So the Duchess Disappeared

63. Give Birth to our Child

“…”

Psyche sat silently, tears streaming down her face without a sound.

Quickly approaching her side, Clint tenderly spoke to her, trying to comfort her.

“Why are you crying on such a good day?”

Despite his efforts to console her, Psyche couldn’t stop crying.

A wave of unnecessary sadness washed over her.

It felt like the reality of parting with Shilad was hitting her all at once.

Unable to control her emotions due to the sudden void left by him, Psyche couldn’t contain herself.

Watching Psyche silently, Clint spoke again with difficulty.

“Why didn’t you tell me from the beginning?”

“…”

Even to that question, she had no answer.

Feeling that she couldn’t trust him, Psyche felt even more despondent.

She couldn’t respond, only shedding tears silently. Seeing her in this state, Clint felt a surge of self-loathing.

He wished she hadn’t run away from him.

“If you had…told me about the child.”

“The, the one who doubted from the beginning was you, Clint…”

Her voice sounded pitifully hoarse due to tears.

Clint couldn’t say anything in response.

He was caught in an unknown emotion.

The fact that Psyche had left him was so shocking to him that this could have been a reaction to it.

So, Clint leaned in closer to Psyche and, with difficulty, chose his words to speak.

“At that time, I thought I had to keep you by my side… I couldn’t see anything else.”

“…”

Psyche burst into tears again.

It was because she wanted to lean on his warmth.

Although he was a man trying to kill her… That was why she kept him at a distance, but there was another reason.

She was afraid of harboring another emotion toward a man who tried to kill her. She had lost her child, and now she had no family left except him. She was afraid of opening her heart to him, the only man she could still call family. She had been so guarded against him.

Various emotions were mixed in her.

Psyche gritted her teeth. Various emotions were mixed in a whirlwind.

“Now… please don’t leave me.”

Psyche’s emotions swelled even more at Clint’s words.

“Don’t leave,” sounded like something only a real family would say…

The anger towards him and the sadness of losing her child were so intertwined that she couldn’t distinguish one from the other.

It felt even more heartbreaking to think that Shilad was no longer by her side.

The child she had barely seen in her dreams.

She couldn’t forget him at all, and tears welled up.

She missed her child whom she had never even hugged once so terribly. All the emotions she had been holding back, the burdens of the past she had suppressed, burst out all at once.

“Ugh…”

No matter how many times she told herself she was okay, the pain wouldn’t go away, and the pain that only became clearer over time felt like it was tearing her heart apart.

Psyche finally closed her mouth and started crying.

“Wife…”

Clint, who didn’t know what to do, gently tapped her shoulder.

“Clint, you…”

Psyche, who had stopped crying, looked up at Clint standing in front of her. Even then, thick tears continued to fall incessantly.

Her gaze looking up at him was red.

“Are you… not reminded of our child?”

With moist eyes, she asked.

Her voice was trembling slightly.

Clint knew that Psyche was under tremendous pressure due to the loss of her child, but he didn’t know what to say when she brought up the topic of the child.

Clint also felt sad about losing the child.

But Psyche had carried the child for ten months, so he could only imagine that she felt a much greater sense of loss than him.

And if she asked if he remembered the child…

If she asked…

“Our child…”

Clint suddenly felt like his throat was being choked. Breathing became almost painful.

Whether it was because of Psyche’s sadness seeping through, or because of his own scars from losing a child… He couldn’t tell anymore.

Psyche continued to cry incessantly while staring at Clint with pleading eyes.

“You, too… you’re a father… Aren’t you sad?”

Clint, who always seemed so composed as if nothing bothered him, seemed strange from Psyche’s perspective. Even though a child had died, Clint continued to do his work without showing any emotions, making her feel like he was emotionless.

He pretended, but when he escaped from the Duke’s estate and arrived at Alistair’s territory, the emptiness and despair were indescribable.

There were countless nights of crying, countless hours of unbearable pain.

“Aren’t you sad…?”

Psyche asked with a trembling voice.

But Clint didn’t know what to say in response.

He had never expressed such emotions before.

Emotions like sadness or worry were not meant to be shown to others. He had learned that showing such emotions could be used against him as a weakness.

How could Psyche not be sad about losing her child?

That child was also his.

“…”

But originally, Psyche hadn’t hoped for his answer, so she spoke again.

“If our child had lived… Shilad, no, if he had grown up beautifully like Kylie… right, Clint?”

Psyche cried as she imagined the grown-up appearance of her child.

It felt like there was happiness beyond her reach.

And that imagination quickly turned into black despair and swallowed Psyche.

