We Were Forever

"We have been studying these books for weeks," groaned Peter one evening in mid-December. James, Sirius, and Peter were up in their dorm, huddled together on Sirius' bed with the curtains closed. It was the night of the full moon and, as usual, Remus was not present

"We have to be one hundred percent sure," James muttered, flipping through Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them for the fourth or fifth time. "Although, I must admit… I'm pretty sold," he sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Whatchu think, Sirius?"

Sirius had been staring absently at the same page in Lessons in Lycanthropy for a solid fifteen minutes without saying a word.

"Sirius?" James repeated, but the other boy was still unresponsive. "Oi, Black!" The bespectacled boy tossed a pillow at him, hitting him square in the face.

"Huh?" Sirius blinked up at him. "What?"

"You alright, mate?" Peter asked.

Sirius shrugged. "Yeah… s'pose so…"

James frowned, closing his book. "This was your idea, you know… and it seems like you were right. What's bothering you?"

Sighing, Sirius closed his own book and leaned back against his headboard. "I dunno… A lot, I guess. First of all, if we're right, that's a huge deal. Think about it, all these books talk about how painful these transformations are. Can you imagine Remus going through that? I mean we're only twelve for Godric's sake. How old was he when he was… you know…"

"Bitten?" James supplied and Sirius flinched.

"Yeah… and… I don't know I always heard my parents talking about half-breeds-"

"Screw your parents," James said sternly, pulling a disgusted face. "Don't use that term about Remus. Screw what your parents say, you said yourself they're bigoted, prejudiced arses."

"Well, yeah, I mean about most things - ow!" James had smacked the back of his head.

"Sirius! You have been fussing about this since last year! You're the one who has made us sneak behind Remus' back to learn about werewolves and you are the one who refused to hear anything about him being dangerous or dark… Don't start being a prat about it now!" James' hazel eyes narrowed angrily.

Sirius picked at a loose thread on his sleeve and chewed his bottom lip. "You're right. I'm sorry."

"I mean it, Sirius, if you're going to treat him any differently we can put these books away and never bring it up to him and continue with things the way we are. Or Pete and I will find a way to help him and you'll be left out."

Sirius glared. "What? No! It was my idea!"

"Then stop being a prat," James threw Hairy Snout, Human Heart into Sirius' lap. "Keep reading."

—-------

Remus awoke in the hospital wing three days after the full moon. According to Madam Pomfrey, he had lost a particularly large amount of blood and broken several bones in his left leg. The fretting healer made him stay an extra night just to be sure he was really in good health.

Finally convincing Pomfrey that he was indeed well enough to return to his dormitory, Remus made the painfully long trek back to Gryffindor Tower. Every muscle in his body screamed with each step he took, but he could not bear another night in the hospital wing with its stark white sheets and the smell of healing potions. Taking a moment to breathe, he leaned against the banister and silently willed the staircase not to move and set him off track. The walk back to the common room was always so lonely. His body ached, his mind wanted to sleep, and it was just so far. He could not wait to get to his bed and just collapse and, secretly, he hoped his friends were already asleep so that he would not have to face the questioning grey eyes of Sirius Black once again.

Taking a deep breath, Remus gathered his strength and pushed forward. Finally reaching the portrait of the Fat Lady, he felt a sudden panic wash over him as he frantically searched his sleep-driven brain for the password.

"Rough night, dear?" Yawned the Fat Lady.

"I'm so sorry," Remus apologized, rubbing his temples and racking his brain. "I… I seem to have forgotten-"

"Remus!"

Startled, Remus spun around to see Lily, smiling brightly as she hurried towards him, red hair flowing gracefully behind her.

"Hello, Lily," he forced himself to smile back, but it did not seem to fool the girl, whose face faltered slightly.

"Are you alright?" She asked, sounding honestly concerned as she reached out and touched his arm in a friendly, caring gesture.

"Yeah, I've just forgotten the password…" Remus admitted sheepishly.

"Maiu Bonum," Lily said, turning to face the portrait, which immediately swung open to allow them inside.

"Thanks, Lily," Remus said as they climbed through to the common room.

"No problem," Lily's smile returned as she waved off his gratitude, but her bright green eyes still showed deep concern. "Is your mum alright?"

Remus nodded. "Yes, she'll be okay."

