I Don’t Want to be a Villainess

Experiencing it firsthand, I can tell you that mixing memories and emotions with someone is never a pleasant thing.

Maybe it would have been different if the other person had good memories and feelings, but the memories and emotions I had to endure were definitely not from someone who lived a happy life.

Ye Sara’s thoughts, having been oppressed and confined since childhood, were surprisingly simple.

Loneliness, happiness, and hatred.

These three simple emotions.

Two of those emotions originated from one person.

The ‘Mother’ who locked Ye Sara in this desolate mansion and only visited on specific dates to shower her with what felt like love…

…Choi Na-kyung.

Memories were equally straightforward, to the point where trying to piece them together felt foolish.

The only places in Sara’s memories were the mansion and school.

Sometimes she wandered the garden inside the mansion. Occasionally, she’d sit in the park during class time, and sometimes Han Garam, the team leader, would speak to her.

But that was all.

Ye Sara had already closed her heart during childhood.

Her only concern was Choi Na-kyung, and she knew nothing else. It wasn’t that she wanted to know more; after all, what Ye Sara desired couldn’t be bought with money.

…Now, I was curious as to why Ye Sara had done such things in the main story.

Looking back, the reason was simple.

Really, there was nothing left in her hands.

I still couldn’t figure out Choi Na-kyung’s true feelings, but Ye Sara eventually thought that Choi Na-kyung was just another adult who sought her money. Because of this, there was no light in the face of Choi Na-kyung through Ye Sara’s eyes.

If Ye Sara had truly known ‘nothing’, she might not have fallen apart to this extent.

…But.

This world was different from the world I had lived in in very subtle ways.

It wasn’t just that the scenery of Seoul was different from what I knew. It wasn’t just that the names of laws and companies were different.

People in this world each had their own abilities.

Most of them were at a level that seemed to provide marginal help in daily life, but sometimes they had abilities that greatly aided living in the world.

For example, Yoo Ha-neul, the protagonist in the game, had the instinctive ability to realize wrong choices. It was a game device meant to prevent game overs, but if that ability could be used in real life, they would lead an overwhelmingly successful life compared to others.

And then… Ye Sara’s ability.

Seeing light radiate from the faces of certain people—an ability that was almost like a superpower, rather than just a sixth sense.

Only now, as her memories intertwined, did it start to make sense.

This ability was a type of instinct.

The ability to find ‘the person who would change your life.’

The reason why Sara, Sua, and Sohee’s faces shone was not just because I knew their futures.

It was because those three treated Ye Sara completely differently from how the others had treated her until now.

Sua spoke to Ye Sara, who nobody else would approach.

Ha Neul called out to Ye Sara, who hadn’t heard a word, and continued trying to engage her.

Sohee didn’t care at all that Ye Sara was different from her.

Yes, the people whose faces shone weren’t all special.

In fact, it was possible that all ordinary people’s faces could appear to shine.

It was just that Ye Sara had never met such ordinary people before.

…And, since Ye Sara didn’t know how to build relationships with people—

She probably thought of trying to catch that signal ‘in a different way.’

Smashing everything that interacted with her,

Running away to some dark place,

Throwing aside joys, happiness,

Loneliness, and sorrow.

She yearned to discard all the complexities of life and wanted a fresh start.

That’s what I thought from the deepest part of Ye Sara’s heart.

*

How long had I been out of it?

When I opened my eyes, the ceiling I always saw in the morning greeted me.

The ceiling light was brightly lit.

“…….”

I felt like I had a strange dream.

I surely swallowed a handful of sleeping pills. If that medicine wasn’t fake, I shouldn’t be able to wake up now.

I should have been buried in sleep forever.

…and besides, the uniform I was wearing was one I had never worn before. It might have been the uniform I was supposed to wear when I entered school.

Right, I had no reason to go to high school. I should have been dead.

If all had gone according to plan, that’s how it should have been.

“Sara!”

“Ugh.”

Someone shouted so loudly beside me that I jumped.

