The Love I Have

Two

Going to the park that afternoon I realized something as the ground was filled with autmun leaves and the sky opened with blue life. It was a quiet day. I was alone as I could hear the clingy sounds of the swing set and metal clinging from the jungle gym the kids played on in the afternoon. It was nice to see the children's faces. They would somehow take away the pain I was experiencing. But today I couldn't take in the view but the only memory of my Dad at home sitting on our sofa thinking about Mom. It pained me to think of it. I was in pain too. How come he couldn't understand? A dog and her owner simply passed by me. It was a normal day. I walked quickly with my head facing down the street and my hand in my pockets. I hadn't want anyone to notice me. I was in the Manhatten area and the park had been central park. I wondered about Dad and was on my way to visit him back at home. I hoped he wasn't sitting still towards the same position depressed and downtrodden. I longed to see him smile again and perky life to relish his face. Our house apartment was on fourty-second street. Small firehydren lamp post lined along the marble crosswalk. Plants lay outside across each door. The shutters of our house were red and the brick pavement sealed its design on our walls. Three open-shutter windows. I opened the front door and it led to the stairway, upstairs where my mother's room had been. There sat my Dad facing the window just as I imagined. Filled so much with pain and tenderness as his heart was aching and sadness lived in his soul. His arms laid side by side on the wooden arm rest of his chair. His thoughts of her I knew were endless. As were my own.

"Papa,?"

"yes, Eva its you?"

"yes, I'm here!" He turned around in his arm rest chair and faced me. Sadness swelled his eyes and face. Joy was not seen or its capacity felt. I walked near to him and held him as he took in the view from the city.

"Eva" his voice whispered with a silent sadness as he held his hands together

"yes daddy"

"I miss her, I miss her so much!"

"I know, I do too" Embracing him I hugged him with all my heart and my strength and happiness as well as my sadness was his. I knew whatever I was to do would never take away the emptiness of my mother's space in our home or within my father's heart. Below my feet were photographs my Dad had seem to be looking at before I walked in. They were small thumbtacks photos that had been buried in our old family album. It was the wedding where my parents were married and then moments together at home. I bent down and gathered all the photgraphs in a pile and put them in the drawer nearest to the window. He would feel safe to know in the table draw near the window held his love. My mother. I still held on closely to my dad. He was shaking and still in disbelief.

"Eva" he said with his hands over his heart and his head bowed in sadness

"yes daddy" I answered.

"Will you do something for me?"

"yes I will, what is it?"

He stared closley at me for a while. Sadness still strickened him but he waited until a small smile drew on his face and gleams of light lit his eyes.

"Will you be like your Mother when you grow up?"

His thoughts were quzzical to me but not surprising. He loved my mother and I loved her too. There was no woman on earth really like her. I couldn't believe she wouldn't be around in life anymore to even admire and adore.

.....

Late that evening I laid in my bedroom with my eyes shut but my heart awake. Thinking of how different my life would be not having a Mother. Just me and my Father with my brother and sisters. I wasn't satisfied with the acknowlegement of not having my thoughts answered by the one person in the world I adored. My heart cringed at the thought of growing up without her. A tear shed from my face as I held the stuff bear given to me on christmas morning wrapped up in my favorite wrapping paper. Pink had been a lovely color for me. It was intrigiung and this my Mother knew. I missed her sadly. My heart was breaking and no one knew..

A silent beep buzzed in the room as I was falling away into a daze. Then slowly it began to brighten and I saw it had been my laptop. I began to start to apply for work. I knew I couldn't last feeling this way and I had to have something to make me start over. I knew it had been the job I posted for but surpisingly it wasn't. A letter stood in its place, from a person I met at church. It read:

Hey Eva,

Do you remember me? We met at church when you stopped by last weekend. You shared the story of the passing of your mom in the meeting. I was sitting next to you. I'm really sorry about what happened to you. I know what your facing. My parents both died and I'm an only child. I'm now nineteen years old and I live with my cousin. I know I said I would take your email and let you know if I saw any work for you. I still will but first I would love if you would want to meet me up at my house sometime or talk over lunch. My house address will be below this email. Thanks so much!

Kiley

I stared at my laptop closely couldn't really believing what I had read. I hadn't really known this person and I was grieving. I still couldn't think past my own pain but couldn't help to realize how nice of a person she had been. She was similar to me. We were the same. I had my Father but she had no one. Below the email I saw her address:

204 Rickling Avenue

Manhatten Drive 4325

phone: 235-678-0901

I watched it for a while and numerous thoughts clamored in my mind. When I had saw her at church it was only for a second and then I told my story of what happened in the group that was gathered in the meeting. Before I could head out I heard a voice behind me.

