The Love They Never Had

I still really couldn't believe the guts this girl had to start making bold statements in front of me, I had never seen anything like it before and I had met Hui-Jee when she was dressed as a man and almost got myself and Hwi's legs twisted as torture punishment. Yeon had proved herself worthy enough to stand firm in my world and take on anybody she wanted, just like how I couldn't....maybe even my father. She was so different to how she used to be but not entirely; she was still cute, but she was using the same frankness on me that she was used to using on her brother which I was still getting used to...but not in a bad way either. It was honestly quite refreshing how...casual she was with me and how much she actually trusted me by approaching me again and again, despite the tensions we had due to her memory loss that still hadn't come back. This was certainly a new experience for me as I hadn't experienced someone's...anyone's trust in...a long time. And she was the only one in this mansion who wasn't angry, selfish or horrible to anyone, she was her usual happy go lucky self, just like she was before her memory loss. New feelings were also starting to develop from deep inside me ever since I saw her standing up for herself for the first time, feelings that I thought I had for someone else...I shook my head in the moment to wake me up, trying to remind myself who these women were in my life and convincing myself how different they were...and failing.

I also couldn't help notice the way she had started blushing out of nowhere, and suddenly so did I. I would usually laugh at a situation like that, she usually acted very cute when she used to see me used to get excited...but this time I couldn't laugh it off for some reason. In fact I couldn't say anything at all, but when she turned away to leave...I suddenly found myself wanting to find a reason for her to stay next to me "hang on a minute Yeon" and out of nowhere I grabbed her arm again and started dragging her to my room...and I was still holding onto her when we arrived. I gave her a new large set of noble clothes that I personally handpicked myself when she started to keep to her new quarters. I looked up at her again, expecting some kind positive reaction from her but she just looked...pensive.

Her reactions disappointed me more than I had expected, but I should have remembered that Yeon wasn't a really feminine sort of girl. She had been tagging along with myself and her brother and she had no females around her, so I guess it was to be expected. "What's the matter? Don't you like them?" I asked her softly, trying to hide my own reaction. She looked up at me with such clear eyes that I was almost rendered silent for a few minutes before she answered me "is all of this really still necessary? Do I really have to give up who I am to become something I'm not just to fit in here? I really don't mind going back to my rags." She was looking at me so earnestly I had to look away from her. Her question stunned me honestly; who wasn't willing to give up being poor to live the life of a noble person and all the wealth and luxury that came with it? I had me so many people who were willing to cross all boundaries to become something that they weren't...I guess I didn't know how desensitised I became to it all until she questioned me so innocently that I almost felt myself collapse under the filth I had to live in. Who knows how many sins my father committed to create the roof over my head or to provide us both with food and clothing from god knows where...I was so lost in these thoughts I didn't even notice that she kept pulling on my arm for an answer.

"You don't need to completely sell yourself out to survive, just do it enough so you can survive my father's suffocating obsession with becoming the royal nobleman who has everybody under his thumb, even the royal family" i couldn't help but snicker on that last part but I also couldn't help but notice her rolling her eyes at this statement. I honestly had a hard time believing that pure and innocent people still existed in this world before I met the Seo's but Yeon's innocence was indeed so pure that it made me hate what I was doing to her even more. I just handed the clothes to her and I promised her that she would have my protection no matter what both inside and outside this mansion.

Her innocent question was still ringing in my mind when I noticed that my father was waiting for me in my bedroom and I could tell that he was not in a good mood at all. And instantly, I had to forget about the only moment of peace that I had today to appease my father in case he started to target Yeon to unleash his frustrations. "I have warned you about staying close to that girl..." "I am fully aware of the conditions that you kept to agree to spare her life, but I will not have anyone cause trouble with her either. Put that servant in her place then I will have even less to do with Yeon as you wish." "I hope you do not care about that epileptic mutt too much." How dare he...that fucking bastard, don't you dare bring up her condition as if she asked for it... "Of course I don't, I told you that she will be the perfect hostage if you want to use her brother for whatever plans you have for the palace."

***************

I could already tell when he first introduced himself to me that he was lying to me about some things but I already had the feeling he was doing it to protect me. And i had caused enough more than trouble for one day, so I made am mental note not to disturb him unless I had a reason to find him. So I kept myself busy until I had redecorated my room...well I made Chun-Ae did it for me. She protested a few times but she ways made me remind her that I could always call Seon-Ho to my side as we apparent had known each other for so long. That enraged her more than I had realised and she tried to lunge for me again but I caught her by the arm and I slapped her a couple of times at least before she got the hint. I didn't care how long she had been here; the man she worshipped didn't give a damn about her so neither did I. I didn't have anything against her but she did everything to make me uncomfortable, so why should I still be nice to her?

