Ode to Unintentional Journey

Okay, so let me paint you a picture. So, there I was, standing in the middle of a random field that Tanya dragged me to after our sushi detour. Don't ask how we even got here; the portal apparently has "bad reception," according to Tanya. Yeah, because that's exactly what I needed to hear after my latte-vortex summoning: that my interdimensional Gojek has a connection problem.

We're starting this so-called "heroic journey," and, honestly, it's less "Lord of the Rings" and more "Lost in Translation." Now, up until this point, I was trying not to trip over every weird glowing mushroom on the ground because, of course, magic fields have to be extra. But then it hits me. Like, really hits me.

Tanya? She's... really, really attractive.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I noticed she wasn't exactly a troll when she first dragged me through that glitter tornado of a portal. But now? Now that the adrenaline's simmered down and the sunlight's hitting her at just the right angle, I'm starting to notice some... details.

First off, her hair? It's this cascade of shiny perfection that looks like it was styled by woodland fairies. It sways when she walks, and I swear it's in slow motion. Like, is that a magical thing? Does her hair defy physics?

Then there's her figure. Let me tell you, Tanya's body looks like it was designed by the god on his day off when he decided to flex their artistic skills. Hourglass curves, long legs, and, let's be honest, she knows it. She's walking ahead of me, all confident, and I was trying to figure out how to breathe without looking like a creep.

Okay, Zach, you must stay focus. You need to stay cool. At least act like a knight in shining armor.

And then there's her face. Her eyes are these sparkly, captivating things, like gemstones you could get lost in... if you weren't busy pretending to be cool. She turns around occasionally to check if I was still following, and every time she did, I almost trip over my own feet.

"Zach," Tanya smiled. "Are you okay back there?"

"Yeah, I am good," I cleared my throat. "Just... admiring the scenery."

Really Zach? Reaaaaaaaaaaaaaal smoooooth.

And don't even get me started with her voice. It's confident but soft, like her voice is so motherly. I'm supposed to be focusing on her words about the "Dragon Breath," but all I can think she sounds like she should be a folk singer.

Now, to clarify, I'm not saying I was falling for her or anything, I mean, sure, she is so gorgeous, but she was the one who dragged me into another dimension while I was chilling with my latte.

But still...

As we were walking, she stopped suddenly, crouching down to look at the weird glowing flower. She plucked it and held it up to me.

"Look, Zach! This is a Lunabloom. They are super rare. Aren't they pretty?" Tanya grinned

"Uh... yeah. Really pretty." I stared at her instead of the flower

wait... oh no... come on Zach? Not her! Focus, Zach! THE FLOWER!

She tilted her head, gave me this curious look, and I swear my brain went offline for a second.

"You sure you are not tired?" Tanya said. "You look a little red."

"Red?" I laughed nervously. "Nah, that's just... uh... skin allergies."

what now? allergies? Nonsense Zach, what a dumb mistake.

She shrugged and kept walking, and I let out the longest, most dramatic sigh of my life.

Great... now I'm blushing. What a hero behavior, Zach. At this rate, the dragon will probably laugh at me off the battlefield. 

As we continue, I tried to distract myself with anything else, the weird fluffy creatures hopping around, the sparkling rivers, the floating "guinea pig" looking creature in the sky. But nope, my brain kept circling back to her.

At one point, she tripped on a rock (yes, even perfect people aren't immune to rocks), and I instinctively grabbed her arm to steady her. She laughed, this sweet, lilting sound that makes me forget how to word.

"Thanks, Zach!" She thanked me. "You're stronger than you look."

"Yeah... you know, gym membership. Totally worth it." I was awkwardly flexing.

She laughed again, and I swear my heart skipped a beat. This is bad. Really bad. I was supposed to be the chosen one, not turning into a walking rom-com cliché.

Focus, Zach. Save the World first, dragon second, maybe dying third. But falling for the ridiculously hot summoner? Not on the list!

Of course, Tanya had no idea what's going on in my head. She's too busy pointing out magical landmarks and explaining dragon lore like she's giving a TED Talk.

Meanwhile, I was just trying to keep my cool, which, spoiler alert, is impossible when your guide to saving the world also happens to look like a literal goddess.

And thus, the most beautiful journey in history officially begins.