Chapter 1: Chapter 1: Prologue
I was the pampered golden girl of my family, but because I was love-struck, I followed a phoenix man, not only breaking with my family but ultimately dying a miserable death because of him!
His ex-wife cheated on him, and after their divorce, I, without any formal status, followed him like a nanny, slavishly taking care of his entire family for over a decade.
Yet, on the very first day his ex-wife returned, she tried to kick me out of the house.
Even those two sons that I raised from their infancy mocked me coldly, "It's because you kept clinging to our dad that our parents got divorced. You homewrecker, hurry up and get out of our house!"
But what they didn't know was that I had been reborn.
This family, from the big phoenix man to the ungrateful wretches, they'd played me for a lifetime. In this life, I wanted them to repay everything they owed me!
*
"Jingqiu, I know how you've felt these years, but if I could have settled for less, I wouldn't have made you wait for so long. Now that Xia Lin has returned, you know how hard I've been searching for her over the years. At our age, we can't afford to wait anymore.
All these years, Yian and Yicheng have been fortunate to have your care. I've always been grateful and guilty towards you, but for the rest of my life, I can only owe you this favor.
In the future, you also should live well. Take this card; the PIN is your birthday. It's enough for your retirement. The best I can do for you is just this much."
So, my years of sacrifice could be measured in money, Lu Jingqiu felt as if her chest had been struck, the pain was intense, and she was unwilling to take his money.
Gao Shu frowned deeply, forcing the card into her hand: "You know that from the start in the countryside, you two didn't get along. Now that she's returning, the person she dislikes the most is you."
Lu Jingqiu, well into her fifties, had a full head of white hair due to long-term medication and her face bore added traces of hardship: "Gao Shu, I don't want your money. Xia Lin has been gone for twenty years, you're still pining for her. Then what am I? I have loved you since my teens into my fifties, chased you for a lifetime, and yet, I'm still not as moving to you as an adulterous woman. Where did I fall short compared to her?"
"Jingqiu, you are better than her in every way, but the one I will always love is her, no matter the past or the future, good or bad. You should go. She's coming back tomorrow." Gao Shu didn't want to explain too much, fearful that it would worsen her mental illness.
Encountering Lu Jingqiu, this love debt, was a punishment from the heavens he could never shake off in his entire life.
"I won't leave. I still need to take care of Yian and Yicheng. They can't live without me."
Gao Yi An, standing to the side with a gloomy expression, said, "Aunt Lu, we're grown up now. We don't need your care anymore. On the contrary, it's you who keep clinging to my dad. My mom must have misunderstood my dad because of you, right?"
Lu Jingqiu was slightly stunned, and the sudden accusation from Gao Yi An intensified her heartache: "No, it wasn't because of me, your parents..."
Before she could finish, Gao Shu interrupted her, abruptly asserting, "Enough, Jingqiu. Don't talk about such nonsense in front of the children. It was my fault for not going up the mountain to find you, making you endure all this, okay? I also shouldn't have felt pity for you when you came back from the sanatorium and let you come to my house to help take care of the kids, making you think I had feelings for you. But don't you also bear responsibility?
Let's not dredge up the past; we might as well leave it unsaid. But now, we are both of an age; are you brain-dead? Why can't you turn the page? What is it you like about me? My looks, or what? If it's my face, I'll disfigure it right now. I'm tired. I'm begging you, Jingqiu, let go. You've been clinging like musilage glue all these years; do you know that?"
Lu Jingqiu stared at Gao Shu in slight terror, even seeing the painful, knotted lines around his eyes, hearing him utter such harsh words for the first time. She wasn't ill today; her mind was clear, and she felt almost like her heart was being gouged out and crushed: "Gao Shu, how can you speak to me like this? You were not like this before. You said that when Xia Lin left, your heart died with her.
You once promised to try to accept me slowly, and because of that one sentence, I've served diligently in your house for years, treating Yian and Yicheng like my own, afraid of them breaking if held too loosely or melting in my mouth.
