The Shaman Desires Transcendence

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“Saigo Rise’s father, Saigo Kenji, is not a Shinto priest. After graduating from the Archaeology Department, he has been living as a local heritage manager. He is also in charge of overseeing the Abandoned Shrine, which he proposed to utilize as a tourist attraction. Thanks to that, the local economy flourished, and he gained a lot of trust from the residents.”

“Ah, no. Wait a minute….”

“Saigo grew up under such a father. Last summer, a friend of her father offered to use a Private Beach, and Rise went there by car with her close friend. Do you remember? Among Saigo’s friends, there was exactly one who had a driver’s license.”

“Le, Lena?”

The doctor nodded.

“Yes. It was Lena. Since she had just gotten her license, she insisted on driving and took the car. The car was an ordinary sedan, so it was a bit cramped for the five of us with our gear, but it was manageable. However, during the trip, a truck crossed the lane on the bridge, and the car fell off the bridge. Fortunately, only Saigo survived.”

“Wait a minute….”

“Fortunately, Saigo wasn’t seriously injured. She just got a bit wet. But sadly, her other friends died on the spot. One from cardiac arrest, two by drowning, and one due to cervical vertebra fracture.”

“Hold on a second…!”

“But perhaps due to the shock from the incident, Saigo began to show mental issues. At first, it was forgetfulness, but later it escalated to resetting her memory every single day, and she started exhibiting delusional distortions of the past along with violent behavior. Unable to bear it anymore, Saigo Kenji decided to admit her to our hospital.”

“Wait, wait! Hold… on!”

Rise clenched her teeth and shouted at the doctor.

“That’s a lie!”

“It’s the truth.”

“That’s a lie!”

“It’s real.”

“I don’t want to believe it!”

“Please believe me. I am only speaking the truth.”

“I don’t want to! I don’t want to!!!”

“Saigo, please trust me. Face the reality.”

The doctor calmly said as he observed the distressed Rise.

“Right now, Saigo’s symptoms are severe. She is experiencing hallucinations and hearing voices, and her trauma is being re-enacted in the form of nightmares. If this state persists, it could deteriorate to a point where we can’t help her at all. Hoo… Saigo, the mind has homeostasis. It tries to maintain a normal state, but if it stays in a worsened state for long, it begins to see that state as normal. Then it becomes really hard to treat.”

“I’m not crazy! I’m not insane!”

“Hah…”

The doctor looked at Rise’s outburst as if it was a headache.

“I’m not crazy! Homeostasis?! What is that?! I only know continuity! Dreams are continuity…?”

At that moment, Rise’s body stiffened.

“Continuity?”

Continuity.

The continuity of dreams.

Dreams try to connect continuously.

Thus, the distinction between dreams and reality is continuity.

『 Rise! Don’t forget what I told you! 』
『 Rise! Can you hear me! Rise! 』
『 You need to do a Reality Check! 』

Reality Check.

At that moment, Rise suddenly turned her head.

The doctor was staring intently at her face.

“Reality Check. You need to do a Reality Check.”

The methods that she had learned for the Reality Check were three.

“The Reality Check needs to… be done…?”

The first was pinching her nose and trying to breathe.

In a dream, even if you pinch your nose with your hand, you can still breathe.

But her arms, which should pinch her nose, were tightly bound.

The second was to look at a clock.

In a dream, letters and numbers change periodically, so looking at them would immediately tell her that it was a dream.

But there was no clock in the room. There were pieces of paper with writing on them, like notes and the chart held by the doctor, but the doctor was holding the chart so that the paper wasn’t visible, and the note she had just seen was in the nurse’s hands. Curiously, in the position Rise was in, it was at a precise angle that made it impossible to see the cover’s writing.

The third was to bend her fingers back with all her might.

In a dream, there is no pain, and the fingers bend unnaturally far back.

But right now, her arms were tied.

She could hardly move a single finger, let alone bend them back.

“I can’t… I can’t do it… the Reality Check… I can’t…”

Rise’s face turned pale.

As she saw this, the doctor said to her:

“What seems to be the problem?”

* * *

The treatment continued.

With her body thoroughly restrained, Rise could only undergo the treatment.

“Saigo, let me remind you once again, your father is not a Shinto priest. Think carefully. If your father were a priest, he would be serving the gods, but can you properly say the name and history of that god? You probably can’t. Because your delusions are not based on logic and reasoning, but stem from pure belief. That’s the contradiction in your memory, and the evidence that your past is a lie.”

The doctor repeated it multiple times.

“The death of the friends is the same. Death is something that no human can escape; it is an inevitable event. However, having such an accident while traveling, that’s a tragedy. Yes, it would indeed be a huge tragedy that you rarely find even when you look at life as a whole. But think carefully. If Saigo believes in a god, and that god empowers Saigo, then why couldn’t that tragedy be prevented?”

The doctor asserted, denying her past repeatedly.

“It seems you don’t believe the accident happened, but here’s proof. Do you see this newspaper article? Four women in their twenties died after falling from the bridge… One survived. The date is exactly last year. Yes, Saigo, you are not 21. You are 22. After the accident, Saigo couldn’t remember properly, and several months ago, she was admitted to our hospital.”

