READ NOVEL ONLINE Chapter 32
The doctor looked extremely fatigued. Despite having a youthful face that could pass for a teenager and an innocuous, rabbit-like impression, dark circles were heavily embedded under his eyes, projecting a cynical atmosphere as if he had been deeply worn down by the harshness of life.
Behind the doctor stood a woman dressed in a white nurse’s uniform, oddly enough, her features were blurred. Information such as “pretty,” “cute,” and “young” definitely came through, but it was as if a fog wrapped around the details, obstructing their visual representation… it was such a peculiar feeling.
『 SAE 』
The nurse’s name tag was the same. The front was clearly legible, but the back had letters that seemed to be there yet felt impossibly difficult to read.
Could this be what it feels like for someone with dyslexia?
“Now that you’re awake, shall we begin? Huh….”
The doctor sat down across from her and asked.
“First… do you remember your name?”
“Huh? Yes, of course…. It’s Saigo Rise….”
“Good. Do you remember your age?”
“Yes…. I’m 21 years old….”
“21 years old… Hmm… I see.”
Swish.
The doctor jotted something quickly onto the chart in his hand after listening to Rise.
“Alright…. Now, what’s the last memory that comes to mind?”
“Huh? The last? Well…. I went to offer a tribute at the shrine… Umm? I can’t remember anything more….”
“Sigh…. Is that where we should start?”
The doctor sighed wearily, pressing his hand against his forehead and grimacing. Then he took a deep, long breath and said to Rise.
“Ms. Saigo Rise, I feel like I’m repeating myself for the fifth time now, but…. Let me rephrase it. You are currently a patient with Schizophrenia…. No, with Amnestic Syndrome.”
“Excuse me?”
Schizophrenia.
A mental illness referred to by various names in other countries, including split personality disorder, dissociative disorder, and psychosis.
Rise looked at the doctor in disbelief, unable to accept that she was suffering from such a serious illness. However, the doctor exhaled lightly, seemingly fed up, and continued explaining.
“And as I’ve already told you five times, Ms. Saigo, you are afflicted with both Schizophrenia and Amnestic Syndrome. So no matter how many times I explain, at some point, you just seem to forget everything….”
“Amnesia, you say? But….”
“Yes. Your memories must be vivid. The type of amnesia you have is anterograde amnesia, which means you have difficulty retaining new information. You seem capable of recalling past memories, though… Sigh, this is really….”
“Anterograde amnesia….”
The doctor once again scribbled something onto the chart he was holding. Then, he subtly gestured to the nurse.
Understanding the doctor’s signal, the nurse handed him a notebook, which he opened slightly before proceeding to speak.
“This is quite troublesome. To put it simply, your past memories are distorted.”
“Huh? Distorted?”
“The distortion was so believable that initially we diagnosed you with Delusional Disorder. However, as time passed, the symptoms of hallucinations and auditory perceptions increasingly became unrealistically severe. And look at this.”
The doctor unfolded a part of the notebook.
『 I went out today. As soon as I stepped outside, the sun greeted me, but I did not respond. The things the sun said were filled with curses that could trigger my blood pressure and harden my brain. As evidence, while I was walking, my body began to sweat due to the ants carrying poisons received from the sun’s authority. Metal in the dirt pile was sending my actions to the doctor for surveillance, so I did nothing. A god followed behind me, but the sound of footsteps didn’t reach me; it seemed to be keeping an eye on the doctor in my stead. The god was watching out while monitoring the arrival of the nurse, who was always trying to brainwash me with injections. The god despised the drugs, laughing when administered. The nurse coming at dawn was a demon disguised in a nurse’s outfit, hiding a tiny chip inside the syringe that could manipulate my body and move my brain as I pleased; that would start causing a bleeding smell from my nose and mouth. Quickly avoiding the sun, I sought the shade of a tree to observe the ants, who transmitted my actions to the doctor. I had no choice but to abandon going out and return. The doctor was eavesdropping as I wrote this. The doctor doesn’t love me, but was better than the nurse. 』
“W-What is this?”
What caught Rise’s eye was the writing densely packed on one side. Surprisingly, the notebook was written in her handwriting, filled with nonsensical and incomprehensible phrases that anyone could see were written by a mental patient.
Rise looked at the doctor with a shocked expression, and he closed the notebook when he saw her face had turned pale.
“This is your diary, Ms. Rise. Look.”
On the cover of the notebook, the word “Diary” was inscribed in her handwriting. And at the bottom of the cover, it read, “Belongs to Saigo Rise. Do not peek.”
Next to the warning was a very small note, “Except for the doctor.”
“This, this is my diary?”
