Only Realized After Losing You

58. Not A Child

I set my glass down on the table and made eye contact with Hardwin.

Through exchanging glances, I indicated that the person approaching us was Hayden.

Several messages passed between our silent glances.

Hardwin nodded slightly.

It meant that he understood what I wanted to say.

The next thing I knew, Hayden’s footsteps sounded closer.

Soon, his voice cut through the quiet music.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Hayden Hills.”

His gaze never left my face when he stopped in front of me.

I smiled.

Running into men I’d known in the past had become a familiar occurrence.

But somehow, the ends of my lips trembled slightly.

My back felt stiff and rigid.

I tried to reassure myself that I was used to it, that it would be okay, but it was inevitable that I wouldn’t be relaxed at all.

I tried to act as nonchalant as possible.

Naturally. Like Lady Hannah.

Hayden’s face still had the same gloomy look from the last time I saw him.

The gloom that enveloped him had not diminished in the slightest.

When he told me his story, he relaxed a bit.

I felt sorry for him.

Was Hayden still suffering from an unrequited, unconfessed crush?

I greeted him immediately.

“Nice to meet you, Lord Hayden. I’m Hannah Phever.”

“This is the first time I’ve seen you at a ball, Count Hannah. It’s an honor to meet you.”

Hayden’s reaction was distinctly different from the other two men.

He wasn’t fazed when he saw me with the face of the “Ellie” he knew.

He was just very calm, with a polished smile that felt foreign.

It was an expected reaction.

I had expected Hayden to be calm, unlike the two men who had not been.

Even if he suspected that I was Ellie, he would play it cool.

Hayden had a questioning, inscrutable look on his face.

If I could, I would like to pry into his thoughts.

But I couldn’t, so I wanted to cut off the conversation at the right time.

And it seemed that I wasn’t the only one who felt that way.

“Nice to meet you, Lord Hayden. I’m Hardwin Phever.”

Hardwin turned Hayden’s attention from me.

“I’ve never met Lord Hardwin either. Nice to meet you.”

But it was only for a split second that Hayden’s attention was diverted.

He turned back to me again. Without hesitation. Casually.

“I’ve always wondered what kind of person the Count was, to refuse my brother’s request for an engagement and make him come to you.”

His gaze traveled down from my eyes, to the bridge of my nose, and lingered briefly on my lips.

The movement of his gaze felt more like a confirmation of who I was.

To see if I was Hannah, the woman who had refused his brother Lennon’s hand in marriage, and not Ellie, the commoner.

Finally, he concluded:

“You are a beautiful woman. So much so that it stole my brother’s heart.”

I offered a polite reply.

I didn’t want the conversation to drag on.

“Yes, thank you, Lord Hayden.”

“…….”

Hayden was silent for a moment, not answering.

It felt like he was waiting for something.

I felt ominous in his silence and the stillness between us.

“Then we’re done…”

It was at this moment that Hardwin, who seemed to feel the same sense of foreboding as I did, was about to break up our conversation.

His words trailed off and the corners of his eyes narrowed.

Hardwin’s vigilant gaze shifted away from Hayden to something else.

It wasn’t long before a new voice interrupted.

“I see a lot of familiar faces here.”

It was just one sentence.

He didn’t say anything else, didn’t do anything remarkable.

But he had captured the attention of everyone around us.

It was the appearance of a handsome man who attracted the attention of others.

He patted Hayden on the shoulder a couple of times with a friendly gesture and then greeted me.

“It’s a pleasure to see everyone, especially Hannah.”

The person who called me Hannah so intimately was Lennon Hills, who had just arrived late.

Lennon had always been an extravagant man, but today he looked even more extravagant.

He wore a black jacket delicately embroidered with gold over a white shirt made of luxurious-looking material.

His black hair was neatly trimmed, and his eyebrows were well-groomed…

It was impossible to find fault with his appearance.

He had a relaxed smile on his face.

The smile was directed at me.

When I faced that smile, my mind went blank for a moment.

Lennon seemed to know how to smile and how to put on a face to make people like him.

