I Don’t Want to be a Villainess

“…Is this really it?”

After finishing the letter I intended to show to my Eomoni, I slowly read through its contents once more.

To be honest, I wasn’t confident my spelling was correct. I had no memory of actually paying attention in class. Even though I did nothing when I went to School, not even opening books on my desk or leaving during class and coming back, no one stopped me, so it was rather natural.

Strangely enough, my grades came out around average. I had never really taken a proper exam.

The Mansion I lived in was spacious, but in comparison, the School building was much bigger. At least that was one good thing about that School. There was a park that seemed more like a Park than the one attached to my Mansion—although, in reality, it was nothing more than a vague memory from my childhood—and more than anything, when I went out to the Park during class time, I would never run into anyone.

Well, there was one person.

Since the major clients were in high school, this person would look for me in this School with slightly less frequency, but they used this strange term—‘maximum client’—to refer to me.

“So, what I’m saying is that I want to report on the management of that asset…”

I didn’t say a word to that person.

I literally couldn’t.

How could I trust someone who suddenly came to me bringing up my father’s name? No, I couldn’t trust anyone around me. It was impossible to trust them.

It was unavoidable that my father, who smiled at me, left so suddenly.

I had almost no memories of my mother, who passed away when I was very young.

…And now, my only remaining family.

Eomoni…

Did she think of me as family?

During the times I was young, she perfectly filled my mother’s gap. No, it wasn’t just perfect; she was literally ‘Eomoni’ to me.

There were moments of longing as well.

In my innocent eyes, she was a beautiful and kind adult.

Because of that, whenever I saw her, I felt a ticklish happiness along with a strange embarrassment. The kind of embarrassment you feel when you meet someone you admire.

So, she really was ‘Eomoni’ to me.

I don’t really remember how I managed to think of such a term when I was young. But I knew that she was a person taking the place of my mother, and that when you respect someone, you add ‘nim’ to their name. So I guess that’s why I called her Eomoni. It’s just a guess.

But, after my father passed away, Eomoni suddenly changed.

She stopped coming to see me for a long time. As if she thought there was no need to pay me any attention anymore. Maybe she thought she had accomplished something.

Even at such a young age, I could vaguely understand that I lived in a different position than others.

The Room I lived in was much higher than where others lived. Not in a stuffy apartment forest you see while driving, but in a spacious house located in a high place right next to the largest river in our country with an open view.

I recall asking someone what that building was when I saw the shabby houses sprawled along the roadside, only to be told it was a house where someone exactly like me lived.

Now, I knew it was something you shouldn’t say in front of anyone.

Well, honestly, there was no one to share such stories with anyway.

At some point, I heard that Eomoni used to live in such a house. There had been a servant saying such things, but they had disappeared at some point.

Because of that, I thought.

Maybe Eomoni never loved me.

That thought frightened me to death.

The fact that there might not be anyone left in the world who would love me was terrifying.

So, I welcomed Eomoni, who visited me briefly four times a year, with all my might. I wanted her to stay a single moment longer. I thought she was the only one who truly loved me—was that really true?

At this point, even that was questionable.

So, I couldn’t trust her either.

I suspected even Eomoni. How could I trust her when she came to me out of the blue to bring up my father’s estate?

I didn’t say a thing to her.

“Um, customer. How can I earn your trust?”

After a few conversations that weren’t really conversations, she finally asked me that.

I didn’t reply to her either.

There was no one left around me whom I could trust.

The fiancé that suddenly popped up one day seemed to have expectations from me. It was as if there was some reason for not breaking off our engagement despite being incredibly hostile.

And surely, Eomoni, who had me engaged to such a person, must have her own reasons.

Eomoni told me she loved me every time she met me.

I wanted to believe it.

Could I dare to believe it?

…

I couldn’t shake off my doubts. I couldn’t completely trust Eomoni.

Yet, she whispered that she loved me whenever she appeared as if she had forgotten me for a while.

Those words sounded so sincere; they were sweet.

Yes, within that heavy silence in the Mansion, where no one looked at me, inside the School, that was the only thing I could think about.

However, Eomoni seemed to have a much lighter interest in me than I had in her.

It felt so unfair.

I thought about her every single day.

It was as if she barely thought about me.