You gave me hope to become your wife. But my hair has turned white waiting, and you never fulfilled that promise. I thought maybe you were rejecting me because of my illness, so I figured staying with you like this was pretty good.
Now that the kids are grown and Xia Lin is coming back, you feel like I'm in the way and even call me musilage glue. Gao Shu, I've become musilage glue only because you let me stick to you."
Gao Yi An responded emotionlessly, "Aunt Lu, it seems your mind is unclear again. It's going to snow soon. Yicheng, go pack up Aunt Lu's things."
Gao Yicheng responded, and in less than a moment, he came out with her suitcase, "Aunt Lu, take good care of yourself."
He said, with an expressionless face as he handed the suitcase to her, then slammed the front door shut, without a trace of reluctance or sorrow.
Lu Jingqiu looked at the child she had taken care of for over twenty years and mocked herself.
She had just gone out to buy groceries today, and when she returned, the father and his two sons would not let her in the house. They hadn't informed her beforehand, nor had they discussed it, they wouldn't even let her into her own room. Looking at the suitcase lying on the ground, she understood. Today, the father and his sons were determined to drive her out.
At that moment, her eyes were red, unable to articulate whether it was grief or pain she felt; it seemed that her decades of devotion had become nothing more than a burdensome shackle to them.
Ah, how tragic.
The winter wind was piercingly cold, like needles penetrating the soul. Lu Jingqiu, thinly dressed, tottered along with a suitcase in hand, aimlessly walking. Along the way, countless tears were scattered by the wind. Suddenly, she remembered things from a long time ago.
She had revolved her life around that man, sneaking into the countryside for him, giving up a good job arranged by her parents, even breaking ties with her family. After being humiliated, she had a mental breakdown and spent a full decade in a sanatorium.
Her aunt and father were right; she was a fool, bewitched as if she had taken some hallucinogenic drug, slaving away thanklessly for Gao Shu's family.
Looking at that successful man with his fulfilled family, was she regretful? Yes, regretful. Her life had drifted along, achieving nothing, and she wondered if she had been content, but she had no strength to resist.
Death, perhaps, was the best release for her.
Looking at the approaching truck opposite her, Lu Jingqiu didn't hesitate. She closed her eyes, feeling only guilt towards the driver.
She thought, if only heaven would give her another chance to start over. If she could do it all again, she certainly wouldn't hang herself on the same tree; she would look after her family better and lead a more fulfilling life.
The moment Lu Jingqiu closed her eyes, the driver's eyes also widened in an instant. The truck drove forward for more than ten meters, leaving him in a cold sweat. It took him a long while before he trembled enough to get out of the truck. Just now, he was sure he had seen someone in front of his vehicle.
But when he came out, there was nothing there, only tire tracks in the snow: "This is really spooky," he said as he looked around and rubbed his eyes. Finally, he cursed under his breath and got back into the truck and drove away.
All that was left were the falling snowflakes.
...
Lu Jingqiu only felt sore all over and wanted to lift her hand but found herself without strength. It was pitch black around her, with the sound of insects chirping and the smell of grass in the air. The texture beneath her hands felt like soil.
After struggling for a while, she finally managed to lift her hand and touch her face, thinking to herself that she definitely wouldn't choose a car crash the next time, it was too painful, but at least her face wasn't disfigured.
After resting for a while and not seeing Black and White Impermanence come to take her away, Lu Jingqiu was puzzled. Observing the darkness around her and feeling the soil beneath her hands, she realized it wasn't the same spot where the crash should have happened.
"I couldn't have survived, and the driver dumped me in the wilderness during the night, could I?"
Lu Jingqiu thought it was a possibility and quickly turned to feel around. Trying to get up, she felt something cold and metallic—sure enough, it was an old-fashioned flashlight. Fumbling with it, she turned it on and the light indeed came on: "This person, they actually kept something from more than thirty years ago."
Having said that, she realized something was off because the clothes she was wearing were clearly different from what she had on today. It was like the plaid shirt and loose trousers of decades past, not the cotton skirt she wore. Touching her hair, she discovered that at some point, her hair had been braided into two pigtails.