chapter 23
Yuria Taylor-3
Bad ties are not determined from birth.
It’s just that as we live and stay together, our hearts don’t match.
There was a time when the relationship between me and Yuria wasn’t that bad.
However, the period was so short that it was so long ago that I couldn’t even remember it.
They just forgot each other.
The flap of a butterfly’s wings sometimes brought the north wind.
The relationship between me and Yuria can also be viewed from that perspective.
It would not be an exaggeration to say that it started from a very trivial thing, and it started my return.
My head hurt.
My head, which had been pounding ever since I met Arwen, was holding my reason as if it would break at any moment.
I tried to hold back the feeling that I would vomit at any moment, and I tightly closed my eyes at the spinning sight.
Even as he chews his lips to endure the pain, on the one hand, he recalls the conversation from earlier.
This is probably the first time I’ve said that to Yuria directly.
In all my life, I never thought to speak of such hostility.
I would rather have said and died in the last episode.
The expression Yuria made just now…was quite funny.
why is it shaking Because you don’t like me?
For that reason, it was rather disappointing.
If she was a woman who was frustrated for that reason, why did she treat me like that?
I know she has done me no harm in this life.
However, what has been done to me since I was young has not changed.
I had no choice but to become weak like rumors,
Part of the reason why I tried to be servile and live an ugly life. Even if YuRia had it, it was okay.
I didn’t want to blame anyone.
I didn’t want to attribute my own crouching to other people’s sins.
However, isn’t it clear that what happened in the past has affected me?
The pain in his head was still there, but he looked into space with narrowed eyes.
This room was also chosen because he did not want to run into YuRia.
If it’s a room in the corner of the second floor, you won’t see it passing by the hallway.
They also avoided eating together.
If I made a mistake while eating, I would remember being dragged away by YuRia and beaten.
I lived quite a lot of time being held by my sister who is 4 years apart.
After her mother passed away, it was only possible because Yuria took over the role of the hostess of this house.
If you make a mistake, you get scolded, you get hit, you get kicked out, you wander outside, then you get locked up again.
It was something that was done under her father’s connivance, but it was clear that Yuria’s will was contained in it.
Even so, what endured was the past.
Rather, he blamed himself, constantly thinking about why he was such an idiot.
“…You stupid bastard.”
In fact, it wouldn’t even have been necessary.
He felt sorry for what was happening to him, and he should have realized that something was wrong with this situation.
Obviously, it was quite a while ago that I realized about it.
After the first few deaths, I noticed that something in Yuria was twisted.
However, he did not give up hope.
Because there was something I heard when I was young and wanted to keep it in my heart for the rest of my life.
If I love you, if I don’t give up, everything will return to normal.
There was a time when I believed so.
Now I know it’s wrong, though.
Suddenly, a wry smile leaked out, and my gaze turned to one frame.
It was a painting in which half of the face was covered with eyes.
Looking at a picture of a woman who was smiling at someone, painted quite a while ago, I remembered the past that I had forgotten.
The reason I was so obsessed with relationships was because of one word I had in my heart.
If it’s the reason why he couldn’t give up the Taylor family and repeated his life 100 times.
…It was only because she hadn’t forgotten the one word her mother had left behind when she died.
#
It was Ilesia Taylor, the lady called the hostess of the Taylor family.
YuRia also knew her well.
It would be natural. She is the mother who gave birth to and raised her, how could she not know?
However, Yuria hated Ilesia ever since she was a child.
It was because I only expressed my gratitude for giving birth as a courtesy, and I didn’t like the always smiling face.
Taylor had to fight with all his might against the enemy who always threatened the country, loyal to the emperor, the sword of the empire.
That’s why I always had to stay cool.
Yuria’s inability to smile was part of those lessons she learned as a child.
Laughter means that you have relaxed, so you should always prepare for an emergency without relaxing.
As Taylor, who holds the largest and most prestigious position in this empire, he had to set an example for all nobles.
“Yuria, did you harass Robert again?”
“I have never been bullied. I dropped my fork while eating, so I just admonished him instead of the Duke.”
Robert, who always ran to his mother after being punished and cried, couldn’t be liked.
She must have acted like that because she was only 3 years old, but Yuria considered it stupid.
Because when I was 3 years old, I hadn’t done anything like that before.
When Robert was first born, he was quite affectionate, but as he grew up, he only began to resemble Ilesia.
Taylor’s self-control is not to be disproportionate.
I always had to hide my tears, even my laughter.
Taylor’s mentality is to be cool and cool, and to respond flexibly to all situations.
However, my brother did not fit that belief.
How the hell should I punish you?
At that time, Yuria had such thoughts while looking at Robert.
If it wasn’t for my brother, I wouldn’t have even bothered with this.
I wouldn’t have cared if I just lived the way I wanted to and broke down.
Isn’t it a skill to draw attention like this?
Ilesia was staring at herself.
Is it worry that dwells in those eyes? It wasn’t even funny.
Worrying is for those who lack. He was not the object of his concern.
Rather, it should be enough for a stupid younger brother.
YuRia turned her back without answering that gaze.
