Chapter 15: Colossal Considerations
Dear Lord Tamlin Ashowan,
Hopefully you remember me even though it has been a few years since we last spoke, but my name is Rosaline Evans. I am the owner of the tavern and inn you frequented, The Rosey Glass.
The child that delivered this message, well… There is no easy way to say this, but he is your son.
I learned about him two months after we last spoke, and because you had never given your real name, I did not know how to inform you.
It wasn’t until my brother, Liam, learned who you were when you were in Rollom with your father performing the inspection of the coven schools after the solstice that we learned your true identity.
While I debated whether I could part with our son, I’m ashamed to admit that I have not been the best of mothers. I never gave him a name at my brother’s urging, as he believes it is a father’s right, and it is important in order for the father to form a bond… Even though I never knew if I’d find you again.
Our son looks just like you. He’s quiet, like you are, and always seems to be thinking carefully. He doesn’t smile often, but he is polite, and will not give you any trouble. From the bottom of my heart, I believe that you can provide him a better life than I ever will, and I think he needs you. I think you need him, too, to be honest.
When my brother and I heard you were going to perform inspections again with your father, I sent our boy to meet you. I’ve done the best I could for him until now, but please, please accept him. While he seems like he can bear the weight of the world with ease, I know he is a scared child that needs his father, and a mother’s love, as great as it is, can’t fill that void of another parent.
I wish you my best,
Rosaline Evans
Tam reread the letter for the fifth time, then tossed it onto the small desk in Eli’s cabin.
After learning that he had an illegitimate child, Tam had dazedly seen that the boy had been fed, and a bath had been drawn for him in Tam’s own cabin. The child had insisted he didn’t need any help doing so, and so Tam had retreated to his assistant’s own cabin to try and wrap his head around the situation.
Eli stood with her arms folded leaning against the door, staring at her employer.
“You have something you’d like to say?” Tam asked, finally lifting his somber gaze to hers.
She stared back at him, devoid of emotion, and Tam felt a flicker of anger in his chest at seeing the coldness that had appeared in her countenance.
“Not at all, my lord.”
Tam’s voice sharpened. “I’d rather you not be hiding your true thoughts.”
Eli swallowed, but didn’t cower from his apparent displeasure. “Were you ignoring the mother of your child to the point she had no choice but to send him to you?”
“No. I had a relationship with her while I was using a different name. I had to travel without alerting the local nobility or the coven where I was or what I was doing. So she had no way to contact me after we concluded our… relationship.”
“You didn’t think to check in just in case?”
“She is the kind of no nonsense type of woman who didn’t want a clingy ex-lover. She’s busy running her business, and her brother made it perfectly clear I shouldn’t return.”
Tam could tell that Eli felt her moral high ground starting to crumble, and watched she pushed herself off of the door as she struggled to settle into the conversation.
“What are you going to do about him?”
Tam raised an eyebrow, then lowered his elbows to the tops of his thighs, his hands loosely clasped. Despite him being lower than Eli, shrunk under the intensity of his gaze.
“It’s a little more complicated than I’d like with him being here. For one, I can’t just send him back to Daxaria alone, and I’m concerned for his safety while we’re in Zinfera.”
A flicker of softness passed through Eli’s eyes as he spoke…
“Then there is the obvious question: Is he the devil?”
Eli jerked back in shock, and her eyes widened. “What?”
“How much were you told about the events of the war in Troivack?”
“Well I… That is… That is private information belonging to the crown-” she wiped her palms on her trousers, as though they had just begun to sweat profusely.
Tam closed his eyes with a sigh. “You know about the devil and the first witch. Good. Then you most likely also know that the devil was supposed to be reborn shortly after Her Majesty killed him. Seven years ago.”
Eli gaped at Tam.
He was right… And it was true… She had remembered the king and queen of Troivack discussing how much the devil had resembled Tamlin Ashowan…
“I thought the devil respawned from the ashes of his past corpses. How would he have been able to get this former love interest of yours involved?” Eli wondered aloud, which betrayed how well informed she was of the whole situation.
“I imagine the devil has connections… If he is the devil,” Tam added while lowering his gaze, his moment of intensity dissipating.
“During questioning, the first witch claimed that she had disposed of many of the devil’s connections and contacts. And she seemed rather confident on the point,” Eli explained carefully.
Tam gave a humorless chuckle and lifted his face once more. “So you think that the boy really is my son?”
Eli shook her head. “I do not know for certain given your point about him being the devil, but he does look remarkably like you.”
Tam nodded after eyeing his assistant a little longer, weighing whether or not she was sincere in her response. He stood while taking a long breath.
“Well, until we know for certain one way or another, I’m going to treat him as though he is my…. My own. But we are going to be extraordinarily careful about revealing any information around him. Our time in Zinfera was supposed to be relatively low risk, and more about gathering information and if we do interfere it is to be as discrete as possible. I’ll think more on whether I’ll send him back to Daxaria earlier than later.”
“Pardon me saying so, my lord, but you are underestimating how dangerous the Torit Desert is. No one is safe traveling through them. Let alone a child.”
Tam grimaced. “You tell me then. Which is safer? Sending him back alone to Daxaria, or bringing him with us? I’m deferring to you on this, Eli, because you know Zinfera best.” Tam tilted his head as he stared down at his assistant, his hands finding his pockets.
