Yes, It’s Me. The Obsessive Side Top

#049

“Ah…” I opened my mouth to say something but my breathing stopped. My head spun and my ears rang. Only after my body shook a few times did I start hearing properly again. 

“Ha Jin. Breathe in. Try breathing slowly.” The hospital director was already by my side. He was trying to help my breathing and get me to come to my senses.

“I’m okay…” Honestly, it didn’t feel real. I just felt like I was on some play’s stage. Is this really happening to me right now? I was filled with questions. So why? Why did Grandmother get cancer? I can’t change the webtoon’s story?

“Then… if I ask the author to change the setting, can she live?” In the end, nonsensical words spilled out of my mouth. Even though the hospital director couldn’t understand what I was saying, he continued to help my breathing with a kind smile as if he understood. He instructed me to inhale first and then try exhaling again. Following his words unconsciously, it seemed like I was coming to my senses a little.

“Will you be okay? For me to keep talking?” 

“Yes… please go on.” My eyes were empty, even though I was looking somewhere. I was worried about Grandmother but also about Sun Woo. Is everything going according to the webtoon after all? My heart beat slowly as if it had stopped. As everything felt futile, it seemed like the world in front of my eyes was turning black and white like the webtoon world.

“First, we need all the test results to know for sure, but the abdominal CT shows a tumor located in the kidney. The size is small. But it’s definitely kidney cancer. And I brought her previous medical records.”

“…” 

“It was recorded that bone metastasis was suspected. If that’s the case, it would be untreatable.” Every word that came out of the hospital director’s mouth stabbed at my tender skin. My eyelids trembled and I closed my eyes. Even if I tried to look away, it was reality. Despite my closed eyes, the hospital director’s voice kept coming. His lips were only conveying bad news about Grandmother’s illness.

“Ah!” At the hospital director’s sudden exclamation, I opened my eyes and he had an extremely apologetic look.

“I got the order of my words wrong.” 

“Yes?” 

“This habit from teaching kids remained, so I spoke in order step by step.” My slow heartbeat started to find its place again. Even though the hospital director hadn’t mentioned it yet, my head was already filled with hopeful messages. The time it took for the hospital director to open his mouth again felt way too slow. With a nervous heart, I clenched my fists tightly.

“To cut to the conclusion, it’s not bone metastasis. From what I see, even in the worst case, it’s stage 2 kidney cancer. It will become clear when all the test results are out. But I can promise you one thing, Ha Jin. Grandmother’s illness is treatable.” 

“Really?” 

“Have you ever seen me lie? When Ha Jin got shots as a kid, I honestly told you it would hurt, right? You cried more after hearing that, though.” At those words, the tears I had barely been holding back flowed out. Even if I tried to hold them back because the hospital director was giving me good news, they wouldn’t stop as if broken. I tried clenching my fists tighter but it had no effect.

As I suddenly burst into tears, the director moved quickly in a fluster and pulled out tissues to hand to me. He gave me so many that my hands were full of tissues. A few tissues that fell out of my hands fluttered to the floor.

“You were a crybaby when you were little too. Still the same. It was understandable to misunderstand it as bone metastasis. Grandmother is old, after all, so that doctor wrote for her to go to a big hospital for a more accurate examination. Didn’t Grandmother tell you? That she needs to get tested again?” 

I shook my head. 

“That was a close call. If we had left it untreated, it would have metastasized and become untreatable. It’s fortunate that you didn’t give up and came here. Ha Jin. It’s really fortunate.” 

“…Thank you.” I barely managed to squeeze out words of gratitude through the tears. As I closed my eyes with endlessly flowing tears, the hospital director put his hand on my back and comforted me.

“Ha Jin. Seeing you cry, you’re exactly the same as when you were little. When you first came to the hospital, you turned pale and called me a monster. You were so tiny and pretty, so when I told you to come closer, you called me a monster. But you were cute even when crying, so I ended up taking off my doctor’s gown and examining you.” The hospital director, who was patting my back with his big hand, let out a small laugh.

“What do I do if you’re prettier in my eyes than our Yeo-un? Ha Jin? Whether then or now, you’re so pretty.” The hospital director stayed by my side and kept comforting me kindly until my tears stopped.

Only after crying for a long time did I belatedly feel embarrassed. When I should be grateful that Grandmother can get treatment, I was shedding tears. On top of that, I was even receiving comfort.

I drank the cold tea on the table for no reason. Sniffling as I drank, the hospital director sitting across from me smiled brightly. At that, I also raised the corners of my trembling lips and smiled back at him.

“Your eyes are advertising to the whole neighborhood that you cried a lot. There’s a mirror over there, so take a look before you leave.” 

“Yes…” 

“Are you doing well in college? If you take care of your friend’s grandmother to this extent, it seems like you’re doing well. Our Yeo-un will probably get into A University next year too. When he enrolls, you’ll have to look after him a lot, Ha Jin.” 

