Ode to Unintentional Journey

The meadow was perfect. The breeze carried the scent of wildflowers, the birds chirped in a romantic symphony, and Tanya looked like a goddess, the sunlight glistening in her hair as she smiled at me.

Maybe this world wasn't so bad after all. I mean, sure, the monster soon and the magical plants were traumatic, but look at her. Who wouldn't want to be a hero with a view like this?

And then it happened.

The ground shook violently, and a bloodcurdling scream filled the air. Tanya stopped mid-step, and I nearly fell into the ditch.

 "Please tell me that's just the wind. Or like, a giant sloth." I panicked.

"That's not the wind, Zach. Something's coming." Tanya grimed at me.

"Something!? Whatever it is, can you change it into a coconut or..." 

Before I could finish, a mushroom the size of a barney the dinosaur rose from the ground. But it was no ordinary mushroom. This mushroom was the stuff of a mushroom's worst nightmare. Its stem was thick and veiny, its cap a slimy greenish purple with bright red spots. Two large, glowing yellow eyes stared at us from beneath the cap, and its "mouth" was a jagged, dripping mass of cavities.

"IT'S A VEGANZILLA!" I shouted.

The monster roared—or, more accurately, made a wet squeaking sound like someone stepping on a swamp. Its slimy arms, with sharp, root-like claws, swung wildly as it advanced toward us.

"Stay back, Zach. This is a Fungurida. It's dangerous." She unsheathed her crystal.

"Oh, you don't have to tell me twice!" Believe it or not, I already behind her. 

The Fungurida spat a cloud of sparkling yellow spores into the air.

"Is… is that glitter? Is it trying to kill us with powder?" Somehow I was so amazed how the glitter was glittering.

"They're toxic spores, Zach. Don't breathe them in." Tanya covered her nose and mouth.

"TOXIC?! This thing's like a walking, murderous seasoning!" I held my breath.

Tanya sprang into action, summoning a vortex of light with her crystal. She moved like an action hero, dodging Fungurida's slimy attacks and firing energy beams at its hat. Each strike sizzled and burned the monster, but it only seemed to make it angrier.

"Zach, find something useful to do!" I guess she found me useless or something.

"Like what? I'm not exactly packing mushroom spray!" I looked around.

The Fungurida lunged at Tanya, its massive teeth clamping down inches from her. Tanya flipped backwards with incredible grace, landing in a crouch.

"Zach, distract it!" Tanya yelled at me

"DISTRACT IT?! With what, my kimochi shirt?!"

The Fungurida roared again, swinging one of its slimy arms at me. I screamed like a banshee and instinctively grabbed the first thing I could find—a rock. But it wasn't a rock. It was one of the glowing Firecap Mushrooms that I did not know it was fiery.

"Oh no. What now!?" Somehow, I already thought about the last word before I die.

In a panic, I threw a Firecap Mushroom at the monster. It hit the Fungurida's mouth and instantly exploded in a cloud of sparks. The Fungurida screamed, flapping its wings wildly as its slimy cap burst into flames. Tanya froze mid-spell, her jaw hanging open.

"Did… did you just throw a Firecap into its mouth?" Tanya was amazed at me.

"What?! It was either that or my shoe!" I stammered.

The Fungurid stumbled backward, its glowing eyes flickering as the flames spread. For a moment, it looked as if it might recover. Then it tripped over its own root-like feet, falling backward into the pool behind it with a loud splash.

The hissing flames died out, leaving the monster smoking and motionless.

"Is it… is it dead?" I literally took a deep breath.

"Yes. I told you I was not wrong about you." She checked her crystal.

"Holy sweet mother of monkeys," I disbelieved with what I did. "that was unexpected."

She rolled her eyes but couldn't hide her smile.

"You do realize that you are ridiculous, right?" She remained me.

"Hah... ridiculously effective, you mean." I said.

As we walked away, I couldn't help but feel a sense of pride. Sure, I wasn't Tanya with her epic moves and glowing spells, but I had just defeated a terrifying mushroom monster with a stroke of luck and a glowing mushroom grenade.

Zach Hammurabi: The Mushroom Slayer.

Tanya laughed, shaking her head as she led the way.

"Let's just hope the next monster isn't so slimy." Tanya shook her head

"Hey, if it is, I've got plenty of these Firecaps. Call me the Fire cracker!"

So, with egos slightly inflated and Tanya still trying not to laugh at me, we continued on our way. Before I knew it, the monster ahead would make Fungurida look like a destroyed lasagna. But that's Future Zach's problem.