Speak of The Devil

“Hey, wake up.”With a start, I felt a sharp pain in my side. Groaning silently, I hunched over, barely lifting my head. What in the dead of night could warrant this disturbance? Peeling off the thin summer blanket, I finally glanced up, only to find Won, the troublemaker, standing beside me, his foot firmly planted on my side.“It hurts…!”“I said get up, you lazy bum. What time do you think it is?”What time is it, indeed. Wiping the drool threatening to dribble from the corner of my mouth with the back of my hand, I looked out the window to see the crimson sunset spread across the early autumn evening sky. It seemed past seven.“Three seconds. Get up and change. We’re going out.”“Where to?”“To eat. I’m starving.”Anything would do, why bother going out to eat while hungry? Ordering at a restaurant means waiting for ages until the food arrives.However, I lacked the courage to resist my imposing brother’s demand. The three seconds he had given were long gone. I got out of bed, ran my fingers through my hair, threw on whatever clothes were nearby, and headed to the wardrobe. When I emerged, my brother was already putting on his shoes at the front door.“What do you want to eat?”My mouth felt muddled from sleep. I had skipped dinner the night before, but I wasn’t particularly hungry.“Meat.”With that curt reply, my brother left, and I hurriedly slipped on my slippers to follow him.The restaurant my brother chose wasn’t far from home, within walking distance. I naturally assumed we’d be having pork.But to my surprise, the mound of meat piled on the table was beef, and high-quality Hanwoo beef at that.“What’s this? I thought even the purest souls draw the line at pork.”“Just shut up and eat.”I opened my mouth to say something, but my brother’s blunt words silenced me. He quickly tore open the packaging. Soon, the grill was filled to the brim with meat.Beef should be lightly cooked on the outside, so it’s best to grill a few pieces at a time and eat them right away. But Lee Won, who claimed he was starving, seemed nowhere to be seen. The meat that had filled the grill disappeared into his mouth as soon as it was cooked.Sitting across from someone who eats aggressively, I hurriedly followed suit. Despite not being particularly hungry, the beef was delicious. The beautifully marbled ribeye held an irresistible flavor.“Soju?”“Sure.”It had been quite a while since my brother and I tilted our glasses together. We drank soju with the meat as snacks, exchanging shots. Two bottles between two men emptied in no time. In the meantime, it seemed we had devoured at least a kilogram of meat.“Oh, man. I ate too much.”“If you feel sick, go throw up.”Is he insane? He’s telling me to throw up after feeding me beef that’s nearly 20,000 won per 100 grams. Such extravagance was something I couldn’t afford, even if I weren’t unemployed.“I’ll just have some cold noodles.”He should put down the tongs and speak. As I set aside my chopsticks, I watched Lee Won continue to eat without pause, still amazed. Maybe it’s because of his size. Even when he was younger, my brother ate so well.“What about you?”“I feel like my stomach’s going to burst. I’ll pass.”“You’re such a whiner. No wonder you’re losing weight, you wimp.”He’s complaining about losing weight after eating so much beef? Besides, losing weight wasn’t something I particularly cared about.Come to think of it, it was rare for me to have three meals a day for the past week. Skipping breakfast and having brunch and dinner meant I wasn’t neglecting meals. Isn’t it normal for an unemployed person to eat three meals a day?But lately, I’ve been skipping social drinking sessions, so maybe my total calorie intake has decreased. So maybe my brother thinks I’ve lost weight. I scratched my cheek for no reason.“So, are you buying the meat?”“I’ll have some too, while I’m at it.”When Lee Won acts like this, I honestly don’t know how to react. While it might seem touching that we, as siblings, have lived together without our parents, there wasn’t an emotionally close bond between my brother and me. Especially after becoming professionals, it felt like we were fighting our own battles in life. My brother was always busy, often not coming home for months at a time, more than once.But now, here I am, living as an unemployed person, and my brother, thinking his unemployed brother is losing weight, buying meat, and not just any meat, beef… It actually feels oddly uncomfortable.“What if I end up being an unemployed bum for life?”“Does anyone just live a carefree life forever? Can you even live like that?”“Didn’t you see me dozing off at dinner earlier? It suits my temperament perfectly.”“If that’s the case, so be it. Do you not have any money to feed your own brother?”Why is Lee Won being so unusually generous today? I suddenly felt ashamed.“Ah, who’s going to feed their brother for life? Did you commit a crime against me or something?”“Then should I harvest my own brother if not someone else’s?”Crazy… That’s so cringeworthy. I swallowed the words I couldn’t bring myself to say with a sip of soju. The soju tasted sweet when I had just a few bites of beef, but now, as expected, beef was too heavy as a side dish for soju. With my stomach full, the soju felt strangely heavy.