Ketch Me as I Fall

It became more and more obvious that we weren't going to make it back to the bunker in one night. At least not with Elly in the condition she was in, I wasn't even going to risk flying her back. She needed real rest, and there wasn't a good chance she would do that in the car. The long drive had been quiet enough already, and I was sure she and Ally needed to talk. And yet again, it was my fault. I should have let the kid tell her. I shouldn't have brought them back here in the first place.

I pulled into the parking lot of the hotel and more or less dragged Elly from the car as she continued to fight me. She pushed and struggled against my body, but I was still stronger than her.

"I'll just have Ketch man handle you if you don't stop." I sighed under my breath.

I pulled her inside the room and let go of her, letting her fall forward until she caught herself on the edge of a bed. I stomped to the mini fridge and pulled it open, scouring the choices of tiny alcohol bottles. I took a few and slammed it closed as the others walked through the door. I popped one of the small bottles open and downed the contents. It was harsh and bitter against my tongue, and let a fire down my throat, but it seemed to soothe the anger that wanted to rest in my chest. 

I looked around the room as it filled, watching as Ally didn't even look at her mother before locking herself in the bathroom. I listened as the water began to run, I could hear her sobbing under the sound. Ketch slumped down into the chair next to the window, having dropped our packs next to it. Elly was doing her best to sit on the corner of the bed, her head in her hands and her long hair curtaining her face. I slammed back another of the small bottles, frowning at how little they would do to me. I wanted more, much more.

"I need a better drink," I stated, returning to the door. "Don't try to run while I'm gone."

"You don't get to leave me here." Ketch grumbled, "You left me alone with Lucifer, you are not leaving me alone with her. Lucifer was predictable."

Elly laughed. It wasn't a happy noise. But something of anger and depression. Something only a deeply broken person would allow to slip past their lips.

"I can't imagine a night in a bar without you," I said, walking over to him to take his hand and pull him out the door with me. "Don't leave her alone again, Elly. She needs you." I said before closing the door.

"Should we be leaving her alone?" Ketch asked as we started to walk away.

"She'll be fine. If she tries anything stupid again the kid will call us." I shrugged a little, finding I had lost the care I had had this morning. "And I doubt she'll try to leave. She's got too much guilt now."

Ketch hummed a reply and was silent for a moment as we walked. He reached up and rubbed at the back of his neck, an old movement he used to do when he was thinking.

"Did the kid…" He didn't need to finish the question.

"Oh ya. She sold her soul." I looked at him. "Not a bad kisser."

He glanced at me, but I couldn't quite read him. "You let her?" 

"Not without a fight." I put my hands on my hips. "But she wasn't going to give up until I'd made the deal."

"And you tried to heal Elly?"

I stopped for a moment, looking down at my hands. I could still remember the dark presence that had kept me from her. The presence that had forced us into this situation. 

"Ya. I couldn't get through to her." I sighed. "It was like something was blocking me from it. I felt so…useless."

"Do you think it was the drug?" Ketch leaned against a brick wall as we continued to talk. "I don't know anything that could do that."

"Neither do I."

"You're not useless, you know."

I smiled at him. "Of course you think that." I waved around the hand that wore the dark ring. His ring. "You have to."

"Still want to marry me?" A teasing grin grew across his face. "You sure?"

"Am I sure I want to marry a James Bond clone? Fuck ya." I started laughing. "You should be the one questioning things. I'm not exactly the perfect bride."

"I'm up for the challenge, love." Ketch shot me a bright smile. "You've never been able to scare me off that easily. Plus, how many people can say they've made love to a demon?"

"Both of my brothers." I laughed harder.

"Both of your brothers together wouldn't make a full idiot." The insult was said through laughter. 

I took his hand in mine. "As true as that may be, they did kill you one."

"I let them." Ketch looked mildly offended, though the smile on his face was enough to tell me it was faux offense. "Would I have had the spell if that wasn't part of the plan?"

"Uh-huh. And that's why you ran around as your twin brother instead of just coming after them." I teased more.

"Now wait one minute." He pulled me to him. "Do you think…"

The question broke off as my phone began to ring. I looked at him apologetically as I pulled it free from my pocket and took a step away from him. If it was Sam or Dean I would ignore it and call them alter, but that wasn't one of the numbers that stared back at me.

