The Fox Hole

Chapter 30: Pork Part 1

– Haru –

Tanya was slumped over the counter, letting out a huff like the weight of the world was on her shoulders. She looked troubled about something. 

"Is something wrong, Tanya-chan?" I asked her.

"It's your sister's birthday tomorrow, and as her loyal employee and 'bestest friend,' aren't I supposed to get her a gift? What do I get for a Yokai princess who already has everything she could ask for?" she said. Apparently, Viktoriya had been out in Kyoto trying to find something too but was having no luck either…

"Rich people problems," Alice said with a small smile from her spot at the counter.

Alice had spent the entire previous day with Rias and looked much better after their spa day. She was back at her post as the "guard" of my restaurant, at least until the door decided to open back up to her world. No luck yet on that front.

I nodded at Tanya. "I know how you feel. I usually just make her an elaborate feast. This year, I was thinking of making the theme 'pork.'"

Tanya tilted her head, considering. "Maybe I could help? I've never hunted before, but maybe one of the dimensions has some exotic ingredients I could hunt?"

I ran a hand through my blond hair. "Hmm… that's actually not a bad idea. Although, I'm pretty sure the boars in Skyrim and Ainz's world are the same as we have here. Same with Harry's world, and I'd rather not experiment with alien meat either. We need somewhere new."

As if on cue, two white badges dropped down on the counter. They were circular and had the numbers 407 and 408 printed on them.

"I think the goddess is helping us out," I said, picking up the badge marked 407 and handing 408 to Tanya. I walked around the counter, heading for the door, but paused. "Alice, want to come with us?"

"No thanks, have fun hunting pigs on your own. I just spent an entire day in a hot spring after months in a zombie apocalypse. I'd rather not get filthy again so soon. I'll just hang out with Enri when she shows up. That girl is adorable," Alice replied.

"Thanks for watching the restaurant for me," I said, heading out with Tanya following close behind.

Before we even reached the door, it flew open, and Naruko strolled in, her eyes immediately landing on us. "Oh, hi Haru. Are you heading out? I just stopped by to visit."

"Yeah, it's Kunou's birthday tomorrow, and we're going to hunt some exotic pork for her birthday feast. Wanna come?" I asked. Before she could respond, another badge appeared out of thin air. Naruko deftly caught it, reading the number 409 printed on it.

"Pork is my favorite! I definitely want to help!" Naruko grinned. "This can be like our mini-date before our actual date! And then you have to take Alice-chan over there out next. You can't just bring in two other women when she was here first!"

Alice choked on her coffee, coughing as her face turned bright red. "Haru is handsome and all, and I'm very grateful to him, but I'm not ready for anything like that… yet."

Naruko gave Alice a baffled look before shrugging and grabbing my arm. "Let's go, Haru! We've got pigs to hunt!" She started dragging me toward the door, Tanya trailing behind us with an amused expression.

When we stepped through the door, I immediately noticed how dark it was. We were in a pitch-black tunnel, and stairs stretched out in front of us. My night vision made it easy for me to see, but Naruko and Tanya weren't so lucky.

"This is ridiculous. I can't see a damn thing," Naruko grumbled, waving her hand in front of her face like it would help.

"Agreed," Tanya muttered while squinting. "This is inconvenient."

I sighed and grabbed both of their wrists, pulling them along. "Stick close. I can see just fine."

As we climbed the stairs, I heard a man up ahead, clawing at a steel door. He was panicking, slamming his fists against the metal like it owed him money.

"Please, no! I was so close! Open up! Please, I need to pass the Hunter's Exam!" the man begged, his voice full of desperation.

"Need some help?" I called out, leading Naruko and Tanya closer to him.

The man whipped around, startled. "Who's there!? Did you just get here too? The proctor closed the door on me right as I reached the top! That damn mouthless asshole."

"Mouthless…?" 

I shook my head. That sounded weird, but I'd heard stranger things. Placing my hand on the steel door. The Goddess had sent us here for a reason, and I doubted there were any pigs hiding behind this tunnel. My blue foxfire ignited, and the thick steel began to rapidly melt under my palm.

"What the hell!? Holy fucking shit!" the man exclaimed, stumbling back as the heat radiated from the door.

Naruko whistled, clearly impressed. "Not bad, Haru-kun. Can you do this for all locked doors? Asking for future reference in case I want to steal some shit of course..."

Tanya just crossed her arms, looking more annoyed than anything. "This feels excessive, but I suppose it works."

I smirked, focusing on creating a large enough hole. Once the steel blob melted away, sunlight poured in, revealing a large group of people on the other side. All of them were staring at us in sheer disbelief, their expressions somewhere between awe and terror.

"Thank you so much!" the panicked man shouted, darting through the hole and carefully avoiding the molten edges.

I stepped through after him, with Naruko and Tanya close behind. The large group of people on the other side didn't move. They just stood there, gawking at us.

I scratched my cheek, feeling a little awkward under their stares. "Uh, sorry about that. The door closed on us." I glanced around and noticed that all of them were wearing numbered badges identical to the ones we had. 

