The Shadows Within: A Dark Harry Potter Chronicle

As the days moved forward towards Easter, Quidditch practice started being more frequent. Their game with Hufflepuff was coming up.

It freaked Harry out, a bit.

' What if the Dementors come again? Everyone will see me as weak'

So Harry became more and more insistent about learning to cast the full Patronus.

It seemed to annoy Snape.

"I have told you countless times. What you are currently casting would be enough to hold Dementors off for enough time that someone else will step in. I have told you that Dumbledore has expressly forbidden the Dementors from coming to another Quidditch game. Stop letting your fear control you"

Harry tried to explain. "I don't want to just get away from them. I want to make them get away from me"

"Control your arrogance"

"I'm not arrogant-"

"Then why are you acting as if you are? Your Patronus is not perfect, true. But it is functional. Your Occlumency is not. Your dueling skills are not. Focus on that which needs greater help first, and push your ego aside"

"My dueling skills-"

"Are excellent for one of your age. But you would not be coming up against your contemporaries in a true battle, would you?"

"No, but-"

"And surely you would want to totally crush your enemies? Or does your desire for victory only extend to amortal, alien creatures?"

"Of course, but-"

"Then continue to train your mind and your fighting abilities"

The lessons with Dumbledore were… interesting.

Harry couldn't quite decide what he felt about the man. He detested him, and they were on opposite sides. He respected him, and the Headmaster clearly had good intentions. And his lessons were intriguing. They always ended up going for longer than the planned hour, the two of them caught up in some discussion and not noticing the time.

And Dumbledore was willing to flit from topic to topic as Harry asked.

From the crafting of magical objects, which Dumbledore used the Pensieve to demonstrate, to Transfiguration, to the discussion of Magical Theory. Dumbledore was game for all of it. And seemed to take great pleasure in all of it.

Of course, it would be a long time before Harry would be able to put most of what he was learning into practice. He simply didn't know enough Arithmancy or Runes to even think of making a magical object, and he would need to get better at Transfiguration before he could come anywhere near the instantaneous changes Dumbledore and Snape had both demonstrated.

Still, it was cool to see the eventual outcomes of his studies. If he kept working at them, at least.

"Are you prepared?"

"Yes sir"

"Keep your concentration steady. I will be standing by"

Harry focused on the rat in front of him. This was part of his deal with Snape. Snape would help him practice one spell he wanted a week, usually something from Lucius' book.

In return, Harry would work as hard as he had been in previous years in his normal subjects.

"Kamtzi deraavan"

It took a few seconds for it to begin. Then, a black mist formed in front of Harry. After a little bit of intense thought, Harry managed to make it coalesce.

There were dozens, if not hundreds of ants where the mist had been.

They were larger than normal ants, their mandibles clicking.

Harry flicked his wand towards the rat.

The ants marched forward. They tore into the rat, ripping it apart. Bit by bit, fur flew, the skin was shredded, organs appeared. Within five minutes, the rat was nothing more than a gleaming skeleton.

Their work done; the ants vanished.

Harry straightened, sweating.

"You seem to have talent with the Dark Arts," Snape said quietly. "More so than in other fields of magic"

Harry nodded.

"Keep in mind, Harry. Useful as they may be, the Dark Arts are not suitable for every occasion"

Harry nodded again.

"Now. Let us see how long it take you to notice my intrusion. As usual, I will not tell you when I am actually entering your mind"

After a few minutes, Harry called out.

"You are improving. If you continue to do so, after your next break we will begin with fighting off an enemy who is attempting to steal your secrets"

Harry gulped. Draco had already begun on that. It didn't look fun, to say the least.

"How long were you in there for?"

"Four minutes"

"A lot better than the ten I started with"

"I said you were improving, did I not?"

"Yeah, but-"

"Are you a puling child who requires compliments for every achievement?"

"No, b-"

"So act like it. Let me see your Patronus"

' Pansy's lips, soft on his. The feeling of power coursing through him as he ran his hands over her body. The knowledge that she was his. The knowledge that he was accepted, respected'

Harry raised his wand. "Expecto Patronum!"

