The Love They Never Had

"Help me! Someone please help me! Help me...!" That was all that I could hear in my head as I tried to wake up from this nightmare that kept pulling me deep in the water that I could not recognise. I couldn't even remember the voice of what sounded like a child calling out to me. And it all happened when someone was clearly trying to kill me a stone's throw away from the young master's quarters. And I had a very clear idea about who it was; for someone who paraded herself to be 'a family member' of the Nam clan, she really didn't know how to be discreet even if the instructions were written on paper and glued outside her door. I really could not for the life of me figure out what fed her grand delusions of being a bride of the Nam family. She was about the same age as me, but she was plumper, more naive than myself and she had a rather unfortunate crooked face and body odour. She looked like she had been beaten up quite a few times and she acted as if we were all blind to her various bruises and scratches on her that her thin attire could not hide, no matter how pretty it was. But that was something was going to have to figure out soon if I was gong to survive in this hellhole of a place.

And in truth, I had already regained consciousness soon after the Young Master pulled me into his arms. Apparently, he had known me for a decade before I lost my memories, but I had no idea why I was so painfully shy around him. I couldn't open my mouth, I couldn't utter a single word and I could barely come up with a single thought in his presence, so I pretended to still be exhausted from what I had just been through. And I could only wait until everyone had left me alone to wake up and start forming a plan to get back at everyone who clearly held some grudge against me in my previous life. But it just didn't make any sense; from what the young master had told me, the servants had lived better lives than I had, so what was their problem? Why did everyone hate me so much? Did I do something to them that I couldn't remember? Was I bad person? Did I used to be? Did I harm anyone in my previous life?

Before I had realised it, I had spent almost an entire day in bed with my unanswered thoughts running around my mind. I needed to get some fresh air and take a walk, especially when the young master should be in his study right about now so I wouldn't have a chance to embarrass myself in front of him. But as soon as I opened my doors, I was immediately overwhelmed with the sheer amount of chrysanthemum's at my door. There were at least a dozen or so with all different colours, scents and they were all in these really pretty stained-coloured vases that I had never seen before. I was so blinded by all of these flowers that I hadn't even noticed the maids had all assembled themselves around my quarters and whispering their little heads off.

"I cannot believe that she was rewarded with one of the four gracious plants just for being in an accident!"..."aren't the white ones called 'spring snow' and the yellow ones called 'dragon cloud?' "Do these flowers represent the young master and the young mistress? He was so angry when he saved her from the water, she actually got Chun-Ae demoted to the kitchens and here she is, being sent flowers..." I could feel myself blushing deeply before I had the chance to defend myself, only to have the young master himself sneak up behind me and almost gave me a heart attack when I turned around and nearly ran straight into him. "Are you well, Yeonna?" I was honestly too taken aback by his handsome face to even register the fact that he was talking to me for the first time since we were 'reintroduced' to each other. His lips were full and the colour of a pink rose in it's prime, his cheekbones were extremely high and chiselled, his thick eyebrows were the only feature that he had inherited from his father and his long hair that I longed to touch...good god, I was really convinced that he had the face of an angel.

"Yeonna?" He had to take me by the wrist to wake me up from the trance that he put me in, and it was only when he actually had the nerve to caress my arm just like I thought he did when he brought me to my quarters to wake me up. But what really took me aback was the fact that she was very clearly smirking in my face as if he knew the shameful thoughts that were running around in my mind. And even when I tried to take back my arm, he actually held it again and he pulled me into him a lot closer than he should have out of nowhere. "I asked you how you were. Have you fully recovered now?" "I...I..." what was this man's problem? Was he teasing me? On purpose? It was like he was fully aware of the effect that he had on me and instead of being outright offended or courteous enough to keep his distance from me...he was actually encouraging me? For what? His own pleasure?

"Young Master..." "Yeonnie, I would like you to address me as 'brother', since our relationship is different from a mere household guest." "But...I cannot remember it and you know that..." "Just because you lost your memories, it doesn't mean that I have lost mine. We were even together the very day that you lost your memories." "You told me that we were flying kites together when I fell into the lake?" "Yes, you certainly have a habit of falling into water." "I...these flowers..." "I saw that they were in full bloom in the marketplace, so I had Chun-Ae send them to you on my behalf." Did he really expect me to believe that? The same woman who tried to kill me would willingly pick all of these flowers for me? "Thank you very much, they are very nice indeed and I am deeply grateful that you sent them to me." I could not remember our so-called friendship, so I still had to act formally with him, even if he clearly didn't treat me the same way. In fact, he was still holding onto me and he was acting so innocent in front of me that I really didn't know what to think of him apart from the fact that he was clearly a tease.

