The Simpsons: Bart

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***

The twelfth of October began as an ordinary unremarkable autumn day. Having had an early morning breakfast of dinner alone, I rode my bicycle to Shelbyville.

However, the strangeness began already at the entrance to the school. People looked at me and whispered behind me. Once I reached my locker, I didn't immediately notice the weirdness as I took my bag off my shoulder.

- Э? What?' I was distracted from my strange behaviour only by some sticky substance that was smeared on the locker lock.

'Cheater,' "Manipulator," "Scum"-besides that, the very square of the locker had such nice words painted on it.

For a couple of seconds, I fell out of comprehension of what was happening. I sincerely did not understand where these inscriptions came from, what came over the guys at school and what I deserved such inscriptions....

Anyway, the only one who has every right to call me that, obviously wouldn't do that as a student to sneak into a former student's school.

- Hey, what does that mean? - I turned to another student who'd stopped by the lockers...

- Bart, how on earth do assholes like you get around?! - she reacted to me like Maggie to a cockroach. Except she didn't call her big brother to squash it.

- What are you talking about? - although she did employ Maggie's backup tactic in case of cockroaches and no big brother - running away.

In the end, no matter how many times I asked, I got either ignored or outright insults to the face. Eventually I got tired of this attitude from the people around me and decided to just call it a day by going to my first class.

- Salute, are you the one who bit everyone? Because everything now reacts to me like you.

- ... - Isabella ignored me for the first time, too.

It's a little depressing. Despite our troubled relationship, she was the only one who didn't ignore the Springfield transfer who was a bully with a bad reputation. What had happened to make even Isabella turn her back on me?

- Bart, is it true? - just before class started, I got a text message on my phone from Milhouse.

- Is what true? Can you at least explain it to me? - but before I could get an answer.

- Bartholomew Simpson, you're expected in the principal's office. - in a voice that didn't bode well, the teacher said something that brought back some not-so-good memories.

Ever since I became the pride of the school, I'd had many conversations with the headmistress. She was always coming up with incentives for me, like extra days off, extra test scores, and other things that, when you think about it, were even legitimate?

- Haa... Hoooo...

Today, however, memories of the day I was expelled keep popping into my head. I feel the same anxiety, only several times stronger.

- Have a seat, Bartholomew. - Oh, it's not good to be called by your full name.

As instructed, I took a seat across from the headmistress' desk, who humbled me with a stern look.

- Haa... - Taking off her glasses, the woman rubbed her forehead in annoyance. - Okay... In your situation, I think it would be for the best if you stay at home for a couple of weeks.

- А?

- Don't worry, after all you've done for our school, it probably won't come to expulsion. - Most likely?!

- What the hell is going on?! What situation am I in?! - Once there's been talk of expulsion, I can only speak in an elevated tone of voice.

- Simpson! - which prompted the headmistress to respond accordingly. - Don't you know about this?

.....

- Hmm. Mm-hmm.

When I got home, the first thing I did was sit down to watch the video the headmistress told me about, which started with a girl crying....

- Approximately... Mhmm... Six months ago... Everyone's favourite and adored Bart Simpson... - at the sound of my name, the purple-haired girl nearly became hysterical. - Ngghhhh... He started dating my sister... Terry McLberry.

So Sherry's in the video? Really? For some reason I can't shake the feeling that it's not her....

- They were doing so well and they were so close and genuinely in love.... - another wipe of a sweaty nose. - But then. Bart and I had a drunken incident.

Well, that part of the video explains why the commentators not only insulted me, but also went after Sherry. Although, admittedly, 'drunkenly' sounds better than 'when Bart mixed us up.'

- After. After. He-- He-- He started blackmailing me with the video. - What?!

What the hell is that?! It was the exact opposite! I was being blackmailed by Sherry, and she made compromising videos!

Why would I even do that?! And why is she talking all this nonsense?!

- I-I-I-I-I-- I was so confused and I didn't know what to do. What to do. - after a flood of tears, Sherry continued. - I'm not sure I was against it myself....

On the discussion of this line, with some people opining that if she was okay with it, that makes not only me an arsehole, but her a slut as well. Other commenters respond by citing manipulation in abusive relationships as an example.... In short, no matter what conclusion people came to, I was still a creep.

