The Mundane Journal Entries of an Ordinary Person

Season: Summer

Weather: clear skies, hot sunny day with a cool change

Day of the week: Tuesday

Date: 20th February, 2024

They're making me take more time off work. Really. I don't see why. They even admitted me into a ward. I keep telling them that there's nothing wrong with me but they reply that I have to stop deluding myself. There's really nothing wrong with me. What's the worst that can happen? Worst case scenario, I'll die. Right?

Everyone dies one day. It's no big deal.

But they all seem to think it is a big deal, so I'll just keep my mouth shut. If I talk like that in front of them, they might flip it. This is all such a big waste of money. I can almost see my newly acquired savings going down the drain.

In any case, at least I get meals delivered, extra snacks and lots of sweets. Some of the nurses are so sweet. They keep asking me if I want a drink or snacks. It feels like they're trying to flatten me up.

The medication they make me take isn't sitting so well in my tummy though. I keep feeling nauseous. I'll be fine for a bit, eat a little more than usual and then throw it all up.

Every time I feel just a little bit full, it reminds me of when we were kids and Bezel accused me of stealing her food when she was the one who had been stealing mine. Dad beat me up for it until I threw everything up. From then on, Mum reduced my meal sizes as a permanent punishment and if I dared to sneak snacks or eat too much, she'd force me to throw it back up by feeding me some sort of medicine. I had to keep the good stuff for Bezel.

Maybe I really did develop an eating disorder from that time. Maybe that's why the food won't stay down.