The Love They Never Had

What a joke; I had wasted so much precious time on a woman like her who hated me from the beginning, even when she was the one who actively approached me to save her from the brothel when the time came for her to start her service once she had reached a certain age. And for what? To become some sort of socialite? To revel herself in the nobility status in which I was only a quarter part of? Was she really so clueless now as to not realise how that made me look? Like I was desperate to become a part of my higher class again that caused me so much trouble and loss? It made me look like I was hopelessly trying to fit in and it threw my dignity out the window! Not only that, Hui-Jee's actions were making me feel like I was less than a man, which was an an entirely new low for me. I was barely surviving in my new office in the palace and was hardly sober when I went in and now, what was I left with? No best friend to confide in, his sister wasn't in my sight as she always used to be, Dal wasn't around either and my father, well he was also gone, so I no longer had anyone to blame all of my failures on. I couldn't believe that so many years of isolation, bullying, torture, abandonment, and the years of manipulation that I had perfected, all for this one mistake to blow up in my face and essentially ruin me. And it was because of her that Seo Hwi wanted absolutely nothing to do with me, since he was the one that she chose right before the military exam. But I had no idea that their relationship had developed behind my back, nobody told me at all! If I had known that piece of information, then I would have never even looked at her again, never mind continued to pursue her as I did. But now the damage was already done, and not a single soul would believe me at all...maybe apart from one person. I knew she was angry at me and upset at me, but I also knew that she was the only person that I had ever met who looked at things differently. She even went so far as to distance herself from me just because of this woman, but she had no idea how much it was killing me to be away from her for even a minute, even after all this time.

"Young Master? Are you alright?" "I want you to translate the rest of it and tell me everything else you know. I want you to write it down, preferably before your parents get here. And do not leave this room no matter what tricks she pulls, otherwise even I cannot protect you if I am absent. Do you understand me?" "Yes, Young Master. Are you going to see her now?" "Not yet, not until I have all of the information that I need, I cannot obtain her." "But you know her temperament more than anyone else, she will never settle..." "...for being the second woman, I know. So I need to make way for her here so she can host my home, restore my peace of mind and return her heart to me." "And if she refuses?" "Then this will be our very last night in this world as living beings."

I knew that I was wasting my time, but I had to give this woman one last chance just to be fair to the both of us. No matter what had transpired between us, we did share a long history and I did not want to seem like a heartless person when I eventually ended this fragile relationship. And if the next few days went as I had imagined, then my next plan was to win over Seo Hwi, who I knew would rather face 100 arrows than to part with his beloved little sister ever again. I knew where he was and what exactly he was up to, but he was in a place that I had no right to be unless he invited me himself, or if I brought over his sister.

I returned to Hui-Jee's quarters, where she had fallen asleep right next to the door. I hadn't even realised that it was daylight yet until I looked outside the window. I had been numb for so long that I couldn't even distinguish the days and nights anymore. I stretched my hand out to try to feel the sun-rays, just like Yeon had done ever since she was 10 years old, but I still couldn't feel anything at all. I could just see my blistered and bruised hand without another soul to care for my well-being at all.

"Husband? Are you here? Have you slept yet?" I could only scoff at her as this was the very first time that she had asked me such a question. She was still waking up in her silk pressed clothes and her lavish jewellery that she had demanded that I buy for her, otherwise I would have to put up with yet another childish tantrum of her's that women do. Ironically, Yeon had never asked me for anything at all, and that was what had made her more deserving of everything I have given Hui-Jee.

"It is late husband, you should go to bed. I really have no idea what you do all night long anyways." "There is no need for that, I am quite alright. " "Go to your chamber and bring me that girl's head immediately, or you can just..." "just what? Sleep somewhere else? Apart from the home that I pay for?" "Just what do you mean by that? Have you lost your mind?" "Instead of tending to your wifely duties, you are wasting precious time in focusing on somebody else, as always." "What are you talking about?" "You know exactly what I am talking about. You always have some sort of excuse to avoid me in bed and to neglect me all together." "Husband-" "And I can bet you that if you were living with Seo Hwi..." "Don't you dare go there. Don't you dare bring up his name, not after what you did and what you put us all through..." "...that you would pretty much put him through the same sort of treatment." "What...what did you just..." "Because that is how you will chose between us and your own survival." "You..." "I have wealth inherited from my father that you have already gone through like water. But it is something that Seo Hwi doesn't have, until recently that is." "What do you mean?" "He is the right-hand man of the third prince with an elevated status, of course he has money now. He is just wise enough not to display it, lest his poor heart is tricked again by a gold-digger like you." She couldn't say a word then and she knew it. If she were to shout at me, it would confirm the fact that she had been using me all along and she knew my temperament well. And if she left this home to find Hwi, there was no way he was going to accept her back into his house, not after she had openly betrayed him for my wealth and position in the palace. She could blame me and curse at me all she wanted, but she had bought about her own downfall. But I wasn't going to let her to continue to drag me down this miserable pit anymore of being a two-faced backstabber when I didn't even have all the facts together when I took her in. She tricked me into taking her in, now I saw no reason to let her off flightily, and I was starting to have suspicions that Yeon was aware of this all along and that was why she had distanced herself from me. To punish me for choosing somebody else over her. God knew that we both had reasons to resent each other in our love, but I truly could not blame her for this at all. If she was punishing me for this, then it meant that she was still upset by my decision, no matter how many years had passed between us. She was truly nothing more than somebody my father would want for me. And now I realised that I had probably exported that choice for nothing more than payback, although it seemed to backfire onto me pretty horribly. I should have just stayed with Yeon when I began to think about her more and I should have figured out wha she was going through if she wasn't my father's hostage with amnesia. I should have not surrendered to my impulsive anger once again and the chance of getting revenge on the smallest of things and not suffered again like I am now. Hui-Jee didn't know how to consider anyone's feelings apart from her own and I...