Rise was thoroughly tied to the bed and could only listen to the doctor’s words.

“Please believe me. I am here to treat you. The Reality Check? I can show you. I can show you as many times as you want. But how can I assure you that it isn’t a hallucination caused by the schizophrenia you are suffering from? I know a little about the Reality Check. It’s something people with lucid dreams do to distinguish between reality and dreams, right? Nurse! Prepare a top and a clock!”

The doctor thoroughly denied Rise’s claims.

Breaking her thoughts, denying her beliefs, crushing her mind.

Spinning…

The top the nurse brought spun on the table. It continued to spin and did not fall to the ground. However, the doctor looked at Rise as if to say, “What’s the big deal?”

“The top has spun. The spinning is slowing down, and, ah, it stopped now. But Saigo, how does that top look to you? Has it stopped, or is it still spinning?”

“It’s spinning! It’s spinning! This is a dream!”

“Hah… Saigo, I’ll say it again, you’re suffering from schizophrenia. The typical symptoms of schizophrenia are hallucinations and hearing voices. You’re currently experiencing a hallucination.”

“No! My brain is fine!”

“The recent test results indicate that it is so. But it’s clear that Saigo has mental issues and shows symptoms that match schizophrenia perfectly. Even if the brain is fine, it can still hallucinate, and if we check again now, it’s highly likely that dopamine is being secreted excessively. So what you’re seeing as the spinning top is indeed not reality.”

“No! It’s spinning… spinning…”

When Rise looked back at the table, the top had stopped.

“Haah… this is serious. It might take a while… Nurse! Bring over the clock as well.”

8:45.

2:13.

9:54.

1:11.

Every time Rise blinked, the numbers on the digital clock soared back and forth.

She suspected she was misseeing it, so she widened her eyes, but each time she turned her gaze, the changing numbers on the clock insisted that this place was indeed a dream. But as if reading her thoughts, the doctor spoke again.

“How’s that? Does it look like the time is changing chaotically now?”

“Yes! It’s changing like that!”

“Saigo, from my perspective, it seems to be off.”

The doctor turned the digital clock upside down.

“Huh?”

The battery compartment of the flipped digital clock was empty.

“You need to trust me. Recognizing the problem is the first step to healing.”

The treatment continued.

“Now, please look at this. It’s the diary that Saigo has been writing. You can see how it’s becoming more and more serious, right? Circumstantiality and incoherent thinking mainly appear – and if this state worsens, word salad can also occur. Once it reaches that point, it’ll truly become difficult to treat.”

The doctor also showed her notes.

“This is your father’s employment certificate. Saigo belongs to the national civil service. See? This is the civil servant ID. This is the diploma he received upon graduating from the Archaeology Department, and this is the certificate of degree conferred. Nowhere is it linked to being a priest. Saigo Kenji welcomed tourists while wearing priest-like clothing, but he is not someone who serves the gods. Have you ever heard of a priest being a civil servant as well?”

He showed her various documents and denied that her father was a Shinto priest.

“This is a news video. I didn’t want to show it if I could avoid it, but I had no choice. Do you see this sedan? This was the vehicle that Saigo and her friends were in. A truck came head-on, invaded the lane, and as the sedan swerved to avoid it, the unfortunate collision happened, leading to the fall from the bridge.”

Again and again, he stated that her friends had died.

The process was horrifyingly long and sufficient to drain Rise’s spirit.

“Haah… continuing this any further is pointless. Let’s take a break and start again. Ah, don’t worry. I’ll be here in this ward until you recover. Don’t forget, I am here to help you. Trust me, when you open your eyes, I’ll be here.”

With that, she finally received permission from the doctor to sleep, and she fell into a troubled sleep, desperately trying to clear her complicated mind.

* * *

Rise met her friends.

“Hey, Rise?”

『 Don’t be deceived by the illusion! 』
“Good to see you again!”

“Don’t we have our Hundred Tales left to finish!”

“Let’s travel together!”

“The gods have summoned us!”

『 Do a Reality Check! 』
“This isn’t a dream! The gods exist!”

“We are alive! Huh? Why is my mouth split open like this? Is that important?”

“Why is water constantly running from your face? Hahahaha! Rise, you’re funny!”

“By the way, Rise!”

In the dream, the friends flayed their mouths open with their hands, and they shouted with their mouths that looked bigger than their heads.

“It’s time to go back!”

* * *

When she opened her eyes, the doctor was there.

“Are you awake? It seems you had a nightmare.”

The doctor, looking exhausted, wiped the cold sweat off Rise’s forehead with a handkerchief. He had a more haggard face and dark circles around his eyes that seemed enlarged as if they would reach his feet. Rise felt a strange sense of guilt and gratitude at the sight.

“Th-thank you…”

“Not at all.”

It was a brief exchange.

But at least Rise thought they shared a longer emotional connection than just a conversation.

“Shall we continue the treatment?”

And once again, the treatment resumed.