"Wait! I heard your needing work after what happend in your story, here let me take your email and I'll keep you posted on anything I see."

She handed me a card and pen. I wrote down my email for her. And this is the email I recieved from her in return. Kiley. A interesting and delightful name she had. She seemed for the moment to drown out my pain. Liking how I felt when I met her I had wanted to know more of the person she was. I hadn't bothered to write her back. First thing when I woke in the morning I would visit her and thank her personally for reaching out to me. For this I was very grateful. This email made me sleep peacefully that night. A sudden kindness to bring life to one's soul.

....

NEXT DAY WITH JUST OVER an hour I stood before a yellow apartment door with a genuine peace and heartwarming cheer in my soul. I was standing in front of Kiley's door. The sweet girl who offered me help but instead was really needing someone to be there for her I imagined. I was glad I could be here and take my thoughts off of what was happening at home.

Knocking on the door I faced it feeling somewhat confident but quite afraid

"Hello"

The door opened

"Hi Kiley."

She stared for a complete second. The next thing she did I was in awe and shock. She began embracing me with her heart, attitude and spirit. Her flesh was known unto me. I felt like I had a sister that came from my own body

"Its you! You came to see me."

"I did"

"I waited for you to come, hoping but wasn't sure you would. For some reason you have let me feel so happy. I can't somehow explain how grateful I am to meet you."

"I don't understand though what made you want to help me?"

"Your story!" she whispered gently

"My story?"

"Yes of course. I heard how sad you were over your father. How depressed he has been after your Mother's passing. You shared this story of yours in the meeting that day and Its similar my story as well. I didn't know how to share with you and I wanted too. The only thought that I could think of was to ask you for your email that night. Then after I headed straight home and wrote you that letter with the email you gave."

"Wow, I see. All of this you did because you knew?"

"Yes because I knew we could be friends, more deeper than life really"

She smiled with a wink at the corner of her cheek. She had rosy happy cheeks and her face was a warm dew with a tender glow of her spirit. For that was who she was. A beauty diamond and rose love in a garden. I was skeptical reading her letter and when she asked me for my email my heart grew louder with confusion. But until this moment my worries have silenced and I saw her heart. A vessel for her spirit to break through. I saw love. Love I haven't seen in a while since my Mom's passing. I missed the sweet sound and memory of happy times and true love.

...

On my way home I walked and I could feel the breeze coming my way as my thoughts centered on everything that was happening to me. How kind Kiley had been to me and what did I do to deserve it? My Father was home about now and I wondered as always what was his day had been like when I wasn't there..he probably was half awake sleeping at his favorite spot on the couch by the window thinking of Mom. It was depressing but yet sad to always think of finding him this way. But then again he relieved the pain I was feeling and gave a sort of comfort to my uneasy hurts thinking about her. I opened the door to our front apartment area. Reached the third floor and threw the keys on the countertops. Turning I reached over to look by the window..

"Dad hey"

"I'm in here honey" Dad yelled.

I was more than surprised to see dad not sitting in his famous rocking chair as he always had been. What was he doing? Where has he'd been..I couldn't believe..I entered the room where he was. It was the extra storage room we had in the house. It seemed Dad had been cleaning it all day. His hands were rusty and dusty from the scraps of junk piled everywhere. It was almost the size of a small closet. A tiny window was at its left. A picture was on the wall of Mom. Small wooden and framed laid gently next to the light.

"What are you doing Papa?" Eva said confusingly

"Eva...this was your Mother's art room. Did you know she was an artist?"

"I didn't know.."

I hadn't known she was an artist. Behind the door was a suitcase filled with artwork and antique paintings that have been graven with her signature image. They were of many different things. I can tell it took the world to train her imagination. Each piece was like a story. A tear fell down my cheeks to think how amazing she was.

"Papa how beautiful.."

"I know."

"How come you never told me?..I never knew she painted.." Eva bent low and reminsced at the details of each drawing

"I hadn't said anything because it was something that was special to your Mother. She admired artistic themes and dreams but she had a bad history with art." He looked up at her with a small smirk that hadn't appeared into a laughter

"but how?"

Her father began picking up the scraps of paper that were leftover from his previous cleaning. He slowly then begun to spoke telling her the story which she yearned to hear..

