Stranger Danger

Are you kidding me right now? There are at least two other humans at this table who are thicker and juicier than me! Why me?

Ye Qing was miffed, of course. The bastard was clearly targeting him because he was the “weakest” link of the group. He was just about to resist when suddenly, Tiger General’s arm stilled, and his malicious grin morphed into abject terror. It was as if he was seeing something horrifying that none of them could.

The next moment, Tiger General’s chest cracked and slowly slid open to the left and the right. Strangely, not a single drop of blood spilled out of his body. Then, something cracked inside Tiger General’s body, and all the blood drained away from his face. It was clear that he was in a lot of pain.

A black bone that looked like it had been snapped from the joint floated out of his body and landed in front of Ye Qing. After that, the wound on Tiger General’s chest slowly disappeared like nothing had ever happened.

“These people are the distinguished guests of the Mistress, Tiger General. You best not act out of line and disrupt the Master’s wedding banquet. No one can bear the responsibility otherwise.”

“Your Chang [1] Bone shall be given to our guest as his rightful compensation!” Uncle Fu’s voice resounded throughout the hall, but he never showed himself.

“How dare you! I won’t forget this!” Tiger General glared venomously at Ye Qing as he staggered on his feet, but in the end he didn’t dare to test the mountain god’s patience. He went over to a random seat and sat down.

Ye Qing examined the Chang bone on the table curiously. It was about the length of an infant’s arm and as black as ink. It gave off a gloomy aura and some sort of mysterious energy.

Although he had no idea how he might use it to his advantage, it had to be valuable considering that it had been ripped right out of Tiger General’s torso. So, he tucked it safely under his shirt and returned his attention to the wedding banquet.

After that little intermission was over, Uncle Fu resumed his duties, and more and more Strangers entered the hall. They saw a gorgeous Stranger who wore a crown of flowers and looked as beautiful as a celestial, an ugly Stranger who was the antithesis of beauty itself and stank like a garbage dump, a hulk of a Stranger who looked like a walking mountain, a skinny, frail Stranger who looked like a wind could blow them over; faceless things that looked like a shadow, scaly, lizard-like creatures with vertical slit pupils, and even objects such as a bloody shirt, a pair of red shoes, a shoulder pole, an urn, a hat and many, many more Strangers of all shapes and sizes. It truly was an eye-opening experience.

More importantly, every Stranger attending the wedding banquet was powerful beyond imagination. Even a wisp of their aura was enough to cow the humans into shrinking their presence as much as possible. Thank goodness Uncle Fu had taught Tiger General a lesson earlier, or they couldn’t even imagine what might have happened to them!

Suddenly, someone slammed the table and roared, “Hey boy! How dare you sit on our [2] chair! Do you have a death wish or something?”

Ye Qing and the others looked. They saw a humanoid Stranger with a bear’s head and black fur glaring at Zheng Tianyuan like he would swallow him alive.

Zheng Tianyuan’s face was ugly as a matter of course, but when he recalled what happened to Tiger General earlier, he regained his courage and threatened, “How dare you threaten me! I am a distinguished guest invited to this banquet by the Mistress herself!”

The bearman scoffed before speaking in a low, muffled voice, “Yeah, we don’t believe you. There is no way the Mistress would invite a filth like you.”

“Oh yeah? I dare you to lay a hand on me then!” Zheng Tianyuan declared with an arrogant sneer.

“Hah! Why not?” The bearman laughed and, to everyone’s surprise, lifted Zheng Tianyuan into the air without any trouble.

“Let me go! Let me go!”

The young master struggled with all his might, but like a cat who was scruffed he was unable to break free no matter how hard he struggled.

“It’s the Master’s wedding today, so we won’t eat you for your transgression. Begone!” The bearman proceeded to toss Zheng Tianyuan right out of the door like he weighed nothing.

“Young master!” Pao cried out in alarm.

“What? There’s another filth here! You can get lost as well!” The bearman let out a bark of laughter before catching the panicking Pao with his massive hands. Then, he tossed him out just as easily as he had tossed Zheng Tianyuan.

