I Don’t Want to be a Villainess

But the opponent didn’t reveal their ‘true colors.’

No, more than that, I began to think that perhaps that ‘true color’ had actually been apparent from the start.

Everything I knew had completely changed in just a few months since my memories had faded away.

For example, the state of all the servants in the mansion was different from what I remembered.

First, Yang Hye-in.

“Is there any food you’d like to eat today?”

“Are you having dinner outside?”

“I will be waiting.”

Originally, she hadn’t spoken to me first, and I had to ask her for something in a small voice before she would help me. Now, strangely, she kept initiating conversations with me.

Even without me saying anything first, she would let me know various tasks that needed to be done and would ask me about my intentions. When I answered as a test, she even respected my wishes.

It was completely different from her previous puppet-like behavior.

What in the world happened in between?

…Of course, I hadn’t asked yet. If I seemed to figure out that I didn’t know something, she might revert to her original attitude.

And then, there was that girl named Shin So-hee.

I found out that she was the replacement for my personal maid when I overheard Yang Hye-in and her chatting. That girl cheerfully called Yang Hye-in ‘senpai’ and, if my eyes weren’t mistaken, Yang Hye-in didn’t seem to dislike it.

However, this girl was different from the other ‘servants.’

When it was just the two of us, she talked informally to me.

Actually, even in front of others, she usually spoke informally. She only used polite language when she acted like a servant around me if it was really necessary—like when she had to act like a servant in front of others excluding Yang Hye-in.

But strangely, I found that confident and brazen attitude quite appealing.

In fact, I had never seen someone like that before.

Everyone in front of me had masks that were invisible on their faces and tried to treat me overbearingly well. However… I feel a bit bad saying this, but Shin So-hee was so honest that she almost seemed thoughtless.

It was like she was so glad that I was ‘safe’ that she confidently held my hand, locked arms with me, or embraced me tightly, burying my face in her chest.

…That was a bit perplexing. It was all actions I used to share with my mother. Aside from very early childhood, it was my first time doing this with someone else.

So, saying that it was my first in my memories means something. It felt like Shin So-hee and I had casually been doing these kinds of actions together over the past few months.

In fact, compared to my mother’s hugs, I found it a bit uncomfortable.

Not emotionally, but physically.

Shin So-hee didn’t hold back when dealing with me. She would pull my arm, take my hand, and hug me tightly, pressing my face into her chest.

…Yet, strangely, I liked that suffocating embrace.

Could this be influenced by the me buried in faint memories?

No, maybe it was because I felt that in those actions, she genuinely ‘liked’ me.

Ah, so this is what it means to have a friend.

I learned that through Shin So-hee.

Lee Soo-ah wasn’t as aggressive as Shin So-hee.

She would often make a shy face that would embarrass me just looking at her, but she also casually let it show that she liked me.

Whenever there was a spot next to me, she would hurry over and link her arm with mine. She would press herself close to me and would sometimes interlock our fingers.

When Lee Soo-ah was standing next to me, there was a nice scent. It felt familiar, and upon closer thought, it smelled like the shampoo or body wash I used.

…Yeah, it seemed strange that the other side smelled different. Both Shin So-hee and Lee Soo-ah were staying in my room. One as my personal maid, and the other as a ‘guest.’

And that ‘guest’ actually slept in the same bed as me.

Honestly, that was still hard to get used to. Was it just because only a week had passed?

When Lee Soo-ah lay down next to me, she would face me and gaze at me silently. I felt shy from that stare. Once, I met her gaze directly, but with her looking away while being extremely shy, my heart tickled, and I ended up closing my eyes tightly.

Yeah, it was embarrassing.

It was embarrassing, but strangely, I didn’t dislike it.

If I had a sister sharing the same room, would it feel like this?

Oddly, every morning when I woke up, I definitely remembered falling asleep in a different bed, but…

I didn’t hate that warm feeling.

It wasn’t just that that had changed.

Every time the servants made eye contact with me, they hastily bowed their heads. The servants who had previously ignored me like I was invisible only exchanged formal greetings with me had now clearly recognized me as their ‘employer.’

Seeing those who had ignored me tremble like that surprisingly didn’t evoke much emotion.

I simply ignored them just like they had done to me all along.

The school had changed the same way.

I was no longer an invisible person.

“Hello.”

As I walked through the hallway, someone always greeted me as they passed by. Even though I didn’t recognize their faces—memories of their impressions weren’t even clear—they gave me a brief greeting.

