“Help! I’m the Chosen One (and I Didn’t Sign Up for This)!”

Kazuya woke up to something soft pressing against his face. Groggily opening his eyes, he realized it was Lyria's elbow. She had sprawled across their shared sleeping area in a pose that could only be described as the world's least elegant starfish.

"Get off me!" he grunted, pushing her away.

Lyria sat up, rubbing her eyes. "Good morning, oh great Champion! Did you sleep well?"

"I was suffocating under your luck-powered arm. Does that count?"

Before Lyria could answer, Mika stomped over, her face as red as her scales.

"Do you two ever not make noise?" she snapped.

"Maybe you're just grumpy because someone singed their tail last night," Kazuya teased.

"Say that again and see how fast I turn you into charcoal!" Mika growled, her tail twitching dangerously.

"Can we not fight first thing in the morning?" Kazuya sighed. "Let's just eat and figure out our next move before something ridiculous happens again."

Naturally, something ridiculous happened immediately.

The Quest Board of Doom

After packing up, the group stumbled upon a quest board in the middle of nowhere. It looked suspiciously like it had been glued together with chewing gum and held up by sheer force of will.

"What's this?" Kazuya asked, peering at the handwritten notices.

"A quest board!" Lyria said. "Adventurers use these to find jobs. Look, here's one: 'Lost Cat in Haunted Forest.' Easy peasy!"

"Haunted. Forest," Kazuya repeated. "You think that's easy?"

"Here's another!" Lyria continued, ignoring him. "'Help! Goblins stole my pants!' Oh, and this one: 'Defeat the Evil Warlock.'"

Mika grabbed the last notice. "Finally, something challenging. Let's take this one."

Kazuya paled. "Evil Warlock?! Why would you pick that?!"

"Because I'm not wasting my time chasing a stupid cat," Mika said.

"I like cats," Lyria chimed in.

"Well, I like not dying!" Kazuya shot back.

But before he could argue further, the notice glowed and a booming voice declared: "CONGRATULATIONS! QUEST ACCEPTED!"

"Oh, come on!" Kazuya groaned.

Warlock 101: Expect the Unexpected

The group trudged toward the location marked on their magically updated map. The "Evil Warlock's Lair" turned out to be… a suspiciously cozy cottage in the middle of a meadow. Flowers bloomed everywhere, and a sweet aroma wafted from the open windows.

"This is the least evil-looking place I've ever seen," Kazuya muttered.

"Maybe the warlock bakes cookies!" Lyria suggested.

"Or maybe it's a trap," Mika said, gripping her spear.

They cautiously entered the cottage, only to find an old man in a pink apron, kneading dough. He looked up, startled.

"Who are you people?!" he shouted.

"We're here to defeat the Evil Warlock!" Mika declared, pointing her spear at him.

The old man blinked. "Evil Warlock? I'm Greg. I run a bakery."

The group exchanged confused glances.

Kazuya sighed. "Okay, great. Another pointless detour. Can we just—"

Before he could finish, the old man snapped his fingers, and the room transformed into a dark, eerie dungeon. Chains rattled, and glowing runes appeared on the walls.

"Never judge a book by its cover," Greg cackled, his sweet grandfatherly face twisting into something terrifying.

"I knew it!" Mika shouted, charging forward.

Kazuya ducked as fireballs and spears flew around him. "Why am I always caught in the middle?!"

Victory(?) Through Sheer Dumb Luck

The fight was chaotic. Lyria tripped over her own feet but accidentally activated a hidden lever that dropped a giant pot on Greg's head. Mika's spear missed its mark but shattered a magic orb, dispelling half of Greg's illusions.

Kazuya, meanwhile, got tangled in a curtain and fell onto Greg's back, knocking him into a bookshelf.

The warlock groaned, buried under books. "You fools! Do you have any idea how much planning went into this lair?!"

"Less talking, more surrendering!" Mika growled.

Greg sighed. "Fine, fine! I give up! But only because you've destroyed my favorite teapot."

Lyria clapped. "Yay! We did it!"

"You mean I did it," Mika corrected.

"Pretty sure my curtain attack was the final blow," Kazuya muttered.

"Curtain attack?!" Mika looked ready to explode.

"Let's just take the reward and leave before this gets dumber," Kazuya said, hauling the grumbling warlock to his feet.

The Reward and the Aftermath

Back at the quest board, the group was presented with their reward: a single golden coin and a coupon for 10% off at Greg's bakery.

"Are you kidding me?!" Kazuya shouted. "We nearly died for a coupon?!"

Mika growled. "I told you we should've picked the warlock quest!"

"This was the warlock quest!" Kazuya yelled.

Lyria held up the coupon. "But now we can get cookies!"

Kazuya stared at her, then at the coupon, and finally at the heavens. "Why me?"

As they walked away, the quest board rattled ominously. Another notice fluttered to the ground: "Wanted: Reluctant Hero, Dead or Alive."

Kazuya sneezed. "Why do I feel like something bad's about to happen?"