The rest of the humans blanched, but before they could do anything another pair of Strangers entered the hall. This time, they were walking straight toward Granny Snake and Chi Long.

Unwilling to suffer Zheng Tianyuan and Pao’s fate, Granny Snake and Chi Long immediately jumped to their feet and scurried away. It was the right thing to do, because the Strangers merely took their seats without bothering them!

Granny Snake and Chi Long both wiped a bead of sweat from their brow. Then, they stared at Ye Qing and Prayer with obvious anticipation on their faces. They were clearly waiting to indulge in some schadenfreude.

But to their surprise, nothing happened. Not only did the Strangers that came after ignore Ye Qing and Prayer, some even nodded at them as if acknowledging that they belonged here. Having no idea why this was happening, Granny Snake and Chi Long could only exchange confused glances with each other. Prayer shot Ye Qing a meaningful look but said nothing.

“Next, we welcome Hero Frog… Hero Frog brings the bride and groom one Five Poison Pearl, and he wishes them a long and prosperous life!”

A familiar figure entered the hall, and Ye Qing’s eyes lit up. “Brother Frog! You came as well?”

The Stranger was none other than Kung Fu Frog. He was dressed exactly the same as Ye Qing remembered it—a bandanna on its head and a cloak behind its back—except that there was now an additional accessory on its waist. It was none other than the wooden saber Ye Qing had carved and given it that day.

“Croak croak!” Kung Fu Frog’s eyes also lit up in recognition and delight as it leaped into the air and landed on the chair right beside Ye Qing.

“Are you here for the mou—I mean, the Master’s wedding as well?” Ye Qing was overjoyed to see Kung Fu Frog. He might be a Stranger, but in a room full of deadly, unknown Strangers and fellow humans who would rather see him dead, to say that a familiar face brought him joy and hope would be an understatement.

Kung Fu Frog croaked again before grabbing a wine pot from the table and pouring one for Ye Qing, and another for itself. It then started downing glass after glass until the entire pot of wine had vanished into its stomach.

“...”

Ye Qing had tried the wine earlier. Despite its sweet and purifying taste, it had a massive kick that left him dizzy after just one glass. It was why he didn’t dare to drink anymore wine. On the other hand, Kung Fu Frog looked perfectly fine despite having gulped down a whole pot. Truly, the frog was better than the man!

Thump! Thump! Thump!

Suddenly, someone beat the drum three times in a row. Backs were straightened, heads were turned, and all noise departed the hall so completely that a pin could be heard.

“We are most honored that you would show up for our humble wedding! A toast to all of you, my dear guests!”

A powerful, grandiose-sounding voice erupted from the center table.

“You flatter us, Master! May you and the Mistress live happily ever after!”

Every Stranger in the hall rose to their feet and toasted the Master. Naturally, Ye Qing and Prayer followed suit.

“Please return to your seats. The food and wine will be served shortly. Please enjoy to your heart’s content, and remember: we drink until we drop!”

“We drink until we drop!”

After the toast was over, and the mountain god had permitted everyone to return to their seats, a troupe of gorgeous women entered the hall and began dancing to the melodious tune of flutes and string instruments. They wore long robes with long sleeves, and they had translucent wings on their backs. Their dance was out of this world, and they were as dreamlike as fairies.

As the hall returned to its boisterous self, the drinkers started drinking, the gossipers started gossiping, and the cheers sounded like it would never end. It was a riot!

The humans too basked in the celebration until the wine eventually got all of them. They fainted and fell into a deep, intoxicated slumber.

……

“Huh… where am I?” Ye Qing muttered as he opened his eyes in a daze. The clean sunlight spilling through the leaves was warm but not uncomfortable.

A second later, he jumped to his feet as his memories caught up to him. When he scanned his surroundings, he was immensely relieved to find that he was no longer in the mountain god’s imperial palace or surrounded by powerful Strangers.

He was currently standing on a wide meadow. Prayer, Granny Snake, Chi Long, Zheng Tianyuan and Pao were all present as well.