"It's the kid. Something must've happened." We hadn't been gone that long. Had she been that stupid? "What's wrong?" I answered.

"I…I don't know. I think she's high again." Ally said, her voice shaking. 

I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Do you see any pills anywhere?"

"I saw her take something. I thought it was just normal medication, but she's acting weird." Ally sounded so scared. "I don't see any pills though."

"How weird?" I was already starting to walk back in that direction.

"She's overly happy? I don't know. I just know it's not…normal." Ally sighed. "Come help me, please,"

"We're on our way back. We didn't get far so it won't be long." I knew Ketch was already following behind me. I could hear his familiar steps. "Don't let her take anything else."

"Not planning on it." The kid mumbled before hanging up.

I put the phone back in my pocket and started to walk just a little faster.

I pushed the door open and stopped in my tracks, causing Ketch to almost run into me. What I saw past that door made me regret ever thinking it was a good idea to leave them alone. Ally and Elly were locked in a fight, Ally trying to hold her arms out of reach, a small bottle clutched in one, and Elly trying desperately to get the bottle back. They were yelling and Elly had just grabbed a handful of Ally's hair while she laughed madly. Things had fallen so far in the last ten minutes.

"What the fuck is going on?!" I yelled, the chaos of the room screeching to a halt. However, that wasn't long-lived as Elly yanked the bottle back from her daughter.

"Give me those!" Ally ordered, reaching for the bottle again, but Elly was quick and held it out of her reach.

Ketch pushed past me gently, walked over to the warring females, plucked the bottle from Elly's hand while she was distracted, and tossed it to me. I looked over the bottle. It was clear that it had at one point been someone's actual prescription, but now the tag had been torn off and the pills inside were all sorts of shapes and bright colors. 

I looked up again as Ally sighed and straightened up again before flopping back onto a bed. Ketch took Elly gently by the hand and helped her up, tho she continued to laugh as though she suddenly didn't care about the pills she had been struggling so hard for. She pushed blonde hair from her dilated eyes with the palms of her hands, though it fell back down only seconds after.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I asked her. "We just got you out and away from this shit. Did that whole experience and your daughter's soul mean nothing to you? You're addicted, aren't you?"

Elly just continued to laugh. "I was crashing. I just needed a little bump."

"You need to get clean." I sighed. "I'm flushing them."

"No!" Elly bounced, pouting. "They're mine!"

"They're dangerous and I'm not about to let you keep taking any." I started walking towards the bathroom, intent on flushing them before she could even think about taking more. I wasn't going to let her kill herself.

"Give them back!" Elly tried to push away from Ketch, but he caught her up and held her fast against him.

"We should make her watch," I mumbled as I dumped the pills into the porcelain bowl and flushed. "All gone."

"Alex!" Elly almost sounded like she was sobbing. A toddler throwing a tantrum. She fought weakly against Ketch' hold on her. "Give them back!"

"Nope." I marched over to her. "They're gone. Nothing you can do about it now so might as well enjoy your last high while you can."

"I don't wanna be sober." She continued to whine, pushing against the hands that kept her contained.

"This is no way to act in front of your kid, Elly." I rubbed at my temples. "You told me you hated drugs."

"I did." She laughed. "I do." She corrected. "They had me doped up all week once they found out I was a hunter." She giggled a little more. "So give them back or I'll fuck your dead boyfriend and then go find some."

"They're gone, Elly." I waved my hand in front of her face. "And good luck with that."

"Oh, that's cute. Just really sweet." Elly looked up at Ketch, who more or less just looked annoyed and tired of being used as a bodyguard. "But that didn't stop you, did it?" She'd stopped fighting against him and was now leaning into him. "I can take him and have a little fun. It's only fair, right?"

I rolled my eyes, getting more and more annoyed with her as well. Whatever those things had done to her, whatever she'd put herself through, had made her a different person. This person living off a high, was far from the graceful family woman I had brought here.

"Just focus on getting some sleep," I said, emotionally exhausted myself. "I'd rather not force you to."

"Oh, I'll get some sleep alright." The smile that wormed across her face was far more Cheshire than it should have been.