- But it became harder and harder to hide.... And at one point, the truth came out. Terry found out, and-- It ruined our relationship.

There's a whole series of comments about how with sisters and boyfriends like that, you don't need any enemies. Plus people don't shine with originality, making the same comments along the lines of - 'Everything hidden, one day it will be revealed'.

- Ya-ya-ya-ya... I'm so sorry. I want to apologise so badly to my boyfriend Justin. And to the cast. And to my twin sister Terry. It's only now that I realise what a mistake I've made.

To the reasonable question of what prompted Sherry to make such a confession, people on the net give a reasonable and cynical answer, sending links to adult sites where....

- Ah. Harder, Bart.

One of Sherry and I's videos weighs in at the top in views.... Many commenters are joking that they understand why Sherry dumped her sister, and I did the same.

It's kind of stellar to have strangers rate your body online.....

How could Sherry even upload that video?

- All I want... - looking for answers, I went back to watching the crying video. - That I'm not the only one who's unhappy. That all those responsible were justly punished. So that people can understand who Bart Simpson really is...!

.....

Before this video, I tried not to check my social media pages, but after.... So many insults and death threats I could never have imagined. It's like the whole state sent me some kind of wish list.

- Bart, did you really do that? - the natural news couldn't help but reach my family.

- And if I said I didn't, would you believe me, Liz? - I couldn't even turn my head towards Lisa, staring at the ceiling.

- If you try to deny it, at least I'll listen to you.

- Well... It's good to know... - Despite the answer, I didn't feel like talking or sharing with Lisa at all. In any case, her opinion of me could hardly get any worse....

- What the hell is that supposed to mean?! - After a second of silence, Lisa continued: - Did you really sleep with both Sherry and Terry?

- Yes, I did.

What's more important to me now than Lisa's opinion of me is that because of all the fuss, I can't go to the gym. Will I have time to lose the progress I've made?

- ...Is it true you slept with Sherry behind Terry's back?

- Yeah, that's why we broke up.

To qualify for the Olympics, I have to be at my best. I have to give every extra second I have to get better, not spend it cooped up.

- И... You're-- Actually. - as I reasoned, Lisa's voice became more and more brittle. Finally, she said, 'I don't want to know.

Ran out of my room without asking her question.

.....

After Lisa, it was time for the rest of the Simpson family to find out. And so did the rest of the country, for this story had gone national.

- Bart, how could you?!

Mum became depressed and hysterical, locking herself in her room for days. Which I thought was odd, because the crap was being said about me, and she took it personally.

- You little man!

Homer decided to strangle me by the neck for the first time in years. Which turned out to be...

- Awww.

I threw him over my hip and crushed him on the carpet.

- Bart, you're out of your mind!

Which shocked Lisa, who started to take me off Homer. Naturally I let go easily, for I had no intention of hurting Homer, but Lisa's look and Homer's moans gave me a very different impression....

At the very least, Homer had attacked me, so it was self-defence at most.

- Uwaaaah!

Did I mention my actions shocked Lisa? But not as much as Maggie. Who tearfully ran off to her room, obviously away from me.

- Oh, well.

What happened that day made me want to revisit our relationship from a few days ago. When I was hardly ever home or out with my family.

- There he is!

However, as soon as I stepped out of the house, I was immediately egged on.....

- Die, you bastard!

Yes insults.

.....

As I made my way to the only place I could relax. I thanked God the gym was still open.

- Coach Engle, hello.

- Huh? Bart? - Coach said hello to me with a kind of sadness. It can't be him, either.

- You know I didn't record any video or blackmail anyone, right? - Not wanting him to think badly of me, I immediately tried to dispel the lie.

- I know, I know, Bart. Haa... You're a good boy. - Thank God Coach Engle's on my side. - But...

- But?

- That's what I think. - Coach Engle's voice got heavier and heavier with every sentence.

- What are you talking about? I don't understand.

- Bart. Haaah. You're no longer... Not on the wrestling team for next year's Olympics...

...What?

This is a joke, right?

- IT CAN'T BE, RIGHT?! - I screamed my throat out like never before. I just can't believe that my dream could extinguish so easily.....