My tails swayed behind me as I walked toward the colorful group of people. There were so many of them, and they all looked like they came from completely different places. Two kids near the front immediately spotted Tanya and ran up to her. They seemed around her size, which wasn't saying much given her… unique situation.

"Hi there! My name's Gon, and this is Killua," said the one with spiky black hair and a big grin. "We didn't see any other kids here. Where did you come from?"

Killua, the one with silver hair and a more suspicious vibe, glanced at me nervously. "And how did your… friend over there melt through those thick steel doors so fast? And why does he have tails?" he asked Tanya.

Tanya crossed her arms, clearly unimpressed with the two kids. "I'm Tanya, and I came from the other side of that door. Obviously!"

Killua smirked. "You're funny! You should come hang out with us instead of the boring adults."

"Yeah! C'mon!" Gon added enthusiastically, grabbing her hand.

Tanya turned to me with a look that screamed help me. "Haru…"

I couldn't resist messing with her. "Have fun, Tanya. Go play with your new friends."

Her glare promised payback, but before she could argue, the boys were already dragging her off, chatting her ears off about who-knows-what.

Naruko giggled and hooked her arm through mine as we made our way to the front of the crowd. "That was mean, Haru-kun."

"I'm sure she'll be fine," I said with a grin.

At the front, a man with no mouth—seriously, no mouth—was staring at us nervously. The other guy from before hadn't been exaggerating about him. 

"Something wrong, buddy?" I asked innocently, as if I'd totally been part of this group all along.

The faceless man glanced at the badges on Naruko's and my chests before shrugging. "Nothing is wrong, I suppose. My name is Satotz, and welcome to the Hunter Exam…"

An exam to test out people's qualities as hunters? That was great! No wonder the Goddess sent us here. I was sure we'd find some good pigs during this test.

Satotz turned and addressed the rest of the crowd. "The first exam is still not yet over. Follow me to the next phase. We'll be passing through the Swindler's Swamp. Be sure to stay close to me. If you get lost, you may never find your way out. The swamp is full of poisonous plants and dangerous creatures that will try to trick you and eat you…"

Naruko tightened her grip on my arm as the group started moving. "This place reminds me of Training Ground 44," she muttered. "I hated that place so much. There were centipedes there bigger than me! And they spat acid too, because why the fuck wouldn't they?"

Naruko clung a little tighter to my arm, muttering about giant centipedes and acid, and I couldn't help but chuckle. "You're afraid of bugs? After everything you've faced?"

"They're gross, okay?" she shot back, pouting. "And they always come out of nowhere!"

We followed Satotz through the swamp, the air getting heavier with each step. A lot of the other examinees were starting to lag behind. They looked exhausted, like they'd been running marathons for hours. Some of them smelled like it too, which made my nose twitch. Super smell was great most of the time, but moments like this made it a curse.

I noticed a man jogging closer to us, his aura practically dripping with murderous intent. He was wearing clown makeup and a ridiculously colorful outfit that made him look like he'd just escaped a circus. As he got closer, he smiled in a way that wasn't comforting at all. "Hello there. I don't remember seeing you two when the Hunter Exam started. I definitely would've noticed people as powerful as you. Your little blonde friend too..." He shuddered and, to my disgust, licked his lips.

Naruko stiffened and muttered under her breath, "Fuck me, it's another Orochimaru."

I had to admit, I was getting similar vibes. I kept my expression calm. "You should probably stay away from Tanya."

The clown raised an eyebrow. "Oh? And why would I do that? She looks so... tantalizing." He smirked, giving both of us a once-over. "As do both of you."

"Your funeral," I said with a shrug.

"Oh?" He leaned closer, his bloodlust spiking so sharply that several nearby examinees fled, no matter how tired they were. Even Satotz picked up his pace, clearly not wanting to deal with this guy. "Are you going to kill me for going near the innocent little girl? I love a good fight."

I chuckled softly. "No, I'm not going to kill you. Tanya-chan will take care of that herself. I never got her exact body count, but it's easily in the tens of thousands. Maybe even close to a hundred thousand."

The clown froze mid-step, his expression faltering. Naruko gaped at me. "Holy shit, Tanya is scary! I know she basically one-shot a dragon, but what the fuck was wrong with her homeland if a little girl has a body count that high?"

"It's... a whole thing. She doesn't really like to talk about it," I mumbled, scratching the back of my head. I glanced back at the clown, but he was gone…

I shrugged and sniffed the air, picking up Satotz's scent trail. "Come on, let's catch up."

Naruko nodded, still muttering about Tanya's insane kill count. We sped up, weaving through the swamp. Tanya was fine, I was sure of it. She had those two boys with her, and if she somehow got lost, she could always just fly above the trees to find us. No big deal. 

Probably…

– Tanya –

Tanya was not happy. She was dripping with frog mucus after the largest amphibian she had ever seen—about the size of a building—tried to swallow her and the two dumb boys she was stuck with. Her mood was about as bad as her current smell.