I was left dumbfounded when, in a matter of seconds, Elly had spun herself around in Ketch' arms. Raised onto her tiptoes to reach his face. Tried to force her tongue down his throat. And shoved her hand down the front of his jeans. But, luckily for myself and her sober self, Ketch was faster than either of us and she was on the ground in front of him before any real damage could be done.

"That's it!" Ketch threw his hands in the air. "I'm getting my own room. I will see you ladies in the morning. Good night."

And with that, the last shred of calm sanity walked out of the door and left the rest of us in silence. As soon as the door had closed I turned on her. She was still smiling like a complete fool, happy with what she had done.

"I'm done with this shit, Elly." I grabbed her arm and forcefully pulled her to her feet. "You're staying in this bed all damn night and then we're going to take you back to the bunker tomorrow." I shoved her down onto the bed opposite the one Ally was now sitting up on. Elly glared at me. "And if you leave that fucking bed at all, I will tie you to it."

Elly didn't say anything. She just sat there on the bed, glaring at me with her arms crossed like I was the ultimate bad guy. Those eyes burned that blue flame, and though the heat matched her flushed face, I was no longer sure if it was all from her anger or just from the drug impairment. It could be both.

I sighed, falling back into the chair next to the window. I rubbed the bridge of my nose. "Ally, why don't you go find Ketch."

"But he…"

"You don't need to see your mom like this right now, kid. He will be more than happy to share a room with you, And if he isn't then we will have some swords after your mother and I are done." I sighed again.

Ally hesitated but slowly got to her feet, still wrapped in Ketch' jacket, and left the room. The door closed behind her and left the room suddenly tense and silent. A smooth darkness radiated from Elly and made the rest of the room cold.

It was cold anger. It was etched into every inch of her skin. And even through the drugs that clouded her eyes, you could see the torment in her head. There was such a tenseness to her muscles as she sat there, unmoving, as if one little thing were to happen and make her spring away from it. She held her arms close to her chest as if they had caused more harm than her words had. 

There had never once been a moment before now when I thought she would act that way. Had I broken her that badly? What had happened between her and Lucifer after I had left? Sam and Dean had never mentioned anything to me. They had just said she was doing ok. Had they been lying? Or had she just been hiding it that well?

"Look, Elly." I started. One of us had to. "I'm sorry about what happened. I don't know what made me do it. Even when he was bugging me daily to become his perfect vessel…I never felt that strongly towards him." 

She didn't look at me. Her eyes were focused on the lamp across the room. I wasn't expecting this to be easy, but I wasn't expecting it to be this hard either. I bit my lip in thought as another moment of tense silence passed. With the drugs in her system, I wasn't sure if I could get through to her fully. And what about after they wore off? Would she just go back to being depressed? 

"Did you see the message I left you?" I asked softly.

I was met with silence again. Though now it looked more like she was deliberately trying not to talk rather than easily ignoring me. Like there were a million things she wanted to say to me but her mouth had become wired shut.

I stood and walked in front of her and put my finger against her forehead. "Relax," I said calmly. I watched as her eyes closed and her body relaxed. Yet she still didn't speak. "Ok. You might not like the next part, but if you're not going to say anything it's the only other option I've got." I closed my own eyes and pushed my way into her mind. 

The memories I was looking for we hard to find through the haze of the drug. Everything was such a jumbled mess that it took me longer than usual to find the last two weeks of her life. Everything was covered in that emotional haze as I watched her memories. I watched as her hands shook as she listened to the message I'd left her. I could feel the way her heart had shattered again. So many emotions swirled around and through this memory and I wasn't sure I could pin down and name any of them.

"And I'm…I'm just so sorry, Elly." My voice cracked on the other end of the speaker.

She shot from the bed then, her hands still shaking as she held the phone. But then it was screaming through the air as she chucked it at a wall, and let out a scream that was nothing but pain. It cut through me like a hot knife. It hurt to watch her grab her hair and crumble to the floor. It hurt to hear her sob and curl into a ball, clutching herself as close as she could. It hurt to see just how much damage I had caused. It hurt more to see her pretend that it didn't exist through the following days.

She played the happy mom so well that it terrified me. The swirling tornado of emotions roiled inside as the mask held her together in front of my brothers and Ally. A smile that even I would have believed if I had been there. It was flawless.