His depthless eyes glowed red.

It was as if he had found his prey.

“Nice to meet you too, Lord Lennon.”

I greeted him.

My speech was much smoother than it had been when I had met Lennon the first time.

Stuttering and shortness of breath were no longer a common occurrence for me.

“How’s your health? I thought about your health and worried about it every day.”

I didn’t feel any ulterior motive in those words.

Lennon was acting like he really cared about me.

“It’s the same as before. Not good. But not to the point that Lennon should worry.”

“Oh dear. That’s a shame.”

Lennon’s smile took on a bitter hue. Again, I didn’t feel any pretense.

I sensed a compassion I couldn’t place

For a moment, I felt like I wanted to comfort him, just like I did when I couldn’t speak.

Lennon had the power to hold a person’s heart, I realized.

It was not a skill that everyone possessed.

Lennon continued the conversation as naturally as if he had something in mind that he wanted to say.

“How much did you think about what I told you the last time we met?”

On the day I met Lennon on the streets, I remembered the question Lennon had asked me.

‘About a month ago, the witness saw two identical women with silver hair riding together in a carriage. The woman I was looking for was also a woman with silver hair… These were words that made my heart tremble very much.’

‘After that, I started looking for the carriage with the two women in it. Every driver and coachman in the capital was interrogated.’

Lennon was referring to the investigation of the carriage in which two silver-haired women were seen riding together.

It was a fact that I had forgotten about over the last few days.

Maybe I didn’t think the risk would be too great.

Even if Lennon found the driver of the carriage, he wouldn’t be able to find anything about me.

The real switch happened inside the Count’s manor.

It was a fact known only to me, the Phever brothers, and the two maids.

“Oh, I was too busy to think about it. I’m sorry.”

“Oh… It’s a shame.”

With that, Lennon took a step forward.

He showed no signs of backing down.

There was a piercing gaze that I felt at that moment.

It was Hayden’s gaze as he watched us from a step back.

Hayden was staring at me with all sorts of thoughts in his eyes.

He knew about my relationship with Lennon.

Maybe that was why he was trying to pick up on something out of our conversation.

He was more subtle than anyone. I felt the need to hold my breath.

I was stifled.

I desperately wanted to get out of there.

Even with Hardwin by my side, I felt the need to catch my breath.

“I think I’m done greeting you two, so I’ll excuse myself for a moment.”

“Where …?”

Lennon was about to ask me, but Hardwin was quicker.

Hardwin asked sweetly.

“Where are you going?”

I shifted my gaze away from the Hills brothers.

I looked at Hardwin.

Just looking into his emerald eyes, like the blue ocean, seemed to ease my frustration.

“I need to touch up…”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“No. I can go alone. I’m not a child.”

I replied coolly, pretending to be his sister, Hannah, and turned away.

Hannah. That’s what you would have said, right?

None of the three men left behind stopped me.

But I could feel their eyes on my back.

I walked in a straight line, looking ahead.

My body and mind seemed exhausted from the brief conversation.

* * *

Once I left the stifling air of the banquet hall, my breathing became easier.

“Phew.”

I let out a long breath as I walked.

Before leaving the banquet hall, I had asked a passing maid where the powder room was.

She told me it was at the back of the banquet hall and to just walk straight ahead.

The hallway was deserted, probably because everyone was too busy enjoying the banquet that had just begun.

I wondered how long I had been walking down the unfamiliar hallway.

But then I started hearing someone’s footsteps behind me.

Tut-tut-tut.

I assumed it was the footsteps of a nobleman or servant as I’d encountered them from time to time, but I felt a surge of unease.

My instincts, which were sometimes exceptional, were telling me:

‘Someone is following you.’

I picked up my pace.

The sound of footsteps behind me quickened.

Look at that.

They are following me.

I stopped and looked back.

He was too close to me.

I had to look up to see his face, which required me to crane my neck for a while.

He quickly came in front of me and gently grabbed my wrist.

Then he led me down a bend in the hallway.

He pushed me against the wall and said…