“You haven’t been seeing Jung lately, have you?”Ugh, as if the aftertaste of the soju wasn’t bad enough, now he’s brought up “Jung” out of nowhere. I frowned at the sudden mention of “Jung” from my brother.“Did you break up?”“What… you break up when you’re dating. It wasn’t like that.”“You react so sensitively, you know. It’s different from before.”Well, before, if I wanted to meet someone, I would, and if not, I wouldn’t. But it’s not like that anymore. The other party is a bastard who can threaten me, and I’m in a situation where I’m being dragged around unwillingly. But maybe that’s over now too.It’s been a week already and there hasn’t been any contact from Jung Yiyeon.“I don’t think I’ll be seeing him anymore.”“Oh really? I heard he’s a good guy.”No… How does he know Jung Yiyeon is a good guy? Even if he’s open-minded, isn’t he a bit too open-minded? He’s not some brother who wants to marry off his little brother. I’m a guy, and it’s not like I haven’t dated girls before, so why is he talking as if he’s encouraging me to date guys?“How does he know?”I was dumbfounded by my own question. My brother answered before taking another bite of meat.“There’s a chairman who invested a lot of capital in my business. Since he’s wealthy, he knows about other wealthy households. I remember him showing interest in the youngest son as a potential son-in-law.”“But Jung is gay.”“That’s why I gave up. But still, he criticized the mischievous behavior of the second and third generations, so I thought he might not have a bad character after all.”Well, from what I know, Jung Yiyeon doesn’t seem to have such a good character. As someone who has personally received threats from Jung Yiyeon, I could never agree with the opinion of that chairman.“Ah, so I was really surprised.”“What about?”“I knew crazy people were after you, but did you think you could just fool around with a guy at home?”“Are you insane?!”Damn it, there are people around, and even if it’s a lively restaurant, do you have to say such things in such an open place? I yelled angrily, but my brother just smirked as if it were ridiculous.I felt the alcohol kicking in. No, it’s more like my face burning with embarrassment. Damn it, I didn’t expect my brother to bring this up again. I thought he’d just casually brush it off and act all generous about his little brother’s “wall”.I wanted more soju. I filled my empty glass to the brim and gulped it down in one go. It felt suffocating to see my brother calmly eating cold noodles as if nothing happened after bringing up a topic that made people so flustered.But soon, it subsided.“…Are you okay with it, though? Me being with a guy…”“What’s there to think about? We’re just living our lives however we want since we only live once.”“Out of nowhere, you’re so cool.”My brother didn’t respond and slurped down the cold noodles. His chopstick movement to sweep up the remaining meat on the grill remained aggressive as ever. I watched him eat while finishing up the remaining meat.“Hyung.”“What?”“Don’t you have anyone you’re seeing?”“I do.”What…? No. Well, it’s not like my brother absolutely can’t have a partner. But hearing that he does was somewhat shocking. I’ve never seen Lee Won with a woman before, which made it even more surprising. Wait, could it be that he’s… open to homosexuality? Could his partner be…?“W-who is it? How old is he? How long have you been seeing each other? What does he do?”“I’ve known him for quite a while, been seeing him for almost three years now. He’s younger than me. An artist.”He talks about it so casually, but why do I feel even more flustered? I never expected this violent man, with a personality akin to a storm, to be in a relationship. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what kind of woman he would be with.“Do you… do you have any thoughts about marriage?”“When things are more settled? If he still likes me by then, we might consider it.”No… You’re a bit weird. I’m so flustered hearing that you don’t have thoughts about marriage. Are you saying that feeding your little brother for life is no big deal, just to please your future mother-in-law?“…It’s a bit shocking.”“I don’t have any plans for it yet. Honestly, I wished you had gone first.”“…”“Well, you’ll figure it out on your own too. Let’s get up when you’re done eating.”Lee Won was calm amidst the confusion he stirred. His sudden urge to leave as soon as he finished his noodles and meat was also bewildering. Is this the kind of personality that’s suited for relationships? And for three years at that??I stood up from my seat with a bewildered expression. I followed my brother out of the restaurant after settling the bill. The evening air felt refreshing as I scratched my skin. It was still hot during the day, but soon, as the leaves start falling, winter will be upon us again.It was a quick trip home. Since I hadn’t turned on the air conditioner, the house felt cool. Despite the somewhat shocking dinner conversation, by the time I arrived home, thanks to the alcohol, I was feeling more positive than before.After brushing my teeth and washing up, I lay on the bed and turned on the TV. Initially, I was still groggy from the alcohol. I wasn’t immediately sleepy due to staying up late, but I didn’t feel wide awake either. So, I flipped through channels for a while, hoping to find something interesting.As I entered my room after washing up, my brother came out again, looking like he was about to leave.