I pushed deeper into her memories, finding the night she had caught us. I found the fight. I found the venomous words she had spat at him and the tears that fell from his blue eyes. I hadn't known it was possible for him to feel bad enough to cry. And the more I saw, the more I knew I had destroyed something good. I pushed back again, going back to the days after my message. She had filled them with a numbing routine. Forcing herself out of bed, but not eating. I could hear Ally calling for her most days, yet Elly didn't look at her until the day she decided to leave.

Ally had come into the map room and looked confused at the plate of food that sat waiting for her. Elly walked in from the kitchen, wiping her hands off on her jeans. 

"Good morning, Alex. Did you sleep well?" Ally stared at her in disbelief, unable to find an answer. It made me wish I knew what had gone through her head too. Her mom was finally out of her room for the first time in days. Clean. Cooking. Smiling.

"I found a case out of town that looks like it's getting a little out of hand." Elly had explained as she grabbed a backpack and slung it over her shoulder. "I'll be gone for a day or two. If you need anything, Sam and Dean are a phone call away. You think you can handle that?"

"I…I think so?" The young girl took a seat in front of the food. "Where's dad again?"

"I told you, Alex." Elly sighed, readjusting the mask. "We fought. He's gone away for a bit."

"You mean you made him leave." Ally accused. 

It wasn't hard to feel the anger that coursed through Elly. Her daughter had had no right to day that, but in the same instant, she had not been wrong. And the anger subsided as a new deep sadness overtook it. It made my head spin as it washed in and quickly sank everything else. It was no wonder why Elly had been sleeping on the bathroom floor when she could sleep, this feeling was making me feel sick. 

Elly smiled at her daughter and moved towards her. She pulled her into a gentle hug and placed a kiss on the top of her head. "Stay here. Call the boys if you need anything. I love you." She kissed Ally's head again, ignoring the teen as she pushed against her. "I'll be back in a few days."

She had had no intention of leaving for so long. She had every thought to return to the bunker on time. She had just needed a few days away to think. She just wanted something to make herself feel normal again.

I pulled back from her mind and stumbled back into my own body. Elly was breathing hard, her face scrunched up in pain. Her face was hot beneath my finger and she was starting to sweat. 

"It's so hot, Alex." She whispered.

I put my hand full against her head, she was burning. "You shouldn't have taken more," I said, turning away from her and walking towards the mini-fridge. 

I pulled a bottle of water from it and passed it to her. Surprisingly, she took it and cracked it open, pouring the cold liquid into her mouth and drinking deeply. As if she had been stuck in a desert for days and not a small town in Maine. She drank about half of the bottle before she stopped, replaced the cap, and placed the cold bottle against her neck and then her wrists. It seemed that even high, she was able to pull herself through the fog enough to stay smart. 

"You didn't come here to die, did you?" I asked carefully.

"Of course not." Elly sighed deeply, licking her lips. "I would never do that to her. I'm not that dumb."

"Are you willing to talk about it now?" I sat on the edge of the bed next to her. I reached for her hand, but she pulled it away from me. I knew I may never get her back, but I needed to make it known that even if she never forgave me, I would go to the ends of the Earth to tell her how sorry I was and how much I still loved her. "What happened when you got here, Elly?"

"It was a normal hunt. I drove here, stopped at a cafe for breakfast in the morning, the barista commented on my tattoo and they jumped me as I went back out to my car." She didn't look at me, her eyes focused on the bottle in her hands.

"Can I…?" I reached for her again, and she rolled her eyes but leaned back a little and closed her eyes again.

I hesitantly reached for her again, placing my finger back on her forehead and pushing through the fog once again. There was a cash register that dug as I found it. 

"I like your tattoo. I've never seen something like that before." The cashier commented. She looked young. This must have been Friday afternoon, otherwise she might've still been in school.

"Thanks." Elly had said kindly, smiling. And the smile felt real like it wasn't something he had to pretend to do. "It's some a TV series I used to watch when I was younger." She laughed. "Have a good day, hun."

Elly turned from the counter and walked back outside. She pulled a set of familiar keys from her pocket and crossed the lot to where a motorcycle sat waiting for her. It was Ketch' bike. I had found it once I'd been reformed and moved it back into the bunker. She'd taken it? I had no idea she even knew how to ride one. But there it was.

