This Is Where I Want To Be

63. What’s Going On?

Marcus

I sat on a chair at the dining room table. I had chosen the one closest to the front door, waiting for Juliet to come home from Charlene’s house. Juliet stuck her tongue out into the air, trying to catch flakes… It made me come undone… Wanting to be there with her to claim her mouth and more… Just for myself. To consummate the relationship we had. When she came inside, I ran to my room. I was acting like a stupid teenager. Locking my door was just a barrier between me and my wants. A reminder. She strolled into the house. Her boots made a noise on the hardwood floors. She stopped outside my door. My heart ached. The “slapping” sound came. I gripped the armrest of the chair I was sitting in. I closed my eyes, leaning my head back. “Ignorant ass,” she said. I chuckled. The stupidest smile on my face. As long as she still hated me, I could deal with it.

I heard her running her hand over the door… Slowly and sensually… “I want you so bad.” I jumped up and walked to the door. Almost ready to give it all up. I stopped as I heard her footfall going down the hall. The familiar buzzing of the watcher’s video equipment droned around. Groaning, I rested my head on the door, banging my forehead softly on the wood. I had like thirty seconds to put my face on. I was struggling. It had been the most painstaking thing I had ever done. The most conditioning I had ever put my mind through… Picking up my book, I pretend to read. Lasting at least ten minutes every time. The buzzing would disappear. It was so subtle that you wouldn’t even know it was there.

I gave so many excuses over those last few months that I didn’t care anymore. If I could spare Juliet one more day without my grandfather rushing down on the place, taking us all back, I was going to do it. I should have left… It would have brought them all peace. I would appease the powers that be. But I promised myself that I wouldn’t leave her side again. That I would not go back. So, yes! I was buying time. I wanted to be there when she changed, to help her and Louis to the best of my ability.

Not seeing her for years was more manageable than her touching me constantly and telling me how much I meant. Whispering stuff into my freaking ear that I could do nothing about. I hoped I wasn’t doing it for no reason… But that was stupid. I knew I wasn’t. Qadir gave away a lot at the cages. I was more convinced than ever that he wasn’t the real threat. There was a three-way battle going on. I was stuck in the middle. Juliet with me. The ten minutes were over. Thinking about Juliet in those moments… Made it easier. When I needed to seem indifferent.

I had been studying everything I could. About the watchers, strategy, and war of our worlds… The planets and how they worked. When we were at the Embassy the last time, I asked Samuel for any and all books. He did not deny me. Seemed like my grandfather didn’t mind me getting to know his world. Other than that. Chris and I only walked into the house a week before Christmas, hoping and waiting for her to let us come for the birth.

My one consolation was that Louis knew exactly what was going on inside my head. He was backing me to the point of putting me above Juliet. He knew that love must… sometimes be tough. But it was because we loved her so much. Louis had two weeks with her… I was a little jealous. Chris, sleeping with them every night for months made me lie awake for hours. I would have jumped in there if I had half the chance.

She was furious… At us…Telling Juliet why I was like that wasn’t an option. She would blurt out everything within five minutes. Tell my grandfather to go f- himself and then move us all somewhere into the woods. It would all be over. Having her irrational for the last nine months didn’t help. But she was back. I walked to my bed excited and dreading tomorrow.

***

When Juliet was gone, Louis extended the house. Did some remodeling. We needed a room to heat up and train in for the winter months. A gym.

The following morning, I walked through the door. Juliet and Charlene were already warming up on the treadmills. Having a lot of time on my hands the night before, I quickly devised a plan for them. It was going to be intensive and complex. They got off after twenty minutes, drinking some water, coming towards me. The door opened. We heard Louis and Carl coming up the stairs. Carl came over. He and Juliet hugged for the longest time. She kissed his cheek, ruffling his hair. “You not going to the army? Don’t you need to start training soon?”

He shrugged, yawning. Shook his head. “I said no.” She was impressed and happy that he was staying. She pushed him toward the treadmill, and he lazily got on. “Where were you last night?”

“In bed.”

Louis came over and wanted to kiss Juliet. She turned away from him before he even came close. “Okay… That’s new!” He retaliated. She ignored him. Her eyes cast down. He gripped her shoulders and twisted her around. She shrugged him off.

“We’re back to asking… okay!” She spat.

He narrowed his eyes at her. “I thought I don’t have to anymore.”

“Like I said, backward is also a direction a relationship can move in.” He walked over and pulled her onto his lips, kissing her. She was stone cold but waited till he finished. “Don’t do that again.” She stated coldly.

Carl, Charlene, and I were staring at the two.

