Believe In The Weird and Wild (Star vs. the Forces of Evil x Steven U)

Summary:

Can morons survive love?

Kelly idly wondered if Steven's head constantly felt like this, ringing and pounding at their own skull every second. She could barely open her eyes, the light harming her retinas as she glanced at the greenish orange sky. "Alien planet …" How was she breathing?

"Yep … we're on an alien planet." She turned her head, seeing Steven next to a fire. "Careful, even if my tears can apparently cure death my spit isn't nearly as potent."

"What the, how the…what the heck happened?" She rubbed her head.

"Well I had to make a large shield to block the heat and fire as a blast shield, but it didn't save us from the shock." He said. "So when I saw how bad you were I broke you out … a little too well." She turned to the absolutely wrecked ship, remembering that Steven pulls most of his punches. "Then I cured you, bandaged your head, which was luckily protected by your hair and didn't crack, and started a fire … the trees don't have fruits."

Okay, that answered how they got here. "Do you still have the com you were using?"

"No, that stayed with Star after we defused. The moment we did I placed her in a bubble, half to stop the cold emptiness of space from making her head explode, half to give me the leverage I needed to jump towards the ship." He explained casually.

"That explains why we're still out here." Kelly murmured. "And you couldn't have done all of that as Starry Quartz, in fact, you couldn't have done all of that BETTER as Starry Quartz?"

"…What?" Oh stars, Steven's confusion was usually cute, but now it was just plain irritating.

"Steven." Kelly started slowly. "Why didn't you stay Starry Quartz, who can make portals on their own, and come down so we would have a way off this planet?"

"Oh…I didn't think that through.." Steven rubbed his arms in embarrassment.

"Of all the things that could've stayed the same, that couldn't have changed while I was gone?" Kelly pinched her nose. "And now we need to wait it out until they find where we landed cause they need to know where we are to warp there, on a planet by all logic, we shouldn't even be capable of breathing, with questionable food sources. This is worse than the neverzone!"

"Now that is just plain overkill. NOTHING is worse than the Neverzone." Steven argued.

"Oh no, we're just on an alien planet far from home with no way to contact our friends and family." She growled. "Back then we at least thought we couldn't go back and had to accept living there. Now, because you can't get over your feelings, we've lost any chance that they'll find us!"

"Wow, risk your life to save a friend, and this is the thanks you get." Steven grumbled.

"Oh like you were thinking platonically when you just jumped in half assed. What, you think I'm just going to magically fall for you again after you save me?"

"Oh get over yourself, I would've done the exact same thing for any of our friends." Steven turned his back and crossed his arms.

"So in every timeline, you'd act like an idiot? Sounds about right."

"And in every timeline I guess you're ungrateful for any attempt to actually care about you."

"I don't need anyone to take care of me!" Kelly yelled. "I'm not your damsel, I'm not some princess that needs a knight to support her! I'm strong enough to take care of myself!"

"Fine then, you can keep yourself safe, i'm gonna go find food and water!"

"Hell no, I'm getting the food, you'll just give it to the first animal that gives you the sad eyes."

"Oh, you're gonna collect food with hair that thin all by yourself?" He taunted.

"Who's the one that was watching your butt every time time a sea serpent tried to bite your head off in the neverzone?"

"And who's the one that kept running to me every time they heard thunder in the neverzone?"

"At least penguins don't make me cry!"

"At least my hair doesn't smell like a moldy pizza every two months!"

"Well you know what, I'm gonna be the mature one, and end this conversation now." She spoke, walking away. "Because I grew up and no longer need someone to stay by my side every five seconds, like you."

"Well sorry if I'm actually capable of making friends, unlike you." Steven snarled one last time before walking in the other direction.

She waited until she was deep in the woods, before punching her fist through a tree. "Stupid baby-faced jerk!" She yelled out. "I'll show him. Once I make a better camp, he'll be crying for my forgiveness.

She tugged on what looked like a vine, and pulled down on it hard to use it as a rope…and a snake with bull-like horns landed right on top of her. "Hssssh!"

"Buddy, you do not want to tempt me right now!" She yelled at the creature…who latched on her arm and began to strangle her. She retaliated by rolling in the dirt and gripping its neck. "You'll…regret this…eventually.." 

She would survive, she would live, and she would do it without Steven's help!

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The Proxovore ran from the pink thing that shot out bubbles. "Stay still you giant overgrown rhino!" Why would it stay still from something attacking it? "I need you to be food, there's no fruit around here!"

