The Lazy Chronicles: Apartment of the Apocalypse

Mallory was not a woman of action. In fact, her life philosophy could be summed up in one word: minimalism. Not the aesthetic, white-walls-and-houseplants kind of minimalism, but the kind that dictated how much effort she was willing to expend—almost none. This mindset made the sudden knock at her door all the more annoying.

At first, she froze. She wasn't expecting anyone. A knock at the door during a zombie apocalypse could only mean trouble, and trouble was something she was determined to avoid. Peering through the peephole, she saw the problem: a zombie.

"Seriously?" she muttered, taking a step back.

The creature looked as awful as she'd imagined: ragged clothes, decaying flesh, and eyes glazed over with milky white. It groaned faintly and pawed at the door, the sound like sandpaper against wood.

"Why my door?" she whispered, irritated. "There are fifty other apartments on this floor. Why not harass one of those?"

Her apartment chimed softly, and she turned toward the sound. The smart TV flickered to life, displaying a simple message:

Threat Detected. Neutralizing.

Mallory blinked. "Neutralizing?"

The walls hummed faintly. A soft, blue glow rippled across the floor near the front door, almost like an electric current. The groaning stopped abruptly, replaced by a dull thud.

Curious, Mallory returned to the peephole. The zombie was sprawled on the floor, unmoving. Its limbs twitched slightly, but its grotesque face was frozen in a blank stare. After a few moments, the twitching stopped altogether.

"Whoa." She stepped back, feeling a mix of awe and unease. "That's new."

The apartment chimed again, this time with a new message on the TV:

Threat Neutralized. Initiating Cleanup.

A low whirring sound came from the hallway. Mallory rushed to the peephole once more, watching as the floor near the zombie seemed to shimmer and shift. The creature's body began to disintegrate—its decayed flesh and bones breaking down into fine particles that were swiftly vacuumed away by invisible mechanisms. Within seconds, the hallway was spotless, as if nothing had happened.

Mallory stared at the scene, dumbfounded. "Okay, that's both amazing and terrifying."

She wandered back to the couch, sinking into the cushions as she processed what she'd just witnessed. Her apartment wasn't just sheltering her; it was actively protecting her. But how? She hadn't installed any fancy defense systems—heck, she didn't even know how to change a lightbulb without Googling it.

The tablet on her coffee table caught her eye. Picking it up, she scrolled through the menus, looking for clues. Most of the options were straightforward—lighting, temperature control, pantry inventory—but one tab stood out: Security Protocols.

Tapping it, she found a list of features:

Perimeter Defense: Active.

Threat Detection: Active.

Self-Cleaning Mechanisms: Active.

Underneath the list was a note:

"This system adapts to environmental threats to ensure occupant safety."

Mallory raised an eyebrow. "Adapts? Like… evolves?"

She wasn't sure whether to feel comforted or creeped out. On one hand, it was nice to know her apartment had her back. On the other hand, it was unnerving to realize she had no control over how far it might go.

"Okay," she said aloud, setting the tablet aside. "As long as it keeps the zombies out, I'm not complaining."

She grabbed a bag of chips from the pantry and returned to the couch, determined to enjoy her day despite the unsettling discovery.

---

That night, Mallory was woken by a soft vibration. Blinking groggily, she reached for her tablet. The screen lit up with a message:

Motion Detected.

Her stomach twisted as she sat up, glancing toward the front door. The faint sound of footsteps echoed in the hallway—slow, shuffling steps that sent a chill down her spine.

Grabbing the tablet, she accessed the hallway camera feed. Three zombies were moving toward her apartment, their grotesque faces illuminated by the dim emergency lighting.

"Oh, come on," she whispered, her voice trembling slightly.

As they approached, the apartment's defenses activated once again. The air near the door shimmered with that same blue glow, and the zombies collapsed one by one, their bodies crumpling like puppets with cut strings.

Mallory exhaled slowly, relief washing over her. She watched as the cleaning system swept away the remains, leaving no trace of the attack.

"Okay," she muttered, setting the tablet down. "This place is officially the best."

---

The next morning, Mallory decided to test the apartment's capabilities further. She opened the curtains in her living room, watching the street below as she sipped her coffee.

The world outside was bleak—cars abandoned in the streets, storefronts shattered, and the occasional zombie wandering aimlessly. She spotted a small group of survivors moving cautiously along the sidewalk, their makeshift weapons held at the ready.

Mallory felt a twinge of guilt as she watched them struggle to avoid detection. She had everything she needed—safety, food, water—while they risked their lives just to survive another day.

"Not my problem," she said, turning away from the window.

But as she settled back onto the couch, the thought lingered. She couldn't help wondering how long her luck would hold.

---

Later that day, Mallory decided to explore more of the apartment's features. The tablet offered a wealth of options she hadn't noticed before, including one labeled Upgrade Preferences.

Tapping it, she found a list of categories:

Food Supply: Upgrade to Premium Stock.

Power Systems: Upgrade to Unlimited Energy Source.

Defense Mechanisms: Upgrade to Advanced AI Targeting.

"Advanced AI Targeting?" Mallory muttered, raising an eyebrow. "What, is my apartment going to start building laser turrets or something?"

The idea was both ridiculous and oddly comforting. She selected the food supply upgrade first, curious to see what would happen.

The pantry door clicked softly, and Mallory opened it to find a new selection of items: fresh produce, gourmet snacks, and even a few bottles of wine.

"Okay, this is officially the best apocalypse ever," she said, grabbing a box of chocolate truffles.

She spent the rest of the day experimenting with the upgrades, marveling at the apartment's ability to adapt to her every need. By the time she went to bed, she felt more secure than ever.

The world outside might have been falling apart, but inside her apartment, life was better than ever.