*
A peculiar blush crept up Eli’s face as she suddenly remembered earlier that day when he had had her pressed against the rail at the bow of the ship… How he had cornered her, but rather than feeling frightened or panicked, she had felt drawn to her employer, his solid strength an odd comfort as opposed to a threat…
She lowered her eyes, unable to look at him while forming her answer. She thought about both options regarding keeping the boy with them while they traveled keeping her sights fixed on the pale planks of the deck beneath her feet.
On one hand, sending a child back with strangers was terribly risky, even if Tam revealed the boy was his son. There were pirates, slave traders, even the weather was a danger…
Then there were the bandits that roamed the desert, and the elements that could possibly kill them as well… Not to mention there was talk of a dragon being sighted on the other end of the capital, which was also risky, but at the same time, Lord Tam would be there, and his family had their own connections. Besides, if the child was the devil reborn, it’d be best to keep him close.
“I suppose he should join us,” Eli agreed at last.
Tam jerked his chin down. “Alright.”
Her employer then moved to step around Eli, making her entire body flush with awareness once more, causing her to shrink away from him. Tam paused when she did this, his brows twitching in concern…
Not wanting to address the dragon in the room, Eli quickly blurted. “What will you name him?”
Caught entirely off guard by the question, Tam balked. “Er… I… I was going to ask his opinion. If I’m being honest? That detail made me particularly suspicious about his story… Though when I remembered Rosline’s brother it did make a kind of sense. He was wildly controlling at times, and most likely wasn’t all that kind to the boy. Rosaline is a strong woman, but when it comes to her younger brother she lets him sway her and doesn’t address his anger… Anyway. You don’t need to hear about that.” Tam blinked away the memories and reached for the cabin door. “I’ll talk to the boy and see what names he likes.”
“My lord?”
Tam glanced over his shoulder at Eli who was fidgeting as she always did when uncomfortable and attention was directed at her.
“I… I believe you are commendable for handling this as well as you have.”
Tam straightened, and even though Eli wasn’t looking at him, she could tell she had surprised him.
“I believe it is an assistant’s duty to both provide criticism and praise to their employers, as they see them in ways that no one else does.”
A soft smile curved Tam’s mouth as he turned to face his assistant better and she stole a glance to see his reaction. “You sound like you’re the one in charge here. You’re doing a fine job yourself, Eli.”
“At least with everything going on your sea sickness has eased off!” she burst out when she was once again faced with the alarmingly attractive smile that her employer gave her when he was being a mite mischievous.
Tam’s lightened expression disappeared then. “Oh, I still feel like hanging over the rails, but I just don’t have time to right now.”
“Most people can’t control seasickness,” Eli pointed out, her timid tone turning wry.
“Most people don’t find out they have a seven year old son in the middle of the sea, either.”
The assistant looked dubious at his reasoning, but decided to let it go, and so, with a final wave over his shoulder, Tam exited the cabin to go to presumably face the child who may be his son… Or may be the son of the Gods– the child responsible for the evil of all mankind.
*
Either possibility of the child’s identity brought with it a world of complications, though if Tam were honest…? He couldn’t help but already think of the boy as his own. It was hard to think otherwise when he had never seen the devil in person, and furthermore, the boy looked alarmingly like himself.
As Tam walked through the narrow galley of the ship toward his own quarters, he idly thought how excited his nephew Antony would be about having a cousin his own age.
In fact, all three of the boys would be over the moon excited to have another person to play with.
When Tam caught himself smiling at the thought he felt his heart jolt in alarm. Was he already deluding himself into thinking that he was fit to be a father?
He couldn’t even handle crowded rooms for an entire evening!
What if his powers got the best of him again, only this time, instead of an entire wall and desk being the victims, it was his own son?
Tam’s gut churned as his anxieties mounted.
Rosaline had said she thought their child would be better off with him, but she didn’t know how little people thought of the future duke… To bring in an illegitimate child and subject him to even more judgment than would be the norm in such cases…?
Tam arrived at the cabin door and hesitated.
His heart skipped several beats, and a cold sweat started to spread along his back.
Amazingly his magic wasn’t adding to his problems in that moment, but who was to say if that would last?
Tam reached up and patted his chest where he could feel the pendant under his tunic. The one he kept hidden from sight, but that brought him immeasurable comfort.
Closing his eyes, Tam did his best to shelve his fears.
If the child was his, then it was reasonable to assume that the boy was most likely frightened, and uncertain. And he would of course deserve kindness, patience, and room to feel however he needed to in that moment. Tam’s own insecurities needed to wait.
So, reaching to the door handle, Tam faced his new responsibilities while also making the firm decision to press the possibility of the boy being the devil to the back of his mind. Even if there was a strong likelihood it was the son of the Gods? If there was the tiniest of chances that was not the case? Tam was not going to risk scaring a child who had done nothing wrong.
The door opened, and Tam stepped in, albeit he did have one final thought before focusing on whatever scene would greet him.
Gods… My parents thought Kat eloping when she traveled was bad… Coming back home with a new, illegitimate grandson might even have her beat for outrageous surprises…