Seeing that the boy was just being unreasonable, the Proxovore continued to run. They didn't ask for much in this life, just a little peace and quiet whenever it felt like taking a nap. What was so wrong with that?

After the noise from the numerous explosions faded just enough, the Proxovore let themselves just breathe for a second, able to take in the fresh moon air. "I got yah!" A voice shouted from above. "You're not getting.."

Clank

What felt like a light needle brush against his skin broke off. "Dang it, that was my third favorite sword!" A talking bush said as it fell off of himself. Seeing that the bush wasn't a threat, they began to move to it. It was hard to eat with the pink thing chasing him, and if it could move, it MUST be nutritious. "Come on big guy, can't we talk this out?"

"Frrr." It groaned. Never negotiating with food was the pack motto. It charged right at the bush, planning on tenderizing the leaves before consuming it.

"Alright buddy, you're mine!" Great, the pink thing was back. "Oh no you don't, get away, i've been chasing him all day!" It shouted to the bush.

"Clearly you failed, meaning it's someone else's turn!"

"Like you're doing any better! You might as well be throwing sticks at it with how thick the hide is!"

"I'll have you know that I've been fighting aliens beyond just gems while I was gone, this here is my element! Get out of here and beat up a rock or something."

"The broken sword on the ground clearly begs to differ! Why don't you try snacking on some leaves and see how it goes?"

"Rrrrrf." The Proxovore tried to go ahead and eat the bush while it was distracted.

"Why are you suddenly being stubborn about this!? We broke up! Move on!" The push yelled as it widened its mouth. "You have no shortage of people you can date!" 

"No I don't, because I'm not good for anyone!" The pink one shouted as it threw a pink disk at the Proxovore's head.

"You had two girls crushing on you before you even realized it! How are you not good for anyone!?" The bush shouted, jumping on top of it's head and punching. "I'm pretty sure with Lars staying in space Sadie is available, and according to the gossip chain Jackie is rejoining Beach Creek soon!"

"Oh sure, and bring them into whatever high stake soap opera episode my life has in store for me next!" The pink one slammed into its ribs, ramming it into the wall. "The moment I even try to be fully happy, it gets taken away, or I screw it up, or I get them hurt, and everyone ends up worse!"

"Well have you noticed that some of the people in your life are fine with being hurt!?" The bush thing shouted back. "Look at what happened when Star tried to leave Marco behind in his safe life!?" They said as they kicked them in the eye, making them whine in agony.

"You say that, but you ran off in some attempt to spare me whatever imagined pain I somehow couldn't handle!" The pink one threw a fist into its nose

"Do you want to know the truth, the real fucking truth!?" The bushy one jumped off the injured creature, looking tired and exasperated.

"Yes, for the love of the stars please be honest!"

They walked up, poking the pink one in the stomach. "I fell in love with Stelly, you were the side piece, and I realized how fucked up of a person I was for it."

"I know." The pink groaned. "And do you want to know something really messed up about me? I hated Tad so much, pretty much since the first day we met, and I hated that you'd always just..run off to him every time you were done venting." The boy sighed. "And when we were in the Neverzone, after that first year, the one thing that helped keep me going was 'I'm glad Tad's not here."

The bush sighed. "We're like Sardonyx and Sugilite … we just bring out the worst in each other." They walked up to the beast, pressing against its neck, intending to end it once and for all. "That's why I refuse to hurt either of us like that Steven."

"I know…I understand wanting space, I understand why you broke up..I'm just…disappointed that even with all the good times…I never got you to see how and why I thought…why I still think you're amazing." The pink one turned. "Keep the beast, I'm going to snack on a space beetle or something."

The bush turned to it, pressing down on the neck even further, before shaking its head. "Steven…I….don't…really how to cook outdoors that well…you were better at that…so…mind giving me a hand?"

The pink one paused in its steps, before slowly turning around, the slightly faint of a smile showing on his face. "Yeah, I..I'd like that." Why did their last moments alive feel so wholesome?

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"So the United Galactic Federation was completely eradicated, leaving their members to slowly amass within the Plumbers as a way to keep up the pressure." Lars told Marco. "Long story short … don't fuck with Vilgax." 

"I think Ben's said something about that guy once or twice before, sounds like a nightmare." The red hooded boy winced. 

