Esa Promesa

I don’t want to hurt Diver any more than this. My fists clenched involuntarily. If I had known things would turn out this way, I would have studied time-reversal magic before losing my powers. I wished I could go back to the day I handed my resignation to Diver.

“Lord Teian, you’re still here?”

“…Sir Ewyn.”

Ewyn, who had sent me ahead, was now behind me before I realized it.

“His Majesty is waiting. Please hurry.”

“If I don’t go…”

“Pardon?”

“Never mind. I’m going now.”

If I defied the royal decree, I might even end up dragged to prison. Since Diver knows my condition, he wouldn’t imprison me in a cold cell, but it’s clear I’d never dream of wandering the palace like this again for the rest of my life.

I forced my unsteady legs to move and stood in front of the reception room.

I don’t want to see Diver despair when some unnamed high priest declares that they cannot prevent my death. I don’t want to hurt Diver until the moment I leave, but nothing seems to go my way.

“Your Majesty, Lord Teian is here.”

After knocking at regular intervals, Ewyn opened the door immediately. The door swung open. With heavy steps, I entered the room.

I silently resented Ewyn, who closed the door as if waiting for me to step inside. As expected, seated opposite Diver was a person dressed in the robes of a Ramanov priest.

Because of the veil, their face was obscured, so I couldn’t make out their features from where I stood. Since I’d end up sitting close to them anyway, I first offered my greeting to Diver.

“My apologies for being late, Your Majesty.”

“It’s fine. Come here quickly.”

When I looked up, I saw that the seat Diver gestured to was right next to his.

I almost frowned openly. This man intended to seat me in the spot reserved only for the queen.

If it had been just the two of us here, I would have laughed it off, saying, ‘What nonsense is this? Ha ha ha,’ and sat far away. But in front of a high priest from a foreign land, it was unthinkable for a mere subject to openly defy the king’s words. I glared at Diver with a look that feigned kindness and sat in the seat he indicated.

Once seated, I could faintly make out the face of the veiled high priest sitting across from us.

To not even remove their veil in front of Diver, how rude, even for a high priest.

“Teian, this is Edvan, a high priest of Ramanov.”

“It’s an honor to meet you, Lord Teian.”

The high priest moved. They lifted their hands, which had been resting neatly on their lap, and removed the veil covering their face.

“I am Edvan, a servant of Ramanov.”

As soon as the veil was completely removed and the priest’s face was revealed, I gasped involuntarily.

Why is that person… How?

“Teian? Teian, what’s wrong?”

“Lord Teian?”

My heart began to race wildly.

Cold sweat trickled down my face. A piercing headache shook my mind. I felt an overwhelming urge to vomit and instinctively tried to cover my mouth, but my body wouldn’t move properly.

“Ah… ah….”

‘I swear, no matter what happens, I will love you and protect you.’

It was that same face back then. With that face, they whispered those words to me when I hesitated to reveal my secret. I believed them because of their unwavering gaze directed at me. So, I confessed my secret, the curse that bound my life and death.

‘You’re a monster, Teian.’

The price of trust was betrayal.

I remember it all: the hatred thick in their eyes, and the madness that followed.

But that was from someone who had long since returned to the earth.

Or so I had thought.

“Why are you…”

Even my voice failed me. This entire situation felt like a dream.

“Teian!”

Diver.

His urgent voice calling out to me pulled me back to my senses. I tried to look at him, to move my rigid body toward his desperate voice.

But at that moment, my vision turned black. Amid the fading sound of Diver’s voice, I could hear my own labored breathing. My strength gave out. Diver’s voice grew faint, nearly inaudible.

A firm grip enveloped me, accompanied by a familiar scent. At the same time, an awful sensation, like being dragged underground, wrapped around me. Just before my sight was completely consumed by darkness, the high priest’s face appeared unusually clear.

I wanted to cry.

Why? How are they alive, unchanged from back then?

The foolish lover who betrayed me in my seventh life, sacrificing me to fanatics as a living offering in their quest for eternal life.

*

In my seventh life, I attended an academy for the first time.

If you maintained top grades, even a penniless commoner could receive an education like the nobles and even earn a stipend, which is how I managed to attend. It was there that I met many people.

