I Don’t Want to be a Villainess

“……Is there a way?”

Yoo Ha-neul immediately reacted.

“Well…”

I thought for a moment.

No, actually, I had been thinking about it the whole night. Thanks to that, I had a rough idea of when my personal maid crawled into the bed. After observing for a while, I was certain she waited until I fell asleep before slowly getting into bed without a sound.

Well, I can’t think too badly about it. I mean, the person who got that close to Shin So-hee probably didn’t think badly of it either, so they must have let it be.

If the relationship changed when it was returned, that would be quite rude. They must have worked hard to build up that kind of connection.

I also felt a bit cute, like a jealous younger sibling. I’ve never had a younger sibling, but I remember there was a kid who used to talk about that kind of stuff.

Anyway, an idea popped into my head.

“Medicine.”

“……What do you mean by ‘medicine’?”

Seeing Yoo Ha-neul immediately respond negatively to my words, it seemed she had definitely seen the will.

The way Yoo Ha-neul looked at me changed abruptly, losing that fragile appearance that seemed about to crumble just yesterday.

Maybe it’s because she thought this body belonged to her friend.

I shrugged and said, “You know when I regained my memory, right?”

And at the same time, it was also the moment I lost my memory.

“……The day I met Chairwoman Choi Na-kyung.”

She didn’t even use honorifics.

Well, I understand. I doubt there’s anyone else who wants to call her ‘mother’ with such utmost respect like I do.

It felt kind of strange. Before, just thinking about ‘mother’ made me want to see her so badly. Now, I had such hatred towards her.

Could it be because she had stayed in my body? Those feelings seemed to have faded a bit.

It felt like all the bad things had just left me.

“……Right.”

Realizing I had unconsciously placed my hand on my chest, I quickly lowered it and continued, “I regained my memory after meeting mother. Why do you think that is?”

“……Because she was the only person who could connect you to this world.”

It seemed she had heard that before.

That meant she trusted these children that much.

Then, I should at least pretend to trust as well.

“Okay, in that case, what about that ‘Sara’ you mentioned? How is she connected to the world?”

“Sara connected to the world?”

Yoo Ha-neul questioned back.

“It’s pretty much what I said. To regain my memory, I had to pull on the thread connecting me to this world. So, what is the connection between ‘Sara’ and the world?”

“……”

For a moment, Yoo Ha-neul hesitated, then her face turned bright red as if extremely embarrassed.

“T-That might be, um, us…?”

Seeing her expression, I could understand why ‘Sara’ liked this girl. Her expressions surely were diverse.

But that didn’t mean I had fallen in love with her.

“Really? Are you sure?”

When I asked, Yoo Ha-neul fell silent for a moment.

That silence was so uncomfortable that I opened my mouth first.

“Want to give it a try?”

“Uh….”

At my words, Yoo Ha-neul made a moment of a blank expression.

Without saying anything, I slightly opened my arms.

“……Are you serious? Here?”

Yoo Ha-neul was questioning with uncertainty. I nodded silently, keeping my arms spread open.

“……”

Yoo Ha-neul awkwardly approached and lightly hugged me.

A few seconds of awkward silence.

“……Is it you, Sara?”

“Uh?”

“Did you, um, come back…?”

For a moment, I thought about teasing her, but instead, I sighed deeply and replied.

“No.”

“……”

Yoo Ha-neul quickly pulled away.

It made me wonder if there was even a reason for such embarrassment when we were using the same body.

…No, that’s not it. The very thought of it might be rude.

What that girl thinks and what I think, in the end, she and I are different people.

“Honestly, I kind of thought that might be the case.”

I said quietly. It was true that I was somewhat worried about it. However, I had already hugged Shin So-hee and Lee Soo-ah a few times. My mind remained the same back then. If these three were the threads connecting her to this world, I would have returned deeply to my heart long ago.

“……”

Yoo Ha-neul was still avoiding my gaze, her face still flushed.

“What I thought is a little different.”

I grabbed the rooftop railing and looked up at the sky. The weather was warm enough to call it nearly spring. After all, it was almost April.

“……Do you know where the medicine bottle I put in the drawer went?”

“Uh, that was probably with Yang Hye-in…”

As Yoo Ha-neul was speaking, she quickly shut her mouth and glared at me.

“Don’t tell me, it’s the method I’m thinking of?”

“Probably the method you’re thinking of.”

Looking down, I saw people running on the field. Far away, a boy with dyed yellow hair was kicking a ball.

Yeah, I met that guy during the past week. I followed the kids and had to run like crazy to keep up.

I didn’t have eyesight good enough to recognize him just by seeing his face from here. There was no light visible here either.

Right, light.

Up until now, I had never seen light shining on so many faces.

Back when I was young, I could see light on my mother’s face. There was also light on my father’s face before he passed away.

Now I know what that light means. That light can be seen on the faces of people who will change my life. When my father married my mother and she confined me, the light disappeared from that face.

Since my life changed back then, it meant it would keep going on like this from now on.

