The Butcher of Gadobhra

After Ozzy died, he'd been given some familiar options.

[You have died. Take your pick from A) Explosion Damage, B) Standing in Fire until you are toast. C) Alcohol Poisoning from inhaling superheated Dwarven Whiskey.

As always, you have options for the next few hours:
-Log out and rejoin the real world. (Over-rated and will cost you 1 SP as you are a Contract Worker.)
-Browse the Global Data Net for information. (Also costing you 1 SP.)
-Play vintage video games. We'll pick the ones you are good at so you can feel like a winner.
-Review your notifications.]

This wasn't his first time at the rodeo. Ozzy opted to look at his notifications. That should take a little time, and then maybe some Ms. Pacman, or a nap. The first message looked like a spam email.

[Congratulations, and welcome to the Dark Side!

You have betrayed an Elite Level Daemon above your Tier and stolen his quest! By completing the quest: Turn Sedgewick into a Charnel House, you have shown your lust for power and dedication to the Path of the Butcher. Welcome to the Dark and its many benefits.

You will gain +1 Corruption. This is a restricted stat only available to Black Guards, Cultists, Evil Priests, Politicians, Dark Butchers, Anti-Paladins, and Horrors that stalk the night. You may now increase your Corruption with further atrocities, gaining Dark power and making daemonic bargains,

You may study Dark Magics from Ancient Grimoires or Summoned Daemonic Sages.
You receive the ability to cast one small curse of your choice.
You gain access to special quests, spells, and skills only available to Horrors of the Dark.
Restrictions: The Dark finds the Light annoying. After agreeing to accept the Dark, you may not join the Light or gain access to Radiant Magic, skills, or quests.
Accept the offer to join the Dark <Y>? <N>?]

Ozzy did not feel welcomed at all. And the situation was confusing to him. He'd assumed killing a Daemon had pissed off the guys downstairs and made the guys with the harps happy. This almost sounded like he'd impressed them by killing the thing. Charnel House? No idea. Then again, a big flaming building full of meat and a meat daemon might just meet the requirement for that. He tried to dismiss the offer but didn't seem to have the option. The next message was similar.

[Congratulations, and welcome to the Light! You have slain an Elite Level Daemon above your Tier and saved a town of peaceful townsfolk from a terrible fate. The Light welcomes you to its army of crusaders! Join the Light and receive the following:

+1 Radiance. This is a restricted stat only available to Paladins, Clerics, Holy Inquisitors, Light Butchers, Battle Nuns, and other Warriors of the Light. You may now increase your radiance with further victories over the Dark.

You may study with the great schools of magic and have access to learn Radiant Magic Spells, take part in special quests, and join the grand crusade against the Dark. (Mandatory attendance.)

You receive the ability to cast one Light cantrip of your choice immediately.
You gain access to quests, spells, and skills normally only available to Warriors of the Light.

Restrictions: The light cannot abide the Dark. After agreeing to accept the light, you may not join the Dark or gain access to Dark Magic spells, skills, or quests.
Accept the offer to join the Light <Y>? <N>?]

So, he was being recruited by both sides? To do what? Did they have a recruitment drive? Ozzy wasn't anxious to join either side of a good vs. evil competition. He'd always liked the fuzzy gray area in between the extremes to either side. As with the first offer, there was no choice of turning down the offer. That was suspicious enough to make him leave both offers alone.
They seemed mutually exclusive. And choosing one would probably piss off the other side.

The good news was in the next message.

[Your group has slain an Elite Level 7 boss. As this is a Tier above your current level, bonuses are increased.

You have earned 1000 experience in your main class (Butcher) and 1000 experience that may be distributed to any stat that had a skill used in this battle. Eligible stats are STR and CON.
You have completed one of the class requirements for Butcher(Light) and Butcher(Dark): Killing a Charnel Daemon and Create a Charnel Pit.
You have completed one of the requirements for reaching Tier 2: Kill a Tier 2 boss while in levels 1-5.

You receive 18 Enhancement Points]

18 points? That was a nice haul, along with the experience points. This was going to take some thinking. That was a hell of a lot of Enhancement points to figure out. He'd have to see what everyone else got and talk things over. He was certainly going to increase some of his caps and stats. That just seemed to go a long way. He brought the list back up again and pondered a bit.

