I Can Hear the Saint’s Inner Thoughts

31 – Saint Victoria’s Secret (2)

Past the golems with shattered cores, deeper inside, pristine white books greeted me.

But the one that caught my eye was this: ＜Research on Past Saints＞.

“…You won’t be able to take it back once you read it. Are you sure you still want to?”

– It must say why I’m living on borrowed time, how much life I have left… He’ll definitely be disgusted with me.

Victoria gripped my hand, her eyes pleading for me to stop.

– Because I’m a hideous woman.

Reflecting on her past actions and words, she had defined herself with that one sentence.

Victoria acted paradoxically, not like someone with a terminal illness. She was struggling to be remembered at the end of her life.

“Are you that afraid of me knowing the truth?”

“Yes. I’d rather tell you myself, but I’m scared that how you see me will change.”

– You might not see me with love, but with pity.

Victoria spoke calmly, placing a hand over her chest. I could feel her emotions, seeing the tears that were about to spill.

She was a natural liar, a master of sarcasm.

To hide her flaws, she kept a cold distance even from the man she secretly loved.

Turning into a flower was so painful she wanted to die. But still, Victoria hadn’t revealed the truth to me.

‘Is love this heavy of an emotion…?’

My head couldn’t understand it at all. It wasn’t rational. Shouldn’t a person facing death desperately beg for their life?

“Don’t you worry about that. Even if you were to die tomorrow, I’m the kind of guy who’d still be able to call you a high-maintenance woman without missing a beat.”

“…Isn’t that just being a jerk?”

“No, I’ll definitely find a way to save you, and then I’ll get ready to tease you about it endlessly.”

I spoke in a casual tone, as if it were nothing. Honestly, even if Victoria were to die tomorrow, I was confident I wouldn’t shed a single tear.

Because, I would save the time I’d use for sadness or regret to find a way to save her.

“Huh…?”

– Could it be, did he figure it out? Someone as oblivious as him…?

Victoria’s tone rose in surprise after hearing my words. She seemed to suspect that I had somehow found out she had a terminal illness.

“What’s with the look? I’m also known as the harmless mage, you know. Gotta live up to my name.”

Thanks to the advice Leo Zac gave me earlier, I was able to find a solution to some extent. The side effects of the saint’s miracle are ultimately due to cause and effect.

In other words, if there was someone who could share that burden, then it would be possible.

“…I don’t believe the saying that sharing sorrow makes it half as bad, but I know better than anyone how miserable it is to be hurting alone.”

As I said those words to Victoria, I reminisced about my time in the blue magic tower. When I first set foot there, there was a time when I eked out a living as a cleaner under the pretext of being a war orphan without parents.

After getting caught in the rain, I didn’t have the money to buy dry clothes and ended up with a severe cold. When I couldn’t even move a finger, I couldn’t help but feel dejected by the fact that there was not a single person to look after me.

That’s how I learned how to live alone, and how not to be disappointed by others.

Because I know better than anyone, that humans are fickle animals, and that if they find out someone’s weakness, they’ll try to exploit it or hurt them.

“So, don’t worry too much. No matter what I find in the Forbidden Archive, I won’t go around talking about it or teasing you.”

I slowly met Victoria’s gaze, trying to reassure her. If I were her real lover, I probably would have done something more active like hugging her or patting her head.

“Astal-nim…”

– If you keep seducing me like this, it’s going to be a problem… My lower abdomen keeps fluttering…

Contradictory to her melancholy eyes and voice, her inner thoughts were a shocking statement that would surprise anyone who heard it.

“……”

To avoid getting caught in my own turmoil, I quickly ignored Victoria’s gaze and pulled a book from the shelf.

I flipped through the records of a nameless saint and a saint who could perform miracles instead of having a voice…

Finally, I was able to find information about Victoria.

—

The Flower Saint, Victoria Everhart (Age 9).

– Complete loss of the right eye due to a miracle.

– Also, decreased hearing, taste, etc., and impaired balance occur.

– The flowers blooming on the body are connected to the nerves, so pulling them, cutting them, or trying to burn them causes extreme pain.

– It has spread to vital organs such as the heart, lungs, and intestines, so the expected lifespan is around 10 years. It seems there’s no hope of her living to adulthood.

– Based on observation, she doesn’t seem like a valuable enough being to be made a puppet of the Vatican.

– [Hold, it would be more efficient to wait for the birth of the next Saintess.]

—

Though written in extremely dry sentences, they clearly pointed to Victoria’s death.

Stuck between the pages were drawings showing her as a child.

