I Don’t Want to be a Villainess

The first thing I had to do was, of course, find a hospital.

My last memory was taking medicine and lying on the bed. And probably, that person’s first memory would be waking up on that bed.

Right after that, I heard what happened from Yang Hye-in.

“I took the lady, who was screaming and thrashing about, to the hospital. The hospital said that other than the bruises all over her back, there was nothing wrong.”

Yang Hye-in answered politely.

“Bruises on my back…?”

Did the bruises have a reason? Did I somehow fall off the bed while thrashing?

“No, you were on the bed.”

Yang Hye-in cut that reply clear and sharp.

To be honest, I questioned whether I could believe that 100%.

Putting aside my inability to trust Yang Hye-in as a person, I didn’t even know how smart and rational she really was. Sure, based on what she showed me, she had that image. Handling only what was assigned to her without any personal feelings and never intervening with her master. That was the image I remembered of Yang Hye-in.

Just looking at her, she seemed cold and collected. My mother wouldn’t have chosen just anyone to be by my side.

However, I had no memories of having any personal exchanges with Yang Hye-in.

I’ve tried to strike up a conversation with her a few times.

No matter how accustomed I was to being alone, there were times I wanted to talk to someone. I never shared personal stories with Yang Hye-in, but I did make a few trivial requests that I could hardly remember now.

Each time, Yang Hye-in neatly handled my requests before returning to her own duties.

Because of that, there had never been a personal conversation between us.

I didn’t know this person properly. Even though she had stuck by me for three years, I had no clue about what she liked, where she came from, how many family members she had, or how she spent her free time. I didn’t know a single thing.

So, I couldn’t believe she could remember all the details in such a frantic situation. I could only make assumptions.

…Well, even if I fell off the bed, it would be hard to get bruises all over my back. Maybe if I slammed into the floor against my will.

I didn’t know what kind of being occupied my body at that time. Logically thinking, it would be right to assume “me who lost memories”.

But my personality and behavior seemed too different to be called “me”.

So, I didn’t understand why that person thrashed about enough to bruise their back all over.

It would probably be better to ask that person directly.

…Or I could try to “remember” it myself.

It’s a bit ambiguous to state a reason clearly, but I would prefer the former, if possible.

“The police came, you said?”

“Yes, a doctor who thought the bruises on your back were due to domestic violence reported it…”

Domestic violence.

Did emotional abuse toward a child fall under domestic violence? At the very least, it must have included child abuse. If the police got involved, the situation would become incredibly complicated, even if the bruises weren’t from someone hitting me.

“You sent them away, right?”

“…Yes, that’s correct.”

Yang Hye-in hesitated for a moment before answering my question. That was a bit surprising to me. It was a look I had never seen in front of ‘me’ before.

“I’m sorry.”

Yang Hye-in bowed her head and apologized to me.

What for?

I almost asked that but decided against it.

Even if I asked, I wouldn’t get a proper answer anyway. How should I respond to that question? Should I apologize for sending away the police? For neglecting child abuse for the past three years? For getting paid to work while turning a blind eye to the one committing that child abuse?

…If I kept tracing it back, it would lead to my mother.

Due to either the personality of the person inhabiting me or the remnants of those vague memories, I found myself interacting with people much more naturally than before. In the past, I would barely be able to produce a small voice that could only be heard while pressing it against the paper or sitting really close beside someone.

Or I would have produced a bizarre voice with all the tone and pitch messed up.

…No, I owed too much to people.

Thought after thought kept spiraling out, and I shook my head to dismiss them.

For now, finding that person again was my priority. Just like I did once before.

Only by finding them would I know why this all happened and what I should do going forward.

“Then, let me confirm one last thing.”

After sorting my thoughts from what I heard, I asked.

“Do you still have the medicine?”

Yang Hye-in’s eyes widened slightly at my words. After a brief silence, she answered in a very lightly trembling voice.

“…Yes, that’s correct.”

“Good. Please keep holding onto it.”

“…Yes.”

From beside Yang Hye-in, the person known as Shin So-hee, her “junior,” flinched.

Was she the one I hired with my money?

I vaguely remembered it being in the hundreds of millions…

Whether that was a lot or a little, I didn’t have a standard to judge in my head. But it seemed to be enough to afford someone to care for me 24/7.

