Surviving as a Useless Bard in a Game

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Skylar, Propertyius, and Nisha seemed to have finally wrapped up their story.

The door of the Church, which I was leaning against, suddenly swung open, and I tumbled backward. In a surprising turn of events, my face ended up buried under Nisha’s nun outfit.

Of course, I saw nothing. It was too dim.

If this were my past self, I would have shouted, “What luck!” But for some reason, I felt nothing at all.

The only feeling left was the embarrassment of having shown such a clumsy scene to others.

“Are we done?”

“Yes.”

“Then let’s head out. My body’s starting to feel stiff.”

“You look like you’re in your twenties, but that remark doesn’t feel relatable at all.”

“Do I have to pick a fight over everything?”

“That’s just my personality.”

“Don’t you have any friends?!”

“…”

I must have struck a nerve.

I felt a bit guilty.

With Skylar falling silent at my words, I properly secured my bag around my waist.

Just as I was about to step out of the Church’s main door and into the open, someone darted past me and blocked my path at a speed faster than my own. I recognized the face immediately.

‘No, it’s not just because they’re that big.’

Propertyius stood in front of me with an inscrutable expression, blocking my way without moving.

I stepped sideways, and he mirrored my movement, blocking me again. I moved in the opposite direction, and he promptly did the same.

“…?”

I looked up at his face.

To be honest, I wanted to yell out right now, “What the heck are you doing?” but he was at least twice my size, and I didn’t have the courage to confront him.

Being easily frightened means there are more limits on one’s actions. Frustrating, that’s for sure. My body just refused to cooperate.

“You have a face full of questions.”

“Well, you’re blocking my way.”

“Do you speak politely to some and then casually to others?”

“…All of a sudden?”

Nisha was surprisingly strong. Skylar, too, could probably overpower me with their strength, given my state.

But their appearances were of a woman roughly my height and a child slightly shorter than me.

When facing a behemoth, I honestly felt at a loss.

It might sound like an excuse, but Nisha had urged me to speak casually and be friendly, while Skylar just spoke informally because they were younger than me. That was all there was to it.

‘But if we were to nitpick, they might actually be older than me…?’

I was certain that those who possessed divine bodies didn’t age. Did that hold true even after losing their bodies? No, they definitely seem younger than me.

Thinking back, I just spoke casually to someone much older than me. That was quite disrespectful!

Just because they looked younger didn’t mean I could casually speak to them? Well, that might actually be the case. Should I apologize?

No, is that really the issue right now?

“Why are you blocking me?”

“Well, I don’t know.”

I glanced back. Skylar was just quietly observing me.

They weren’t taking any actions. Just sitting back and watching. I couldn’t tell if their eyes were on me or on Propertyius.

Next to Skylar, Nisha was being friendly with a naive smile, just standing there.

For some reason, that scene irritated me.

It felt like a boiling emotion that was hard to define, but I labeled it as irritation. It was a sensation close to annoyance.

Was I annoyed by this situation?

“Are you perhaps doing this because you don’t want to part ways?”

“Of course not.”

“Then why…?”

“Would you like to duel with me?”

The sudden proposal caught me off guard. And the outcome was all too clear.

I would lose.

With this frail body of mine, it wasn’t even worth watching.

Especially since it was morning.

‘…My clumsy habits and narcolepsy always seem to kick in at the worst times.’

Yeah. The penalties I chose always seemed to steer me towards bad outcomes.

I half-suspected that the status screen was actively trying to kill me.

“If I reject, you won’t move, will you?”

“Correct.”

“…Isn’t it a bit childish for grown adults to insist on dueling?”

“To be honest, watching you duel with Nisha brought back some old memories.”

Even if that sounded like an excuse, it was still an incomprehensible statement. It was a reason that made no sense.

However, if I were asked for a better reason, I wouldn’t be able to answer with the information I had.

In the end, the choice was with someone stronger than me, and that someone here was Propertyius.

Skylar and Nisha didn’t seem inclined to stop it either; in fact, Nisha looked excited, as if it would be fun to watch us.