He needed to raise CON by 1 more point by buying another level of Spirit of the Bear to balance his STR. He could only buy a total of 3 and had bought two earlier. He should also raise his cap on CON and think about putting a lot of the experience there. STR was easy to earn. He killed more cows every day. Eventually, he could get CON to 10. That would help with his growing strength. If he put a lot of his bonus experience into CON, he could get it to rank 5. With three points from Spirit of the Bear and the point he'd started with, that would be nine. Raising his cap on CON would let him eventually get to ten. More health and hopefully no more snapped bones and ligaments.

He was tempted to increase his STR with Spirit of the Ox but worried that would just get him back in trouble. He was close to another point with a few hundred more experience. He decided to hold off on buying more STR for now. The natural weaponry options Rolly was using looked good but he wasn't allowed to take it. One Fist of Iron must not count as a natural weapon. But there was also Weapon Damage. That was better for him in many ways. It would affect his cleavers if they fought undead again. If he could add that damage to what he got with One Fist of Iron, he could try to pull off some sort of Monk or Pugilist build. That would be fun. Plus you don't get disarmed as easily....well unless you literally got 'disarmed'. That hurt just thinking about it. What else did these boxes have to say? If he took the first rank of Weapon Damage, that was +10. His STR gave him +45, and the skill gave his punches a base of 20 instead of 10. That added up to 75 points of damage on a punch. Not bad at all. Hmm, that 3 points of STR looked good again. 90 on a punch? That was equivalent to a great big axe. He put spending points aside for now. Best to talk it over with the others. He expected they had received points as well. There were more notifications to go through.

[Congratulations! For unflinchingly facing death by fire to save others You have received the special title Martyr, granting you the skill: Fire Resistance. You will take 5% less damage from fire sources, magical and mundane, and an additional 5% less per rank of this skill. This is a CON-based tertiary skill. You may upgrade this skill to a Primary ability by making it part of your Heritage. If you make this skill a part of your Heritage you may also change its governing stat to INT and change the skill to Active Fire Resistance, allowing you to use mana to negate fire damage. As always, unlocking a part of your heritage can have consequences and revelations.]

Ok, someone was having a laugh here. How many Martyr's needed a skill like that after they died? If he took the option to fight for the light he bet that would go over well. At least the next time he burned to death it wouldn't hurt quite so much. The idea of burning himself to raise a skill was only a bit worse than the poisoning he'd been doing, but still didn't thrill him. Still, it was INT-based, something he didn't have a way of raising yet. He'd have to think about that.

[Congratulations! For slaying a Tier 2 Demonic Elite Boss you have gained the restricted skill: Demon Slayer. This counts as a Primary skill. Demon Slayer adds 5 points of damage to your attacks per rank, plus 5 points for each point of RAD you have earned. Demon Slayer is governed by the RAD stat.]

Ok, so here was a use for radiance. Of course, how many times was he going to see a demon? He would be happy if he never fought one again. He reread the two recruitment notices. He didn't like that he couldn't turn down the offers. Was he going to start getting spam messages from them? Probably. ' Hi, we wanted to talk to you about joining the Light and it's time to renew the warranty on your car.'

The next notice was the one he'd been waiting for.

[A Tier 2 Loot Chest has appeared at the location where you killed The Charnel Daemon. Each person who damaged the Daemon may open the chest once to receive random loot. Only your party may open the chest for the next seven days. If no one opens the chest in the next seven days, the next person to open the chest will receive the loot and the chest will disappear.]

Nice! He didn't know just how good a Tier 2 Loot Chest was, but the first one they got had been filled with some decent stuff and coinage. Although come to think of it, all of his had gone to a pretty dress and spiffy hat for other people in exchange for some money he'd spent on the group. He chuckled at that. Easy come, easy go, and he'd made his friends happy. After playing together this long, they didn't keep score other than for fun.

Hopefully, the fire burned down soon. If the chest was in the exact spot the Charnel Daemon had been when it died, the chest was buried under a few tons of burned meat and charcoal. Just thinking of that made him tired. Maybe just a nap in that big leather chair until his timer was up. He'd just closed his eyes when two messages appeared.

