The Priest Wants to Retire

EP.243 The Half-Baked Priest Wishes to Retire.

By the time the sun was high in the sky, the inside of the building was desolate and empty.

It wasn’t surprising.

This Vatican had suffered the most extreme damage from the recent Dungeon Disaster. It was, so to speak, the epicenter of the crisis.

During the disaster, most of the clergy on duty were still in a state resembling human mannequins.

Even among the few who struggled to regain consciousness, they were only the highest-ranking clergy members, making the current Vatican feel as hollow as a drum.

A chilling silence sank heavily like misty rain.

But strangely enough,

I didn’t find it uncomfortable or creepy.

In fact, I even felt grateful for it.

Thanks to this, I could shake off all the distracting thoughts entrapping my mind and solidify my determination.

“I sincerely apologize for taking up your precious time in this manner.”

With that calm word, a solemn atmosphere settled in the room.

My voice, lacking any persuasive power, was enough to draw the attention of the guests in this cramped space.

“Y-You claim to have taken our time? Nonsense! When called by Regis Priest, a hero who saved this world, no matter how busy we are, we should rush to answer.”

One of the guests, unable to endure the silence any longer, spoke up.

Their tone seemed gentle at first, but the underlying hatred was something that couldn’t be washed away overnight.

“This commoner…”

“Hey, wait!”

Someone hurriedly interrupted the scornful remark made by the would-be offender sitting next to him.

It was a blatant insult aimed at me, but strangely I didn’t feel angry at all.

Only the thought, “Well, of course,” came to mind.

After all, to those pristine individuals who have seen, heard, and spoken only of clean things their entire lives, my humble surname, Regis, would be disgusting to even speak.

If it weren’t for the strong backing of the Hero Party, or more accurately, if I didn’t have the justification of having pulled them all from the brink of death,

They surely wouldn’t have responded to my call at all.

The high-ranking clergy of the Vatican, directly and indirectly connected to the birth of the Saint, which was revealed through Sister’s detailed background check.

Normally, conversing with saints, with whom one should pay a fortune just to utter a word, would never happen in the same room.

Would I ever have another chance in my lifetime to experience such luxury?

I probably wouldn’t.

“So, what in the world is going on here…? Could you explain a bit…?”

The words I barely managed to utter while breaking into a cold sweat were steeped in deep fear.

The reasons seemed to boil down to two main points.

First, there were unexpectedly various characters present, besides just the authors and me.

Second, all those unexpected characters were lined up behind the high-ranking clergy, blades pressed coldly against their necks.

“Not yet? Not yet? Are we not allowed to kill yet?”

“Not yet. You can’t.”

“Ugh…”

Their identities were the candidates for the Saint, recently involved in the chaos of this system.

Perhaps it was because they were face-to-face with the enemy that put them in this dreadful state.

They all seemed unable to control their seething rage, but as soon as I firmly raised my voice, their emotional turmoil immediately calmed.

“You! How dare you, a so-called Saint’s personal Guardian Priest, turn your back on the Vatican! On the system! On humanity! Aren’t you ashamed before the divine?!”

“I should have known when you spoke of your miserable upbringing as an orphan! You son of a Satan!”

“N-No, that can’t be! Please tell me this is a joke! Regis Priest!”

The room was filled with ear-piercing shouts.

Among them, one man’s desperate expression pleading for me to say it was all a joke stood out vividly in my sight.

But this was no joke; it was cold, hard reality.

Just a while ago, I had conspired with criminals who sought to destroy this system and had ensnared the higher-up clergy of the Vatican.

I had no rebuttal against the accusations of abandoning the will of God; I was, after all, a criminal.

So, it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that right now I was defying not only the Vatican but the entire system.

“If you don’t mind, may I ask you one question here?”

“…What?!”

Their various responses to my question, which felt devoid of any seriousness, were all different.

In reality, the methods I had used were merely somewhat extreme and radical adjustments.

I had long been discussing with the Sister about the necessity of replacing the higher-ups in the Vatican.

Even if it’s for the sake of this world, I can never accept their approach of sacrificing innocent children to lay the foundation for peace.

If this world could only exist in such a cursed manner, it would be better for that world to perish.

Thus, I had intended to change this place slowly and carefully from the ground up.

Sudden, drastic changes brought about by force inevitably cause jarring discord.

A place splattered with blood from a hard-fought victory must be preserved and fought for throughout one’s life.

I was prepared for that, but sadly, I didn’t have the capacity to do so.

However, during our dungeon expedition, I discovered a certain possibility that made me change my mind.

No, it had become something I had to change.

“What nonsense─!”

“Just answer the question.”

As I glared firmly, the blades of the Saint candidates dug deeper into their necks.

“─!”

