The Priest Wants to Retire

EP.223 Life is a flower. Love is the nectar of that flower (10)

Countless.

So many that one couldn’t even begin to count.

Dawna often revisited the memory of that day.

Do not cling to the past.

Do not fear failure, and do not sit down in despair.

If you truly call yourself a mage, if you wish to uncover the mysteries of this world and pursue the truth.

Instead of wasting time reminiscing about vain memories, strive and strive for the glory of the distant future.

Dawna’s proud proclamations that she often boasted about were, in fact, a kind of defense mechanism to hide her vulnerabilities from the judgment of others.

A prodigy who comes only once in a century.

Dawna had acquired such an extraordinary title merely five years after her birth, and her growth rate was on a different level compared to notable mages from esteemed lineages.

Even her relatively knowledgeable mage parents, unable to cope with her unreasonable talent, eventually suggested she enroll in the academy at an early age.

It was from that moment on.

Dawna felt in her bones that she was a different existence from others.

The first emotion she felt was a sense of superiority.

She was so proud of herself for accomplishing what others struggled with that she couldn’t find words to express it.

The people around her seemed like nothing more than brainless monkeys who couldn’t keep up with her.

Her unique, arrogant way of speaking, which carried an underlying disdain for others, became second nature at this time.

A genius is a word that exists to describe oneself, and no one in this system possessed a brain that surpassed hers.

What would have been mere laughter if said by anyone else became a strict norm when it came from Dawna’s lips.

So how much time had passed?

At some point, Dawna suddenly realized.

There was no one around her anymore.

The emotion she felt in that moment was a faint sense of confusion.

No matter how mature she was for her age, it was only natural for her to expect praise for her commendable achievements.

Moreover, praise was the most fundamental driving force behind her pursuit of knowledge.

From Dawna’s perspective, such a change was bound to feel unsettling.

What had once poured into her ears like an incessant stream of compliments grew quiet all of a sudden. In that silence, colorless expectations and envy began to fill the void.

In a way, it was an entirely natural occurrence.

No matter how miraculous an achievement, if it continues without pause, it eventually becomes taken for granted.

The flame of her insatiable thirst for knowledge, which seemed like it would burn forever, flickered for the first time in that moment.

A flood of various magical materials came rushing in.

What had once brought her satisfaction and joy seemed now to be nothing more than a pile of paper.

What about those who brought her those piles of paper?

They seemed to be a bit better than the monkeys on the street because they could understand and accept her words.

Yet their behavior, nodding along to whatever she said, increasingly felt like that of emotionless wooden figures, even worse than the monkeys on the street.

The times she spent holding her pen and magical tools had noticeably decreased.

In its stead, she found herself staring blankly out the window more and more.

When she glanced away, she could see her peers aimlessly chasing each other’s tails, their eyes lighting up as they rushed toward a deflated ball that had lost all its air.

Foolish. No, she thought they were downright stupid.

Despite being born as humans, a race with a lifespan far shorter than others, they waste most of their given time on such frivolous activities, something Dawna could never comprehend with her extraordinary mind.

If she hadn’t felt such boredom, she wouldn’t have even bothered to glance at that worthless scenery.

But for some reason.

Dawna found herself unable to take her eyes off that spectacle for a while.

Even as the glaring sun tried to close her eyes, even as her growling stomach reminded her of her hunger, Dawna watched the foolish antics of the children with unusual focus.

It wasn’t until the sunset began to fill her study that she withdrew her gaze.

After a long afternoon of meaningless play, the little hands that had happily seen each other off were soon entwined in their parents’ hands.

SWISH.

Dawna’s gaze suddenly turned back to her room.

Piles of various materials and magical tools stacked up to make a tower.

The chaotic array of runes filled the room to the point where she couldn’t even distinguish what the floor was originally made of.

When the pen that had danced across the paper came to a stop, the space fell frighteningly silent.

CREEK.

Even the loud creaking sound as she leaned back in her chair was insufficient to break the oppressive silence.

Only then did Dawna belatedly realize that she had misjudged something.

For someone who always provided the right answers, this was her first real mistake in life.

To have assumed that the inexplicable emotion she had experienced until now was merely boredom.

This was loneliness. No, it was isolation.

Yes, if she said that, everything could be easily explained.

The warmth of the adequately heated room felt strangely chilly.

This faint hunger that lingered even after she stuffed her mouth full of food.

If all of this was because she felt loneliness, then she could easily accept it.

But knowing that, accepting it—didn’t mean she could immediately act on it.

Her pride wouldn’t allow her to return to her parents and throw a tantrum.

Even if she wanted to forge friendships now, the situation didn’t permit it.

She could infer, no matter how she tried to deny it, how others perceived her because of her previously arrogant behavior.

Arrogant little brat. Gloomy little squirt. A rat-like girl.

No matter how she tried to ignore it, the spiteful nickname would often reach Dawna’s ears, becoming a routine of sorts.

Of course, every time she heard it, she secretly avenged herself, which meant those who openly mocked her had ceased to appear.

But it was obvious that such nasty gossip still continued in the shadows, far from the gaze of others.

She sometimes thought of gathering teachers who would follow her, but they appeared to Dawna as nothing more than old fossils who were about to kick the bucket, so she honestly felt no inclination.

A fleeting thought of compromise crossed her mind, but she quickly shook her head.

There was no way the great person she would become would bow to anyone.

And merely forming an equal relationship with such primitive beings was absurd from the start.

If the person who would become her friend someday were to carve her name into history, they would have to possess at least a modicum of intelligence and dignity, which was Dawna’s desire—or rather, her greed—at that time.

Originally, friends are an immutable contract between equals.

The profound influence of her lack of genuine friendships during her life distorted Dawna’s judgment severely.

The legendary hero. The saint chosen by the gods.

With just this much, it would be more than sufficient for her to have as friends.

As for other essentials, a well-bred, handsome, reserved knight who could protect her at any time would suffice.

An elven woman with a level of intelligence roughly comparable to her own, who had spent centuries accumulating knowledge and skill would be ideal.

Young Dawna, who was sharp enough to be comparable to any adult yet had not shed the purity of childhood, continued to stretch her twisted imaginations.

After much repeated contemplation.

Soon, Dawna reached a conclusion.

Since the recognized genius she was decided to make friends, it wouldn’t be long until that future would be realized.

Thus, she thought it necessary to practice how to treat friends in preparation for when that future arrived.

This time, she didn’t need a moment of thought.

Dawna already knew the perfect candidate for this.

A recognized errand boy at the academy, famous for handling all sorts of chores if paid a certain amount.

Born as a pitiful orphan, he was truly the ideal practice partner, as he had no weaknesses that anyone could exploit.

His looks weren’t half bad either for someone of lowly birth, so having him around wouldn’t be bothersome.

“So, that means until graduation from the academy, I’ll be with you as a friend, right?”

“You got it right! I grant you the authority to be my friend for just a little while! Consider it an honor!”

The chaotic days that began with that hazy first meeting.

Even now, decades later, Dawna still couldn’t forget.

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