That’s right. It was a special ability that made a person look like a saint of some religion, but the fact that all those people who emitted light didn’t bring me positive results was the truth.

Therefore, even if I saw light coming from the faces of these three, I couldn’t believe it.

…Because she might be the same kind of person as my mother.

“How much did you hear? You know I took the medicine, right?”

“……I know the bottle was half-empty.”

“Really? Then this conversation would be quick.”

I slightly turned to the side and looked straight at Yoo Ha-neul as I spoke.

“I took the medicine that day. Normally, I should have died.”

“……”

Yoo Ha-neul’s mouth hung open in shock.

“But I was able to wake up. Although the person who woke up was not ‘me’.”

No matter how I thought about it, it didn’t make sense. Sure, I could understand dying and coming back to life. Maybe I didn’t take enough medication. Perhaps I survived and was brought to the hospital, lucky to be alive.

However, saying that the personality changed because of the medicine doesn’t make sense.

It’s not just a simple memory issue. If I lost years of memory, I would have just returned to my childhood self.

The person who lived as another personality in this body had to be accurately aware of the situation I was in.

No matter how there’s still so much left to uncover scientifically about the human brain, if it’s this blatant, it can only be called fantasy.

“So that’s why I had this thought. What if the thing that connects her to this world is ‘death’?”

To be more specific, ‘my death’.

*

“……”

Yoo Ha-neul stared at ‘Sara’ for quite some time in a speechless manner.

What is she even saying right now…?

“So, are you saying you’d want to try dying once more?”

In a moment of excitement, I made a remark I wouldn’t have made in front of Sara.

But it was simply unbearable. Sara thought of herself to that extent. Sorting everything out and even risking her life.

Yet now, this girl was saying she would put her life on the line again.

…But another Yoo Ha-neul deep inside me poked at the corner of her heart.

Let’s hear it out.

What if those words really held some effect?

…Could it be? Is the ‘Sara’ she speaks of really saying this to call ‘Sara’ back?

Could it be just a thought that would make her want to properly give up instead?

During the past week, I thought ‘Sara’ had been having a decent time. Yoo Ha-neul had seen the will, and she remembered the words Sara had said to her. I can’t say that everything had been exactly as she said—

“Not exactly a hundred percent?”

Another Yoo Ha-neul murmured inside.

If she had been thinking like that from the start, she wouldn’t have said those words to ‘Sara.’

No matter how tough and troubling it was, she’d probably have tried to keep her word.

Wouldn’t it be because of her selfishness that she was saying such things?

Wanting to see ‘Sara’ again?

“……”

Thinking about that much, Yoo Ha-neul could only shut her mouth again.

“Calm down.”

‘Sara’ said, looking at such Yoo Ha-neul with a wry smile.

“I’m not recklessly thinking of taking it. It’s just a thought of ‘What if?'”

“……Then?”

Yet, even so, hearing those words, a hope was slowly sprouting in the corner of my heart.

“I want to meet that person. It’s not like I’m thinking of dying again. First, I should confirm if I might survive after taking that.”

“……Is there a way to confirm that?”

“No.”

‘Sara’ said bluntly.

“Scientifically, probably not. That medicine is a deadly poison after all. However…”

“However?”

“If I did take that medicine and truly died, there should at least be a record of me being taken to the hospital, right? There would’ve been medics who attended to me, and people who were there at the hospital that day.”

“Ah….”

Thump-thump-thump, my heart began to race.

“Let’s start from there.”

‘Sara’ said.

“……”

Yoo Ha-neul, after a while of staring at her, finally opened her mouth.

“……It may seem a bit strange for me to say this, but…”

“Yes?”

“Why did you have that thought? That you want to meet that… girl?”

“Oh, that.”

‘Sara’ turned her body again. She looked down once more at the students running in the distance.

“Just…”

And after shrugging her shoulders,

“It feels unsettling. My life changed this much. Not knowing the reason for it.”

“……”

Yoo Ha-neul quietly gazed at ‘Sara’ as she said that.

Perhaps following those words might be a wrong choice. ‘Sara’ acted for ‘Sara’s’ sake and ultimately achieved her goal. Bestowing Sara a happy week as stated in her will.

And helping ensure that week could continue belonged to her friends around her.

…What if while following that method, ‘Sara’ disappears too?

No, the worst scenario would be when ‘Sara’ sacrifices herself to bring back a Sara that Yoo Ha-neul knows.

…I wouldn’t like that.

Yeah, I wouldn’t want that.

To sacrifice another for my selfishness would simply be absurd.

But—

But, I want to see her.

Just the thought of never being able to see her again made me so sad that I could hardly lift myself.

That’s why.

…

My heart kept thumping loudly from earlier.

Yoo Ha-neul had felt this sensation before.

When she thought about taking the entrance exam for this school.

When she talked to Sara.

When she walked alongside Sara, feeling joy.

Every time she made a choice that wouldn’t end in regret in the future, this was the feeling she experienced.

“……Alright.”

Yoo Ha-neul nodded.

“I’ll cooperate too.”

For this time, Yoo Ha-neul decided to trust her feelings again.

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