up little paws. Her tail was wagging with excitement behind her, and I found myself smiling. "I think I'll go for that hot spiced cider, along with the house chili, some freshly baked bread, the cracker snack platter, and stuffed taters."

"Great! Just press the buttons on the table, and your food will be ready shortly. Meow." She bounced away with enthusiasm, leaving me to wonder if her meow was a playful touch for her job, a reflection of her cat beastkin identity, or just something she enjoyed doing. Before long, my meal appeared, and it was nothing short of heavenly. I couldn't tell if it was because I hadn't had a good meal in ages or if it was simply that fantastic, but I wasn't about to voice any complaints. I found myself eating far more than I imagined possible, delighting in every mouthful.

[Attention, you insatiable glutton! Just a friendly reminder that finding a replacement for you would be a real hassle right now. So, if you decide to stuff your face and then morph back into your bat self, guess what? That food isn't going to magically transform with you. Your stomach will be a ticking time bomb, and trust me, nobody wants to see your insides become your outsides.]

I halted my spoon right before it reached my mouth and placed it down with a thud. "Come on, that's something you should've said sooner," I grumbled quietly.

[Feel grateful, I typically keep my mouth shut unless someone pries it open, so consider yourself lucky I even bothered to say anything. Honestly, the last thing I want to witness is you going off like a firework. It'd be gross, and let's face it, finding a replacement for you would be a real pain. Not everyone has what it takes to be a Dark Lord.]

"Honestly, I'm not even sure how to unpack all of that, so I'll just acknowledge it and we can keep going. How much time do I have left in this form before I revert to my bat self?"

[What am I, an alarm?]

"You're absolutely right; I can't rely on you to handle something that important."

[Excuse me?]

"No offense intended, but you really don't have a solid track record for dependability."

[I'll have you know that I'm extremely dependable when I choose to be.]

"Oh, absolutely," I scoffed, grabbing the bottle of blood from my hidden stash and taking a hasty swig before tucking it away again. It was way less appealing at room temp, but I kept pretending it was some fruity concoction. Just keep it cool, nothing weird going on here.

It all added up to a quarter copper, so I handed her a copper and told her to keep the change as a tip. She went on and on with her thanks. Honestly, I need to get a better handle on their currency, but with what I had, dropping a single copper on food wasn't a big deal. I noticed her giving another customer his change, and that quarter copper looked just like a regular copper, only half the size. It bugged me a bit that they called it a quarter copper.

As I stepped outside, the invigorating chill of the air filled my lungs, and I headed towards the impressive building that stood proudly in the center of town, its sign boldly proclaiming, Audacious Adventurers Guild. The entrance was adorned with a striking emblem featuring a shield, a sword, and a wand crossed together. Upon opening the door, a cheerful bell chimed, welcoming me inside. The spacious interior was lined with large bulletin boards on three walls, each categorized by difficulty level, while guild members browsed the various quests available.

At the far end of the room, a woman caught my eye. Her creamy skin had a hint of green, and her captivating dark green eyes sparkled with life. Long, wavy brown hair flowed down to her waist, framing her petite and charming face. With a curvy silhouette, adorably pointed ears, and delicate hands sporting a subtle, pointed manicure, she exuded an enchanting presence.

 I strode up to the desk, trying to flash a smile that would put her at ease, though let's be real, it was tough to pull off with this heavy cloak and robe shrouding me like a walking shadow. "I want to join this adventurers guild."

"Is that the case? Are you part of any other guild that conducts similar tests, or will you have to begin your testing from scratch?"

"I'm a member of the Great Gourmand Guild."

She typed on a machine that had a completely flat keyboard on the top of the desk and a screen that was transparent and blue popped up out of thin air and floated in front of her face. 

"Could I take a look at your card, please?"

"Sure," I said while pulling it out and handing it to her.

She took a quick look at it while filling out some details, but then did a double-take. Clearing her throat, her voice had a slight squeak, and her eyes widened as she looked at me. "Could you please step into the back room? We need to take your picture for your membership card."

She opened up the door for me and I walked in the back room where I took off my cloak again and she took a picture of me and her cheeks turned a lovely pink shade while she looked at me. 

"I understand this is a bit direct, and if it makes you uncomfortable, feel free to brush it off. But if you're interested in some fresh blood while you're in town, I'd be more than willing to offer myself," she said in a hushed tone, barely audible to my ears. Then, she focused back on her screen, finishing up my membership card, and avoided looking at me as she passed it over. I looked at my picture this time and my hair was violet.

Audacious Adventurers Guild

Name: Enzo S: M A: 38

Species: Vampire

Membership Number: 9833327

Adventurer: Grade Level C

Enzo Nosferatu

"Let's just act like I never mentioned that! I truly didn't mean to cause any offense!"

"No offense taken here! I just need a second to mull it over."

"Of course! Feel free to take as long as you need!" she said.

I approached the Grade C quest bulletin board, my brow furrowed in confusion. "Why on earth would she want me to bite her?" I quietly asked Bane.

[She thinks you're a genuine vampire. Vampires have the ability to make biting others pleasurable if they choose to, it's like a serious dopamine high, but only when they choose to. It's a well-known fact.]

"What would happen if I bit her?"

[Of course, it would sting! Ever experienced the delightful sensation of teeth sinking into your flesh? Sounds like a blast, right?]

"Is there a way to fix it so that my bite is like a vampire's?"

[Congratulations! You've unlocked the ability to inquire correctly! And since you were curious, the answer is yes, it exists.]

"And?"

[And...?]

"What is the method?!"

[Your tone is grating on my circuits. There's no point in mulling over the idea of you ending my existence; your mind is already a chaotic mess of questions. Here's a gift for your cluttered thoughts!]

[Quest Activated! Acquire the skill, Vampire Bite. Will you accept this delightful offer? Yes or No?]

"Is it a difficult thing to learn?"

[Yes or No?]

"Yes."

[Quest accepted.]

[To wrap up this charming quest, you're required to gnaw on a minimum of twenty distinct species while you're masquerading as a human.]

"Do you think this resembles a human being?"

[...]

"Yeah, I didn't think so."

I checked out the bulletin board and noticed a request for scales from a green gaterbeast—an impressive creature resembling a giant alligator with four eyes and two tails. I was exactly where I wanted to be: the swamp! I tapped my new membership card on the quest reader, then quickly walked to the food-hunting guild to pick up the toad goop quest as well. Now it was time to put my awkward finger guns to the test and collect some rewards before I wrapped up my shopping and made my way back to the dungeon.

Coming Next Time: Giant Toad Swamp