Life as a Dragon (LOTR)

Please read the Creator's Thoughts sections, which might answer your questions. 

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If this were some fantasy story about a hero who rushes into the fray to save the damsel, I would have probably charged into the orc hoard after the second-greatest evil ever known to sacrifice my life to save the world. Thankfully, this was real life, and I would not get surrounded by a bunch of orcs so they could stab me repeatedly until they found a weak spot in my scales or made one.

Gritting my teeth in frustration, I turned and started stalking the horde while keeping my eyes on them. I wanted to circle around and help the Last Alliance, but I knew if I turned my back, the orcs would start getting brave, not that their peanut brains wouldn't make them start being brave anyway.

As I make my way around their left flank, I see the orcs beginning to get some bravado back as they straighten up from their cowering position. I hear them start jeering at me in their language a minute later. Snap!

I jerk toward them and slam my teeth together to make a crisp sound that causes the jeering orcs to jump and stumble back into each other. I'm pretty sure two of them shit themselves if the new smell is anything to go by. Orcs smell terrible anyway, so it could just be a new one coming over.

Anyway, after what felt like an eternity, I finally saw the flank of the Last Alliance, which looked like it had regrouped since my arrival and was holding the hoard steadfast. The unit closest to me was comprised of dwarves, who, if I remember correctly, should be from the Misty Mountains. I think.

The dwarves, upon seeing me, seemed unsettled at first as some shifted their shields toward me while others started calling over their shoulders at someone. I stop about thirty feet away and sit on the ground to breathe. The battle between Sauron and I wasn't long, but I had never felt so tense, as if I were on a knife's edge, and I had never been this hurt before, either.

Inspecting my wounds, I lick the dirt and grime out of the open gashes and try to lubricate them with saliva as much as possible. I don't know if everyone remembers this from health ed, but your saliva has a very potent healing factor for your wounds and neutralizes some bacteria that may also be increasing. 

After a while, the dwarven ranks split, and a muscular dwarf in fine regalia stepped out with an elf donning sharp, golden armor. They approached me cautiously, and I could see they didn't know what to do or say by their body language. I would have probably broken the ice myself, but I was too busy fangirling over seeing THE Elrond in the flesh. My god, he looks like the actor but ten times more beautiful. Which is weird to say about a guy, but he was.

Snapping out of my delirium, I huff in amusement at them. They tensed up slightly before slowly lowering their hands from where they were gripping the handle of their weapons.

"I am (dragon speech that no one would understand), and I bring no ill towards you or your army."

The dwarf turned and looked at Elrond with a raised eyebrow, and Elrond awkwardly cleared his throat.

"While I have never had the pleasure of being on the… civil end of a conversation with one of your kin, I speak for myself and the other leaders when I say it's an honor to meet you."

I could almost physically see the struggle in his brain to talk cordially to a dragon like me, who is usually arrogant and loves wanton destruction. I am one of a kind when it comes to my temperament, which is probably due to my human soul and life, whereas other dragons have only the darkness of Morgoth deep down.

Slightly bowing my head, I replied. "Well met, elf. Would you be willing to disclose your names to me, perhaps?'"

It was funny since it was like a mother kindly reminding her child of their manners in public. Elrond appeared slightly flustered at the mirthful chastisement.

"I am Elrond, interim commander of the Elven host, and standing beside me is Graghin Rubybrand, advisor to Durin IV, the King of Khazad-dûm."

Graghin gives me a tight nod, and Elrond continues.

"Urulóki, we were all honestly surprised when we saw your… magnificent... personage grace the battlefield and thought that you would seek to aid the disciple of your master. What allegiance do you … grace… with your support o mighty Serpent."

I stared at Elrond for a second before suddenly busting a gut laughing. Elrond and Graghin could only stare helplessly as I rolled around, chuckling. Then, I abruptly remembered I was injured and grunted as I set myself upright.

"Enough with your attempts at… flattery, I guess you would call it. I do not need it and wish to speak with you frankly and without ponce." Yeah, I was proud of that. "I have come from the northern wastes to end the threat of Sauron. He and I fought on the mountainside, but I could not prevail, and he slipped into the midst of the Orc hoard."

Elrond and Graghin exchanged significant glances before Graghin nodded and turned around to call for one of his kin.

"Thank you, Urulóki. If we are to speak frankly, then I will do so. Sauron has been pushed to the brink, and his host has been smashed. We are here at the last stand. We would be willing to reward you for helping us win while reducing the cost of lives."

"So, you want me to fight the hoard?"

"Yes. Every life saved is a father, mother, son, or daughter who gets to return home and live on to tell the tales of your great deeds here."

"Please stop flattering me; it's annoying," I huff. "I will fight Elrond, but I will need guarantees for my safety from you and the other leaders."

"Speak your price. I am here to represent us all; my word is my oath."

"Your oath will be the bottom line for this contract, Elrond."

Nodding, Elrond turns to look at Graghin, who has returned from speaking with another dwarf who ran off afterward. After whispering to each other, Elrond turns back to me with a confident gaze.

"Urulóki. Let us talk terms."