"Other than him, most big names are either leading a large army, or highly skilled at their specific professions." Lars went on. "Six Six is a bounty hunter, Buzz Lightyear is a highly trained ranger from star command, and occasionally there's this weird old man going through green portals with his grandson."

"Oh, I've run into a few versions of him in the neverzone." Marco recalled. "Rick Sanchez, Super genius that's also super paranoid."

"That's the guy!" Lars snapped his fingers. "Except replace paranoid with asshole."

"Guess that depends on the version. According to Hekapoo, he made this entire government of himself to hide from the government."

"Talk about narcissism at its finest." He deadpanned. "Oh, I went to this place called Anur Transyl. Get this, they have ghosts, werewolves, mummies, frankenstein, lake monsters, and zombies as legitimate aliens!"

"Starting to wonder exactly where all of our myths come from. According to Luz, a lot of them are just magic leaking into earth."

"And get this, they thought I was the scary looking one." Lars snickered.

"Pfft, well If peace on Mewni is never reached, we'll have the perfect planet to move all the monsters too if they want." Marco snickered. "Heh, a year ago, you wouldn't even have dared to talk about stuff like this."

"Half of it is due to Rhonaldo's obsessions." Lars pointed out. "Remember back then how we thought that creepy cryptid stuff was so cool?"

"I remember. And apparently we're also psychic, because that essentially sums up our lives now…except replace creepy with dangerous."

"Yeah, and then I stopped hanging out because the kids back in middle school thought it was just lame …" Lars sighed. "I was a jerk."

"You weren't the only one." Marco patted his shoulder. "In fact, I was a hypocrite too. I pretended to be a bad boy and still felt afraid to ride a bike without a helmet."

Lars gave a hum, it seems so silly looking back on it … "So when is your girlfriend gonna stop threatening everyone?"

"I don't get it! We have the fastest ship in the supposed Homeworld arsenal! How have we not found them yet!?" Star was aimed glowing hands at the gems.

"She's just in over protective sis mode. Best to give it another five minutes." Marco nodded. "You've seen to have found your calling with being a space captain, and it actually suits you well.."

"Thank you."

"But it is best to give yourself a break from the action every once in a while." Marco added. "You don't have to give up the space life. You have a ship to yourself, and I know the group will need something like this in the future." Marco waved off. "Plus, don't you want to give your friends a chance to rest without worrying about being blasted?"

"We take a rest every once in a while, you don't need to worry about that." Rhodonite waved off, before giving a dangerous smirk. "Like that one time on Viscocia …"

"Hey, we agreed what happens on Viscocia, stays on Viscocia!" Lars shouted back.

"Oh, and the time he went on a bender in Blitz n chips? Where he got stuck in that Roy game for two days."

"For the record, they relaxed that day, I did not." Spent a while clearing that level.

"And then … there was … the time … with treasure planet …" Fluorite laughed. "Lars mainly … stayed in his … room."

"It was supposed to be a planet full of treasure, but they already detonated it." He groaned.

"Oh, I predict we are about to embarrass Lars with the story of the Polymorphs on Viscocia!" Padparadscha, you traitor!

"..Maybe a little time away from space would be good every once in a while." Lars muttered. "I mean, I at least want to see if my baking job can still be salvaged."

"I asked Mom to hold your spot." Star answered. "I hope you don't plan on going to school again, because she has a lot of hours she wants you to make up."

"That's completely fair." He sighed in defeat. "So where are we on Steven and Kelly?"

"Thirty five planets down. A hundred and thirty to go." Rutile answered.

"Stupid naive Steven, why do you have to like that jerk so much!?" Star grumbled.

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Steven took a bite of the creature. "So … where did you find this place?" He asked, looking at the stone temple they rested in. "I thought this planet didn't have … non animals." Then again he was already questioning how he could breathe.

"I think this used to be an abandoned space station of some kind." Kelly shrugged as she tore into the meat. "Couldn't get anything to work though, so still stuck." She sighed. 

"Who knows, maybe if we set off a big enough explosion, they'll notice." He tried to console her.

"You are the best at making things explode after Star." Kelly giggled. "Hey, I'm sorry for lumping all the blame on you earlier. I was just looking for something to vent on."

"You know me by now, I've been blamed for the worst things for super petty reasons." Steven reassured her. "I'm sorry I didn't think of it though enough".

"It's fine, although you shouldn't make it a habit … like sacrificing yourself to Homeworld." She commented.

"I know, Parents already gave me the earful for that the second they had the chance." He sighed. "But, we've made these types of sacrifices before and they ended up fine…eventually." He shook his head. "It was just the fastest way to get them off earth."