And, that was the last time I saw my mother in good health.
Perhaps I remember it as a sudden illness.
One day, I suddenly got sick and collapsed. He died after a few days.
It was an unexpected death for a person who was always healthy.
It was a death that could not be cured by doctors, priests, or even the saintess who was still young.
It was a strange death, but I later learned that it was a disease for which no cure was developed.
“mom mom…!”
I saw my younger brother weeping over the corpse that was already cooling down.
What answer do you want from a corpse that can no longer open its mouth?
Yuria couldn’t comprehend the scene.
I was conscious of my mother’s death, but I wasn’t sad.
It was a very natural thing for people to die, so even if it was my mother, it would have come someday.
It’s just that it came a little early.
The self at the time and even now, that thought has not changed.
Maybe I didn’t know what to expect.
I hope that the death of my mother will change the attitude of my weak and foolish brother.
However, it did not change. On the contrary, the action only got worse.
Around that time, he was appointed as Sogaju.
In the end, I had to make a decision.
He hoped that his younger brother would improve a little bit, and he wanted to rewrite it as someone more suitable for Taylor.
The most important thing for nobles is etiquette.
So I tried to fix it even with hawks.
After a few years, it was finely corrected, and then it was just a matter of making him fit for Taylor.
That’s right, because his father didn’t say anything about what he was doing.
Until now, I have lived thinking that it was right.
If you’re a Taylor person, you should be like that.
“…Robert.”
Looking at the now empty hallway, I muttered.
However, no answer came back. Didn’t you already leave?
There was no possibility that my brother, who had gone to his room, would return here and answer.
Reason had already judged that, but Yuria was just wrapped up in confused emotions for the first time.
-I don’t hate the family name Taylor. but.
It was the first time I saw it.
He was filled with hatred and loathing for someone, and at any moment, those feelings became a spark and were about to burn the surroundings.
Eyes I never imagined I would see from my younger brother who was always weak.
However, what was surprising was that the feelings were directed towards him.
– I just hate you.
It was the first feeling I felt. Would you say this is confusing?
Hearing that, it was clear that he was shaken.
I hate it. The meaning of those words will have a clearer meaning than any other words.
A few days ago, I knew that something had changed.
If you met your eyes, you would be terrified, but now you didn’t face your eyes directly.
The title she used to call her sister became Sogaju at some point, and when she got angry, she responded with a calm face.
It felt strange, but that was all.
It is said that the fundamentals have not changed, and as time goes on, they will act as they were.
I thought so.
However, nothing has changed.
As time goes by, those eyes gradually become colder and colder.
When I remembered the eyes that showed no emotion, it seemed that my vision was shaking for some reason.
In the midst of the dizzy vision, Yuria, who stumbled for a moment, pressed against the wall.
-You have no interest in me anyway, Sogaju.
“…out of it.”
It wasn’t like that.
If I hadn’t been interested, I wouldn’t have even tried to make him fit for Taylor.
It’s not like that. It’s not like that- just, myself.
I suddenly realized that I was out of breath.
I crouched down at the feeling of a tightness in my neck, then let out a breath while leaning against the wall.
Illesia’s dying eyes came to mind.
There was no other emotion in the eyes that were staring at him.
Rather, it was an eye that felt sorry for himself, and only had compassion.
Why did you look at yourself with those eyes?
He hadn’t been ashamed of anything he’d done so far.
It was because I had been doing what I had learned from my father as a guideline.
Taylor was not wrong, and he believed that everything would work out if he acted on that conviction.
But why did Robert say he hated him?
If you want to say that what you’ve been doing is wrong.
No, it couldn’t have been. Haven’t you been taught that since childhood?
I have lived up to the name Taylor.
I didn’t laugh, I didn’t cry. He hid his emotions and always tried to show a calm appearance.
Even if it is a family. For Yuria, family was more important than anything else.
There was something I swore to when I was a girl.
There was a word that I had engraved in my heart as a Sogaju and promised not to be shaken no matter what.
It was a declaration that he would follow his convictions in any situation because he would later become the sword of the empire.
It was firm. It didn’t shake.
Until now, as much as I can promise to that full moon.
However, if you say it’s wrong, aren’t you saying that your life is all in vain?
It couldn’t be. Yuria, who had barely corrected her posture, stared at the empty hallway.
His eyes were still shaking, and his distorted expression remained the same.
It would have been quite surprising to anyone who saw it.
It must have been the first time in her life that the face of a woman named Yuria Taylor was so disfigured.
“…I.”
He couldn’t speak, and he kept muttering only those words.
It was something no one would ever hear.
On a night when the full moon bloomed, no one could hear the words spoken alone in this silence.
“I…”
Hearing the voice that gradually faded, YuRia closed her eyes while keeping her mouth shut.
I was sure, but I didn’t have the confidence to say that was certain anymore.
Doesn’t that mean nothing? My younger brother, who had always disliked me, just hated me.
By the way.
But why is it so disturbing?
At this heart-wrenching dawn, YuRia blankly looked at the hallway where Robert had disappeared.
After dawn until morning comes.
so effortlessly.