“F- Juliet! I haven’t seen you for months.” Her head snapped up at him. The death stare came out. “Oh, Baby… That doesn’t work on me anymore.”

“Neither does that… Now get the f- away from me before I hurt you.” The whole place went quiet as they shot daggers at each other.

“What the hell did I do to deserve this?” He boomed.

She scoffed. “Really, you going to play stupid? Fine… you say you’ll take me to the farm. You know I’m thinking you’re going with and then you dump me there in the middle of the night.”

Louis walked away before she could go on. “I don’t have time for this s-!” He yelled. Louis turned and threw his towel in her face. Hard. She manifested and jumped at him. I grabbed her mid-air.

“Chris fought Qadir and won.” Her head snapped around. The smile that lit up her face was instantaneous. She changed back. “No way?” Her hand covered her mouth. She was so excited, jumping up and down and clapping her hands.

“How did I miss that? Oh man, I want a play-by-play.” She forgot all about Louis and walked to the lockers. She looked back at me… “Basics?” I nodded. The door slammed. The sound startled all of us. Juliet’s shoulders jumped.

“Gloves.” I gestured. Charlene walked over to the individual lockers Louis put in. Every person’s equipment was fitted only for them. Juliet helped Charlene and then quickly put on her own.

“Bags… Let’s go… For the first two weeks, for fitness purposes. You’re going to grind basics. Boxing. Kicking. And footwork… I don’t want to see one of you stand still for a second. From one foot to the other.”

I walked over to Charlene. Adjusted her waist in front of the bag and separated her feet just a little. “Do this for a few minutes.”

Juliet’s form was perfect. She was jabbing and kicking and moved.” When I Iet go of Charlene’s waist, Juliet watched my hands. But she didn’t do anything. She kept boxing. It was just too easy. I did it again. I held Charlene’s arms to show her how to extend her elbow straight. Juliet stopped and turned towards me, tight-lipped. “Do that again! I dare you!”

I was so happy to see her. I was being mischievous and not helping. The smile fell off my face as the buzzing started. I walked away from her, boxing on the other wall. Juliet was confused, staring after me.

Juliet jerkily looked from the roof to the floor as the buzzing got louder at its peak, scanning outlets along the wall. She frowned and shook her head. She didn’t say anything. That wasn’t good. She was clever… S-. Why did she hear it now? They finish their session with another fifteen minutes on the treadmill and some stretching. I got them each water.

“Thanks, Marcus, for... Everything,” Charlene said and got up. “I’m going home to feed Miné. See you guys tomorrow morning. She ran her hand over Juliet’s head. “Mwah,” Charlene got an air kiss, and she reciprocated.

Juliet didn’t look at me. Whenever the buzzing started, she wriggled her finger in her ear. Why wasn’t she saying something or asking anything? Carl was very busy following the program I put in place. I headed over to him, preparing for hand-to-hand combat training.

***

Juliet

I was left alone on the gym mats, staring at the roof. Carl and Marcus were fighting in the ring. The guys had really done a great job getting so much done. I wanted to go and tour Charlene’s house and see all they did. I stared at the corner of the room. Since my episode at the farm, my hearing had bumped up a notch. I frowned, putting my finger in my ear and shaking it. Am I getting tinnitus? What is that noise? But I couldn’t say anything. I couldn’t tell them what had happened. Or that there was another complication from my infection. That would be super sexy… A deaf girl who screamed at everyone. A buzzing that she couldn’t explain. Made her jump off a cliff because she thought she was going crazy. I laughed at my own stupid thoughts. I sat up. Carl and Marcus staring at me. “You good, Juliet.”

“What did you say?” I giggled…

“I asked if you’re okay?”

“I’m sorry I can’t hear you.” But I jumped up laughing, tired of my own joke.

I started cleaning. All the mats. The equipment and the weights. I picked up the soap and sprayed it over the mirrors, using a cloth to buff out the stains. I had my music on and got lost wiping the long wall of mirrors. It made the place look really professional. An hour later, I finished. Louis Marcus and Carl were still very busy with practice. I took out my pods. “Hey, Carl. Where is Chris? He was here last night? Why isn’t he training with you guys?”

“I don’t know. He left last night when you went out to Charlene’s house.”

One less to worry about. You better run, Mr. Rheed.

***

Chris

I sat in a chair. One I actually made with my own two hands, looking out over the best view of those mountains. When I left teaching to become whatever I was now. Building a cabin, a house, and chairs wasn’t even an idea. The crib stood at my workstation. I was going to finish it as soon as I could get my ass off that chair. How I thought I would meet my son was not some dude delivering him to me like a stork at Christmas. Shoving him into my arms and notifying me that his name was Caleb, running away to who knows where, and Juliet being MIA for another two days. I had thought that she would want me there. But she didn’t ask anyone of us to come and hold her hand. Like an ordinary woman would! And it made me so angry.