She hadn't gotten very far across to it when two men followed her out of the cafe. One of them I recognized as Chris the drug dealer. But the other was unfamiliar and hopefully dead. They pulled a syringe out of their pocket and had it pushed into her neck faster than she could defend herself. They shoved a bag over her head next, the darkness from it growing hazy before she blacked out.

After that were only small snippets of clarity that only seemed to last for a minute or two before she faded back out again. But there was one of the gas station clerks and another in the school parking lot. And when she was finally fully conscious again, she was in the cafeteria, tied up and tossed in a corner like a ragdoll.

Chris walked over to her then and knelt beside her, grabbing her hair and using it to drag her closer to him. Elly winced. "Here's what we're going to do, hunter." He smiled. "We're going to use you as a test subject for our new drugs. Doesn't that sound like fun?"

Elly just glared at the monster. Chris laughed and yanked her hair back, making her gasp.

"Don't be so rude, sweetheart."

I couldn't help her. I couldn't save her as the other came and forced her mouth open as they dumped pills down her throat. She struggled against them, but they were too strong and Chris had slapped his hand over her mouth, preventing her from spitting them out. Another monster plugged her nose. When her body grew weak and she was no longer able to fight them off, they let her go, coughing and sputtering.

I knew she wouldn't have lied about that. About how they forced her to be their drug mule. Almost the whole time she had been missing she had been drugged up.

Why hadn't I been there for her? I could only watch as the days dragged on and those monsters forced drugs on her every few hours because the ecstasy alone had become boring to watch. She had stopped reacting to that high, so they needed new entertainment.

I stared in horror at the drug-fogged memories, as she was hyped up with clear liquids given to her through needles, or with a gun forced to her head as she was forced to smoke or snuff powders. And there were things she blurred from me, moments that started with hair pulling and then were cut away like a bad movie transition. Things that was was trying so hard to forget. The hard drugs made most of the last few days full of holes and blurry, making anything else hard to pick out or make sense of.

And as I pulled back again, back into my own body, I wanted to cry for her. Elly didn't deserve any of that. She hadn't been able to control any of it and now she was going to crash back down to Earth hard and fast. It was going to be worse than Hell for her, but I owls be here this time.

"I need those drugs, Alex," Elly whispered, falling back onto the bed, and pulling a pillow to her. "Please."

I took a deep breath and looked over her. She seemed so small now. I hadn't taken much time to think about it, but she looked so skinny now. How long had it been since she'd had a proper meal?

"No more drugs," I whispered, reaching out and carefully petting her hair. I inched a bit closer when she didn't pull back or push me away. Her hair was so knotted as I ran my fingers through it.

"They forced me to go through withdrawals before giving me anything new. Please. Please give me the drugs." She whined. "I'd rather be tortured by Asmodeus again."

I flinched at her words. That had been some of the scariest nights for her. I know they had been. How was this so much worse than that had been? What else had they done to her?

"We'll get through this together," I said softly. "And I will do my best to keep you comfortable."

"Please…" Elly curled into me.

"How long has it been since you ate?" Maybe if I could distract her with food she would forget about the drugs, at least for a little bit. Elly shrugged. "I could order something if you want." She shook her head. "You gotta eat something." I pressed gently.

"Can I tell Ketch something?" She asked, her voice so small I almost hadn't heard her.

"I don't think…"

"Please?" She begged.

I sighed and pulled my phone from my pocket. I found his number easily enough and called it, bracing myself before he picked up.

"Yes?" His voice was tight, stressed.

"Is the kid ok?" I asked, sheepishly.

"She's fine. Asleep at the moment. What do you want, Alex?"

I frowned at how sharp my name sounded on his tongue. It stung a little, even though I knew it wasn't my fault. "She wants to talk to you."

"No."

"Arthur." I sighed. "Please just talk to her."

"No, Alex."

I rolled my eyes and handed to phone to Elly. "I'm sorry!" She blurted out suddenly. "I'm so sorry."

I pulled my phone back from her and put it to my ear again. He was silent on the other line. "I'll talk to you tomorrow. I love you. Goodnight."

"Night." He said, distantly.

I put my phone on the nightstand between the beds and got to my feet, pulling Elly with me. "Come on, hun," I muttered. "We're going to get you showered. You can borrow some of my spare clothes to change into, and then I'm ordering a pizza. I'll even let you pick out a movie."