But it wasn't aways like this between myself and the Young Master Seon-Ho; my mind wandered to the beginning of my stay here where I struggled to say the least. And he wasn't of much help since he always found an excuse to stay away from me or even avoid me at times. It affected me so, as he was the only person I knew who knew everyone about myself that I had forgotten. I felt...discarded, unloved and unwanted, so I just kept to myself for a few months so I could quietly observe my new surroundings to better understand how things there worked...and how I could protect myself. I went through a lot of torture and torment for my apparent lowborn status and my disability that landed me in this noble world in the first place, but I slowly learnt how to fight back not long afterwards. I could not touch Nam-Jeon until I regained my memories so I would know why he looks at me and talks to me the way he does, like I was dirt that dared to breathe and live under his roof, so why on earth was I brought here in the first place? There were so many times where I just wanted to climb the wall and run away but...despite his cold manner, there was always something about the young master that made me give up on my plans. It was the way he protected me time and time again, or the way his eyes didn't match his facial expressions or words to me at all; they seemed to be...longing for something every time he observed me carefully before looking straight into my eyes, as if he was trying to send me private messages that could only be understood by us even though I had no recollection of him at all...but our interactions were still limited due to his father, so there wasn't anything we could do anyways. But...whenever I found myself lost or in trouble, he was not only the first person to rush over to me, he wouldn't let anyone else approach me at all...he just left me on my onward and constantly confused about his behaviour.

I still couldn't stop looking at the part of my arm which he kept holding tightly yesterday or my shoulder which he placed his hand on to calm me down, not matter how much I tried to distract myself. I had just began to rearrange the room I was given...it was a little over-zealous and it had far more things than I needed to be honest, despite it being the least decorated room in this maze of a mansion. So I continued to make my way back and forth in the courtyard as I was living in separate quarter in this mansion. I didn't even realise how long I was doing this for until I could feel everybody's eyes on me. They had all been like that ever since I woke up so I didn't take anything to heart. I could hear them all whispering about me constantly until I couldn't take it anymore and I walked right up to them...only to continue moving furniture around on my own. But the reaction I got from all of them was priceless anyways; the male servants starting looking at the ground whilst the women flinched as if I was going to hit them or something, I couldn't help but smirk before I went back to doing what I was until that concubine of his found me and started making snide remarks again, as if getting slapped from the master she clearly worshipped wasn't enough. I let her carry on as much as she could, fully aware that Seon-Ho had walked up behind her while she ranted about my stay here and how much I was being pampered as 'the epileptic orphan that I was'. There was a good amount of distance between us, but our eyes locked on each other again instinctively again. He looked angry again but I smiled at him to show him that I didn't really care before I made my way back to my room to leave them at it before she realised what was going on. By this time everyone else had the common sense to disperse, and before Chun-Ae could defend herself Seon-Ho had already ordered her to hand in her letter of resignation to his father.

My memories took me back to a couple of days ago since our last encounter, and I had never seen a bigger temper tantrum in my life when she heard those words. She started crying, screaming and pleading with him, not understanding that everything she was doing was clearly making him disgusted. It was just as I had suspected; this man had no experience with women at all. And this thought made me giggle quite a bit; how could a man so handsome, with such a built frame be this...innocent. I again was lost in my thoughts when I noticed him looking at me yet again with a bewildered look on his face. I tried with all my might before composing myself stepping in. I asked him to be lenient with her which surprised the both of them; all she had tried to do was stir up trouble for me but I didn't want to be a burden on the only man who knew everything about me. And I had nothing better to do in this mansion since I was only allowed outside once a month, so why not get even with this girl and anyone else who had problems with me in the meantime.

I do not know where I got the courage but I asked him to hand me over his old writing table. He began to object but I made it clear that I needed help if he wasn't going to let me live on my own and start anew. He really didn't look happy at all and as for her, well the look I gave her had her quaking in her spot. I thanked him with a smile before he could say anything else and I told her to go to my room and wait for me there. He raised his eyebrow and had a very amused look on his face, and all of a sudden I felt my face heat up. I started stammering out of nowhere and I almost ran out of his sight before he suddenly stepped out in front of me and I very nearly almost ran straight into him.