The Perverted Jester of Chaos: Reborn to Clown Around

Chapter 14: The Author's Lazy Writing and the Mystery of the Forgotten Sauce

"If you've made it this far, congratulations! You've willingly subjected yourself to my shenanigans. Don't blame me if this chapter leaves you questioning the author's sanity—or mine. And yes, I will be roasting the author today. Someone has to keep them humble."

---

The ramen shop owner is glaring at me. Again. Honestly, I think this guy might have a crush on me, considering how much attention he gives me.

"Tanaka," he growls, gesturing to the rubble from the Blackthorn Twins' attack. "Explain."

---

Reina elbows me. "Go on, Mr. Dragon God. Let's hear your brilliant excuse."

I flash my most charming smile. "See, it's not my fault. Those guys were clearly in desperate need of better hobbies."

"Or better aim," Reina mutters.

---

The owner doesn't look convinced. He jabs a finger at the hole in the wall. "You're paying for this."

"Uh, sure," I say, nodding quickly. "Just send the bill to my…uh…dragon treasure vault."

"Do you even have one of those?" Reina asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Not in this life," I admit, scratching the back of my head.

---

Narration Mode Activated

"Let's be real. The author could've written me as rich, but nooo, they just had to make me a broke high schooler. What's next? A tragic backstory? Oh wait, been there, done that."

---

The ramen owner narrows his eyes. "If I don't see some cash soon, you're banned."

"Banned?" I gasp, clutching my chest. "You wound me, sir. How can you deprive me of your divine noodles?"

"Easily," he replies, deadpan.

---

Reina drags me out of the shop before I can argue further.

"Do you have to antagonize everyone?" she asks as we walk down the street.

"It's part of my charm," I reply, grinning.

"Charm?" she echoes, rolling her eyes. "More like a death wish."

---

Narration Mode Activated

"Let's pause for a moment to appreciate the irony here. I'm literally a walking apocalypse in disguise, and yet people think I'm the one in danger. Classic."

---

Reina suddenly stops walking, her expression serious. "Akira, we need to talk."

"Uh-oh," I mutter.

---

She grabs my arm and pulls me into a quiet alleyway.

"You've been dodging my questions all day," she says, crossing her arms. "What's really going on? And don't give me that Dragon God nonsense again."

"Hey, it's not nonsense," I reply. "It's my life."

"Your life makes zero sense!" she snaps.

---

Narration Mode Activated

"You know what doesn't make sense? The fact that the author hasn't given me a proper love interest yet. Hey, writer, what's the deal? Am I not protagonist material enough for you?"

---

[Author's Note: Focus on the story, Akira. This isn't a dating sim.]

"Oh, so now you're chiming in?" I say, glaring at the sky. "Where were you when the Blackthorn Twins wrecked my ramen shop?"

[Author's Note: You're supposed to handle that, remember? You're the protagonist.]

"Yeah, well, maybe write me some reinforcements next time!"

---

Reina stares at me like I've lost my mind. "Who are you yelling at?"

"The author," I reply.

"The who?"

"Never mind," I say, waving her off.

---

She sighs, rubbing her temples. "Akira, I'm trying to help you, but you're making it really hard."

"Story of my life," I mutter.

---

Before Reina can launch into another lecture, a strange figure steps into the alleyway.

It's a man in a chef's hat, carrying a giant ladle. His apron reads "Sauce Mage Supreme."

"What now?" Reina whispers.

"Finally!" I exclaim. "Something interesting!"

---

The man points his ladle at me. "Akira Tanaka, you've meddled in the affairs of the magical culinary world for the last time!"

I blink. "Uh…come again?"

"You stole the secret recipe for Dragonfire Sauce!" he roars.

---

Narration Mode Activated

"I'd like to point out that I have no idea what he's talking about. But hey, when life throws you a crazy chef, you roll with it."

---

Reina looks at me, horrified. "What did you do this time?"

"Nothing!" I protest. "Probably."

---

The Sauce Mage twirls his ladle, summoning a whirlpool of spicy red liquid. The smell of chilies fills the air.

"I will have my revenge!" he shouts.

"Seriously?" I ask, laughing. "You're attacking me with soup?"

---

He hurls the whirlpool at me, and I sidestep easily.

"That all you got?" I taunt.

The Sauce Mage growls, summoning a massive cauldron that floats ominously in the air.

Reina grabs my arm. "Akira, maybe don't provoke the guy with a magical soup cannon?"

---

Narration Mode Activated

"She's got a point. But where's the fun in playing it safe?"

---

The Sauce Mage launches a barrage of spicy projectiles, and I dodge them with exaggerated flair, striking ridiculous poses between each attack.

"Can't touch this!" I sing, doing a little dance.

Reina facepalms. "You're impossible."

---

Finally, I get bored. As another fiery glob of sauce hurtles toward me, I raise a hand and freeze it midair.

The Sauce Mage's jaw drops. "What?!"

"Yeah, see, I'm kind of over this," I say, flicking the sauce back at him.

The glob hits his cauldron, causing it to explode in a spectacular display of red and orange.

---

The Sauce Mage stumbles back, covered in his own sauce.

"This isn't over!" he cries, disappearing in a puff of smoky paprika.

Reina stares at me, her mouth hanging open.

"What just happened?"

"Honestly?" I reply, dusting off my hands. "I have no idea. But I'm craving spicy ramen now."

---

Cliffhanger Tease

In a dimly lit room, the Sauce Mage kneels before a shadowy figure.

"I failed," he admits, bowing his head.

The figure chuckles darkly. "Don't worry. We've got something much spicier planned for Akira Tanaka."

End of Chapter 14