The Perverted Jester of Chaos: Reborn to Clown Around

Chapter 13: Ramen, Revelations, and the Blackthorn Twins

"You'd think that after surviving multiple lives, defeating gods, and handling cosmic level threats, I'd finally earn a peaceful bowl of ramen. But no. Apparently, the universe has a personal grudge against me enjoying noodles in peace. I swear, if the next attack ruins my food, someone's going to lose a limb."

---

We sit in the same ramen shop from last night, the air still thick with the heavenly aroma of pork broth. Reina's expression is somewhere between suspicion and outright fury.

"You're going to tell me everything," she says, stabbing her chopsticks into her ramen like it owes her money.

"Everything?" I ask, slurping a noodle. "Because, uh, that's kind of a lot. Do you want the condensed version or the full epic saga?"

Reina glares at me, her eyes narrowing. "Don't test me, Akira."

---

Narration Mode Activated

"Let me tell you, nothing is more terrifying than a woman demanding answers. Not the Council, not cosmic beings, not even taxes. Reina in 'angry detective mode' is on a whole other level."

---

"Alright, alright," I say, raising my hands. "Where should I start?"

"How about with why random strangers with magical axes keep trying to kill you?"

---

I lean back, pondering how much to reveal. "Okay, here's the deal. I might've been someone important in my past life."

"Define 'important,'" Reina says, crossing her arms.

"Well… I was a Dragon God."

Reina blinks. "A what?"

---

"A Dragon God," I repeat, as if it's the most normal thing in the world. "You know—big wings, scales, power over life and death. The usual."

"You're insane," she says flatly.

"Insanely cool, you mean," I reply, grinning.

---

She pinches the bridge of her nose. "So, you're telling me you're some kind of reincarnated dragon deity, and now the Council wants you dead because…?"

"Because I may or may not have accidentally burned their library down in my past life."

Reina stares at me. "You're joking."

"Nope," I say, slurping more noodles. "Fun fact: magical texts are extremely flammable."

---

Before Reina can respond, the door to the ramen shop swings open, and two figures walk in.

A chill runs down my spine.

Narration Mode Activated

"Uh-oh. I know those faces. The Blackthorn Twins. These two are like the Batman and Robin of magical assassins, except with less capes and more homicidal tendencies."

---

The twins are identical—long black hair, pale skin, and matching black trench coats. Their eyes scan the shop before locking onto me.

"Well, well," the first twin says, smirking. "If it isn't Akira Tanaka."

"Fancy meeting you here," the second adds, their voice dripping with sarcasm.

---

Reina looks at them, then at me. "Friends of yours?"

"Not exactly," I say, standing up. "These two work for the Council. They're not here for ramen."

The first twin grins. "Correct. We're here to finish what Cain couldn't."

---

The ramen chef frowns. "Oi! No fighting in my shop!"

"Don't worry," I say, cracking my knuckles. "This'll be over before the broth cools."

Reina grabs my arm. "Akira, are you seriously going to fight again?"

"Would you rather let them wreck the place?" I ask.

She sighs. "Just…try not to destroy the shop, okay?"

---

The twins don't waste time. They summon matching blades of black energy, their movements perfectly synchronized as they lunge at me.

I dodge effortlessly, ducking under their strikes and weaving between their attacks.

"You two really need to work on your coordination," I say, grinning.

The first twin snarls. "Hold still, you cocky brat!"

---

Narration Mode Activated

"Pro tip for anyone trying to kill me: insults don't work. They just make me sassier."

---

The second twin swings at me, and I sidestep, letting their blade slice through a table instead.

"Careful!" I say. "That table didn't do anything to you!"

---

Reina watches from the corner, her eyes wide. "How are you so calm right now?!"

"Years of practice," I reply, dodging another strike. "Plus, these two aren't even using their full power yet."

"Full power?" Reina echoes, her voice trembling.

"Yeah," I say, grabbing one of the twin's arms and flipping them onto the floor. "They're holding back because they don't want to blow up the shop. Isn't that considerate?"

---

The first twin growls, getting back to their feet. "Enough games."

They exchange a glance, and suddenly the air around them shifts. Dark energy swirls around their bodies, and the temperature in the room drops.

"Uh-oh," I mutter.

"What's happening?!" Reina shouts.

---

Narration Mode Activated

"Here we go. When assassins get serious, it usually means someone's about to lose a limb. Hopefully not mine."

---

The twins combine their magic, forming a massive black sphere of energy between them.

"Let's see you dodge this!" the second twin shouts.

---

The sphere hurtles toward me, crackling with dark energy.

I sigh, raising a hand. "Alright, time to end this."

A golden barrier forms around me, and the sphere crashes into it, exploding in a flash of light.

When the dust settles, I'm still standing, completely unharmed.

---

The twins stare at me in shock.

"Impossible," the first twin mutters.

"What are you?" the second whispers.

I step forward, grinning. "Me? I'm just a guy who really, really wants to finish his ramen."

---

With a flick of my wrist, I summon a small orb of golden light. It looks harmless, but the twins immediately tense.

"Retreat!" the first twin shouts.

Before they can escape, I hurl the orb at them. It explodes in a burst of light, and the twins vanish, their magic dissipating into the air.

---

Reina stares at me, her jaw practically on the floor. "What…just happened?"

"Nothing major," I say, sitting back down. "Now, let's eat before the noodles get soggy."

---

Back at the Council's headquarters, a shadowy figure watches the scene unfold in a crystal orb.

"So, the Blackthorn Twins failed," they murmur. "It seems we'll need to send someone stronger."

End of Chapter 13