Cindy had to give me a few tips. Liam pulled out a chair close to me, watching the bundle in my arms. Three hours in, Caleb was hungry. Didn’t want a bottle and kept crying. Cindy tried. Liam tried. Marcus tried. Louis tried. None of us could console the kid. He drank some of the milk from the bottle, but was unmanageable. It didn’t feel like my child.

Michael didn’t even tell us if he had changed or not! I didn’t want this… This was why people were two in a relationship. If it was just her and me, I would’ve seen him get born and helped pick out a name. We would’ve bonded as a family from the start. Figure things out and be tired together. But I wouldn’t make it official with her. She was doubting. Didn’t think of me as part of the family yet. We were like a one-night stand that had an accident.

When he stopped crying. There was a hush in the house. We all knew the foundation was back. Everyone was off-kilter. Even Caleb knew who the boss was. And it wasn’t me… He knew who was the one that would love him until her last breath. Die for him. Like I wouldn’t? How did I connect with him or even compare to the love Juliet gave everyone she had in her life?

Regardless, she didn’t even want to see us or me... She stuck out her tongue at us. That was all we got. Juliet was angry and back to her old self. If you didn’t love her as you should, she moved on… No, that wasn’t true… I was just as pissed. She went out to have a drink with friends, taking our baby with her. The two of them were a family. I haven’t told her about Sita or why we shipped her off without even one of us. Qadir had stolen something precious from us all, putting pressure on us… making him tap didn’t make up for anything. Being in the mountains was good for me. I didn’t get much done with all the snow. I could work inside the cabin and, on good days, sit outside. Juliet had not answered any of my texts. We parted angrily. She had my baby, and I wasn’t there. Sighing, I ran my hands through my hair… I just didn’t know how to get her back.

***

Juliet

For the next few weeks, we faithfully practice. Focus on fitness and forming a routine. The flow in the house had gone back to some normalcy. We were all cooped up, but it didn’t seem like anyone cared. When the house got too much for me. I would go sit outside under a big tree in the woods. Thick jacket, gloves, and beany, covering myself with a blanket. The cold brought about perspective for me... Reminded me of my time with Michael and just getting out of the house, period.

***

“Come on, Juliet… It’s clutch and then gear and slowly let go of the clutch and push in the petrol.” The car died again. I hit the steering wheel, cursing. “You wanted to learn to drive stick… We cleared the driveway and everything,”

“I know. I’m trying.”

The whole family was outside at the front door with a drink in hand, sitting on the steps, watching me make a total fool of myself. They laughed at me as the car kept dying and starting and dying again. “If I only had a proper boyfriend who could teach me anything,” I yelled out the window. They quieted down. “Yeah, I didn’t think so.”

The passenger door opened up. My dad glanced up, getting out when Marcus held out his hand. “Thank heavens. It’s like talking to a wall.”

“I heard that.”

Marcus closed the door again. He came around to my side. He pulled my door open and prompted me to get out, so I did. Marcus sat on the driver’s seat and made the chair whirr back until he thought there was enough space. He held out his hand. Our eyes met. I frowned. He dragged me down so I was sitting between his legs. We had never sat like that before. Me in between his legs was all I could think about. He closed the window and put my favorite music on. I was looking over my shoulder at him. He whispered in my ear. “Trust me and enjoy the process. We have nothing better to do. You have all day.” He put his feet on the clutch and the petrol bar.

“Now, put your feet on mine and feel how I do it.”

It was the first time Marcus had initiated anything from his side. He pressed down on the pedals several times with my feet on top of his. I got the sense of trying to do things simultaneously. After I nodded, he let his feet rest next to mine on the pedals. The car was idling in neutral. When I was going too fast, he rubbed my leg to steady me and slow me down. We did that a few times. He took his feet away. And for the first time, I almost got it. His hands rested on my shoulders for a second, squeezing. “Calm down and try again.”

It’s hard with you touching me all of a sudden… I wanted to say. I tried again and got the car to move slowly forward in first gear. There were cheers from outside. Marcus leaned forward and ran his hands down my arms. “See… well done. If you can do that, you can drive.” I haven’t been touched in weeks. I took my foot off the clutch, making the car stall. Shaking and jolting us into each other. I opened the door to get out. Marcus gripped my waist, pushed me down, and whispered into my ear, “Just before you’ve had enough. Let me know.” Was all he said. I turned my chin towards him. He slowly let go of my waist. I didn’t want to, but I got out. I held the door open for him, and he followed me. He bowed to the crowd that was clapping and chanting his name.