It felt so ridiculously unfair.

So, I had one thought.

Should I strangle myself?

Nah, that would take too long.

Should I try to jump down?

No, the chance of failure is too high.

Piercing or cutting myself—

Nah, I don’t have any sharp tools in my Room.

So, I handed a note to the person who spoke to me.

Asking to find some weak drugs.

“…Are you seriously asking for that because of insomnia?”

The person asked me with an unexpectedly serious expression. They were gripping the pill bottle so tight I couldn’t pull it out with my strength. Fingers pale, it surely meant they were considering the situation seriously.

I nodded and handed over a letter I had prepared in advance.

It was a rough plan for what to do about my father’s estate.

In truth, I really didn’t care.

My father was no longer here.

What good was having that much money?

I knew very well that no matter how much money you had, it couldn’t bring back the dead.

I also knew that no matter how much money there was, if it took Eomoni‘s gaze away from me, I’d rather throw it all away.

Nonetheless, I thought the plan was quite solid.

“…”

After the bank clerk read the letter, they finally released the pill bottle. A satisfied expression was painted on their face.

“Thank you, customer. I hope to see you often in the future. Since you’ll be graduating soon, it will be much easier to see you at high school.”

I quietly nodded.

Honestly, it was a story I didn’t care much about. I probably wouldn’t even attend the graduation ceremony.

Thus,

Yes, it came to this.

I looked down at the letter once more.

I felt like I had pretty much covered what I wanted to say to Eomoni. In fact, if I were to write everything in a long-winded manner, that precious letter paper would surely overflow, so I carefully distilled the content.

“…Ah.”

Right. There was still something I hadn’t included.

If only Eomoni had been just an ordinary Eomoni to me.

If I could learn how to smile like other children. If I could learn how to initiate conversations properly.

If I could have been someone ‘there’ with someone.

It wasn’t as if I hadn’t imagined such things.

I don’t think I asked for too much. Honestly, I just wanted one person like me to just sit quietly next to me. I wished for someone who would understand my heart.

…Well, that’s too late now.

But since it was also my wish, I decided to add a postscript to the letter.

I hoped I could spend a happy week.

I can’t do that anymore.

I hope you become like that, thinking of me for a lifetime.

…Somehow, that last line seemed too much, so I didn’t write it.

*

So, my plan was complete.

A plan to securely draw Eomoni‘s attention, the one I loved the most as family.

What kind of expression would Eomoni have when she sees my corpse?

Would she understand my prank?

I decided to believe that.

I believed she would cry, hugging my corpse.

If perhaps she were to follow after me.

Hmm, well, that didn’t sound too bad.

If we could meet as family up in that sky, it might be a good thing.

…Well, regardless of her reaction, it was a pity that I might never see her again.

Having organized my thoughts like this and taking action, I felt at ease.

Now, I really didn’t have to think about anything. I didn’t have to worry about anything.

I simply had to fall into a long sleep.

I returned the half-empty pill bottle to the drawer, placing the letter I had just written on top of my most cherished notebook.

These would be the only traces I leave behind.

I didn’t feel much regret.

Would Eomoni find these traces?

This was a kind of prank I was leaving behind for the last time.

I would hide my true feelings in a place that was least visible on purpose.

I hoped Eomoni would find and read this notebook and letter herself.

And if possible, I hoped she would cry.

As I lay on the Bed, a dreadful sleep enveloped me.

For me, it was the last sleep.

*

That’s what I thought.

Until her face appeared before my eyes again.

What on earth…?

Did I somehow…?

Could this be my last dream?

No, it was too vivid to be a final dream. I could feel Eomoni‘s warmth and breath attached to me, and her hand gently brushing my cheek.

I was wearing a uniform I had never worn before.

“Eomoni…”

As I muttered, panicked, her expression hardened in an instant.

And that expression was the very one I had feared so much.

My body trembled.

Even the last person who had been interested in me seemed to pull away that interest.

Eomoni stepped back.

And,

“…I shall return on the appointed day.”

She said coolly.

“Ugh…?”

At that moment, I couldn’t comprehend the words.

What on earth is happening here?

I couldn’t wrap my head around the situation at all.

Could it be that I failed…?

If so, what does this mean…?

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