Still sticking by Skylar’s side.

…That made me more annoyed.

I realized something I didn’t know about myself: I despised having my plans derailed or delayed by someone else.

Well, since I could see magical power, did that mean I had the talents of a wizard… in other words, a wizard’s twisted personality? I hoped not.

But really, to explain this surging annoyance, I had no excuse other than this.

Eventually, I couldn’t avoid it.

‘…I’ll have to duel.’

Having sparred with Nisha a few times, I figured I could last at least a few minutes.

Nisha had told me that since my eyesight was good, I might last for a few minutes even against an adventurer one rank higher than me.

In this remote Northern Church, the owner couldn’t be stronger than a gold-ranked adventurer. Maybe I could win.

He was unarmed, and I had a dagger.

‘Or maybe I should test out the lute right now.’

This could be a good opportunity for me. Until now, the only time I had cast a proper buff or debuff was when I was playing alone at the inn.

However, there is one problem…

Could I play while running away?

I have to.

Even if I can’t, I still must.

“How long do we need to wait?”

“Well, you ignored my opinion and forcefully challenged me to a duel. Can’t you wait a little longer?”

“…Alright.”

Propertyius looked a bit displeased, but it seemed he had accepted my proposal for now.

And so, I began my preparations.

A way to win against an unbeatable opponent.

Let’s fight totally cowardly.

I put a considerable distance between us, far enough that it would take a fully grown man, running at full speed, five to eight seconds to reach me.

After that, I pulled out the lute. I placed my fingers on the strings.

How did I play this? My sense remembers it. My body remembers it. My mind is screaming that it has no idea! But I can’t stop now.

“Is it alright to start?”

“…Yes.”

Propertyius extended his hand.

This was not a metaphor. An uncountable number of hands appeared from beneath his feet. And then, he began to move.

He stepped one foot closer.

The distance was still far. I could still handle this.

I plucked the strings of the lute with my fingertips. Thankfully, it produced a beautiful sound instead of a hideous discord. I immediately moved my fingers to the next string.

Don’t think…

I must not entertain the thought of how I am currently playing this tune—

I will simply play, letting my body take over.

The sounds around me vanished, and the world turned to blankness. In this world, only I, the lute, and the grotesque priest charging at me remained.

Sweat poured down my face. I started to feel nervous.

My body was instinctively prepping to flee, and my brain screamed that I wanted to run away right now.

Unfortunately, I had no courage. Instead, I was so scared that my body stiffened up, and my fingers just continued to play on their own.

My eyes remained locked on that wretched priest.

‘Where did they go?!’

The priest vanished from my sight.

It was certainly a grotesque sight, with countless hands stuck all over the body, impossible to tear my eyes away even if I tried. How could I have lost track of that giant? It didn’t make sense.

And then, the performance of the song came to an end.

Fine-피네-

Just a single verse of a hastily made melody.

Yet, it had effects.

Unlike just moments ago, my body was alive with energy. The sensation I felt was no illusion. I had chosen the Buff & Debuff Totem class.

Unfortunately, the hope I felt quickly faded away.

A palm appeared right before my eyes.

‘But… I can still see.’

Compared to the speed of the duel with Nisha, which she had taken easy on me, this was clearly slower. No, everything in the world slowed down. The wind blowing, my body moving, even the grass lying flat on the prairie rising back up!

It was an incomprehensible phenomenon, but surely my performance would grant me some reinforcement, right?!

For now, just avoid the attacks. Think after dodging.

No matter how I thought about it, this was not a sparring level—this was an attack meant to genuinely hurt. If I don’t dodge, it might actually hurt.

–

I felt the premonition that ‘you must not dodge this attack.’

Recognizing that there was clear intent to kill in the attack, you tried to escape but were certain that a bad consequence awaited if you did.

You give up on dodging and feign to fail the reaction.

–

My body forcibly halts.

‘…What?’

The narration finished, and the palm came to a stop right in front of me.