Yeah, I was not too fond of that and jumped back in. I locked the doors. Marcus heard it and turned to me, hands hanging by his side, looking down his nose at me in that way he always did. His eyes narrowed when I adjusted the seat and blasted the radio to a volume he would hear outside. I started the car and got it in first. He slapped the window with a flat hand as I had done with his door in the house. “Juliet! Stop the car.” He said authoritatively, trying to keep up with me as I slowly let the car drift forward. I focused my hands at ten and two… Okay, all I had to do was take my foot off the gas. Push in the clutch and switch it to two. Do the control thingy… It worked, and I laughed excitedly. The car didn’t make that awful sound. My excitement grew to more mischievous. Marcus was jogging beside the car at that point. It made me giggle. I pushed on the gas. Marcus upped his pace. He was also getting angrier. I wanted to try third. He slapped the window so loudly. Yelling. “Juliet, don’t do it!” I didn’t listen and got the car in third. “Don’t push that gas down!” The tone in his voice fueled me to see what he would do. I didn’t know how he knew… but I would’ve done it.

His fist came flying through the window. Glass shattering everywhere. Marcus dived in and pulled up the hand brake. The car jerked as my feet lifted off all the pedals. He swore, lying halfway over me halfway out of the car. I was laughing and giggling, my lips pressed together. I thought he overreacted a tad.

He was furiously staring at me. He wanted to get out. I grabbed his shirt at the collar, fisting it. Twisted the material tightly. Slowly, I pulled him closer, stopping just before our lips would touch. I knew he would do nothing. So I had to do something that didn’t need reciprocation… His anticipation was palpable. His breathing was deep on my skin. His anger gone… replaced with desperation… I licked his lips from one side of his mouth to the other. I wasn’t asking for a kiss. He didn’t part his lips. I released my grip on his shirt, letting him hang there, staring at me. His tongue came out, and he slowly licked off my spit from one side of his mouth to the other… Then he did the bottom lip. His eyes rested dreamily on my mouth.

My smug look when I did it fell right off my face. I thought he would wipe it off on his sleeve. Crush the fun I was having. Him licking his lips… Licking me into him was too much… Every muscle that needed to pulse was throbbing, making me want to step it up a notch. “One day… I’ll stick my tongue so deep down your mouth that you’ll wish you never did that.” I snarled. Slowly, he opened his mouth, eyes riveted on my lips, waiting to see if I would do it. The buzzing started. Marcus’s face turned stone-cold from lust to absolute agony. But he got out of the car, standing with his back to the house, his chest falling and rising rapidly. His eyes never left mine. “I’m… going to take a walk,” He said as his eyes slowly removed from mine.

That was the moment I knew I wasn’t going crazy. It wasn’t about me. Or him waiting to decide if he could handle all of this…

***

I yawned as Marcus started his speech for the day. I was up all night thinking about what happened in the freaking car. “Today, we’ll start getting used to things coming at your face.” Marcus was mainly talking to Charlene.

“If only,” Charlene said. I nudged Charlene in the side. We giggled. We were both getting cabin fever.

“Anyway, we will add a few hours of theory daily and up your hours in the ring. I’ll increase the time slowly until we work the whole day.”

We both groaned.

When Charlene and Carl were done, it was my turn. Louis was standing in the ring waiting for me. I couldn’t face him and turned away… “I’m going to get some water.” We had not spoken since our fight. “Carl, when you’re ready. Will you fight with me?”

“Yeah, Jules… Just give me five minutes.”

Marcus came over to me. “Will you fight me? You’re better than Carl and need someone more experienced.”

“Fine.”

We stood across from each other. For fifteen minutes, Marcus put me through the wringer. I lay down on my back in the ring, depleted of energy. Marcus came over to help me up. Slowly, I got up onto my knees and then stood up straight. His eyes were on me while he helped me with my gloves. “We will do fifteen minutes until you can keep up and slowly increase your time with me.”

I smirked. “That’s what she said.” I stretched out in front of him. His eyes roamed over my chest, slowly drifted up my neck, and landed on my lips. The buzzing started again, and Marcus turned away from me a few seconds later. I chuckled… He wasn’t even done with my gloves. Now that my brain was not a psych ward, things fell in place much quicker. I was starting to see a pattern with Marcus’s weird behavior. Louis came into the ring with Marcus. I drank water and tried to catch my breath. I walked to my locker to remove the rest of my gear. I started cleaning. Packed everything we used neatly away. Continued with my routine of mats, weights, mirrors, and anything else that needed a wipe. I gathered all the towels and dumped them into a basket. All the while planning how to put my house in order.