"It must be so difficult for you to have to go home all the time to care for her."

He shrugged. "Sometimes, I suppose… but she'd do the same for me, so…"

Lily laughed softly and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "You're very sweet, Remus," her eyes were shining in the dying firelight, and before Remus could respond, Lily leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. He felt his face grow warm and he knew that he was blushing like a fool as Lily bid him goodnight and headed up the stairs to the girl's dormitory. Remus stood there, stunned for a moment, before taking the opposite staircase to his own dorm.

With his hand on the doorknob, Remus paused to pray once more that his friends were asleep, but as he pushed the door open he could clearly hear James' voice chatting excitedly about his most recent Quidditch match against Ravenclaw. The conversation died quickly as they heard Remus enter and Remus was shocked to find that his three friends were seated on his own bed.

"Hey Remus," Peter was the first to speak to him, sitting cross-legged at the foot of Remus' bed.

"H-hi…" Remus blinked at them in confusion. "Er… what's going on?"

James quickly ruffled his hair before patting the spot on the bed right beside him. "Come sit, Rem," he was smiling, but Remus could feel the tension in the room. He hesitated.

"...Has someone died?" He asked nervously, glancing at Sirius who seemed to be avoiding eye contact.

"What?" James curled an eyebrow. "No, we just missed you. Come-"

"We know," Sirius said suddenly, still not looking up.

Remus' breath hitched and he felt his stomach drop. "...Er… y-you know what?"

"We know your secret," Sirius grumbled.

Remus shook his head. "I don't have a secret. I… I've told you, Sirius, I've been seeing my mother-"

This time Sirius did look at him. "Stop lying, Remus. We know that you're-"

"Sirius! We talked about this!" James snapped, flicking Sirius on the nose like a misbehaving dog.

Remus took a step backward, hands trembling, wanting to be sick. "I don't… you don't… no… I'm not…"

"We don't care, you know," Peter said quietly. "We don't see you any differently just because you're a-"

"Just because you have a furry little problem," James interrupted. Remus felt like his world was crumbling down. Tears were burning his eyes and threatening to fall. James' hazel eyes grew twice in size; he jumped off the bed to Remus' side, followed closely by Peter.

"Y-you don't have to be friends with me anymore…" Remus whispered, fighting hard to keep the tears from falling.

"Don't be silly," James said sternly. "This doesn't change a thing. We want to help you. We're your friends, no matter what, remember?"

Remus glanced over at the bed where Sirius still sat, looking conflicted with emotions between angry and dejected. He hates me…

"Sirius?" Remus pleaded, voice barely above a hush. He watched as Sirius worried his bottom lip, staring down at the floor. "Sirius, do you hate me?"

Without meeting Remus' eyes, Sirius stood and crossed the room to his own bed. "I'm tired. I just need to sleep." And with that, he closed the curtains around him.

James sighed and clapped Remus on the shoulder. "He doesn't hate you, Remus. He's just… you know… Sirius."

Remus nodded slowly, still feeling that horribly ill feeling in the pit of his stomach.

—-------

Remus could not sleep that night. A part of him was relieved, he no longer had to hide from his friends and they were, for the most part, supportive. But he couldn't get the look on Sirius' face out of his head. 

He thinks I'm a monster… he hates me… and he's got every right to…

He was pulled from his thoughts when the curtains to his bed were flung open, and who would be standing there but Sirius, looking just as upset as Remus felt.

"I'm sorry," Sirius said before Remus could ask him what he was doing. Sirius, without invitation, climbed into the bed and closed the curtains around them. "I'm sorry for the way I acted, Remus. I don't hate you. I was upset because… well it's kinda stupid. I thought maybe you had problems at home the way I did… and when I started to see the other signs, I realized that I really was alone… and then I felt guilty because what you have to deal with for your entire life is much worse than just having bad parents," his words dripped with self-hatred.

Remus stares at him in disbelief. "Sirius, you aren't alone… and you don't need to feel guilty…"

"I do. I was selfish and I shouldn't have treated you like that," he met Remus' eyes at long last. "I promise I'll never do that again. I'll do everything I can to try and help you and keep your secret safe.

"You don't have to do anything-"

"I do," Sirius insisted and Remus was actually taken aback slightly by his persistence. "Because you shouldn't go through this alone. No one should be alone."