The silvery mist shot out of his wand, hovering in the center of the room. It seemed to shrink in on itself, becoming smaller, and yet, brighter. It stayed like that for a few minutes, before dissipating.

Sweat dripping from his forehead, Harry lowered his wand.

"Better. It is not impossible that you will achieve a corporeal Patronus by the end of the school year"

"You really think so?"

Snape sneered at him. "Am I in the habit of offering false hope? I believe it is possible. Draco, let me see yours"

After a bit of deep thought, Draco cast it himself.

His mist was much larger than Harry's had been, but it didn't grow brighter. He held it for a few minutes before it too vanished.

"Good enough. We will continue next week"

As Harry and Draco were leaving the room, Snape called out, "do win the game. If you lose to Hufflepuff I will be… unimpressed"

No Dementors came to interrupt the game.

It was a good game, not too hectic. Harry didn't have too much to do. He scored twice, helped set up another few goals, but otherwise he basically just flew around, listening to the commentary.

' Jordan isn't so bad when Gryffindor isn't playing. Why can't they just get someone else?'

Harry spotted the Snitch first. He spent a few minutes trying to figure out how to let Draco know about it without alerting Diggory. As he was flying towards him, Draco flew into a swift dive, with Diggory following a few moments later.

Of course, in a battle of speed, the one with the head start and the faster broom was going to win.

" AND THAT'S MALFOY WITH THE SNITCH. SLYTHERIN WINS"

Jordan's groan was almost as loud as his shouting.

" 260-130. SOMEONE SERIOUSLY NEEDS TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THOSE BROOMS"

' As if it's all up to the brooms. Talent goes into it as well'

The party in the common room that night was particularly raucous. After all, if Ravenclaw beat Gryffindor in the next game, all they would have to do is beat Ravenclaw, and once again, the cup would be theirs.

And the way Gryffindor had been playing, it seemed more than likely.

In mid-February, the Lions and Eagles faced off.

The whole Slytherin team went to watch, sitting together, and making notes of the Ravenclaw strategies.

Hoping and praying that Ravenclaw would win.

Of course, even if Gryffindor won, they still would probably win the cup. Just, at that point, point differentials would come into play.

And since they hadn't beaten the Hufflepuff by that much, it would still give the Badgers a chance.

As amazing as quidditch was, Harry still found it quite boring to watch. Seeing other people play wasn't nearly as breathtaking as flying himself, having the wind blowing through his hair and robes.

Especially the game that was currently going on.

The teams were very evenly matched. Barely keeping possession of the Quaffle for long enough to score.

By the time an hour had passed, the scoreboard read 50-40 to Gryffindor.

The boredom was palpable. There had barely even been any sight of the snitch.

Bole and Derrick were playing exploding snap, ignoring Flint's growls to pay attention.

As their deck exploded, Chang went into a dive, Thomas on her tail.

"Come on, Chang!"

"Where's it?"

"There! Hovering by the stands, just above the ground!"

A glint of gold and the Snitch flew off, rising as it did. But Chang and Thomas were gaining, straightening out of their dives. Chang was still ahead, but not by much.

She dove again, Thomas following.

She pulled up quicker then he could and carried on rising, chasing after the Snitch.

In the previous seconds that it took Thomas to recover from the feint, he had fallen behind. Far enough to allow Chang to-

The Ravenclaw stand exploded in cheers.

With a dejected tone, Jordan called out. " RAVENCLAW WINS. 190-50"

"And, gentleman, we go through to the finals," Flint said, grim triumph filling his voice.

In the middle of the night, they were woken up by Snape. Apparently, Black had broken into the castle again.

Once again they moved to the great hall and slept there.

Once again, the castle was searched.

Once again, Black wasn't found.

The next morning, of course, the rumors were flying. One story that seemed to be true, though, was that Black had actually entered the Gryffindor dorms.

He had been standing over Weasley, brandishing a knife. Weasley yelled, and Black ran.

"Trust the Gryffindors to have dorms that can be broken into by a madman with a knife. You wouldn't find anyone infiltrating our rooms"

Draco said, smugly.