[Hi! We notice that you have not yet agreed to join the Light. Don't be shy, just click the <Y> option and we can upgrade you with your rewards, talk about further training, and how you can best serve the light. Don't delay, Join today!]

[Act now to join the Dark and we'll toss in a weekend of fun down in level 7! Booze, Babes, and the X-rated Ms. Pacman. But wait! There's more! We'll also throw in a free T-shirt!]

Oh, this was going to get annoying. There was a way he might be able to deal with it, though. He pulled a card from his pocket and made a phone call.

A voice in his ear woke Steven up. "Steven?"

Steven rolled over and looked at the clock. "Wally, I'm sure you are aware of when I got to bed and that humans need more than 1 hour and 13 minutes of sleep."

"Very aware Steven."

"Ah, so you have a situation that suddenly needs the attention of the lead game designer's approval. Well, the lead game designer got to bed a little over an hour ago and needs more time here."

"Incorrect Steven. You got to bed over 3.5 hours ago. Plenty of time for a healthy human like you. Best if Sandra gets her full night's rest. Let's not wake her up. I'll tell Heaven and Hell to stand down and not go to war until morning.

Assault Demons

and

Angels of Vengeance

are both known for their patience."

"Excellent Idea. I'm ok with that." Steven fluffed his pillow, and went back to sleep. 10 seconds later, his brain finally thought about Wally's last statement. "Oh, shit!" 1 minute later he was in his robe, at his desk, with coffee on the way. The big screen lit up with Wally's image. "Steven! So good to see you. We have a small situation that could trigger several events that weren't supposed to happen in the game for years. I'd like to get ahead of this situation. We are about to have a lawyer involved, and that could make it very serious."

Steven picked up the large pot of coffee Wally and warmed for him and just took the whole thing and his mug to the table. "Demons, Angels, and Lawyers. How did this happen?"

"From the conversation that the System is relaying to me, it seems someone has annoyed a Butcher."

Elgebert Coppertwist of the Law Firm Coppertwist, Fellrock, Kindfeld, and Bumplasonek knocked on the door to Ozzy's room less than a minute after he left the message. Ozzy opened the door to see the gnome looking about the same as last time. "Good day sir, please come in."

"Thank you. I will be terse. My fees are astronomical, and I don't like to drive a client into debt for the rest of their lives and possibly incarnations after that. You should quickly state your proposed business and I will give you my fee schedule and try to keep my billable time to a minimum. So what can I do for you today?"

Ozzy shared the two notifications and the annoying second messages from the Light and the Dark. "Two offers, neither of which is good for me. Can't refuse either, and already getting spam messages."

The gnome looked at the messages briefly and relaxed a bit. "Ah, this won't cost you a dime. Standard work. I'll file a formal complaint about each, get things changed, and then bill them for the work plus 200%. Done it before. You mentioned neither works for you?"

"No, or rather, I suspect not. I'm a Contract Worker. I'm going to spend five years working for ACME. I don't have time for this nonsense, plus I don't think I'm even getting all of the benefits, just the responsibilities for some ongoing battle between the two."

The lawyer nodded. "That is correct. Your current contract blocks you from many things. But no worries, I'll have this fixed and you can decline them both and get on with your life."

Ozzy smiled. It wasn't a friendly smile. "I was thinking about accepting."

"Oh? Surprising. And which are you planning on accepting?" Elgebert was curious about this choice.

"Both," Ozzy said. "Simultaneously."

"Oh goodness me. Now that is going to cause a ruckus." He walked to the phone, and without dialing, spoke into the receiver. "Agnes, be a dear and cancel all of my appointments. I'll be in court for the rest of the day. The case just took an interesting turn."

Turning to Ozzy, he said, "Time to make it official. I believe that we have an agreed-upon rate for work of this type." Ozzy tossed him one copper which the gnome caught and put in his pocket. Then the Butcher brought up both offers and concentrated on both at the same time. The results were interesting, to say the least.

