Strings of Jade

'What?' I couldn't believe it. It was not disgrace or embarrassment, but disbelief over the fact that she could say it so calmly, without hesitation. It was for no reason I could name. For all I knew, it was not that men were prohibited in Wartis, or that I was specifically wanted and had to hide my identity. Believe me, for all I knew, everyone back in Daemesworth was probably far too busy to notice my absence. 

'Well? Put it on already.' 

'But why?'

Her eyes flash with surprise. Perhaps at my casual reaction instead of the usual boyish embarrassment. Back in the days when my mother was there, she would play with me, dressing me up in the frilliest dresses, and have me twirl round and round. Never did I once protest. Only laughed at the way my dress swished when I moved, how the fabric felt against my soft skin. Now that I think about it, it occurs to me that she might have wanted a daughter. Maybe in the last six years of her life she daydreamed about things being different. Maybe she thought about my father. About telling me who he was when I got old enough....

No. This is no time to think about this. Ilia looks at me, nonchalant as ever. 'So?' she says. 'Put it on' 

Whatever. Everything she does has a reason. 'Here?' 

Yes of course, she says, and moves her eyes to the ground. I do not move a muscle still. 'Fine.' she says, turning around.

My hands move over the stiches of the dress, fine gold. The lace at the back that seems to heavy. I undress and slip it over my head. My breath muffles for a moment, trying to find my way through the endless maze of heavy fabric. My head pops out and my hands. She stares at me, and I stare back, breathless. A small smile appears on her face. 'You look beautiful.' She moves ahead and puts a cloth around my head to hide that it is far too short for a girl's.

 * * * * * * 

'So.. Where to?' I say, keeping my eyes to the pavement to avoid suspicious gazes. We had taken to a path Ilia approved of. Which was enough to know that it was safe. 

'To the House of Carbunculus' she says. I nod as if I know about it. What I do know is that 'Carbunculus' translates to 'ruby'. Ruby as in the ruby reserves... Wait. Are we going to a mine? No, she said 'House'. Maybe an institution of sort. But what kind of institution would only allow women? Its glory is diminished. Wartis is no more than an exploitation center and pleasure district. Her words come back to me, hitting me with realization. A pleasure house. No. I am not going there, I thought. 

I stop. She looks back, smiling, eyes on me. 'You found out already? You are smart.' 

'I will not go' I say. 

'Well, why would that be?' 

'I am a boy. It is not moral' I say. I could come up with a better argument. 

'Well, that dress suggests otherwise. I have some business there. But of course I choose not to contaminate myself with that ambience. It that is what you choose to call it. And so, my dear companion, you will go in for me.' 

For a moment, I just stare. There are a thousand replies on my tongue, waiting to be unraveled. But again, I have known her long enough. Or that, I have known this world and its people long enough. 

 If you only have one guiding light in the vast sea of darkness, you may have to burn your own clothing to keep it ignited.