"Harry, are you sure you're not worried? Apparently, Black was shouting at Weasley. Asking him 'where is he?' He must have been talking about you"

"Fuck! Theo, I'm not worried about him, ok?!"

' Unless the Dark Lord was lying to me. And if he was, I probably have bigger problems than Black'

"You say that, but-"

"Leave it, mate" Draco muttered.

"Yeah. Harry knows what to be afraid of" Pansy added snuggling against him.

"Fine, fine" Theo raised his hands in a gesture of surrender. "Merlin, you try to show some concern, and this is what you get"

"So, Harry. How has your week been?"

Harry settled in the chair before Dumbledore.

"Interesting, sir. Did you find any information about Black?"

The smile left Dumbledore's eyes as he sighed.

"Unfortunately not. How he entered and exited remains a mystery"

"Sir?"

"Yes, Harry?"

"He-he was friends with my parents right? For years, before he betrayed them. Did he ever do anything to make him seem suspect?"

Dumbledore looked at Harry sharply.

"Why do you ask?"

"It's just" 'be careful now, very very careful', "I've heard about what good friends they were, and how my parents trusted him with their location. How did he pull that off for so long, without giving it away?"

Dumbledore gave another sigh.

"I would never have believed him capable of it. Your father and Sirius were close friends, from the day they arrived at Hogwarts. You know the Weasley Twins?"

"Of course"

"Then you can understand how close your father and Sirius Black were. You never saw one without the other. Always pulling some jape. And their friendship only grew. When Sirius ran away from home, he moved in with your father and his parents"

"He ran away from home?"

"Sirius had a… difficult family. They were very proud blood purists. Many members of his extended family joined the Death Eaters. Your grandparents were quite the opposite"

Dumbledore sighed, again.

"You know Sirius was your father's best man and your godfather. But I saw them fighting together many times, in the war. They risked their lives for each other. I once personally saw Sirius dive in front of a Killing Curse that had been aimed at your father's back"

"How did he survive that?"

Dumbledore chuckled absolutely humorlessly and simply answered.

"I was there"

After a short pause, he continued. "I admit, I've often regretted saving his life. But one cannot overthink their past actions. Only madness lies that way"

' I'm sure you think that a lot. About what you put me through'

"When I cast the Fidelius, there was never any doubt about who your father would choose. I offered to be the Secret Keeper, but more due to my worries that your parents' friends would be made into targets"

"Why weren't they their own Secret Keepers?"

"Every charm, every spell has a weakness. The Fidelius' only weakness is that it relies on trust. The secret has to be given over to someone else to guard. Your parents could have been their own Secret Keepers, but that would have weakened the spell. A Fidelius, cast correctly, is unbreakable. And I cast the Fidelius for your parents"

Harry simply nodded.

"When your parents were attacked, it didn't even occur to me that Sirius could have betrayed them. It seemed impossible. I found it more likely that Voldemort"

Harry flinched

"Had somehow found a way to break it, even though I knew that to be as impossible. It was only later, after the altercation with Peter, that I realized how deep the betrayal had been"

Harry was shocked to see how deep the pain was in Dumbledore's eyes. Agony.

"Harry. Don't let this teach you not to trust. We don't know what Voldemort"

Harry flinched, again. Dumbledore frowned slightly but carried on talking.

"Did to pull Sirius to his side. Trust, and love, and hope. These are our greatest assets"

Harry nodded, not willing to speak.

"I believe we should leave it here. As usual, we are over our time period. I'll see you next week, for our last meeting before the Easter break"

Harry nodded, standing.

"And Harry. Fear of the name only increases fear of the thing itself. Voldemort does not deserve our fear"

' You really believe that, don't you?'

As Dumbledore had promised, they met the following week.

Harry had been trying to research the Fidelius charm but had found nothing.

Even a cursory search of the Restricted Section didn't help. Maybe if he would have been able to go through it more slowly, but still.

He told Dumbledore that, and the man simply chuckled.

"I'm not surprised you searched. Nor am I surprised that you found nothing. The Fidelius borders on forbidden magic"

Surprised, Harry asked "what kind?"