Like herbivores caught and bitten by their necks, the rebellious flames just starting to kindle in their eyes extinguished in an instant.

“Now I can kill you, right? Right?!”

“No. Not yet.”

“Eeek~!”

While their expressions showed some coldness, the Saint candidates were indeed following my commands properly.

“T-This brat!? No way?!”

Despite the blade pressing against his artery, I slowly shifted my gaze towards someone who had raised their voice.

I could guess what he found shocking.

The sight of the Saint candidates moving in perfect unison the moment I issued my command was surprising even to me, who had somewhat gotten used to it.

“Let’s cut to the chase. Do you know who these people are?”

“T-That…!”

Every single one of their faces turned pale—their expressions were unanimity in fear.

“Does anyone here even remember a single name of these individuals?”

The heavy ultimatum cut through the cowardly silence.

At that moment, the air around us wavered precariously.

As the dungeon raid neared its climax, the Saint candidates, somewhat regaining their minds through my prayers, and I made a deal.

If they protected the citizens from the monsters that would appear throughout the city, I promised to ensure them a chance for revenge and a place to live.

At first, they had all shown blank expressions upon hearing such an outlandish proposal, but after listening to my prayers repeatedly and recovering considerable amounts of their lost memories, they began to closely follow and trust me as if they were newly hatched ducklings.

Indeed, just as the Saint and the Ranobel Priest had done for me in the past.

From that point on, everything progressed surprisingly smoothly.

Sister Beltein’s decades-long accumulation of internal Vatican affairs.

The Saint candidates obediently following my directives.

Even the drastically weakened defensive level due to the impacts of the Dungeon Disaster.

It was clear that now was the perfect opportunity to instigate a rebellion.

Having confirmed that they possessed not a shred of humanity, there was no longer any reason for hesitation.

“Wait! Just a moment! Please hold on!”

Had they sensed my intent from that sudden heavy sigh?

Their faces, twisted with despair, began to lay out desperate excuses.

The content was absurd.

They claimed it was an unavoidable sacrifice to save this world.

They said they were merely following the orders of their forebears.

Some even sincerely uttered that it was a great honor to have the divine call bestowed upon those who would never see the light of day.

For a moment, I was struck by intense skepticism toward a religion I had dedicated my life to, covering my face with one hand.

That’s when it happened.

The oldest-looking priest among them pointed at me fiercely and bellowed,

“How can you still claim to be a priest after doing such things?!”

When one is filled with disbelief, anger doesn’t surface; instead, only a hollow laugh escapes.

At that point, I had exceeded my threshold and even that couldn’t happen.

“Ah, don’t worry. Even if I’m a cruel half-wit, I’m pretty sure I can perform the role of a priest far better than any of you.”

“Y-You will be cursed—!!!”

Scrunch!

As I signaled with my hand, a magnificent sound echoed as numerous heads rolled helplessly on the floor.

“Ahh…”

The sense of relief that everything was finished was fleeting.

Almost immediately, I was buried beneath the heavy weight enveloping my entire body, ultimately collapsing to the ground.

“Retirement… is out of the question…”

Tears slipped from my eyes, unintentional, becoming a lump of unfulfilled regrets lodged deep in my heart.

BONUS Final Remarks + (Q&A Responses)

Hello, everyone. This is Wadad.

I have numerous things to say, but first, I want to take this opportunity to thank all of you for guiding this somewhat inexperienced writer to the finish line of completion.

I think many of you may have already guessed it.

In fact, this work was created impulsively without much deliberation—what you call a rush job.

Setting the world view, I just jotted down whatever I overheard.

Not having the confidence to memorize character names, I tried to limit the number of characters as much as possible.

The development followed whatever popped into my head at the moment, and foreshadowing was applied haphazardly, like watering a plant on the balcony.

The character arcs that I had preplanned were the only part I genuinely thought I did a decent job on, but since those characters had weak storylines to shine in, the limitations became apparent with each passing chapter.

And this stagnation was particularly evident in the first bed scene of the Hero.

The urge to write the bed scene that everyone else does mixed with the anxiety of declining viewership birthed this neither-here-nor-there outcome, one might say.

I love my work like my child and take pride in it, but I tend to view that part with a bit of embarrassment, like a pimple on a beautiful woman’s nose.

Even now, I writhe in agony when I reread that portion.

It’s as if a person possessed by an evil spirit suffers when hearing a prayer.

Gahhh.

Oh, shush! We’re still in an interview!

Ahh, this has been a year since I started posting this work.

With its verbose style, erratic posting schedule, and an unsatisfactory conclusion,

It was purely because I wrote well that my novel received such interest amidst countless adversities.

Moreover, the waning support and interest were just as plainly due to my poor writing.

At least, that is my opinion.