"Steven Universe: the knight with the kindest bleeding heart." Kelly chuckled. "What are you going to do now anyways since you live on Earth now?"

"Once the Eclipsa situation gets cleared up enough, I'm going to enroll in earth school." He answered. "Marco got his GED, and Star wants to complete her years all the way through, so I figure I'd start from there."

"You could always become a musician like your dad, join the band the 'cool kids' are starting up." She pointed out.

"Nah, Sadie's taking the lead there, I'd rather let her grow into her own thing." He waved off. "Although I wouldn't mind starting a band of my own. Anne said she'd be interested if I ever want to do something serious with the idea."

"Oh, I could totally recommend Marceline. She kills on the base, and she writes her songs on the fly like you do."

"Wasn't she a vampire that can't perform in sunlight?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.

"She wears big hats and sunscreen for sunny days, easy fix." Kelly shrugged. "I know it would make you twice the chick magnet."

"Don't even start there. I just try to be nice to everyone I meet." He deflected.

"That's what gets the girls running towards you, it's the earnestness."

"Then why didn't it keep you here?" The only sound he could hear for the next minute was the crackling of fire.

"I told you … you deserve better than me." She looked away, rubbing her arm nervously.

"Oh yeah? My dad deserved better than Rose Quartz, and you're far, far, FAR from the kind of person she was." He countered.

"Steven…I just… I don't see..what do you see in me?" Kelly turns to him, a small tear falling down her eye. "Why keep coming back?"

"Why?" Steven chuckled, before reaching out behind him. "I'll tell you, but you'll have to listen all the way through." He pulled out a makeshift guitar made from the materials he could scavenge.

"How did you..?"

"Eclipsa. She's really resourceful with this stuff." He shrugged, strumming.`` I'd rather be tall…I'd rather be smart…I'd rather be sure you know I care." He softly sang as the crackles of the fire aided him in setting the mood.`` Wherever you go…Whatever you start…I'd rather be sure you know I'm there." 

Kelly kept her eyes glued on him, absorbing every lyric he was giving to her. " I'd rather I always be a part of whatever you doooo… I'd rather be me with you."

Kelly cried and sniffed, and Steven was prepared to set the guitar down and comfort the girl, only for her to turn away. "If I could be me…I'd know how to see…See why'd choose a pain like me." She added her own lyrics, self deprecating one's at that. Despite this, he felt like he needed to keep playing for her sake.

"The damage inside, a mountain to climb … I'd rather you stay safe, far behind. If I could be me… then maybe I would do more than drag you down." She continued on, scooting away. "I cannot be me with me."

Steven knew what she was feeling all too well. He often asked himself so many times why anyone would love him, why his family always seemed to adore him so much, why people like Lapis held him in such high regard.

"Too selfish to leave, but hope you will stay…Endure life together, come what may." He continued, showing off his own inner turmoil as she began turning her head towards him again.

"I promise to cling, to comfort and sing…No matter what temperatures may bring. I am a mistake, and people like me just don't get lucky twice…" Because that was true, wasn't it? Wasn't it a mistake for Rose to want a kid? For him to be born? "I cannot be me…with me…"

The two of them stared at each other, their eyes raw with emotion and pain. They understood each other far too well. They knew what they wanted the other to hear. " "Wherever we go… … I already trust.." Kelly picked up the song, smiling lightly as she inches closer to him. " … I'd know what to do if it were us.."

"I'd know what to say… I'd know how to be … I'd know your entire syllabus." Steven scooted himself closer, his eye getting lost in those big beady and beautiful eye. " I can't think of any other thing in the world I would rather do!"

The two of them shared the same grin, the bits of moonlight showing from the cracks of their shelter shining brightly on them. " If I could be… " They sang in unison. They knew each other's hearts. In spite of the pain they've both endured together…they wouldn't share that pain with anybody else but each other. " I'd learn how to love…. like you."

Kelly sniffed, hugging him tight as he dropped the guitar. "You still have the same smooth and buttery voice."

"You know I'd rather listen to you than me."

"You're my pillar of strength that I can always hold on to."

"You're my rock that I know can keep me steady."

"If we do this, it can't be how it was before."

"I know..you've changed…I've changed, we…us together have too." They looked at each other, the two of them were holding hands, tightly and firmly, and full of love and adoration for the other. "Kelly…I love you."

