The Lazy Chronicles: Apartment of the Apocalypse

The morning started with chaos, as usual. Greg had accidentally set off a fire alarm while attempting to "cook" instant noodles in a toaster. Marvin was arguing with Alex over whether canned peaches were a breakfast food. And Mallory? She was lying face-down on the couch, holding a pillow over her head.

"This," she mumbled into the cushion, "is my villain origin story."

The noise reached a crescendo when the tablet beeped with yet another notification. Mallory groaned and grabbed it without lifting her head.

New Feature Unlocked: Community Boardroom.

"Boardroom?" she muttered, sitting up. "What do I look like, a corporate CEO?"

Greg peeked over her shoulder, still clutching his half-burnt noodles. "Maybe it's for team meetings! We can strategize zombie defenses and—"

"Let me stop you right there," Mallory interrupted, holding up a hand. "This apartment doesn't need 'team meetings.' It needs silence."

As if on cue, the fridge emitted a soft ping and spit out another package labeled: MYSTERY CANDY: WARNING – LOUD EFFECTS POSSIBLE.

Greg grabbed it eagerly. "Dibs!"

"Nope." Mallory snatched it from his hands and hurled it into the trash. "Not today, Candy Bomb."

---

Curiosity eventually got the better of Mallory, so she dragged Alex along to check out the newly unlocked boardroom. It was located at the far end of the building, and when they stepped inside, both stopped in their tracks.

The room was ridiculously luxurious. A massive table dominated the space, surrounded by ergonomic chairs that looked like they belonged in a spaceship. One wall was a floor-to-ceiling screen displaying a live map of the city, complete with zombie hotspots marked in glowing red.

Mallory crossed her arms. "Well, this is fancy. Too bad I have zero use for it."

Alex pointed to a smaller screen on the side, which displayed a cheerful message:

Weekly Meeting in Progress. Attendees: 2.

Before Mallory could react, the screen lit up, and a robotic voice boomed: "WELCOME, MALLORY. TODAY'S AGENDA: COMMUNITY FEEDBACK AND ZOMBIE STRATEGIES."

Mallory turned to Alex. "What kind of dystopian HR nightmare is this?"

Alex shrugged. "Maybe it'll be useful."

But the boardroom had other ideas. The walls shimmered, and holographic figures appeared around the table. Mallory groaned as she recognized their faces—it was the survivors.

"Is that… Greg?" Alex asked, pointing to a hologram of Greg picking his teeth with a fork.

Mallory buried her face in her hands. "I can't escape them. Even in here."

---

Greg's Big Idea

Later that day, Mallory's dream of peace was shattered once again when Greg stormed into the living room, holding what appeared to be a crude prototype of a… catapult?

"Mallory!" he exclaimed, grinning from ear to ear. "I've perfected it!"

Mallory blinked slowly, her brain struggling to process the monstrosity in his hands. "Perfected what exactly?"

"My zombie flinger!" Greg declared proudly. "It's lightweight, portable, and guaranteed to launch any undead straight into oblivion!"

Mallory stared at him, deadpan. "Greg. That's a slingshot made out of underwear and a broomstick."

"Don't knock it till you try it!" Greg said, oblivious to her sarcasm.

To everyone's horror—or delight, depending on who you asked—Greg marched to the balcony and aimed his makeshift contraption at the street below, where a lone zombie shuffled aimlessly.

"Ready… aim… FIRE!"

The "projectile," which was supposed to be a rock, turned out to be one of Marvin's boots. It flew in a lazy arc and landed nowhere near the zombie, instead hitting an abandoned car with a loud thunk.

The car alarm blared to life, drawing the attention of every zombie in a three-block radius.

"Great job, genius," Mallory snapped, dragging Greg back inside. "Now they know we're here!"

---

The Zombie Parade

As the zombies began to converge on the building, Mallory's apartment sprang into action. The outer defenses activated, sending a flurry of laser beams and electrified nets toward the approaching horde.

But instead of dispersing, the zombies seemed… confused. One of them tripped over a stray net and fell face-first into a puddle, where it flailed around like an overturned turtle. Another got tangled in a bush and started gnawing on the branches.

Greg watched through the window, his face a mix of awe and confusion. "Are they… drunk?"

Alex smirked. "Looks like the apartment's defenses are doing more than just zapping them."

The tablet beeped again, and Mallory reluctantly checked the notification:

New Feature: Non-Lethal Zombie Deterrent Activated. Current Mode: Mildly Inconvenient.

Mallory groaned. "Of course. My apartment has a sense of humor."

---

Karaoke Revenge

That night, Greg decided to celebrate their "victory" by dragging out the karaoke machine again. Mallory tried to hide in her room, but the soundproofing was no match for Greg's ear-splitting rendition of "Eye of the Tiger."

"Alex," Mallory said through gritted teeth, "if he doesn't stop, I'm going to throw the karaoke machine into the zombie horde."

Alex chuckled. "Why don't you join him? Show him how it's done."

Mallory gave them a look that could curdle milk. "I'd rather eat experimental jelly."

But fate had other plans. As Greg handed the mic to Marvin, the machine emitted a loud pop and began to spark. Everyone froze as smoke billowed from the device.

"Uh… is it supposed to do that?" Marvin asked, backing away.

The tablet beeped:

Karaoke Machine Upgrade Complete: Randomized Song Mode Activated.

Before anyone could react, the machine burst to life with a high-energy remix of "Baby Shark," complete with flashing lights and holographic sharks swimming around the room.

Mallory stared in disbelief. "I'm living in a circus."

Greg, however, was delighted. "This is amazing!"

As the holographic sharks began "dancing" with the survivors, Mallory slumped onto the couch, covering her face with a blanket.

"Wake me up when the apocalypse is over," she muttered.

---

To Be Continued…