“Where are you going?”“Oh. Might be back in the early morning.”“What? A date?”Ignoring my words as if they weren’t worth answering, my brother casually dismissed them. I got up to see him off, heading towards the entrance. My brother, who was putting on shoes, glanced at me and said, “Go to bed early.”His unexpected advice surprised me a little. I was astonished that he knew I’d been restless at night lately.“Don’t worry about finding a job, just rest as much as you want. When you feel like working, then work. Don’t stress over unnecessary things.”I remained silent.“Turn off the TV and sleep, kid. If you’re not asleep when I get back, you’re dead.”With a final remark in his typical manner, Lee Won left the house.Feeling the sincerity in his words, I obediently turned off the TV and the living room fell into darkness in an instant. It was only around nine o’clock, and even though it wasn’t bedtime yet, I didn’t feel like continuing to watch TV. There wasn’t anything I particularly wanted to watch anyway.For modern people, there’s something called a cell phone. I reached out for my phone, which I had left plugged in. I hadn’t taken it with me when my brother urged me to go out for dinner, so I hadn’t seen the missed call.There was one missed call. It turned out to be from my brother.There were also notifications on the messaging app. I hesitated for a moment before opening the app. Among the useless messages asking about well-being or making irrelevant remarks, there were several messages from my brother.“What do you want to eat for dinner?”“Do we have anything at home?”“Eating out?”“Going to bed?”Now I realized I had unintentionally chewed my lip due to falling asleep during dinner. So when my brother walked in, I must have given him a nudge.But kicking someone? Surely, he wouldn’t do that even to his own partner…? I remembered my brother going out again even at a late hour after showering. It was difficult to imagine how someone who lived with vulgar language and rough behavior would interact with a girlfriend.It was strange. The news of my brother’s relationship shouldn’t have made me sigh. Yet, the sigh came because I’ve been sighing more lately. And the reason for the increased sighs… was, of course, the turmoil.I checked and replied to some messages while ignoring others. Among the ignored messages, there was nothing from Jung Yiyeon. It had been a week already. Although we hadn’t been in contact, the fact that a week had passed without a message asking to meet indicated that Jung Yiyeon had finally given up. Pursuing affection while being constantly rejected was difficult. Moreover, facing someone who only spoke hurtful words didn’t seem pleasant at all. Thanks to Jung Yiyeon, I knew very well how I felt about that.It was strange. It left an uncomfortable feeling in my heart. I thought I’d feel relieved if I didn’t hear from Jung Yiyeon, but I didn’t expect that relief to feel so hollow.During the past week, I sometimes thought of Jung Yiyeon amidst the flow of daily life. When I couldn’t sleep at night for no reason, the thoughts wouldn’t stop. Perhaps it was because the emotions I had given him in the past were too strong.The fact that he slept with Min Seowon turned out to be just a misunderstanding. It was shocking to me. Why did I keep thinking about him saying he had never met anyone else while he had a partner? It was painful to recall the jealousy and despair that seemed so intense at the time, only to realize they were all based on my misunderstandings.I would have felt less anguish if I had just asked him outright if he had slept with her. But I couldn’t even ask. Instead, at that time, Jung Yiyeon had looked at me, feeling down, and didn’t even accuse me of being jealous.Yeah, saying he liked me after all that. Jung Yiyeon’s voice, regretting the time that had passed, still occasionally popped into my head and made me uncomfortable even after some time.Not getting any contact was just as strange for Jae-oh. It was strange that despite spending much more time with Jae-oh and having stronger feelings for him, I still found myself thinking more about Jung Yiyeon.I seemed to have gone crazy with Jung Yiyeon. The experience of seeing both my own and the other person’s rock bottom wasn’t easily forgotten.Would I feel relieved if I just lived like others as time passed? If we became strangers and lived without contacting each other for the rest of our lives, would I gradually forget?Lost in thought, I eventually tossed my phone carelessly.Perhaps this was the end between Jung Yiyeon and me.But didn’t someone say? Until it’s over, it’s not the end.