Among them was Reynold, the one who would ultimately sacrifice me as a living offering.

The academy had a tradition of pairing fourth-year students, nearing graduation, with freshmen as their mentors. Reynold was my mentor, and he was an incredibly kind person. He was always gentle with me, never neglecting anything related to me. He ensured I was cared for, smiled when I smiled, and softly whispered that he loved me.

Foolishly, when Reynold graduated first, I wanted to stay close to him. Two years later, after graduating at the top of my class, I joined the research institute where Reynold worked. Even more foolishly, I still didn’t realize at that time that Reynold was wearing a mask.

Instead, I fell deeper for him, convinced that he was the most compassionate, understanding, and thoughtful person I had ever met. I even confessed to him in the end.

I told him that when I died, I would come back to life.

I failed to see through Reynold’s mask and, for the first time, shared my innermost secret, one I had never revealed to anyone else.

The result, of course, was betrayal.

‘You will become our god.’

I couldn’t move. Whether it was drugs or something else, even blinking was beyond my control. My entire body throbbed as if I’d been beaten, and each breath brought fresh waves of pain that gnawed at me.

My vision blurred, as though covered in mist, and I could barely see.

But I could still make out one thing: blood pouring from my hands and feet. Instinctively, I knew that if I stayed here, I would never escape. I tried to crawl away.

Something struck the back of my head. The pain piled on top of itself, robbing me of the strength to even crawl. A rough hand gripped my neck. My vision shifted. I was being dragged like an animal.

‘Teian, you should be glad.’

I saw the face of the person placing me on an altar, one as black as night and unlike the ones in the temples.

The bastard. Wearing the same sickeningly sweet mask he had when he smiled kindly at me. But this time, the gleaming madness in his eyes was unmistakable.

Terror and disgust surged through me simultaneously. The disgust wasn’t only directed at him but at myself. The strongest wave of loathing was reserved for my own foolishness.

I was an idiot for trusting him. Why did I believe him? The witch had warned me repeatedly never to trust people.

‘A monster like you will become a great god. You should be honored.’

A sharply honed blade sliced down my body from neck to abdomen.

Even amidst the searing pain, I could distinctly feel the sensation of my body splitting open and blood pouring out. Fear gripped me. Someone. Please, someone save me. I tried to scream, but no sound came out.

My blurry vision turned completely black. Blood flowed from my body, soaking the altar and pooling onto the floor. The humans surrounding me, watching the spectacle, cheered in excitement.

Their voices, muffled as if heard underwater, echoed around me.

Monster, immortality, god, myth, eternal life. Their words, dripping with vanity.

If I could speak, I wanted to tell them. I’m not a monster, I’m human. Even if you kill me, you’ll gain nothing.

I was only alive because of a curse, unable to die even if I wished for it.

Did these lunatics, dreaming of immortality, understand?

What it feels like to be unable to die even when you desperately want to. The agony of hearing that someone you had cared for, even briefly, has passed away.

The hollow ache when you revisit a place you once passed by carelessly, only to find it has changed completely, unrecognizably.

Things disappear.

The people I loved die.

And yet, I’m the only one left alive.

-Teian, go now.

The witch had been crying. She held me tightly, then let me go, pushing me away with all her strength. And just like that, the witch disappeared. She left me with this horrifying curse and vanished forever from my life.

-Teian, I am here.

The voice of the one who was both the guardian of my grave and cradle, my only family, washed away the pain and terror that had tormented me.

Silex.

My chimera.

Silex had saved me as I lay dying on the altar, holding me close with his eyes closed for a long time.

With the healing artifact he brought, my wounds healed quickly, and my mind returned. Slowly, I looked around. Blood was splattered everywhere. The bodies of the humans were torn apart and scattered across the ground, and Reynold, who had offered me as a sacrifice, lay dead, his eyes wide open.

‘I have only you.’

When I said those words, Silex smiled sadly. At that moment, I knew. Silex could not live the same endless life as me.

Without Silex, I would truly be completely alone in this world. I didn’t know when that day would come, but my instincts whispered that it wasn’t far away.