"Are these your favourite flowers? Why do you like them so much?" "Because they are flowers of appreciation and they endure long frosts. They also symbolise dignity and integrity and..." 'and that my feelings are sincere."

I was certain now that he was trying to make me blush as hard I could in front of him, but I couldn't figure out why. That is exactly what those flowers meant, but the way that he said it, it gave my butterflies in my stomach that I could barely control. And if this man kept staring into my eyes as intensely as he was, my knees were going to keep buckling under my big chima (skirt) and I was going to loose my balance soon. And he continued to just keep on staring at me for a while before I found my voice again. "You are well read indeed, do you even know what those words mean?" "Integrity is defined by moral and ethic principles whilst dignity pertains to ones honour. Forgive me, I did not mean to show off..." hang on a minute, wasn't I a lowborn orphan? Who on earth taught me to be literate? To the point where I had poetic knowledge about flowers? Flowers? When would I have had the time to read about such things or even understand it as deeply as I did?

"Do not worry, I have nothing against a well-read woman. In fact, I have nothing against women receiving an education at all. They are certainly a lot smarter that most men that I have come across. Chrysanthemum's are not only known for their perseverance, they are also known for solitude amongst other competitive flowers. They really remind me of you a lot, especially the white ones." White represents purity, mental clarity, refinement, tranquility and the endurance of loneliness, I really wondered which of these qualities that he was claiming to see in me. "I can send more to you if you like..." "I thank my brother for the kind thoughts, but it is really wasted upon an ignorant person like me." I was loosing my mind, I had to be; this whole time he was teasing me, but from the moment I rejected a small gesture like this I could have sworn that he...was beginning to dig his nails into my arms. It was as if I had...hurt him? I had absolutely no idea how I was managing to stay so composed all throughout this interaction, but I had to clear my head because it was clear that he had some sort of effect on me that I could barely control. "Well, what if I bestow you a had-written plaque? I will call this place the Chamber of Chrysanthemums for you." "Brother, I really wonder what I have done to receive such generous gifts when I am a guest in your home..." "It is to makeup for the unfortunate events that you have been through in the past month alone." "Thank you."

"Yeon, can I talk to you about something?" "Brother?" "Will you please accompany me to my study? There is one more gift that I wish to give you." He started puling me away in full view of the servants and I was still too shy to say anything more than I already had today in case I made a mistake. I was not from the nobility class and I was not educated in their ways, no mater how prettily he dressed me up. "I have a task for you Yeonna." "Brother?" "I know that you cannot remember me, but I am pretty impressed by your intelligence..." "over flowers?" "You have shown more wisdom over that." "Excuse me? Have I done something wrong?" "Is isn't wrong, you have actually solved a long-term problem of mine, so I know that I can trust you." "I...what is this book?" "I would like you to learn about housekeeping for me. It is not an easy job, but you are clearly smart and responsible so I have faith in you." I really thought that he was playing a prank on me until I opened the book and I almost fell onto the ground. Everyone knew the roles and responsibilities pertaining to one's rank, and no matter how lowly the servants were, they were still and integral part of a household. How could I possibly complete such a task in a yangban? Especially with his father who really wasn't fond of me at all.

"Yeon, do you trust me?" "Brother? Does this have anything to do with the lack of washerwomen that you have in your home? Do you need help? Should I..." "you are not a slave Yeon! You never have been and you never will be!" I could only stare at him in shock as he once again changes his mood from being friendly to downright shouting in my face out of nowhere. He was actually quite scary when he was angry, but I also couldn't help but to notice that he seemed to be in pain when he got intense like this. "I apologise. You can do it if you put your heart in it, and I assure you that it will come in handy to you if you wish to survive in a place like this. No-one else in this household is as considerate as you are. I really hope that you can help me out with this." I was confused, overwhelmed and I really did not know what game the young master was playing, but it wasn't like I had any freedom in this place without him, so what choice did I have?

"I was really impressed with your idea about cutting down expenses..." "Young Master? Will you permit me to say something?" "Of course, what is it?" "You are welcome to use my ideas and bring them forth to your father. I am an invisible person in this household anyways. Especially the idea about candles; if we can really cut down on other expenses as this one, we-you can surely use the money to even bring in another income for you." "Oh really? Like what?" "You can set up a rice factory for the poor, you can invest in local businesses...I apologise, am I rambling on?" "You have thought about this quite a bit, haven't you." "I just want to prove myself useful as i stated before. You do not let me do any chores or make other contributions, so i can only come up with suggestions like these...what is it? Why are you looking at me like that?" "You are quite dignified and composed, straightforward and still rather cute. Unlike everyone else here who always provoke and irritate me. I cannot recognise you anymore Yeon, but I really hope that you do not change." "Young Master?" And with that, he pulled me in so lightly just to give me a kiss on the forehead and left me more confused and shy than ever.