Only maids could come into this room—

As I thought that and turned my head toward the sound, there really was a maid.

With yellow-dyed hair, sun-kissed skin, and tall stature.

She seemed to have quite an imposing aura.

But the outfit she was wearing was definitely maid attire. Oddly enough, she had unbuttoned the third button of her shirt, making that very feminine part quite exposed. Honestly, if maid outfits didn’t have the design I was so used to seeing, I would have thought it was a costume.

She was holding onto my right hand tightly with both hands, tears welling in her eyes.

Maybe it was because she had a pretty face that it felt oddly fitting for her to look so teary.

…But, I didn’t…

Know this person……?

No, deep down in my memories, it felt like I knew her. But those weren’t ‘my’ memories.

How should I put it?

Sometimes, one experiences something in dreams while being someone else.

When I woke up, I usually forgot almost everything, but still retained the feelings like ‘it was fun’ or ‘it was interesting.’

It felt like that vague impression that I had met someone in a dream.

…But then again, since middle school, I hardly ever dreamed.

So, how could I remember even this faintly?

“Sara, are you okay?”

This time, I heard a voice from my left.
When I turned my head, there sat another child with a different look.

The pigtails made this child feel lively, but her expression looked like she would burst into tears at any moment, appearing overly fragile and desolate.

However, this child wasn’t in a maid uniform. I didn’t know why she was in this house.

I was blankly pondering this.

Then, I finally realized my room didn’t look like the one I knew.

The once spacious and empty room now had another bed. Beside that bed was a simple clothes rack, and under it were a few bags lined up.

“……”

I couldn’t understand why. When did it become like this? Who were those kids, and why were they confidently in my room?

“……”

Just then, I locked eyes with one girl.
Unlike the two people holding my left hand, she stood a little farther away and looked at me, her body flinching when our eyes met, even though I hadn’t said a word.

This girl with chestnut-brown hair tied back certainly looked lively in appearance. She had healthy-looking skin, unlike my pale self, along with moderately developed proportions.

A completely different image from me, who rarely saw the sunlight.

Yet, despite being such a vibrant girl, she was looking at me with an oddly terrified expression.

“……”

For a while, silence lingered in the room.

Should I say something?

I hadn’t really engaged in active conversation with others up to now. I had many thoughts, but I never expected the other side would reply if I spoke to them in the first place.

I didn’t trust people. I had no reason to.

Yet, the ‘Me’ from the past that I couldn’t remember seemed to have conversed with these three children for some reason.

Even inviting them into my room so kindly.

…Yes, these kids were there during my meeting with ‘Mother.’
Did we get along closely enough for them to follow behind me as they witnessed our meeting?

“……”

I pondered momentarily.
Would it be wise to ask these people about various things?
Is it better to ask properly and understand the situation?

Yes, my rational side nodded, agreeing that this was the right choice.
One must make careful judgments in an unfamiliar state. It would help when dealing with matters in the future.

However, my ‘emotions’ shook their heads.

Why? questioned my rational side.

I don’t know, my emotions replied.

But somehow, this feels like it’s necessary.

“……”

I hesitated once more.
Yes, these kids seem to genuinely worry about me… maybe.
I couldn’t be sure; it could all be an act. After all, ‘Mother’ had moved pretending to love me while actually scheming for my money.
Thus, I concluded that these children’s tears might be fake too. My rational side urged me to think that way. None of this was a scenario I had ever seen before: someone genuinely worried about me, shedding tears while another couldn’t even speak from fear.
But, I didn’t want that.

My emotions objected, shaking their heads.
So… that’s how it is.
Someone is crying for me and worrying about my state to the extent of being unable to speak.
…I was experiencing this situation for the first time in my life, at least as far as my memory serves.

So, my emotions captured me tightly, clinging on.
I had never experienced anything like this.

So, maybe just a little longer, just until they reveal their true selves.

Just until then, I could play along.
Sometimes, being deceived isn’t so bad.
Just like when I met ‘Mother.’
Crying can be postponed for later.

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