"I love you too..Steven Quartz Demayo Universe Butterfly." She pressed forward, and the lovely warmth of her lips filled his entire being, mind, body, and soul. From the rest of that night, they lost each other in themselves.

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Stelly didn't know what they were doing here. It felt like they were dreaming, which was a stranger occurrence for her. They didn't recall forming at any time, and they would've preferred if it stayed that way. Existence was really tiring. But now, they were in the middle of…something baffling.

"Is this Butterfly castle?" They looked around, it looked like the castle, except not destroyed, and everything was giant sized for some reason. "Weird, I don't remember this place being so big … is this a baby dream?"

"There'll be no more excuses, get it done. And don't expect me to look kindly upon this transgression. Embark at once." They turned to the voice …

"Dad?" There was a giant bush, similar to Kelly's hair, and tan limbs holding onto a mirror. They … Kelly hasn't seen him in years. 

They walked right past them, ignoring her as always. "Yes I know there's organic life on the surface, it's an invasion." They spoke in a 'done' tone.

"Hey Dad!" Stelly yelled out, something about this situation making them feel like they should fill out the role in the dream. "Hey Dad! Dad! Dadio!" The giant kept walking away, not even giving them a second look. "Ignoring me like I don't even exist, what a shocker." Stelly groaned, the Kelly side of themselves generating painful memories along with a headache.

"Its your Job and Function as a Nephrite scout! Finish your orders, or I'll shatter you and your entire regimen!" Kelly's dad yelled into the phone.

"And up we go!" Stelly shouted, jumping up some furniture and climbing some curtains. They really needed to get his attention even if it never pans out. "Yo Dad! What are you talking about!?" Stelly jumped and floated her way onto their large bushy hair, yelling where they knew his ears would be. "Why are you talking like you're a king or something?"

Dad paused, turning to them with yellow eyes. "Not now dear." They picked Stelly up, placing them out of the way of the console….wait, what?

Looking back, Yellow was working on a consol, the same alien planet as before, a few cool and awesome spaceships flying by. "So awesome." They spoke with sparkly eyes, jumping on the arm rest. "Yellow, hey Yellow."

"Oh, you're still here." Yellow moaned, rolling their eyes as she continued to work on the screens.

"Watcha doing Yellow?" Stelly smirked mischievously, just waiting for her opportunity to finally be given something cool to do for once.

"Organizing the drop ships to finalize the colonization of the planet." Yellow spoke without moving her eyes from the screen.

"Oh, I wanna do it, let me try controlling some ships." They asked. "Please, pretty please."

"When you own your own colony, you can command whatever you want."

She blinked, seeing a simple answer. "Then I want a colony." Yellow paused for a second, before going back to the screens, pressing some buttons and ignoring her like she always did. "Yellow, I want my own colony!" She pressed on the screen and pushed it away from the taller Diamond.

"Don't touch that! " Yellow commanded, using her giant hand to grab her arm, applying so much pressure they could feel her limb construct bend. 

"Why not?! The rest of you have THOUSANDS of colonies, and I don't even have ONE!" Stelly demanded as she stomped her foot one the ground, tiny cracks forming with every step. "I want one! I want my own planet! I want my own soldiers! I'm a Diamond too!"

"Then why don't you ACT like it for once in your miserable life, Pink!?"

She growled, walking away from the jerkwad known as Yellow, rubbing their arm as they approached a reflection, seeing the rage and anger inside of it. And with a primal scream, they shattered the image of Pink Diamond… themselves.

They woke up, looking down at their hands. Was that me? I mean it felt like a me thing but-GET OUT OF HERE!

The flash of light split the two back into Steven and Kelly, who stared at each other in confusion.

"What just happened?"

"No idea." Steven rubbed his head as he looked around. "This…this isn't a planet, it's a moon base just like back home."

"... Well on the plus side, they never colonized it, so we can breathe." Kelly smiled lightly, before a lightbulb went off in her head. "Wait, if this is a gem base, then maybe you can get that console to work for you and send a signal to the ship."

"Oh yeah!" He began running around, turning his head with a concerned look. "So … about your dad …"

"Ancient history." Kelly waved off. "It's nowhere as bad as your thing with Rose. He chose to not be a part of my life, so I'm just going to enjoy the people that are in my life." She hugged him with a light squeeze.

"Right, of course." He smiled and nodded at the answer, patting her on the back. "Alright then … let's go find a console." And let Star know where they were before she blew something up.