Prayer, Granny Snake and Chi Long looked no different from yesterday, but the same could not be said for Zheng Tianyuan and Pao. For some reason, they were covered in stinking mud as if they had just crawled out of a quagmire.

“Zheng Tianyuan and Pao were tossed out of the hall by a bearman yesterday, weren’t they? Is that why they’re covered in mud?” A smirk crossed Ye Qing’s lips as he scratched his chin thoughtfully.

Yesterday’s events were so fantastical that he almost couldn’t believe that it actually happened.

It was at this moment Prayer, Granny Snake and Chi Long awoke one after another.

As soon as Chi Long looked up, he blurted, “Prayer! What happened yesterday… it wasn’t a dream, was it?” His tone grew uncertain when he looked around and found himself at an unfamiliar place.

Prayer thought for a moment before answering, “I don’t think so. Try feeling your body.”

Granny Snake and Chi Long did as he said and discovered that they were overflowing with true qi and a mysterious power. They exclaimed in pleasant surprise, “The food we ate yesterday… they’re all real!”

It was at this moment Zheng Tianyuan and Pao awoke as well. The young master asked, “Where are we, Prayer?”

As soon as he opened his mouth, a horrible stench immediately flooded into his nose and mouth. The young master was completely confused until he looked down and noticed that he was covered in mud.

Prayer and the others had long noticed Zheng Tianyuan and Pao’s condition, of course. They were just wise enough not to make a comment about it.

Unfortunately, not everyone had a good head on their shoulders. Pao began, “Young master, it’s probably because that bear—”

“Silence!” The young master cut him off before he could finish. His face flushed with humiliation as he recalled being tossed out of the wedding hall and into a quagmire by a bearman. Not only that, the quagmire possessed some sort of mysterious force that prevented him from climbing out no matter what he tried. In the end, he had no choice but to spend the whole night in the cold and stinking quagmire.

He was Zheng Tianyuan, scion of the Zheng Clan of Anyang. He could positively declare that he had never suffered such humiliation in his life!

Since Pao was stupid enough to draw Zheng Tianyuan’s attention, the young master did not hesitate to turn him into his punching bag, “You fool! What are you waiting for? Get me some new clothes already!”

“Y-yes, young master!” Pao blanched and hurriedly did as Zheng Tianyuan ordered. Despite his anger and humiliation, he didn’t say a word as he handed Zheng Tianyuan his clothes and changed into a new set of clothes himself.

“Ahem. Prayer, do you think that mountain gods are real?” Granny Snake purposely looked away and asked a question so as to avoid making Zheng Tianyuan feel even more humiliated than he already was.

Ye Qing’s face was turned away, but his ears were wide open. He too was curious about the answer.

Prayer shook his head firmly. “If you’re asking if there is a God Almighty who rules over all the mountains in the world, then no. A mountain god is really just a Stranger who is literally born to rule a mountain. Just the same, there are Strangers who are born to rule over certain lands, mountains, and waters as well. They are immensely powerful, but in the end, they are still Strangers.”

He added after a pause, “The gods and spirits I pray to using the Prayersticks are also Strangers!”

Chi Long snorted in disdain. “Heh! And here I thought there are actual gods and spirits in this world. Damn fakes.”

“Silence!” Prayer blanched as he rebuked Chi Long harshly, “How dare you rebuke the god of these mountains! Do you have a death wish?”

A startled Chi Long slapped a hand over his mouth when he realized what he just did as well. Although the mountain god had not shown his face from the start until the end, he could only be powerful beyond imagination considering the quality of his guests and Uncle Fu.

“Please don’t take offense, Master, I can’t help that I’m born this way, please!” Chi Long implored while bowing again and again in every direction. When nothing happened, everyone let out a sigh of relief.

“Oh right. Boy, hand over that bone you got last night.” Having finished changing his clothes, an unhappy-looking Pao abruptly turned on Ye Qing without warning.

1. A chang is a kind of Chinese ghost or zombie who lures others to their death. Most often, changs are the spirits of those killed by tigers, enslaved by the beast that killed them and unable to find release until they find a new victim for the tiger, who then takes their place. ☜

2. royal we/our ☜