"Hahaha, that was a close one," Gon said, rubbing the back of his head. "Why'd it spit us out?"

"I gave it some of this poisoned juice Tonpa gave me," Killua said nonchalantly.

Tanya narrowed her eyes at him. "Why do you have poisoned juice?"

Killua shrugged. "You'd know if you guys had been here at the start of the exam instead of sneaking in halfway through."

"We did no such thing," Tanya snapped, crossing her arms even though she knew neither of them believed her.

Gon and Killua seemed unbothered by the entire ordeal, but Tanya was sticky, smelly, and furious. She grabbed the rifle hanging off her shoulder, spun around, and pointed it at the giant frog that was waddling away.

"What are you doing—" Killua started, but his words were cut off as a glowing magic circle appeared in front of Tanya's rifle barrel. She pulled the trigger, and a deafening boom echoed through the swamp. The giant frog's head was blown clean off in an instant. The ground trembled as its headless body collapsed with a sickening thud.

Gon stared at her in awe. "Tanya-chan… you're really scary."

"What the hell!?" Killua exclaimed, his silver hair sticking up as if the blast had shocked him. "How does a regular rifle do that kind of damage? And what was that glowing circle? That looked like something out of a video game my brother plays!"

Tanya scoffed. "That was magic. I used a spell to increase the velocity of the explosive bullet and amplify the power of the explosion."

"Magic is real!?" Gon's eyes lit up with excitement. "Can you teach me?"

Tanya let out an exasperated sigh. "Are you any good at math?"

Gon blinked. "I've never been to school."

"Me neither," Killua added, as if that was something to be proud of.

Tanya rolled her eyes. "My magic requires precise calculations. You'd need at least a college-level education to even begin learning it."

"Then how do you know it?" Killua asked suspiciously. "You look younger than we do."

"I'm thirteen!" Tanya declared, pouting. "And I'm a genius. I didn't need school."

Killua muttered something about it being unfair, and Gon's shoulders slumped. "Math ruins everything," he grumbled.

"Whatever. We need to catch up with the group before we fall too far behind," Tanya said. She started floating a few feet off the ground, leaving a shocked Gon and Killua gaping at her.

"You can fly!?" Gon shouted, his earlier disappointment completely forgotten.

Tanya smirked. "Try to keep up, or you'll fail this ridiculous test." Killua muttered something about flying being unfair, but he and Gon quickly sprinted after her as she floated gracefully through the swamp. 

– Satotz –

Satoz arrived at the site of the second exam faster than he should have. He needed to warn the second-stage examiners.

"Hey there, Satoz!" Menchi called out, leaning casually against a table piled with cooking supplies. "You look like you've seen a ghost or something."

"Want some cookies?" Buhara added, shoveling another heaping handful of food into his mouth. Crumbs spilled down his shirt as he continued eating like he was preparing to hibernate or something.

Satoz shook his head. "No, thank you," he said briskly, trying not to grimace at Buhara's gluttonous display. He straightened his tie again—a habit when he was anxious. "I came here to warn you two. Three very powerful beings somehow joined the exam halfway through my stage."

Menchi frowned, her sharp eyes narrowing. "Powerful how?"

"Every single one of them..." Satoz hesitated, glancing around as though the trio might appear out of nowhere. He lowered his voice. "Every single one of them reminds me of the Chairman…"

Buhara immediately stopped chewing mid-bite, and Menchi's usually confident posture stiffened. There was no need to explain further. The Chairman was regarded as one of the most invincible Nen users in the world. If even one person comparable to him was in the exam, it would be cause for alarm. But three!?

"You're sure about this?" Menchi asked, her tone serious now.

"I've never been more sure of anything," Satoz replied. "The danger I felt from them… it's bigger than anything I've ever sensed from the old man."

Buhara swallowed his mouthful of food with an audible gulp. "That's... not great."

Menchi crossed her arms and leaned against the table again, her usual confidence creeping back into her expression. "Well, thanks for the warning, but neither Buhara nor I plan to make this exam about fighting. We're gourmet hunters, after all!"

"Exactly," Buhara chimed in, his nerves easing slightly at the familiar thought of food. "If they can't cook, they fail. End of story."

Menchi smirked and punched her palm for emphasis. "No matter how powerful they are, if their cooking sucks, I'll kick them to the curb without a second thought!"

– Haru –

Naruko and I were almost to the second exam site when I stopped dead in my tracks, frozen. A strange tingle ran down my spine, and the fur on my tails puffed out like I'd just been hit by electricity.

"What's wrong, Haru?" Naruko asked, her bright purple eyes wide with concern.

I turned to her, my face serious as I declared, "I feel it. My pride as a chef is suddenly on the line! Someone out there dares to challenge me!"

Naruko blinked at me, her expression shifting from worried to amused. "Er… okay?" she said, letting out a small chuckle. "Well, I guess you better show them who's boss then."

I nodded firmly, the fire of determination already lighting in my chest. "Indeed, I will. No one questions my culinary talents and gets away with it!"

XXX