A trio of stunning women in chain mail bikinis, with batwings and hooves materialized on one side of the room, smiling evilly at the thought of the coming torture. Ozzy calmly sipped his diet soda. Nearly at the same time, three blonde-haired warriors in golden Greek armor and white wings appeared, their noble faces marred by the pains of this base betrayal. All of them began shouting at once, posturing, and growling at their counterparts.

Foul fiend of the Dark!
You sniveling traitorous two-timer, how dare you accept a bribe from the light!
How dare betray us to the Dark!
You dare to deal with those feathered idiots!
It's the Burning Inquisition for you!
To the slime pits of Yegador!
On guard! Foul forces were waiting for us!
It's a trap of the light!
To arms! Call for aid!
Sound the Doom Bell!
I hope you know, this means WAR!
WAR is the only way to settle this!

Stand down, all of you idiots!!

Oh boy!
crap on a stick......
We'll be good, Lord Mithras
uh..being bad but in a quiet way...

[The following is the transcript from the Divine Court of Mithras, God of Justice, Case # 7625091956]

Mithras: This had to be today? Tomorrow I go on vacation and Hammurabi will take over my caseload. But, of course, this had to happen today. Ok, let's figure this out. What do each of you bring before my court? Light, you can go first, Dark went first last time.

Light: This mortal tried to serve the Dark after swearing to serve the Light!

Dark: This weakling agreed to help the Light after swearing to an infernal pact!

Light: Bullshit! Your pawn tried to infiltrate us.

Dark: Swearing already, I'll make a dirty boy of you yet. And the lies?! He was our pawn first.

Mithras: Mortal, which of these powers did you betray?

Coppertwist: Objection, your honor. My client betrayed no one and the assumption that he did is shocking, just shocking.

Mithras: Objection noted. Apologies Mr. Coppertwist, I shouldn't assume based on shouted accusations. Perhaps you can clarify your client's position.

Coppertwist: My client is innocent and annoyed.

Mithras: So noted. Can you clarify his status as an agent of the Light or the Dark?

Coppertwist: Certainly your Honor.

Mithras: (pause). Oh god!...gnomes....Mr. Coppertwist, it would please the court if you would immediately clarify whether your client has sworn to act as an agent for the Light or the Dark.

Coppertwist: Yes, your Honor. He is an agent for the Light or the Dark.

Mithras: ...

Light: Oooh, he's good!
Damn, look at the balls on that gnome!

Mithras: Did your client accept an offer from the Light?

Coppertwist: Yes sir.

Mithras: And to verify, did he accept an offer from the Dark?

Coppertwist: Yes sir.

Mithras: Both?

Coppertwist: Yes sir.

Mithras: Can you explain, in a way that takes up the least amount of my time, how that is possible?

Coppertwist: If you look at the times of acceptance, your honor, you'll see that they were issued at the exact same moment, triggered by the same event, and said event to be the slaying of a Charnel Daemon. Normally a pending contract with the Light or Dark would prohibit the offering of a contract with the opposite faction, but not in this case. Simultaneously issued contracts, and he accepted them simultaneously. You'll also note the wording.

Mithras: Yes, I see, this was very sloppy. I suspect the Dark of leaving loopholes and the Light being lazy and just copying their text. 'After agreeing to accept...'. I see the loophole your client exploited to cause this mess. That just leaves me with one question Mr. Coppertwist.

Coppertwist: Yes, your honor?

Mithras: Why in all the 666 Hells and 7 Heavens would he do this?!!

Coppertwist: They annoyed him, your honor.

Mithras: How did they do that, please? Most mortals are happy to receive recognition for their actions. He could have chosen his preferred side, or neither, and not interrupted my packing.

Coppertwist: Sadly sir. No, he could not. You are a busy person sir. May I summarize?

Mithras: I dearly wish you would.

Coppertwist: Both Light and the Dark offered my client contracts that he couldn't refuse. Not only did my client feel threatened, but he was faced with two such contracts, which on the face of it, were mutually exclusive. Furthermore, as a Contract Worker, he is forbidden from attending any School of Magic due to being gainfully employed with no time off. He also cannot spare the time to engage in quests, missions, or other tomfoolery from either side. The 'Offers he can't refuse' were made in bad faith.

Coppertwist: And then they immediately started spamming him to accept.

Light: Just helpful reminders...
Dark: Small threats so he made the right choice...