-See you tonight at 5:00.The feeling of something unraveling within me amidst the rude notification that didn’t consider my schedule might have been because it was so typical of Jung Yiyeon. I had to admit Jung Yiyeon’s persistence.It was a Saturday, about ten days after the last day I had a relationship with him. Around noon, Jung Yiyeon sent a message. And sure enough, he came to pick me up at 5:00 in the evening.-Here.As I went downstairs after the short message, I saw Jung Yiyeon’s car.Sitting in the passenger seat, I glanced at Jung Yiyeon for a moment. He was dressed casually, perhaps because it was Saturday and he didn’t have to go to work.He wore gray-toned slacks and a denim shirt, and his hair was neatly set. Even amidst all this, he still had a striking appearance. There was no trace of the blow I had given him ten days ago on his face. He still just had a handsome face.I couldn’t understand why he was clinging to me like this. With that appearance and wealth, anyone could easily move on like I did in the past. I couldn’t understand why he was so clingy now that I had changed my mind.Both Jung Yiyeon and Jaeoh were impressive individuals, and Lee Nan truly hit the jackpot. I couldn’t help but chuckle at the thought.I made harsh and hurtful remarks, but aside from a little discomfort, I didn’t really feel sorry for him. Was there any reason to regret what I deliberately said? But…“Lee Nan.”There was a slight curiosity about how Jung Yiyeon would appear. If he still couldn’t control his emotions and came out angry, I would immediately want to go home. There was no reason for me to indulge Jung Yiyeon’s emotions.Also, it was only later that I realized seeing someone who had made me miserable become miserable in front of me wasn’t exactly enjoyable. The satisfaction was short-lived. Watching Jung Yiyeon break down left me feeling uneasy.I wanted to ignore it, but occasionally during my daily life, I would recall Jung Yiyeon muttering drunkenly. These memories triggered the emotions of that time. Neither the memories nor the emotions were pleasant, making my heart heavier. It led to insomnia at the beginning of autumn.Therefore, I didn’t want to drag the past back with Jung Yiyeon and repeat the same futile arguments.However, contrary to my concerns, Jung Yiyeon’s attitude over the past ten days was just strange, as if he had managed to pull himself together.Of course, I couldn’t overlook that his face looked a bit worn out. The tiredness under his eyes and the unnaturalness of his faint smile were clearly visible to me.“I have something to say first.”“What is it?”I was still blunt, but I wasn’t as captivated by irritation and anger as I was ten days ago. Jung Yiyeon took a short, deep breath.“…I know that once I fulfill the quota of forced sexual encounters, it’s over. I’ve never forgotten that.”Who was this guy to make accusations about meeting someone else, about sleeping with Jaeoh? His words were hard to swallow, but he wore a serious expression.“I’ll keep my promise… as long as your feelings don’t change.”“…”“And I know for sure that your feelings will never change.”I had a momentary thought of pretending not to remember anything due to drinking too much, but I mentioned that day’s events properly. His expression remained hardened. I silently waited for him to continue speaking. Jung Yiyeon let out another short sigh and spoke again.“But doing the same thing as last time is just too exhausting. You understand when I’m angry enough, but still, fighting and hurting each other is just tiresome.”“So, what do you suggest?”“We’ve already agreed to do it anyway, so let’s not make a big deal out of it.”“Ugh…”How can Jung Yiyeon be so shameless? If he didn’t want me to react angrily, he shouldn’t have provoked me in the first place.But there was something clearly correct in Jung Yiyeon’s expression. It was that doing the same thing as last time was too exhausting, too tiresome.During the mere ten days of no contact, there was a constant sense of discomfort and subtle unease in my heart. Not to mention, expending emotions by venting anger and spewing sharp words was exhausting for me as well. Although I had passed the stage of feeling refreshed, there was also a part of me that didn’t want to waste that much energy hurting Jung Yiyeon, knowing it wouldn’t make me feel any better.Just to have the remaining three times of sex without any further friction and then part ways safely. If that was what Jung Yiyeon was proposing, there was no reason for me to refuse. If we had to do it anyway, it was something I, too, wanted to pass over smoothly.“As long as you don’t talk nonsense.”“Got it.”Although it was a conditional acceptance, Jung Yiyeon seemed satisfied, smiling slightly. I turned my head away from him while also giving a slight nod.Finally, he took hold of the steering wheel and started driving. It was quite surprising to me that he seemed genuinely pleased with my slightly yielding attitude.However, I was still overlooking Jung Yiyeon’s audacity.“Let’s spend tonight at the villa.”With a relaxed demeanor, Jung Yiyeon chuckled as if praying for my agreement. Aren’t you going a bit too far just because I’m giving in a little?“But didn’t you say you wouldn’t talk nonsense?”