“But… our child…”

Psyche couldn’t forget to say it.

“It’s… it’s all because of me.”

Finally, the blade of despair turned towards herself.

She blamed herself, sobbing.

Clint found it agonizing to see her like this.

Psyche’s pain, which he had never known before, seemed to be transmitted vividly. Clint felt his heart ache for no reason.

Every time Psyche cried, it felt like the ground beneath him was crumbling.

He managed to choose his words carefully and opened his mouth.

“It’s not… It’s not Wife’s fault at all.”

He had never once thought of the child’s death as her fault.

But seeing Psyche blame herself and suffer, Clint felt like he had committed a terrible sin.

“Losing the child… it’s not because of Wife.”

Clint struggled to speak as if apologizing.

“Rather, blame me. Wife.”

He wished she would, rather, he wished she had.

Psyche, who was crying and screaming uncontrollably, couldn’t restrain her emotions any longer.

Psyche, feeling suffocated, started tearing at her own chest while crying.

Clint, who couldn’t bear to see this, grabbed Psyche’s hands.

“Psyche!”

“Aaaaah!”

She gritted her teeth in agony and tried to push away from Clint.

With all her might, she scratched and clawed at her chest.

The flesh where her nails had passed began to peel away, revealing raw skin near her neck and chest.

“Wife!”

“Ah! Baby! Baby!”

Psyche was now on the verge of losing consciousness as she cried uncontrollably.

Simply holding onto her arms couldn’t stop her actions.

Clint forcefully pulled her arms towards him.

“…Ah!”

Surprisingly, Psyche came easily.

Clint held her tightly to prevent her from harming herself any further.

Eventually, she began to sob in his embrace.

“Ugh… Ugh…”

“It’s enough now… Shh… Blame the wretched husband instead.”

With Clint’s embrace, Psyche’s breathing calmed slightly. She still cried, but not as violently as before.

Perhaps due to Clint’s comforting embrace, though paradoxical, the suffocating feeling eased a bit.

Psyche continued to cry in his embrace for quite some time.

It lasted for about ten minutes.

Clint momentarily released her from his embrace and looked at Psyche in his arms.

Her swollen, red eyes were pitiful. He unconsciously raised his hand to wipe the tears from her eyes.

“Now, stop being sad, Wife…”

He embraced Psyche again, then released her to face him.

Psyche, drained from crying, allowed herself to be led by Clint’s movements.

When her tear-filled eyes met his, Clint felt an inexplicable emotion.

He found himself drawn to her, unknowingly.

“Please don’t cry…”

He lightly kissed Psyche’s lips.

Perhaps due to the heightened body temperature from crying, her lips felt warm and swollen.

Psyche’s pupils were unfocused.

She clung to Clint’s embrace again, like a child seeking comfort.

“Ugh…”

Clint suddenly felt dizzy from the rush of blood.

He didn’t want to take advantage of a woman who had cried herself out.

“Clint…”

But Psyche wanted Clint’s warmth to stay by her side.

As she clung to him, Psyche looked up at him with tear-filled eyes.

“Clint…”

Psyche called out to him pitifully.

“We… we’re going to have a baby. Right?”

Her cheeks were red from crying.

Her swollen eyes and moist face were clinging to him.

Though she was not in her right mind after sending Kylie away, he couldn’t think of anything else.

Clint seemed to be enchanted by her. It felt like he had been given some kind of potion, and he couldn’t think anymore.

Their lips touched naturally.

As Psyche wrapped her arms around Clint’s waist, her hands reached his shoulders.

When Clint tilted his body slightly, there was nowhere for Psyche to hold onto, and she ended up lying on the bed.

Their lips separated, and their gazes became entangled.

Psyche looked at Clint again with sad eyes.

She continued the words she had not said before.

“At that time, will I die?”

Clint didn’t understand her words. It was incomprehensible, but he calmly answered.

“Wife won’t die…”

Psyche smiled sadly.

Then she reached out her arms, pulled Clint close, and kissed him again.

Their rough breathing filled their ears.

Their lips met and separated several times, and tears pooled in Psyche’s eyes.

Clint, still thinking she was sad, kissed her eyelids.

He kissed her eyes once, her cheeks once, and her lips once, very lightly.

There was moisture in the sound of their kisses.

Then their gazes became entangled again.

This time, Psyche asked as if crying.

“I hope the baby is born…”

“It will be born. Wife…”

Psyche forced a smile.

It was a heavily distorted smile. At the end of that smile, Psyche asked again.

“Then, will I die in your hands without even holding my child?”