I supported her as we stumbled into the bathroom and, just like all those years ago, I helped her undress. She wasn't as shy as she had been back then, but her body looked the same as it had that night. There were bruises everywhere. Across her stomach, which now had stretch marks, were the darkest of them all. There were dark fingerprints on her hips, as dark as the blank ink that came from her tattoos. And then there were the bite marks over her chest and up to her collar, most starting to fade into light purples. Her back was covered in nail scratches, some that still looked fresh and open. More bites and bruises continued down her legs, most around her thighs.

"What did they do to you, Elly?" I was breathless as I asked. What was in those images that she had hidden from me even with the drugs in her system?

She didn't reply, just turned the shower on and got in. Steam quickly filled the room and I shoved my hand under the water. It felt like she had left it on the hottest it could go. Far far too hot. I tried to turn it down, but Elly grabbed at my hand.

"I need it to burn." She whispered, turning the heat back up again. I reached for it again and she sunk to the shower floor, defeated. "I need them to be burned away, Alex. Please! I feel so…disgusting."

I took a step back, unsure of what to do. I had no words for this moment. Nothing that I felt would be encouraging. So I gave in. There was nothing else that felt right to do. Nothing I could do to help her. I left the bathroom and closed the door behind me.

I paced the room while I waited for her to be done. It felt like hours before I decided to grab my phone and search for the number I knew for Lucifer. I called it and wasn't surprised when it went straight to voicemail. I tried again to see if he'd get the hint, but it went straight back to voicemail.

"Lucifer," I said to it. "You need to come back. I…I don't know what to do. Elly is hurt. Badly. I think…I think…" I couldn't say the words. The actions I had guessed. There was only one conclusion to what they had done. "She needs you. Please. I…I don't think I can help her. I don't know what to do."

I ended the call, not sure what else to say. I called Ketch again and he agreed to pick up some more medical supplies in the morning as I pulled the last from my pack, then I called for a pizza. The pizza had arrived before I finally decided she had been in there long enough.

I knocked on the door gently before pushing it open, steam rolling out behind me as I entered. I turned the water off once I found the knob and knelt next to the edge of the shower. Elly hadn't moved since I'd left. Her skin was bright red now from the heat of the shower and she was staring straight forward, like she could see through the wall.

"Alex…" She whispered.

I reached for her and helped her to her feet again before passing her a towel and leading her from the bathroom to where I had laid out new clothes for her. At a snail's pace, she dried herself off and sat on the edge of the bed again. I carefully approached with the medical supplies I had. I knelt in front of her and gently started to clean her wounds. I started at her legs, taking care of each of the bite marks before moving up to her back. There I used a small cloth covered in peroxide to clean the scratches one by one.

"It burns," Elly said through clenched teeth.

"I'm not letting you get an infection," I said softly. "I can get you some pizza to take your mind off of it if you want. You should eat anyway."

Elly shook her head and I bit my lip as I went back to work. She squirmed and groaned under the rag but I held her firmly. When that was done, I went around wrapping the worst of the bite marks and scratches. I helped her dress after that and made her eat a piece of pizza before letting her curl up on the bed again. She clung to the blankets like she was afraid if she let go, she would be back in that cafeteria again. 

I went and laid next to her, surprised when she squirmed closer to me and tucked into my side, her head resting on my shoulder. I felt my shirt grow wet as tears started to run down her cheeks.

"Why…why didn't you leave me?" She asked through a sob.

"I…I couldn't." I answered softly, pulling her gently closer to me.

This poor broken girl. I understood why she wanted to have been left there to die. It was like someone had reached into her soul and changed the very fabric of her being. And I could feel her fading from it. Like she wasn't herself anymore. Like her body didn't belong to her anymore. It belonged to those monsters. And there were so many emotions swirling through her now. She was so angry and confused, so terrified and powerless. Why do people do such horrible things?

"You should have left me."

"Never." I placed a kiss on her forehead. This was going to be a long night. "I'm never going to leave you again. I am so sorry for what I did. For all of it. And I would understand if you never forgave me for the. But I am never going to let you die like that. I'm here for you."

Elly shook her head and somehow curled further into me, her shoulders heaving as she cried.

"No one is ever going to hurt you again."