…Was this also a setup created by that person for me? To place a maid who genuinely cared for me so I wouldn’t have any strange thoughts.

I could just ask them directly.

*

“……”

While I made it to the hospital, it wasn’t possible to meet the doctor who treated me that day right away.

No, to put it bluntly, we were the hindrances.

The place I came to that day was the emergency room of a university hospital, and the doctor worked in that emergency room.

Fortunately, they hadn’t changed workplaces, but the emergency room is known to always be short-staffed. If I wanted to have a proper personal conversation with that person, it would be around the time they got off work.

But waiting in front of the emergency room also felt a bit inconsiderate, so we stepped outside the hospital.

Fortunately, since it was close to April, even though it was past six, the sun hadn’t set yet. The weather wasn’t too cold either.

Looking up, I saw the hospital name was “Hwayeong University Hospital.”

…They said they pulled me out for a donation; now I vaguely understood how that was possible.

“Do you have any contact information for the police who came that day?”

“…No, I don’t.”

Well, that made sense.

They probably backed off due to connections.

“Are we going to keep waiting here?”

“……”

Was Yang Hye-in’s expression as she looked at me some sort of concerned look? She said her attitude changed, but she still wasn’t the type to show dramatic changes in expression.

Did she know how to smile?

But then again, I didn’t know how to smile either.

Was that person someone who smiled often?

If I asked the three kids following me right now, they might have the answer. But I wanted to hear it from that person.

Because I still couldn’t trust people.

A corner of my heart whispered to me that it’s better not to trust to avoid being betrayed.

…Because of that, I might be looking for that person who sacrificed for me.

Because they were the first person who sacrificed for me in my life.

Well, I had no way of knowing if everyone had at least one such person or not.

At least I could trust the person in my head.

Someone might call me a lunatic if they saw me.

“Do you really have no memory after we met?”

Shin So-hee asked. She was the one who had stuck by me the hardest after confirming I was fine when I returned. It must have broken her heart greatly.

However, the others thought I had “lost my memory” right now. I didn’t say “others.” Only Yoo Ha-neul knew my personality was different.

If I got found out, there was nothing I could do, but I had no intention of letting them know on purpose.

…If they found out, this living situation might shatter.

Yeah, this was also because I couldn’t trust those people. If I believed they would think the same way even if I told them the truth, I would have told them everything by now.

Just like that person who entrusted me to Yoo Ha-neul.

The more I think about it, the more mysterious that person is.

With a slightly uneasy expression, Shin So-hee looked at me, while Lee Soo-ah looked like she was about to burst into tears.

The reason for those two to make such expressions might also be because of their connection to that person.

…The feeling that I had become a hindrance stirred discomfort in my chest.

“Shall we at least get a diagnosis report first?”

“……No.”

I shook my head.

This wasn’t a normal situation. Could it be explained medically?

After all, the examination results that day showed everything was normal except for the bruises on my body. If there was something peculiar, they wouldn’t have sent me away before conducting additional tests.

That kind of crucial VVIP child wouldn’t be let out if there were even signs of a life-threatening condition.

…In some ways, maybe it wasn’t a problem because I was, in fact, already dead.

I trembled at the thought.

“Are you cold? Should we go inside somewhere?”

It wasn’t the cold that was bothering me. It was the fact that I might have really died.

…Not that I was in a position to say that since I chose to end my life myself, but the fear of having another possibility dangling over me was unsettling.

It had only been a week since I opened my eyes again.

The events of that week resembled so closely the week I desperately wished for, that despite doubting and not believing all that, I still wanted to keep living that week.

But while denying that this isn’t my life, I was being quite contradictory.

Yet, the feeling that something was empty lingered on. Was it because someone came and went?

I couldn’t remember, but maybe that person had always been by my side.

“There’s a cafeteria inside the hospital. Would you like to wait there?”

I turned my gaze to the kids around me. They were all staring at me silently. They were just waiting for me to say something. Their faces were filled with concern.

Yeah, I couldn’t just leave all these kids outside.

I nodded and answered.

“Yeah, let’s do that.”

It wasn’t that cold, but I decided to go along with it.

This would probably be the first choice I made for someone else besides my mother.

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