“Saigo, your treatment begins with recognizing reality and acknowledging facts. Please admit it, even if just a little. Your father is not a Shinto priest, and your friends died last year. And you are 22 years old. Please acknowledge this. If you cannot trust your memories, then trust me. I am here for your recovery, and you must have faith for us to proceed with treatment. I want to heal you.”

…..

….

…

* * *

Once again, she had a nightmare.

This time, her father appeared in her dream and opened his mouth wide, biting into her head.

* * *

The doctor said,

“The root of your brainwashing is ‘the god.’ An existence that does not exist. Like a Black Box, it has deeply sunk into your mind, the main culprit in contaminating your spirit. No matter how much Saigo perceives reality, if she doesn’t deny that, the illness can reoccur at any time. Trauma is not something to be overcome or removed; it must be accepted. The mind is fragile; if one thing breaks, it can affect other areas. It collapses in a chain reaction.”

“Broken….”

“I’ve seen many patients like that. People who took their lives because of simple depression and those whose brains got damaged from phantom pain and live on medication daily. I don’t want you to become like that. This is sincere.”

How long would this treatment go on for?

It had been days; she couldn’t tell.

Rise closed her eyes again.

* * *

She dreamt.

A passerby on the street bit into Rise’s neck.

The doctor said,

“Reject the fiction and face reality. You might think of the gods as formidable beings, but they are mere fictional entities. Just like how what you thought was a ghost turned out to be dry reeds, if you check, it’s all just you. Even if you attach different names and turn away, the essence does not change!”

She dreamt.

Rise was happily chatting with her friends in a cramped car. But then she heard a loud crash that pierced her ears, and everything went dark.

The doctor said,

“Saigo… no, Rise. You are healing. You are getting better! Just a bit more strength!”

She dreamt.

Rise’s father was giving her a piggyback ride when she was little.

“Rise! Do you like shamans?”

“Um? Yeah! I love shamans!”

“Really? Then from now on, you can wear shaman clothes as much as you want! You can show off!”

“Really? Am I a shaman now? Daddy, are you a priest?”

“No! I’m not a priest, but… I will manage the shrine!”

The doctor said,

“Rise, you have finally acknowledged it… but there’s still one last hurdle. Hoo… You know that words carry power, right? Words are a kind of self-assertion. They solidify a declaration in your heart. So, please repeat after me.”

“Okay.”

“Your father is not a Shinto priest.”

“My father is not a Shinto priest.”

“Your friends are dead.”

“My friends are… dead…”

“There is no god. The god is one with me, my other self.”

“There is no god. The god is one with me, my other… self…”

“Hmm… that was a bit lacking. Let’s include the names of the god and you; that would work better.”

Rise hesitated for a moment at the doctor’s words, then said.

“Mukuri Kokuri no Inugami is not real. Mukuri Kokuri no Inugami is one with Saigo Rise and my other self.”

The doctor clapped his hands, delighted.

“Well done! Really. I’m so happy. Saigo Rise has been healed! She has liberated herself from the bindings of the past, accepted her trauma, and can now move forward into the future! Truly moving. And thank you so much for believing in me!”

Overjoyed, he hugged Rise tightly. She was shocked by his action but soon smiled gently.

“Thank you for everything. I appreciate all your hard work for my treatment. And… thank you for not giving up on me.”

“Not at all.”

The doctor said with a big smile.

“Now then, to celebrate your full recovery, let’s shout out your final self-declaration!”

“Huh? Out loud? That feels embarrassing…”

“Hahaha. Don’t worry. The ward is soundproof. No matter how loud you shout, no one will hear.”

“W-well… should I try?”

Rise took a slight breath and said,

“Mukuri Kokuri no Inugami is not real. Mukuri Kokuri no Inugami is one with Saigo Rise and my other self!”

“That’s too quiet! Louder!”

“Mukuri Kokuri no Inugami is not real. Mukuri Kokuri no Inugami is one with Saigo Rise and my other self!”

“Let’s do it one more time!”

“Mukuri Kokuri no Inugami is not real. Mukuri Kokuri no Inugami is one with Saigo Rise and my other self!”

* * *

When Rise opened her eyes, the doctor was in front of her.

“That’s right. The name of the body is Mukuri Kokuri no Inugami, and now it will cease to exist.”

The doctor was dressed in a suit. He was holding down the long hair of a grotesque ghost that looked like a fearful apparition with a grim face, making it squirm like a loyal dog chained to a log.

“And Saigo Rise will serve the new god. How about that?”

A suit.

A terrifying ghost.

Her father tied to a log.

Memories return.

All memories return.

“Ah.”

In the midst of a dream within a dream, Rise finally recalled the memories she had lost.

“Ah… ah!”

And she realized what she had done.

“AAAA! AAAAAA!!! AAAAAAAAAAA!!!!”

“Truly, thank you. As a reward, I shall grant you blessings.”

“AAAAA! AAAAAAAAA!!!”

In the Main Hall, Rise’s screams and the shaman’s joyful laughter filled the air.

Only Saigo Kenji, bound to the log, sank into deep despair.

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