“Indeed.”
The doctor handed the diary to the nurse.
“You must have grasped the situation, so let me continue with the explanation. Currently, Ms. Saigo, you are experiencing Schizophrenia. As seen in that diary, you show signs of unrealistic delusions.”
“That can’t be….”
“However, the problem is that there are no visible issues in your brain.”
“Huh?”
“Typically, patients with Schizophrenia show heightened levels of dopamine, but you appear fine. Furthermore, the frontal lobe, cortex, basal ganglia, lateral ventricles, and third ventricle…. All were normal. Not only that, but the amnesia is the same. Both the hippocampus and hypothalamus are normal. What this means is….”
The doctor paused for a moment, then spoke.
“…It means that neither medication nor electric shock therapy will be effective.”
Isn’t this quite a困難 thing?
The doctor said this.
But Rise could not properly respond to the doctor’s words. Her mind was too confused by information she never imagined.
It felt like spinning around.
The shock left her brain white, as if bleached, and she couldn’t think properly, almost as if it had come to a standstill.
However, the doctor seemed uninterested in the state Rise was in, as he revealed information she had no desire to know.
No, information she absolutely did not want to know.
“We had thought that visible symptoms should show effects on the brain…. So we deliberated on what to do for a long time, and eventually visited a skilled counselor for advice. We received information from that person regarding a treatment method that might work for you, Ms. Saigo.”
The doctor continued.
“We believe you may have engaged in self-hypnosis to escape from the trauma you endured. In other words, you brainwashed yourself. Therefore, we concluded that instead of the traditional methods we’ve used at our hospital, such as electric shock therapy and medication, it would be more effective to utilize deprogramming to naturally free you from the brainwashing and help you perceive reality again.”
“Brainwashing?”
“Yes. You created a fictitious existence called ‘God’ to escape from the shocking reality, and you have bound yourself in fanaticism and blind faith. You’ve warped your past and altered your memories around that fictional being.”
While continuing his explanation, the doctor locked eyes with Rise.
“Ms. Saigo, most of the reality you remember is, in fact, different from the truth.”
“That can’t be true….”
“Please trust me, Ms. Saigo. Trust me and the medical staff of our hospital. We will spare no effort to cure you. We will definitely heal your illness.”
“No… ”
“The process of deprogramming may be painful and difficult. But I won’t allow you to suffer alone. We will unravel the brainwashing together, suffer together, and heal together. I will not give up on you.”
“No! I’m not crazy!”
“Huff…. Let’s begin. Are you ready?”
As the doctor spoke, the nurse who had silently stood behind approached Rise. She leveraged her weak-looking frame in a way that made it hard to believe, overpowering Rise and fitting her with a straitjacket before securely binding her to the bed.
At intervals, while Rise screamed in resistance, the nurse subdued her as if she had several arms, managing to dress her in the straitjacket, leaving Rise completely restrained and unable to move.
“This is unfair! Let me go!”
“This is a measure to prevent self-harm or violence.”
“What is this madness!? Let me go! Let me out!”
Suddenly bound, Rise felt panic and fear, twisting her body, but the tight bindings only held her in place, preventing even the bed from shaking. The doctor observed quietly as Rise calmed down, and once she was panting and still again, he finally spoke.
“Let’s start with your family. Ms. Saigo, what is your family relationship like?”
“Ugh… please let me go….”
“That’s not an option.”
“Let me go…!”
“If you cooperate with the treatment, you can be unbound quickly.”
“Ugh…. Huh….”
Tears began cascading down Rise’s face, and it seemed she had accepted her reality to some extent, as she began responding to the doctor’s inquiries with a quivering voice.
“There’s just me and my father… Ugh…. Huh….”
“Saigo Kenji, correct?”
“Yes… Ugh….”
“Then what is the profession of Saigo Kenji?”
“A Shinto priest… Huh… He’s a Shinto priest….”
Scribble.
The doctor listened to her words and made a note on the chart.
“I see. Now, let’s talk about your friendships. I heard you have a close friend you’ve been with since school, is that correct?”
“Yes….”
“How many are there?”
“Four….”
“What are their names?”
“Munakata Airi…. Hōjō Mahiro…. Takamura Shiori…. Nishikawa Lena….”
“I see. When was the last time you met with those friends?”
“A week ago….”
“What did you do together?”
“We all gathered at a cafe to talk….”
Scribble.
The doctor once again scribbled something on the chart.
Then he raised his head, met Rise’s gaze, and spoke.
“Ms. Rise, listen carefully. Your father, Saigo Kenji, is not a Shinto priest.”
“Huh?”
“And all of your close friends are dead.”