TBATE: Black Will

"Staring aimlessly at a monster's dead body won't get me anywhere," I muttered, still gazing at the lifeless carcass.

With pursed lips and grim determination, I stepped closer. I couldn't have possibly assumed this was an Asura just by seeing a creature vaguely resembling a dragon. After all, this was the first time my eyes had ever seen a real monster. My inexperience kept me from jumping to rash conclusions.

An Asura on Dicatene? Unlikely. With these thoughts, I extended my hand, cautiously brushing my fingers against the jet-black scales of the beast. They were as hard as stone but cold and lifeless to the touch. However, something inside me suddenly stirred—a strange sensation filled my chest, painfully tightening within, as if a foreign will was trying to return to its owner but couldn't reach. It was an odd feeling, as though a connection between us should have existed, but it had been violently severed.

Feeling the ache in my chest, I jerked my hand away, frightened to maintain contact with the dead body. Glancing around, I decided to search the human corpses, hoping to find something useful. The stench of decaying flesh assaulted my nose so violently that I had to fight back the urge to vomit. Maggots and larvae swarmed these bodies, mercilessly devouring the remaining flesh, turning them into faceless, rotting masses. The disgust and heaviness in my stomach became unbearable, and I vomited. Still, I continued searching, knowing there could be valuable items here.

On one of the corpses, I noticed a golden ring with a unique engraving. Grabbing it, I realized it could fetch a good price—though that didn't ease the revulsion from taking it off the bloodied finger. Quickly pocketing the ring, I cast a glance at the mutilated body—its lower half torn apart, intestines spilling out in a gruesome display. Bile rose in my throat again, but I forced myself to hold back, mentally distancing myself from the horror. After searching the remaining bodies and finding nothing of value, I moved on.

I headed toward a nearby stream a few dozen meters away and quickly washed my face in the cool water, trying to cleanse myself of the sticky feeling of terror. The cold refreshed my thoughts a bit, but it also brought a new, unsettling question: 

"Where am I?" This thought stuck in my head like a thorn. The unknown gnawed at me. The fear of this foreign and clearly dangerous place made my heart race. A chill ran down my spine at the realization that if I woke up among the dead and a monster, then other beasts might be lurking nearby.

Looking around once more, I realized the way back was lost in this forest. Yet, staying here wasn't safe either. I made the decision to move forward—perhaps I'd find some clue to lead me out of this nightmare.

"Ugh!" My stomach growled, and a dull ache hit me. A pressing problem stood before me: I needed to eat before continuing. It felt like I hadn't eaten in a year. But where could I find food here?

I scoured the area for anything edible, searching for berries or something similar, but as time passed, everything around seemed barren, as if the very earth refused to yield fruit. The hunger grew, the weakness increased with each step, and the pangs of hunger began to take over. My gaze involuntarily returned to the monster's carcass and the bodies of the humans. I shook my head, trying to dismiss the insane thoughts. Eating humans—madness. But eating a monster's flesh… was that any less insane?

I stood, torn with indecision, when suddenly a thought struck me. What if…

I sat in a lotus position and closed my eyes, focusing on my core. Inside me flickered a light-red core—the source of my mana, but it was nearly depleted. To realize my plan, I needed to replenish my mana reserves.

Closing my eyes, I slowly drew mana into my body from the environment. It was a pleasant, almost soothing process. Energy streamed into me, filling every mana vein, every cell of my body. I fully immersed myself in this state, and time seemed to stop. When I finally opened my eyes, my body was ready to move again. Mana within me strengthened every movement, making my steps lighter and my thoughts clearer.

"If you want to live, eat what's served," I muttered to myself, trying to convince my own mind.

With no other choice, I approached the massive carcass of the beast. It towered over the ground, many times larger than me. Maggots hadn't yet reached the monster, which was surprising given they were already devouring the human bodies. This meant its flesh might still be edible. But the question was how to get to the meat.

I tried cutting through the flesh with sharp stones, but my attempts failed.

Focusing, I directed mana to my hand, imagining a blade of mana forming around it. But the first attempt was unsuccessful—instead of a sharp blade, my hand was enveloped in a soft energy cocoon. The joy of using this new power in this world was quickly washed away by disappointment.

"Come on…" I gritted my teeth, concentrating on the mana blade.

It was useless. I gathered more power, focusing harder. I needed more mana, more concentration.

"Again. No. Again," I kept trying. I didn't know how much time had passed, but I felt my body growing heavy, as if hours had gone by.

"Finally!" I muttered, seeing a bluish blade, jagged at the edges, forming around my hand. It looked rough but sharp enough to give it a try.

I approached the carcass and made the first strike. However, the blade barely scratched the black, armor-like scales of the monster. Disappointed, I realized direct attacks were useless. Then I decided to look for the most vulnerable part of the beast. My attention was drawn to its exposed tongue. With some disgust, I directed the mana blade toward the edge of the tongue, which was nearly as large as me. Struggling, I cut through the dense tissue, gradually working back and forth until, after several agonizing minutes, I managed to sever a chunk. Sweat beaded on my forehead, but I caught the heavy tongue before it crashed to the ground. Its weight was overwhelming, and I had to use mana to strengthen myself just to hold it.