"Your Mother had been a painter since she was a baby. She would paint everything her heart could imagine. Dinosoars and elephants were her ideas at that age but as she grew it turned into art that was realistic and defined. Her Father didn't believe in the traditions of a artist and was afraid of her seriously taking it to be a profession someday. One day she called to go to one of the professional art instiuites to showcase a gallery of her very own collection. It would be a Italian exqusiitie cusinine she would be featured in. Her Father knew she had the meeting and cancelled it earlier before she could even get there. He didn't stop until she gave up painting and went into law. She graduated with the top degree in the state. When we married she told me of wanting to always do art. I told her she could but she was too afraid to go back to this lost passion of hers. So that day she gathered her work in piles and placed it here in this backroom. She never returned there again."

As he ended the story my own heart plundered with grave disappointment of the my Mother's dream. I felt the burden and the dream of hers buried away from the rest of the world and knowing its not what she had truly wanted grieved me. I wanted to share her story and dream. I wanted to live out her destiny.

"Papa I want to change her dream" Eva said with a soft whisper and smile.

"Eva this is far gone..its not yours to take" he assured her.

"This is her legacy. A way for her to always live on. This is what she truly wanted and never got." smudging the paper with her fingertips and exposing its textures.

He paused as the air grew silent with thoughts. Lingering thoughts of the special child that was in front of him that he still had to remind him of the beautiful woman that had once entered his life and changed his world.

"Okay Eva..as you wish"

She smiled and muttered a question in the joy of her thoughts.

"What were you going to do with this room?" She looked around holding the shattered paintings in her hand

"I was creating this room for you. I wanted you to be able to hold dreams in here. I know your Mother would have loved that."

Her heart grew and bubbled over with great love for her father. He had not only been an amazing Father but a wonderful and special husband. She honored the way he loved her Mother and she wanted to do everything to relieve his pain and bring comfort and hope where it has been lost.

It had grew to evening and the hour was reaching to late afternoon. The dinner was warm as I poured out soup into Papa's bowl and one for my own. We sat in the silence sipping in what seemed tasty to our tastebuds for what would last in moments. I could hear a ringer coming off from my bedroom. He looked up at me taking in the remaining bites of what had been leftover from his soup

"You better get it before its too late"

"Sure."

Beckoning myself from the table and pushing my hands from the top to lift myself up I walked towards my room which happened to be cornered towards the paint room which my mom loved. I reached the doorway and I saw the screen flickering with light and shadows of messages had encircled it. I picked up my phone and lingered with my fingers as I slid through the messages. It had been Kiley.

Hey Eva..

Are u okay?..

How are you and your Dad?..

I was wondering if you could come over. I could really use a friend right now..

If you can't don't worry. My cousin is here..

Kiley had been through alot. She knew she felt understood because of loosing her parents as well. We had this in common. The both of us loved our parents and felt also alone in this world from not having them. I imagined the nights being lonely and I could relate to the feeling Kiley had been enduring. How could I leave my dad alone and stay the night?

"Eva did you check your messages?" Dad screamed from the dinner table

"Yea..Its Kiley the girl I was going to tell you about" she walked out her room with phone in her hand.

"Oh..I didn't know you made friends here.."

"Yes I met her going to a church group and she promised me to look for work. She has a story of her own of loosing her parents too."

"But your fine Eva..I'm still here your not alone." He nodded his head as he finished the scraps of soup

"She smiles but with concern. She never does anything by herself? I'm afriad for her Dad"

He was cleaning out the dishes and drying it with paper towel. He grabbed the cloths to clean off the countertops for the kitchen.

"Eva you can only be a friend..that's all she needs." He turned with a cloth over his shoulder

"Thanks Dad your the best." She went near him hugged him

"What time will you be back home?" He pondered lingering on the question

"I might come in really late around 11pm. Don't wait up for me."

Going in and closing my room door packing a extra pair of clothes for the night over. Also interesting things that might cheer up Kiley. Taking them all to my backpack and hurrying towards the door.

"See ya Later Dad, sleep well tonight."

"Oh I will honey be a good friend" He smiled sweetly and waved

Walking down the apartment stairs towards the main door I thought about blessed I am to have such an amazing Father. Who really loved who I was and didn't mind sharing me with others. I hoped to come back in time to be with him again. But thinking about Kiley and the terrible lonely nights that shook her. She needed me too and I was on my way..