Now that I think about it, I know that the protagonist Sin Yeo-un will enter the pre-med department at A University. Only half a year left. I weakly put the mug down on the table.

“Did you tell this to Grandmother’s grandson Sun Woo too?” 

“Not yet. Since the results aren’t out yet. I’m telling you in advance because you seem very worried, Ha Jin.” 

“The results… won’t change, right?” 

“Of course. You can’t trust me?” 

“That’s not it.” 

“Still, don’t tell your friend yet. If you tell the patient and guardian something uncertain and it turns out not to be the case, the sense of loss is beyond words. The results will come out quickly, so I’ll tell them then.” 

“…Okay.” I feel sorry for Sun Woo, but that seems right. Because there’s a tiny 1% chance the hospital director’s judgment could be wrong. Though that shouldn’t happen…

“But if you go with that face, your friend will think negatively, Ha Jin.” The hospital director’s words made sense. It was the perfect face for Sun Woo to misunderstand. I was worried about my reddened eyes. How long would it take for them to settle down? As I was thinking that, the hospital director glanced at his watch and tapped the table to divert my attention. When I raised my head and looked at the hospital director, he smiled mischievously.

“Shall we go eat at my house today, Ha Jin? To see Yeo-un too. You haven’t seen Yeo-un, right? He’s my son.” 

“Ah, it’s okay. I just ate dinner.” 

“Really? That’s too bad. I should have told you in advance. But aren’t you hungry? You must be exhausted after crying so much.” 

“I’m fine.” 

“Hahaha, I’m hitting on Ha Jin too much because it reminds me of old times. You’re not going straight to the hospital room, right?” 

“Yes. I think it’s better to just go home.” 

“Okay. Shall I give you a ride?” 

“…It’s alright.” 

“Do I still look like a monster to you? I’m getting competitive because you keep refusing?” The hospital director joked with me in a way that wasn’t burdensome. How nice would it be to have a father like him? I suddenly envied Sin Yeo-un for no reason.

“I brought my car. I can just take my car.” 

“Alright. Drive safely. If you really don’t think you can, call a substitute driver.” 

“Okay.” 

“Then, Ha Jin. Let’s see each other often.” 

“Thank you.” 

“It’s my job. I’ll have to make sure Ha Jin has no reason to cry anymore.” The hospital director’s words put me at ease. Only then could I smile properly. I bowed goodbye to the hospital director who was waving at me, and headed to the parking lot. I thought about contacting Sun Woo, but I just wanted to send him a text when I got home. If I called him here, I felt like I would somehow get caught by Sun Woo.

When I arrived at the parking lot and took out my car key to unlock it, the car’s headlights blinked briefly with a beep. And I naturally turned my body after discovering Sun Woo standing next to it. Why is Sun Woo in the parking lot?

“Ha Jin. Come here.” Ah, not now. I stopped walking and hesitated, and he called me again from behind. 

“Come here. Ha Jin.” It was just the order of the words switched, but it felt quite different. At that kind voice calling me, I finally turned around. As I approached again, I bowed my head deeply. Sun Woo opened the driver’s seat door of the unlocked car and told me to get in the passenger seat.

“It will be hard for you to drive.” Without answering, I just got into the passenger seat. Sun Woo’s hand reached out from the driver’s seat, held my head, and pulled me towards him. My face, which had been bowing the whole time, faced him for the first time. His eyes examined me persistently. His gaze lingered on my eyes for a long time.

“I told you to only cry in front of me. You’re not listening, Ha Jin.” 

“It’s not like I promised that.” I answered curtly at his forced words. I don’t need anyone’s permission to cry. It’s my body.

“I expected this from the moment I sent you.” 

“…” 

“Are you done crying?” Sun Woo gently caressed my flushed eyes.

“Ha Jin. Did you show this face to the hospital director too?” 

“What are you talking about?” Really, what are you saying? Why is Sun Woo so obsessed with me crying? When people get emotional, they cry and stuff.

“Then should you be punished? Or not?” My eyes moved left and right. Should I be punished? The moment I was contemplating, I was startled.

‘What am I thinking right now? Why would I be punished?’ I was being swept here and there like a buoy on the sea by the waves called Sun Woo.

“Don’t say weird things.” 

“Why are you crying in front of others? It’s upsetting. I told you to only cry in front of me.” At Sun Woo’s nonsensical words disguised as kind words, I pushed the hand on my face towards the steering wheel, and Sun Woo laughed briefly and immediately started driving. When we arrived in front of the house, my heart was oddly pounding. Not knowing what I was expecting, my lips were dry and I kept wetting them with my tongue.

“The punishment.” Sun Woo spoke slowly after turning off the engine and turned his gaze to me. I was looking at him only with a sidelong glance while unfastening my seat belt.

‘Damn, even if my sealed desire awakens, it’s presumptuous… What are you expecting from Sun Woo?’ 

“Shall we do that on the bed?” At Sun Woo’s words, the seat belt slipped out of my loosened hand and retracted back to its place.