Truthfully, I already knew some of this. Victoria often seemed to lose her balance, and her vision was impaired in the areas covered by flowers.

So, it became routine for me to support her or stay by her right side, helping her.

“…Are you disillusioned? This was the truth I was so desperately hiding.”

Noticing the part I’d read, Victoria spoke, deliberately wearing a faint smile. A false smile to adorn herself.

“You’re of age this year…?”

“Yes, I should have died last year, but I was able to extend my life thanks to Astal’s consideration.”

Victoria spoke of her own death as if it were someone else’s. Having met all sorts of people, I knew what her behavior meant.

‘Either she’s very self-aware and has processed her emotions…’

Or her self-defense mechanisms are too strong.

Victoria was the latter. She’d spent a long time in the Holy Kingdom wearing the mask of a Saintess.

“Thanks to you, I was able to live a little longer, so when we subdue the Demon Lord, I will use all my miracles without restraint.”

– Because now, I can risk my life for you, Astal, just as you did a little while ago.

Victoria wore her most benevolent smile, lightly bringing up sacrifice as if apologizing for the lies she’d built up.

“…I have an idea.”

I took Victoria’s hands, nodding as if to say she should trust me. She stared into my face, a look of curiosity on her face, wondering what I was doing.

“Those flowers… it seems we won’t be able to remove them. And the side effects will remain when you use miracles….”

There was no fundamental solution to the Saintess’ miracles.

Because it was a heterogeneous change caused by the causality of the gods influencing this world.

‘But, a person’s body can also be considered a magic circle.’

I ruminated again on the realization I’d gained while devising a way to create a space-time gate, to save Victoria.

Right now, I was able to combine different magic circles and create magic of a new caliber.

Then, if I think of the flowers eating away at Victoria’s body as magic…

‘…It should be possible to transfer it to my body sufficiently.’

*Pshhh—*

Magic circles, unraveling like threads, spun around me and Victoria, emitting light as they attempted to interpret each other’s bodies.

“Astar, you can’t be…?”

“I want to experience just how much it hurts. I’ve been incredibly curious why you wouldn’t listen to me.”

I spoke to Victoria, tasting a metallic tang in my mouth, forcing my teeth together to endure the pain.

Even just a slight change, my body transforming a bit into a flower, felt like a pile of burning needles stabbing that area.

But,

“…if the flowers don’t disappear from your body, then the only way is to transfer them one by one to my body and eliminate them.”

This was the only method that came to mind right now.

I couldn’t fix Victoria’s body immediately. Nor could I remove the flowers, the root cause. The pain she experienced couldn’t simply vanish into nothingness.

‘This is definitely rough…’

I cast a silence spell on myself to prevent any screams from escaping, deceiving Victoria as if it were nothing.

“A, ah… No! Stop the magic right now! Astar!! There’s no way you can endure this pain. You’ll definitely die of shock…!”

– I hate you being in pain more than death… !

Victoria was trying to shake off my hand, struggling to cancel the magic that was causing the flowers to transfer and bloom.

“I won’t overdo it. The best way would be to transfer and remove just one flower per day.”

*Grip—*

I grasped Victoria’s hand even tighter as I spoke. I couldn’t think of any other way to extend her lifeline.

“So, trust me for now. Victoria.”

I forced a smile as I spoke. Behind the silence spell, a me was hidden screaming and writhing in pain.

Still, for her, who had lived her whole life as a saintess, suffering under the yoke of miracles.

“Right now, I’m your lover, after all. Even if it’s just a month-long contractual relationship.”

I wanted to say something this cool at least once.

“……”

Victoria, who was currently silent, had red-rimmed eyes and hot tears were dripping down her face.

She looked as though she had something to say, but seemed like she didn’t want to interrupt me, who was concentrating on transferring the flowers.

– I like you. Astar.

At that moment, the saintess’s inner feelings were,

– I like this kind side of you.

Victoria’s feelings for me are—

– The way you do so much for me, it’s so lovely…

It’s a feeling called yearning, a desperate form of it, that’s being conveyed to me.

– I want to tell you my true feelings someday. Without pretending to be someone else, just with my honest heart….

Hearing her inner thoughts, I couldn’t help but suffer internally.

– Someday, I’ll tell you I love you—

“…Okay, let’s stop for today. I’ve removed the flower in your heart, which I thought was the most dangerous, so you won’t suddenly die now.”

I quickly took the flower that had bloomed on Victoria and transferred it to my own heart, burning it away with magic.

Mumbling, I distanced myself from her.

If I heard a confession like that until the end, even I wouldn’t be able to help but get caught up in it.