Mithras: Of course they did. What remedy are you looking for Mr. Coppertwist?

Coppertwist: Just a few things your honor, in light of the horrible ordeal my client was subjected to.

Coppertwist: Firstly, an acknowledgment that any involvement in the Light or Dark will be his decision with no contact, spam, hypnotic dreams, or other form of of coercion from the Light or the Dark

Coppertwist: Secondly, both the Corruption and Radiance stats of the value of +1 are to be added to my client's character. He likes to keep his options open.

Coppertwist: Thirdly, both promised cantrips of his choice.

Coppertwist: Fourthly, the promised access to quests, spells, and skills, mentioned in the contract IFF also allowed by his Contract with ACME corporation.

Mithras: Acceptable. They offered these things, so they can give them to him and back off. Anything else? I see that you aren't nearly done by the way you are smiling.

Coppertwist: Yes..ahem...As punitive damages, we request that both the Dark and the Light be reprimanded for handing out contracts that co-opt free will by not allowing them to be denied. We ask that all contracts in the last 300 years be reviewed and the option to void be offered where applicable.

Mithras: Oh, just 300 years? Why not ask for the dawn of time while you are at it, Mr. Coppertwist?

Coppertwist: Those people are likely dead your honor.

Mithras: Oh, yes, most likely....sigh....how about since players entered the world? Would that suit you? I don't want to take so much time away from my vacation.

Coppertwist: Grudgingly acceptable your honor. I will also be billing both parties for the copious amount of time that preparing for this case took. Oh, and my client would like a feather. Phoenix preferably as they hold up best and look quite dashing. Cost to be added to my bill.

Mithras: A feather?

Coppertwist: A feather. Phoenix preferred.

Mithras: Would this make you happy, Mr. Ozzy, and end this amicably?

Ozzy: Yes sir. That will do.

Mithras: SO LET IT BE WRITTEN, SO LET IT BE DONE!    Oh, and you lot! Please don't annoy Mr. Ozzy again. Thank you.

Light: No Sir!
Dark: ..if we mustn't...

Mithras: Court is adjourned. I'm off on vacation

================

Ozzy turned to the gnome. "Whew. Thanks. That could have gone a hell of a lot worse."

"Oh, very true. Much, much worse. But all in all, I'm satisfied with the outcome as well." Elgebert did seem extremely pleased. "Now if you excuse me, I must be off. I have to let my primary wife know to assemble the clan for tonight's celebratory dinner. She'll insist on making it a big night, and for once I agree."

"Is the paycheck for this job that big?" Ozzy hoped so. Making someone pay until it hurt was the best way to change bad behavior.

"No, the check, while substantial, is simply icing on the cake. Winning a victory in court against both a heavenly and an infernal power on a moment's notice? The experience is simply grand! And arguing the case before Lord Mithras is a +20% bonus. This pushed me from Level 30 up to Level 31 and into the 7th tier! A banner day for myself and my wives, along with my clan and my firm. Please don't hesitate to call me with more interesting and complicated cases like this."

They shook hands and the gnome took his leave, a large grin on his face as he contemplated the evening's festivities. Level 31! The Players were stirring up all sorts of legal problems. He anticipated a busy season coming up.

Steven leaned back in his seat and flipped off the screen. He and Wally had been reading the transcript of the court case as the System relayed it to them. Again, he was amazed at the situations the Engine could create. "So, that seemed to go well. Was there actually a chance of a war over this?"

Wally chuckled, "Oh yes, those two sub-factions will go to war over almost anything. Both the powers of Light and the powers of the Dark have many different factions and groups making them up. Each has its warmongers. I believe it was one of the Arch-Angels that said "Of course we need to have a war! How can we win the war if we don't have a war!"

"So occasionally we get a few angels and demons sent to Hades' realm and then cooler heads prevail. The warmongers have been losing a lot of agents though, and seem to be a bit rabid about recruitment. Players entering the world stirred them up. Lots of new chances to bring in fresh troops. But this should keep them in line for a bit. I barely had to do a thing other than put a stamp of approval on the proceedings."

Steven nodded, half asleep. "And the approval of a sleepy human. Who is now going back to bed."