Some would shyly glance away when our eyes met, and some would hurry past me, while others stared at me with Shin So-hee, Lee Soo-ah, and Yoo Ha-neul as if they found it curious.

It wasn’t a bad feeling.

The kids who spoke to me were few, and the majority still treated me as if I were an inconvenience, but it was much better than being treated like I wasn’t even there.

As a child, I had struggled for so long to earn a life like this.

Now I was receiving the bare minimum of attention I long yelled for, begging for someone to speak to me and look at me.

How on earth…?

That was a mystery.

“Since that day, it seems the kids’ thoughts are gradually changing.”

While we were having a meal at school, a student with blue hair said this. His name tag at the table we were at read ‘Son Ah-reum.’ It seemed he was a member of the Lead Committee.

“Now that they know nothing bad happens when they talk to you, perhaps the rumors circulating until now were just nonsense?”

Nonsense.

Yes. He referred to those rumors as nonsense.

…The treatment I had received until now was just a ‘nonsense’ that was eating away at my life.

I had been driven to the brink because of it.

But knowing the reality, strangely, I felt no emotion whatsoever.

I felt no feelings toward the cause of the rumors or those who had fallen for them.

I was oddly calm.

*

“…Sara.”

It was about a week after I had ‘returned’ that Yoo Ha-neul, who had been keeping her distance and looking at me cautiously, finally spoke up.

While Lee Soo-ah and Shin So-hee were actively approaching me and clearly showing their affections, Yoo Ha-neul looked at me with a worried expression.

She had dined with me, sometimes holding my hand or linking arms, but unlike the other two who seemed to cling on for dear life, she didn’t linger too long.

I wasn’t curious about the reason. The people normally around me behaved even more dryly.

From my point of view, she actually seemed quite friendly.

…But just because of that, it didn’t mean I was clueless.

Did Yoo Ha-neul dislike me?

Could it be that she noticed I wasn’t the ‘me’ from before?

Having frequently met people who concealed their true feelings to come looking for me since childhood, I could usually sense when someone was hiding their heart.

Yoo Ha-neul seemed to be one of those people. At least, that’s how it appeared to me.

She didn’t seem like a bad person, but… she didn’t strike me as someone who would easily overlook things either.

“What’s up?”

I was gradually realizing how to converse.

There was still a bit of awkwardness. I was afraid that the other kids might think I was someone different from what they believed I was from watching me speak.

Yet, hiding it in front of those who already knew me seemed meaningless.

“I have something I want to talk about.”

After pondering for a moment, Yoo Ha-neul finally brought that up.

I followed her, skipping classes, and we ended up on the rooftop of the building.

It was somewhere I had been a few times before.

I had even wondered what the success rate would be if I fell from that railing.

Yoo Ha-neul took a seat there.

I sat a few steps apart from her.

So-hee, who had followed behind, asked, “Is it the same talk as last time?” and said she would wait in front of the rooftop door.

“So, what did you want to talk about?”

“….”

Yoo Ha-neul stared down at the playground for a long while, and then, as if she had made up her mind, she looked at me and spoke.

“I clearly made a promise.”

What promise was she talking about?

“…No matter how I think about it, I feel like it wouldn’t be right for you to pass this by without knowing.”

With those words, there was a misty look in her eyes.

With a face that seemed ready to burst into tears at any moment, Yoo Ha-neul looked at me and said.

“You’re ‘Ye Sara,’ right?”

“….”

That question was illogical.

But I knew what she was getting at.

…There was no point in trying to hide it anymore.

That girl must have known from the start that I was not ‘that person’ from the beginning.

“Yes. I am ‘Ye Sara.’”

While feeling the happiness I had longed for, I didn’t quite accept it as it was.

Somewhere in my heart, I couldn’t help but think that these kids wanted something beyond me.

What if they discovered that ‘I’ wasn’t really ‘me’? Wouldn’t they all leave?

I had kept hiding the truth, worried.

A coward hiding in the shadows, running away.

I still didn’t clearly know what ‘I’ had done over the past three months.

However, it was undoubtedly ‘myself’ who had created the current situation.

The ‘me’ I didn’t even know.

“…What about the memories from the past few months?”

“I don’t have them.”

I answered sharply.

“I see.”

Yoo Ha-neul nodded.

And then slowly opened her mouth.

“…Before you returned, there was another ‘Sara’ who met with us.”

“….”

I listened quietly.

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