"Soul Magic. The secret is entrusted to the soul of the Secret Keeper"

"I just wouldn't expect the Chief Warlock to be-to use banned magic"

"As I said, it's not quite banned. More bordering the ban. Regardless, I wouldn't simply allow people to stay in danger when I could protect them"

' Maybe we're not really so different'

"It's just- I've been told that some magic is banned because it's so dangerous, so how-"

"How can I justify using it? It's simple, really. I know which magic twists the user, and which doesn't"

"Shouldn't magic be judged based on the results? Not on what is arbitrarily decided?"

For a second, Harry thought he had gone too far. Then Dumbledore smiled again.

"I detest the fact that it is necessary to ban the use of any magic. But I will not argue that it is necessary. Some magic is simply too dangerous for people to be trusted to use it correctly"

' Hypocrite'

"But you just said that not all the banned magic is so bad?"

"This is an old argument, but one that should still be debated. Most of Soul Magic, for example, is benign or even beneficial. But there is some that is so horrendously terrible, that it cannot be allowed into public knowledge. With enough knowledge of the benign parts, however, one could gain the understanding needed to perform the evil, for lack of a better word, type"

"So Soul Magic is simply off limits, cause it can be misused?"

"Not entirely off limits. Someone pursuing a Mastery in Magical Theory could learn it. Most healers have at least a basic foundation in it"

Dumbledore frowned, staring at Harry.

"Tell me, Harry. Why does it bother you so much? Do you wish to learn any of these types of magic?"

"N-not now. I want to learn all magic, someday"

"An admirable goal," said Dumbledore, nodding. "So why does it affect you now?"

"It's just. Magic is so amazing. So-so-"

"Wondrous?"

"Yeah. And the thought of someone just deciding that some of it is bad. It-it doesn't sit well"

"I understand. I commiserate, in fact. But consider this. If there were stricter laws in place earlier, perhaps Voldemort would not have gained the power he did?"

"Maybe…"

"Grindelwald wouldn't have, I know that for a fact"

"But neither of them really cared about the law in the first place!"

"Good point. But our goal isn't to prevent all crime, all terror. That would be marvelous but is unfortunately simply impossible. Our goal is to make it more difficult for them"

"Wouldn't this also make it harder to fight them?"

"Another good point. And it is also the reason that Aurors receive training in identifying and fighting against these types of magic"

There wasn't really much Harry could say to that, other than a muttered "Yeah, but still"

The conversation with Dumbledore went on much longer than their meetings usually did. Harry walked back to his common room through the quiet and empty castle, deep in thought.

' He's still wrong. No laws could have prevented the Dark Lord from doing whatever he wanted, from learning whatever he wanted. It's not fair to just decide some stuff is evil'

He walked in to find the common room empty.

Almost empty.

One chair, the one right next to the fire was occupied. Theo sat in it, a brooding look on his face as he raised a cup to his lips.

' Is that firewhiskey?'

"Theo? Are you ok?"

Theo didn't even turn his head.

"Why wouldn't I be?" The exuberance that usually filled his voice was gone. He sounded dead.

"Um. You're drinking. On your own. I don't think that's very healthy"

"It shuts my thoughts up. That's all that matters"

' What happened? Is his dad all right?'

"Theo, mate. What's wrong?"

"You really want to know?"

"Of course! Theo, I-" Harry slid into the chair next to Theo's as he spoke. Theo still hadn't looked at him.

"Put up a privacy charm and I'll tell you"

Harry did, using the one Snape had shown him.

"Done," he said.

Theo turned his head. There was something heavy and unreadable in his dark eyes.

"The Dark Lord's back and you and Draco joined Him. That's what's wrong"

Someone had replaced Harry's blood with ice.

' Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck'

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Harry managed, trying to keep his voice normal.

"You heard me. You and Draco joined Him. I know"

"Theo, I-"

"Come off it, Harry. I know people think I'm stupid. I do stupid things" he glanced at the firewhiskey in his hand, "and I say stupid stuff, but I'm not an idiot. I notice things"

"What do you think you noticed?"

In his head, the litany continued.

' Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck. He knows. I'm gonna have to-'

"How's this. Christmas time, last year, right. Draco's parents were just too busy for him to go home. Well, so were Pansy's, Crabbe and Goyle's, my dad, and Selwyn's"

Selwyn. Harry had met a Selwyn. At his initiation.

"So? Just because-"

"They all were Death Eaters" Theo's mouth twisted in a sardonic grin. "Sorry. They all were imperiused or framed"

"Mate, I really-"

"Ok. Then comes summer break. We barely see you and Draco. I know my dad's been meeting his old friends, but so what, right? Then we come back to school. And you guys are different. More intense. Like something happened to make you all mature or something"

"Theo, you're seeing stuff where-"

Theo talked as if Harry hadn't even tried.

"Meanwhile, I know my dad is meeting with all his old friends a lot. He starts talking about things like honor, and glory. The only time he would talk about those type of stuff was when he was talking about the Dark Lord's goals. Now he's talking about them again"

Harry didn't try to speak. His wand felt hot in his hand.

' I can't do it. I can't. He's my friend'

"Then winter break. My dad goes to a meeting one night with Lucius. After that, he's telling me how far you and Draco are gonna go in life, how I should stick with you guys, try to be more like you. And when you come back, you're even more intense. Spending a lot of time whispering to each other"

' I can't do it. But I have to. He knows'

"And you're just so unconcerned about Black. Like someone told you not to worry. But who would be able to convince you that Black's not a danger to you?"

"Theo, come on, mate. You're seeing stuff that isn't there"

"Am I? And then I get a letter from my dad, today. He wants me to meet someone over Easter break. He says it's time I do my part to restore our family name to its former glory. So am I really overthinking everything? My dad isn't going to take me to meet the Dark Lord?"

"Would that be so bad?" Harry whispered.

"Merlin, Harry. I'm thirteen fucking years old. I'm a kid-"

"So was I"

Theo nodded. "I don't want to fight in a war. It doesn't do any good"

"What do you mean? Of course it-"

"Bullshit. All that talk is bullshit. It just leaves everyone pissed, and just makes a cycle of death"

"No, it-"

"Did I ever tell you how my mum died? The real story"

' What?'

"You said she was sick, and-"

"That's the cover. My dad worked it out with Lucius and Avery. She was murdered. Revenge"

Theo sipped deeply, coughing afterward.

"In the war, my dad killed this woman. Some mudblood who had been making waves. Took her husband a long time to find out who had done it. I was eight"

Harry listened, spellbound.

"Dad was sick, dragon pox. This man breaks into our house. He killed my mother. Almost killed me, too. Dad hobbled out of bed, he heard the shouting. Fought the guy. Barely survived, he was so sick. But he drove him off. He ran. And it was just me, dad, and my mum's body"

"Shit, Theo, that-"

"My dad got some people in, his old friends. Made it look like she had been sick. Like she caught dragon pox from him. But her brother, my uncle. He went after the guy. Managed to kill him. But that man had a son. Killed my uncle"

' Fuck'

"When dad was better, he went after him. Killed him. Killed every member of that family, too. Cousins, aunts, uncles. Wiped them out. It didn't help. He was still left with the memories of the woman he loved, and the son he wished had died in her place"

He drank, deeply.

"My dad killed that guy's wife. He killed my dad's wife. My uncle killed him. His son killed my uncle. My dad killed his son. The cycle doesn't end, Harry. It just doesn't fucking end. I don't want to keep it going forever"

"Your dad ended it, though," Harry said softly.

"What?"

"He ended it. He killed anyone who stood against him. That's how you end the cycle. Leave no-one standing to fight you"

"I don't fucking want to kill" Theo almost screamed.

"You don't have a choice" Harry hissed. "You really think you can just sit it out? What are your options? Be a traitor to one side, have the other side never trust you. After all, you're a Slytherin, your father's a death eater. Dumbledore wouldn't help you"

"I just don't want to be in a war"

"I didn't want to be in an orphanage. You don't get what you want"

"Harry-"

"Listen, Theo. I'm not gonna do anything, but you need to make your choice. You can't just sit in the middle. Pick a side"

Harry left, canceling the muffliato.

It was a long time before Theo came to bed.