Dropping the tongue onto the monster's paw, I collapsed to the ground, exhausted. But now a new challenge lay before me: I needed to start a fire.

The attempt to create fire with mana was unsuccessful. I tried again, but the fire refused to appear. Repeated attempts to summon the flames yielded no results, and night was already approaching, bringing a chilling cold. The soft moonlight filtered through the trees, illuminating the area around me, which helped calm my mind and allowed me to see.

"Tsk," I gritted my teeth, clutching my stomach. The irritating growling of my stomach was unbearable, but without fire, I couldn't eat the monster's meat or warm myself. Of course, I had tried eating the raw meat, but the taste was so repulsive that I vomited after just one bite. It was better to cook it and eat it later.

Attempts to remember the fire-creation spell led nowhere, and my mana reserve was already running low. 

"This can't go on. I can't fully rely on mana."

I sighed and looked around for something that could be used to start a fire manually. 

My gaze landed on a dry stick and some wood nearby. I vaguely recalled something about the law of friction. Scanning my surroundings again and finding no other options, I decided to give it a try. Settling down near the monster's body, I broke off a dry branch, carved a small hole into the wood, and inserted one end of the stick. Gritting my teeth, I started twirling the stick between my palms, hoping to create at least some heat.

"Come on already."

It all seemed pointless. My hands grew tired after a few minutes, and my heart was pounding in my chest. With every passing moment, I felt more and more strength leave me. The thought of eating raw meat no longer seemed so disgusting—in fact, it was becoming more of a tempting option.

Suddenly, a faint wisp of smoke appeared in the small hole. Something inside me stirred, as if sheer willpower pushed me to continue. Gathering the last of my strength, I increased my pace until I finally saw tiny glowing embers. Grabbing some dry grass, I carefully transferred the embers and blew on them. Slowly, they began to ignite, and soon enough, a small flame appeared. With a sigh of relief, I sat back and watched the fire grow. 

"Oh, thank the world I used to live in!" I prayed, gazing at the flames.

Now that I had fire, I could cook the meat and finally satisfy the beastly hunger gnawing at my insides. 

Looking at the monster's carcass, I realized I couldn't just cut off one piece—I needed to carve it up into portions to make the meat last as long as possible. That was the only way I'd have a chance to survive here.

"Feels like I'll end up eating all this meat," I muttered, licking my parched lips. My imagination ran wild as I pictured the aromatic, roasted meat, the smoky scent rising from the fire, and the crispy crust forming on the outside. Despite my exhaustion and initial disgust, my mouth began to water at the thought of what I was about to eat.

Summoning the last dregs of my mana, I carved out a medium-sized piece of meat, about the length of my forearm, and skewered it onto a sturdy stick. Feeling weak but driven by necessity, I slowly hung it over the fire. The meat began to sizzle, and the air was instantly filled with a pleasant, even appetizing aroma. The fire crackled as the flames danced in rhythm with my quiet thoughts. 

"Guess I went through with it after all... eating monster meat."

I watched as the meat gradually changed color, and suddenly I realized that this was the first moment of calm I'd had in a long time. Here, in the middle of these deadly plains, surrounded by corpses and wilderness, I had fire and, at least for now, a chance to survive another day. 

When the meat was roasted to a dark, crispy exterior, I couldn't resist any longer and took a bite. The roasted meat wasn't as bad as I expected. In fact, it was juicy and rich in flavor. Each bite sent warmth coursing through me, replenishing my strength. But even as I ate, a sense of unease gnawed at the back of my mind. This world seemed full of trials, and the monster whose meat I was eating might just be the beginning.

I kept chewing, trying to suppress the rising fear. 

"Fate will not be kind to you," I muttered, repeating the words of the god from our brief but intense conversation. Those words echoed in my head, over and over, reminding me of the trials yet to come. Suddenly, a flood of questions overwhelmed me, filling every corner of my mind. I didn't even know where I was. Normally, when you inhabit a new body, you receive some of its memories. But in my case, there wasn't even a hint of such a gift.

I didn't know who I was now. I didn't know if I had family, or anyone who could help me. I didn't know how to get out of this place, or if it was filled with monsters along the way. All these thoughts snowballed, pressing on my chest and clouding my mind.

In the end, reality hit me with a wave of despair. The veil of uncertainty and loneliness became unbearable. My mind, trapped in a child's body, struggled with the harshness of this reality—a reality even an adult might find hard to face. 

In the end, the grown mind couldn't cope with the child's body, and tears, held back for so long, spilled over, streaming down my face. I could feel the bitterness rising in my throat, and sobs escaped on their own, mixing tears with the sweat on my face. 

Crying seemed shameful, but at that moment, I could no longer hold it all in.