I faced numerous frustrations and dilemmas, yet savored as much fulfillment along the way.

I can boldly say it was the most rewarding year of my life.

I thank you all, and I love you, everyone.

Q: What is your favorite book or web novel?

Watari Wataru’s My Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU.

I initially encountered it as an anime during my school days and didn’t feel much about it at the time.

However, upon its completion, and since the anime adaptation was coming soon, I became curious and read it.

That moment was when I truly fell for it.

This novel was also the one that influenced my writing the most.

I don’t have a particular favorite web novel.

Honestly, the only one I’ve followed until the end is My Teen Romantic Comedy.

It’s been only about two years since I started enjoying reading novels.

Q: If you were the main character of this novel, would you run away or stay?

I’d probably get kicked out.

Q: The Hero doesn’t seem very clever, but is his swordsmanship the strongest in the world?

Yes. He is the unrivaled strongest. It isn’t so much that his swordsmanship is excellent; it’s more like he overwhelms everyone with pure physical strength.

Honestly, the Hero wouldn’t change much, even if he swung a club.

Q: If the Hero Party was born on Earth, what jobs would they have?

Bigtim would be a firefighter. Apis would be a fairy tale book author. Dawna would be a programmer. The Hero would be a special effects actor. Regis would probably be a school health teacher.

Q: What do the names of the Hero Party mean?

Regis and the Saintess’ names come from a famous Mabinogi fan comic called Queen of the Four Seasons,

But the names of the Hero Party were just randomly jotted down as they came to me.

I have a hard time remembering people’s names.

Especially in novels with Korean names, once the main characters exceed seven, I can’t remember them at all.

Q: Was there a character you found particularly difficult to create?

Bigtim. I had no idea how hard it would be to handle a reticent character in a novel.

On the other hand, the Hero was quite easy to handle, as his reasoning was simple.

Q: Did you enjoy reading other works by Nofia while writing this one?

Consider Carefully Before Agreeing to Terms. Marks my life’s pick.

Q: Is there a character among those you originally conceived that is very different now?

Dawna. Early on, Dawna was going to be a troublesome woman, too caught up in magic to manage daily life.

She would fail to sleep unless she was sung a lullaby or couldn’t eat hot meals unless someone blew on them first.

However, since her character overlapped significantly with the Saintess’ and considering the story’s length, I had to showcase her accordingly.

I regret that her original character traits got overshadowed.

Q: Were there any episodes that were particularly difficult to plan while writing?

The finale was undoubtedly the hardest.

Unlike the early parts where I wrote at my whim, in the later parts, I had to think solely about how to wrap up the errant story satisfactorily.

Q: If there was an alternative where the Hero and the Saintess got along well, how would that affect the fate of the Hero Party or Regis?

It’s hard for me to imagine how the Hero and the Saintess would get along well.

Q: Do you plan to write a dense, intricate 6P scenario featuring the Sister, Hero, Saintess, Dawna, Apis, and Priest?

Please exclude me from that.

Q: While writing your review, what were you thinking?

At first, I didn’t have any thoughts, but when the performance of the work began to decline,

I felt a mission to at least make you all laugh.

Q: Are you considering a new project?

Previously mentioned, I’m in the process of outlining a story about a durahan climbing a tower who lost her head.

Q: Will characters from this work appear in your next project?

Not at the moment.

Q: How about the next project, yandere-themed?

I’m torn between menhera and yandere.

Q: Will the Saintess and Regis’ child be able to use Bawngwi?

Once they’re born, I’ll ask.

Q: Is it certain that Dawna and Beltein will be added to the harem?

Beltein is certain, but Dawna is undecided.

Q: Will you help Apis find her matching partner?

In a few decades, on a day when circumstances force her into a situation where she can’t help but turn to Regis’ descendant, whom she’s looked after like a nephew.

“Apis auntie is being bad! Tempting me like that every time!”

“Where on earth did you learn such foolish words? Come on… I can’t deny that brat’s bloodline. They seem to be always in heat.”

Faced with their extreme persistence, Apis eventually permits her body.

Yet that day, her heat coincidentally syncs with that of an elf.

Q: Will you help Bigtim create a beastman female harem?

Sorry, but Bigtim is a pure love type.

Q: What would happen if the Hero were completely brainwashed by the Holy Sword? Could you suggest a scene, even if it’s in quotation style to elevate literature?

If possessed by the Holy Sword, killing Regis while the sight overlaps with past trauma might jolt him back to consciousness.

But what happens afterward, I leave to your imagination.

Q: Who is your favorite character in Blue Archive?

Hinayo.

However, I concentrated all my resources on Aru.

Q: Have you ever experienced a double trouble while playing Blue Archive?

No.

Thank you.

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